Tell me a tale of a scumbag

[Section_31]

Two funny scumbag tales I've got.

 

I work at a local paper and we got an obituary brought into us the other week. It was an obituary of a man but with bits crossed out in blue pen and re-written. At first we thought it was one of ours and it'd been put in wrong, and that someone had put corrections on it and asked us to run it again.

 

But it turns out the family's dad had died a year before, but their mum had died in the last few days, so - instead of bother writing a new obituary piece - they kept the cutout from our paper the year before and changed the name and age, plus a few other details.

 

Turns out the receptionist asked her if she wanted to take some time and do it properly, but she said she couldn't as she was 'due back in Benidorm' the next day - where their clan all live.

 

 

Scumbag tale two:

 

My mate was doing jury service recently, it was a case a few of you had probably heard about - to do with incitement to race hate - it turns out that the two defendants had a history of falling out, and at one point one had gone around to the other fella's house, had an argument - and been knocked out.

 

The prosecution says "where did you hit him"

 

"In the kitchen."

 

"Er, no where on the body."

 

"In the face."

 

"What did you do then?"

 

"I waited for him to wake up and asked him if he wanted a cup of tea."

[Guido]

Doing advice work the other day. Client comes in to get me to ring the Job Centre to ask them not to change his benefit payments from weekly to fortnightly. His reason for this was that he's a druggie and if he were to be paid fortnightly he'd use up the money too quickly and have nothing for the final 4 or 5 days of the fortnight!

 

They'll fuck him with a Big Society 'scheme' VERRRRRRRY soon methinks.

[Antynwa]

Some horrible cunt who on the next exit infront of me on a round about refused to stop making me slam on my brakes.

 

I was so angry I couldn't even get around to beeping my horn.

[Guest davelfc]

My sister and ex.

 

Haven't seen my 'father' (I'll call him prick from now on) since I was 5, he fucked off abroad and never contributed a penny, never got in touch fuck all. My mother struggled to bring up 3 kids (this was the 60's and 70's) but did a great job until she died when I was 16.

 

After splitting with my ex my sister waited until she knew I was leaving the county and having got in touch with 'prick' invited him over. Then took prick to my ex's house and introduced him to my kids as their grandfather.

[john23liverpool]

I was on a peasant wagon (bus) yesterday.

 

There were two young lads (about 18-20) talking at the back. One said to the other "It's cheeky you know lad, they make you go on these job interviews and if you don't go they take some of your dough of you. They could at least pay your expenses".

 

His daft mate was agreeing with him.

 

Then he said "They could at least pay my taxi on a monday morning!"

 

Fucking unbelievable. I feel really sorry for people who are looking for jobs and cant get one, but there are loads of fucking scumbags out there who have no intention of ever getting one.

[a stoner]

Went in to sign on a couple of months ago and while I was walking down the road a scumbag limped out the jobcentre on one crutch only to pick it up and walk normally when he was a couple hundred yards away.

Fucking does my head in when people do that.

[Ginny]

Someones phone went missing in the boozer we were in the other day. It was some hard bastards phone and he was kicking off. He was threatening everybody that if he didnt get it back he would turn the place into a blood bath.

He asked on of his mates to ring it. It started to ring and was in some scumbags sock who he was sitting with... at that point i kind of got out of there but the scumbag got the shit kicked out of him.

You cant write that shit

[Hooch]

I've got loads of stories from Sunday League Football.

A lot of them including Kirkby teams, not a slight on all of Kirkby but a lot of scumbag football teams seem to come from them ways.

 

Was playing on Windy Harbour by Liverpools Academy against these shitkickers (obv) with a line of about 30 odd lads, you know the type, their lives are probably so shit they feel attaching themselves to a sunday league team especially a "hard" one is the only way to feel worthwhile and get a buzz out of the many kick-offs you get. Also their were a few scramblers/quads racing round the pitch with little Nogger dog types riding.

This is quite an intimdating factor in Sunday League, anyone who plays in Liverpool will know what I'm talking about.

 

They were a good team anyway but they had some really horrible players. Any 50/50 was a potential career ender and the threats you'd get were along the lines of breaking your legs, "kneecap you", "watch your back" etc.

It was a tasty game and we actually stood up to them quite well even though we're generally not that type of team. A fight broke out and exhanges between some lads and their line ensued. One of them got a hammer out for some reason an basically ended the match as the ref scarpered and so did we.

 

There was also another game where a black BMW pulled up by our left back and told him they had a gun and he'd get shot if he put any more bad tackles in.

[Furmedge]

I'm from Kirkby and have only played f**tball on Windy Harbour twice, the place is full of shithouses I agree. Spent my days in the Ormskirk and South Lancs leagues.

 

A shithouse I know was my former boss who put me on secondment for a year at another department. This involved a £4k pay rise. After 6 months I was asked to help out my former department for 3 months on a project to which I agreed as long as it never involved me dropping back to my original wage. I was told nothing would change and the project was a piece of piss and meant I would be staying up in Edinburgh for a couple of months all expenses paid so I agreed to take it on. The next payday I noticed my wage had gone down back to my wage before secondment so I took it up with my boss. They had no recollection of our discussion about nothing changing and I basically had to get on with it. Calling them a cunt and resigning may not have been the best move but I did manage to get a new job on a higher wage only 2 weeks later.

[lostinspace1970]

My sister and ex.

 

Haven't seen my 'father' (I'll call him prick from now on) since I was 5, he fucked off abroad and never contributed a penny, never got in touch fuck all. My mother struggled to bring up 3 kids (this was the 60's and 70's) but did a great job until she died when I was 16.

 

After splitting with my ex my sister waited until she knew I was leaving the county and having got in touch with 'prick' invited him over. Then took prick to my ex's house and introduced him to my kids as their grandfather.

 

Jesus christ, that's shocking mate

[manwiththestick]

I've got loads of stories from Sunday League Football.

A lot of them including Kirkby teams, not a slight on all of Kirkby but a lot of scumbag football teams seem to come from them ways.

 

Was playing on Windy Harbour by Liverpools Academy against these shitkickers (obv) with a line of about 30 odd lads, you know the type, their lives are probably so shit they feel attaching themselves to a sunday league team especially a "hard" one is the only way to feel worthwhile and get a buzz out of the many kick-offs you get. Also their were a few scramblers/quads racing round the pitch with little Nogger dog types riding.

This is quite an intimdating factor in Sunday League, anyone who plays in Liverpool will know what I'm talking about.

 

They were a good team anyway but they had some really horrible players. Any 50/50 was a potential career ender and the threats you'd get were along the lines of breaking your legs, "kneecap you", "watch your back" etc.

It was a tasty game and we actually stood up to them quite well even though we're generally not that type of team. A fight broke out and exhanges between some lads and their line ensued. One of them got a hammer out for some reason an basically ended the match as the ref scarpered and so did we.

 

There was also another game where a black BMW pulled up by our left back and told him they had a gun and he'd get shot if he put any more bad tackles in.

 

I played in a pre season "friendly" a couple of years ago in Kirkby and some snide bastard went right through me after i'd played the ball and bust my ankle. Haven't played since.

[Liverpool lad]

I used to play 5 aside against lads from Kirkby, they were massive cunts who never brought the right amount of lads down, fucking cretins.

 

And when we played footy up there, the kids all looked odd

[piscinin]

This is a blog about people on the margins if you like. When I first read it I assumed it was a creative writing thing, but apparently not.

 

Winston Smith

 

Friday, 16 July 2010

 

A Brush with Authority

 

Once upon a time about a year ago at a care home for teenagers I had another run in with a disaffected youth or unsocialised brat as I prefer to call them. Which terminology you use will depend on where you live and what your life experience is. If you suffer from middle class guilt and live very far away from such youths in a nice neighbourhood you may probably make excuses for them based on the slight understanding of social problems you have acquired from the Society section in the Guardian (which despite my criticism often has very good articles). However, if you live next door to such feral youths in a working class, underclass or even a lower middle class estate you will probably use less politically correct terms to describe such teenagers. You will also possess a more realistic understanding of the remedies that need to be taken to deal with anti-social youths.

 

Anyway, back to the care home, I use the word care loosely, I dont see how allowing children to grow up free from boundaries, discipline and effective authority is any form of care. Just after I had made three separate lunches for the teenagers there I asked them to help me clean up. The two girls just ignored me as they sat transfixed in front of some insipid music channel, I am also using the word music loosely, noise would be more apt. The third teenager, Wayne, 14, a small skinny lad took offence to being asked to assist in household duties.

 

"We don't fucking do cleaning up, we are not skivvies, that's the staff's job," he smirked, hoping to get a confrontational reaction.

 

I just ignored his comments and didn't bother trying to convince him to the merits of contributing something to the small community in which he lived. I had tried this earlier and it hadn't worked. It was time to just admit defeat. I carried on cleaning whilst Wayne went outside and smoked a cigarette next to a staff member who was also having a nicotine break. Needless to say this is highly unprofessional but very common. In fact, Wayne should have been at school but he refused to go that day. In fact, he often refuses to go.

 

When he came back in to the kitchen where I was finishing off my cleaning he started to complain about being bored.

 

"Well, perhaps if you had gone to school you wouldn't be so bored," I remarked.

 

"Oh shut the fuck up Winston. I hate school, its full of pricks telling you what to do. I just want to head to town and get stoned with my mates."

 

A few seconds later he picked up the broom and started spinning it around. It almost hit me so I asked him to be careful and stop fooling around. Instead, he shoved the bristles of the dirty broom in to my face. Not a nice experience I can tell you. I took a few paces back and again Wayne lunged the brush towards my face. Only this time I wasnt going to passively accept his bullshit behaviour. As the brush came towards me, I grabbed it by the handle.

 

"Listen Wayne. Im not going to stand here idly whilst you try to humiliate me with that brush. It's just not going to happen. Im a good ten inches taller than you and several stone heavier as well as extremely physically fit so it will take you some effort to get me to relinquish my grip on this brush and if you get too violent about it I will not hesitate in restraining you."

 

My little speech was like a red rag to a bull. Teenage boys like Wayne rarely encounter male authority figures, any males in authority they do encounter are usually emasculated figures who have been indoctrinated in the mantras of the ultra-liberal apologist brigade for anti-social behaviour. Therefore, when the likes of Wayne encounter the likes of myself it becomes a power struggle as they are usually used to getting their way.

 

Wayne spent a good ten minutes with all his might trying to pull the brush from my grip. He was livid with anger, but at no point did he lash out violently which surprised me as these power struggles often escalate. However, the battle for the brush was quiet physical and agressive as he pulled and swung me around the kitchen with all his might, but to no avail. In the words of the reformed bigot the Reverend Ian Paisley there would be "no surrender, never, never, never!"

 

Eventually Wayne tired himself out, he had to admit defeat, so he let go of the brush and I locked it in the office. For the next view hours he swore and glared at me every time I passed him by in the lounge. He was seathing that he wasn't able to exercise power over me in the form of humiliation.

 

A while later I was in the office doing some paperwork when there was a knock on the door. Foolishly I opened it fully as opposed to using the partial lock and as soon as I had done so Wayne had thrown the dirty water left in the mop bucket all over me. I stood there dripping wet and Wayne wandered off laughing as he went. In his mind the balance of power had been restored.

 

However, before you judge poor Wayne too harshly, as I mistakenly did, perhaps you should consider the theory that he has no control over his behaviour as he is suffering from a psychological condition (actually it is those in his company that are suffering) known as conduct disorder or was it oppositional defiant disorder or even school refusal disorder. Here's an interesting piece from the Telegraph on these conditions.

 

I considered the theory that Wayne was 'suffering' from conduct disorder and then I immediately dismissed it as the nonsense that it is. Instead I judged him to be the feral brute that he is at this point in his life. Hopefully, this may change at some point in the future. With the right guidance, discipline and boundaries (the things he doesn't get in 'care') Wayne could actually make something of his life. I spent a few weeks working with him and in the times he wasnt pretending to be a hard and tough yob there emerged a teenager with an excessively curious mind with regards to History and Geography and whose vocabulary was much more advanced than many of his peers. This inquisitiveness along with the ability to retain and recite factual information indicated the signs of intelligent life beneath the feral exterior. It's an awful shame that none of the services that have been involved in his life to date have been able to assist Wayne in developing his potential.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Went in to sign on a couple of months ago and while I was walking down the road a scumbag limped out the jobcentre on one crutch only to pick it up and walk normally when he was a couple hundred yards away.

Fucking does my head in when people do that.

 

Did he then slide into a dark car and was never to be seen again, only for the legend to live on ??

[Guest TK-421]

 

Up Scumbag! Up Scumbag!

 

[WaltonRed]

Did he then slide into a dark car and was never to be seen again, only for the legend to live on ??

 

Top draw.

[Sugar Ape]

The mrs parked our car behind St.Annes street fire station by town about ten days ago, went into town, came back and licence plates had been robbed. Had to fuck about getting all the reg documents and go to Halfords who charged £40 to fit new ones.

 

Woke up this morning, licence plates robbed again. Outside our house in Aintree village. Some fucking coincidence. I would give my left testicle to get my hands on the little scrote.

 

Police were fucking shit as well, made her wait behind the fire station for 3 hours to take a statement and didn't show up. They rang her every half an hour to say they would only be 15 minutes, then after 3 hours said that they showed up but she wasn't in her car. Which she was.

[Harry Squatter]

When my road got flooded last year a lot of the houses were repaired by United Utilities. One house was that badly flooded that the family renting it had to go and live in a hotel for 3 months while the place dried out. The whole of the downstairs was completely redone and the front and back garden were landscaped.

 

When the family moved back in the landlord said as the house had been modernised he would have to put up the rent by £200 PCM to "reflect it's true market value" even though he never paid a penny for any of the repairs. When they said that they could not afford it the landlord gave them notice to leave the house and stated he had a new tenant willing to pay the going rate, this was just a couple of weeks before Christmas. He ended up caving in when they threatened to go to the press about him.

[dickie mint]

Went in to sign on a couple of months ago and while I was walking down the road a scumbag limped out the jobcentre on one crutch only to pick it up and walk normally when he was a couple hundred yards away.

Fucking does my head in when people do that.

 

 

Was it Willie Wonka.

[KMD7]

Was in a chipper a few years back after a night on the lash when a pissed up couple (rough enough looking types) who were in front of me in the queue began arguing. The guy then gives her a slap and pushes her to the ground and begins kicking her. He continues to kick her so I naturally stepped in and restrained him. SHE then got up and told me to fuck off and mind my own business. They both then walk out together. Nice couple

[Section_31]

Was in a chipper a few years back after a night on the lash when a pissed up couple (rough enough looking types) who were in front of me in the queue began arguing. The guy then gives her a slap and pushes her to the ground and begins kicking her. He continues to kick her so I naturally stepped in and restrained him. SHE then got up and told me to fuck off and mind my own business. They both then walk out together. Nice couple

 

Say what?

[KMD7]

Say what?

 

Chip shop? fast food outlet?

[Sugar Ape]

Say what?

 

We've had this on here before, I think it may be some Northern Ireland thing. I'm still considering whether it's a neg.

[KMD7]

We've had this on here before, I think it may be some Northern Ireland thing. I'm still considering whether it's a neg.

 

also a southern irish thing

[Sugar Ape]

also a southern irish thing

 

So, just to clarify, in Ireland you call a chippy a chipper? Is that what everyone over there calls it?