Instant cunt identifiers

[easytoslip]

Also those that say, I used to do a bit of boxing. It's never I used to do a bit of table tennis or whatever. 

[Remmie]

8 hours ago, Doctor Troy said:

It was like having a pint with Steven French.

[Captain Turdseye]

12 hours ago, Elite said:

Forgot about him. Why did he leave the forum again? Something controversial I recall.

Reclaiming the N word for us white folk. 

[Champ]

1 hour ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Reclaiming the N word for us white folk. 

Oops. Sent in error

[Elite]

1 hour ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Reclaiming the N word for us white folk. 

Vaguely remember now.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

4 hours ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Double barrelled names particularly if neither name is historically significant. I can imagine if I married a Rothschild (if only) she’d want to keep the name but when a bloke from Kwik Fit marries a women off the deli counter at Sainsbury’s and they call themselves mr and mrs Smith - Wilson, it’s just wank.  

Trent and Alex disagree.

[KMD7]

On 07/10/2020 at 18:43, Elite said:

Forgot about him. Why did he leave the forum again? Something controversial I recall.

A bit racey i think. More than once as well.

[Bruce Spanner]

I’m not against double barrel as a rule, but for some irrational reason Johnson-Thompson really fucking irritates me as a name.

 

She seems lovely though and I’m aware that I’m the dickhead here not her parents.

[Dougie Do'ins]

2 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

I’m not against double barrel as a rule, but for some irrational reason Johnson-Thompson really fucking irritates me as a name.

 

She seems lovely though and I’m aware that I’m the dickhead here not her parents.

I can never remember which name comes first.

[Bruce Spanner]

2 minutes ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

I can never remember which name comes first.

Alphabetical order, I know, I’ve thought about this name, a lot! 

[KMD7]

10 hours ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

I can never remember which name comes first.

KJT , that's how I remember it. 

[Section_31]

Anyone who's proud of how early they wake up.

 

"Knackered me, I was up at six."

 

"That's a lie in for me."

 

What do you want for that, a hand job? That's your fault for being a dick head.

[Mook]

On 08/10/2020 at 14:32, Colonel Kurtz said:

Double barrelled names particularly if neither name is historically significant. I can imagine if I married a Rothschild (if only) she’d want to keep the name but when a bloke from Kwik Fit marries a women off the deli counter at Sainsbury’s and they call themselves mr and mrs Smith - Wilson, it’s just wank.  

Absolute nightmare trying to find these people on a system if you work in an office too.

[Curly]

42 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

Anyone who's proud of how early they wake up.

 

"Knackered me, I was up at six."

 

"That's a lie in for me."

 

What do you want for that, a hand job? That's your fault for being a dick head.

This is spot on. Add to that the cunts constantly banging the drum about how hard they work, how little time off they have and so on. It’s a fucking choice you tits.

 

Also, when you say to someone “we’ve been watching The Fall on Netflix. I’d recommend it if you’re looking for something to watch” and they go “I wish mate. Not enough hours in the day for box sets now. Those days are gone”

[Section_31]

7 minutes ago, belarus said:

This is spot on. Add to that the cunts constantly banging the drum about how hard they work, how little time off they have and so on. It’s a fucking choice you tits.

 

Also, when you say to someone “we’ve been watching The Fall on Netflix. I’d recommend it if you’re looking for something to watch” and they go “I wish mate. Not enough hours in the day for box sets now. Those days are gone”

I think it all ties into this thing about hard work being the key to self worth and achievement, which we all know isn't true. 

 

Some lad I used to work with in a bar was bankrolled by his dad for shit like cars and money for nights out, and I asked him how he got so minted and he just goes "hard, work!". The bar manager jumps in and goes "yep, it's all about the hard work." Both of them (and me) frequently did 12 hours shifts for minimum wage. 

 

Personally I'm more impressed by blaggers. Someone who cobbles an app together that doesn't even work, flogs the rights to Citibank and retires to Barbados before they're 40 is more impressive to me.

[easytoslip]

22 minutes ago, belarus said:

This is spot on. Add to that the cunts constantly banging the drum about how hard they work, how little time off they have and so on. It’s a fucking choice you tits.

 

Also, when you say to someone “we’ve been watching The Fall on Netflix. I’d recommend it if you’re looking for something to watch” and they go “I wish mate. Not enough hours in the day for box sets now. Those days are gone”

Once I was in a taxi on Xmas eve going home about 8.30 when I noticed the fare had gone up by half, I said it's only 8.30, he said its Xmas eve and I've got wife and kids and I'm working and don't need to be doing this. 

So why was he? Obviously to earn the extra cash and that's his choice, I refused to pay any extra so he took me to a police station on the way, which was closed, I threw him a tenner and walked the last couple of miles. 

A cunt taking the piss and a greedy one at that, a real martyr for working Xmas eve when he should be with his family. 

I told my mate who ran the pub and he said if he had come in I'd of charged him £5 for a pint, it was £2.50 at the time, as I'm working behind the bar. 

Whilst I could never do that job and I know a few drivers so fair play to them, some of them are fuckin ' arseholes. 

[Curly]

34 minutes ago, easytoslip said:

Once I was in a taxi on Xmas eve going home about 8.30 when I noticed the fare had gone up by half, I said it's only 8.30, he said its Xmas eve and I've got wife and kids and I'm working and don't need to be doing this. 

So why was he? Obviously to earn the extra cash and that's his choice, I refused to pay any extra so he took me to a police station on the way, which was closed, I threw him a tenner and walked the last couple of miles. 

A cunt taking the piss and a greedy one at that, a real martyr for working Xmas eve when he should be with his family. 

I told my mate who ran the pub and he said if he had come in I'd of charged him £5 for a pint, it was £2.50 at the time, as I'm working behind the bar. 

Whilst I could never do that job and I know a few drivers so fair play to them, some of them are fuckin ' arseholes. 

They are mate. None more so than the black cab drivers in London. Protesting against Uber under some veiled reasoning, when actually it was because they weren’t able to monopolise the market and charge fucking ridiculous prices due to the fact they had “done the knowledge”, which they make out as being akin to getting a Masters in Astro Physics (I’m not sure that even a real subject).

 

Going back to the “I work so hard” crew. There are some that do blast out ridiculous hours and multiple jobs to achieve a certain level of life for their families or whatever reason, but they don’t mention it. It’s like Section says, there seems to be this mindset now that it’s the key to self worth. It’s what is majorly wrong about LinkedIn - that it promotes all that shite.

[Elite]

People who drive old models of high end cars and brag about it.

 

"Spent the weekend cleaning the Merc."

 

"Took the wife out for a drive in the Jag."

 

Yeah you have a Merc, but it's also done 100,000 miles and cost 4,000 as it's on its last legs.

[Curly]

3 minutes ago, Elite said:

People who drive old models of high end cars and brag about it.

 

"Spent the weekend cleaning the Merc."

 

"Took the wife our for a drive in the Jag."

 

Yeah you have a Merc, but it's also done 100,000 miles and cost 4,000 as it's on its last legs.

Yeah - people who refer to the make of the car, instead of saying “I’ll get the car” they go “I’ll get the beemer”. Just fuck off

[Curly]

Just to add to all this line of talk - people who boast about knowing people who are loaded. “Oh, you should see their en suite - it had double sinks and....” I don’t fucking care! There’s a couple we know and if they mention the specific rich friends they have, it gets brought up every time. “We are seeing x and y this weekend. Honestly, the money they’ve got. Tell them what we did last time we were there, babe”

[Elite]

4 minutes ago, belarus said:

Yeah - people who refer to the make of the car, instead of saying “I’ll get the car” they go “I’ll get the beemer”. Just fuck off

It's like those people that pay 20 grand to buy a basic Audi A1 just to say they have an Audi. 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

8 minutes ago, Elite said:

People who drive old models of high end cars and brag about it.

 

"Spent the weekend cleaning the Merc."

 

"Took the wife our for a drive in the Jag."

 

Yeah you have a Merc, but it's also done 100,000 miles and cost 4,000 as it's on its last legs.

 

3 minutes ago, belarus said:

Yeah - people who refer to the make of the car, instead of saying “I’ll get the car” they go “I’ll get the beemer”. Just fuck off

 

Thankfully I've never witnessed anyone doing this in person as I'd have done a sick on the spot.

[Dr Nowt]

People who relentlessly drive at sub-20 miles an hour. Was stuck behind some cunt yesterday who’s motor would have been going faster if they got out and pushed it. Considered stopping my car, running after them and beating them to death with their own handbrake through the open window while they were still driving along.

[Section_31]

5 hours ago, belarus said:

Just to add to all this line of talk - people who boast about knowing people who are loaded. “Oh, you should see their en suite - it had double sinks and....” I don’t fucking care! There’s a couple we know and if they mention the specific rich friends they have, it gets brought up every time. “We are seeing x and y this weekend. Honestly, the money they’ve got. Tell them what we did last time we were there, babe”

Piers Morgan is like that, he did some show years ago where people were showing him around their houses, he only had to see a gold door knob and he looked like he was gonna cum. That's probably why he likes the brash vulgarian types like Trump and Sugar. 

 

 

[Elite]

10 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Oh I’m not sure. There’s a certain pleasure in owning an old prestige car that you paid less than 10% of the book price for. A lot more interesting than driving a brand new 15k Kia. People are obsessed with mileage as well, mines got 171,000 on the clock but as long as you keep changing the oil, it will do another 50,000 easily. Better to buy a decent car with high motorway mileage than some cheap shit that’s only ever been driven around town by a granny wearing out the brakes, clutch, suspension etc. 

You're one of them aren't you?