The world of a woman.

[RedinSweden]

We have a very long kitchen and if you're down the far end and the dish washer or washing machine is on its impossible to hear someone talking to you from the living or dining room. Yet every day in our 18 months living here an interchangeable interaction occurs with one of us standing in the kitchen:

 

Her- something inaudible

Me - I can't hear you

Her - repeats inaudible sound

Me - I STILL CAN'T HEAR YOU. YOU\I ARE\AM IN THE KITCHEN

Her - there's no need to shout I was only asking\telling you!

Me - I had to shout so you'd hear me

 

Every day

That happens constantly.

 

A slight variation she sometimes goes with is:

 

Her - inaudible

Me - just a sec. I'm stood by the extractor fan. I'm nearly done.

Her - inaudible

Me- still next to the fan. Wait or come here.

Her - inaudible

Me, having gone to where she was - what were you saying?

Her - never mind. Doesn't matter now.

 

Constantly.

[sh#t waffle]

Yeah, that does seem to be something of a universal type of conversation.

[Remmie]

Same girl as ever, she just said her hair dressers dog is racist, he barks growls, tries to bite anyone who's black ! She said she thought it was mad and she 'wouldn't mind but the dog is black'.

This was one of the finest points of the thread. 

[Remmie]

I came back to work today after a week off to this conversation;

 

Nicki; Why do people keep giving money away in competitions, they should just give it to Africa

 

Emma; Why should they give it to Africa ??

 

Nicki; cos like they've got no water have they.

 

Emma; well why don't they just get some from the sea ??

 

Nicki; don't know, probably haven't got a sea in Africa.

Another sensational Zeke post on this thread. This thread is gold for killing time at work....

[Remmie]

Not really something daft she's said but more of a Practical joke that's been going for about two years and she's not caught on yet.

 

She got a new car a couple of years ago, a few months after we were cleaning out the back of the glove compartment and I found Jimmy Nail's 'Crocodile Shoes' album down the back. Took the Piss out of her for an age and kept putting it on when journeying together.

 

She has binned it on numerous occasions and each time I kept finding it when getting the bins ready.

 

Obviously I kept placing it in the car just before she drove us somewhere to 'find it' again.

 

Eventually she binned it without me picking it up so for the first time I purchased about 4 copies for about a pound off play.com and have continued to carry on the tradition since.

 

Each time her face is a picture as she's still not cottoned onto this. The most confused face you'll ever witness where she starts to question herself and her memory. It sounds childish but it gives me great pleasure to see her talk me through the last time it's been binned swearing it happened.

 

She still hasn't a clue that I have another small stash hidden upstairs and will continue to carry on this joke for as long as I can.

 

I recon it's got another 6 copies left it in yet....

Please tell me you still do this Juniper....

[Dr Nowt]

That is a thing of rare and unparalleled beauty.

[Juniper]

Please tell me you still do this Juniper....

I had to fess up about the stash when she had a near breakdown whilst in the car when I 'found' the last one.

 

It wasn't pretty.

 

Still occasionally whip out a copy to take the piss though.

 

 

[littletedwest]

Girl at work walked past a house with a picture on window that said "german shepherd and Staffordshire Bull terrier live here"

 

she thought it was an advert for dog fighting and was going mad to her mate until the explained that "live" as "live in concert" is spelt the same as "live" as in in "i live here"

[Dr Nowt]

Juniper is my hero for the day.

[Mook]

Mate of mine always tells a story about about a bird that came into his room at Uni, him and his mates were watching the game, bird goes, "What you watching?", them, "Sweden vs Nigeria.", her, "Which ones are Sweden?".

 

You can't make that stuff up.

[Dr Nowt]

Went to meet some friends of hers who were camping last night.  I was playing cards with their little lad and so as it got later and colder asked her to pass me my body warmer. 

 

"Why, are you cold?"

 

A little later, I had loud hiccups for minutes on end.

 

"Have you got hiccups?"

 

My repsonse to both of these received, "Why can't you just answer normally, you sarcy bastard?"

 

My answer?

 

"Do you think I'm being sarcy?", of course.

[Carvalho Diablo]

This bint has vitiligo.

 

[Dr Nowt]

Incorrect.  I simply jizz acid.

[Sugar Ape]

Incorrect. I simply jizz acid.

Poor bloke. First he gets bullied in the library now you're jizzing on him.

[PestiRed]

The missus has just walked naked out of the bathroom, much to the delight of the decorator who arrived early. Waiting to find out how this will be my fault.

[JagSquared]

She knew, she's just waiting for you to leave.

[PestiRed]

Then she's even kinkier than I thought, the decorator is not likely to be appearing in any sane woman's fantasies. Which would also explain why he's married to our half-witted cleaner (I'm considering buying the entire family and keeping them as slaves in the cellar)

[Bjornebye]

 

She knew, she's just waiting for you to leave.

This 100%

 

Some twat i used to know once walked into a b&b in southsea and handed in her cv. Was told they werent employing so she asked why they had a vacancies sign in the window

 

She had a biology degree

[Carvalho Diablo]

[littletedwest]

like the look of her. looks a bit young but at my age they all do.

[Mook]

Photos that are the wrong way around get on my nerves.

 

A bit like women.

 

Why do they take so long at bank machines?

[VladimirIlyich]

Photos that are the wrong way around get on my nerves.

 

A bit like women.

 

Why do they take so long at bank machines?

Too many choices and they always change their mind at the last minute.

[Dr Nowt]

What's the deal with calling a human child Tabitha?

 

You wouldn't call your lad Fido or Mr. Pickles, for fuck's sake.

[Mook]

What's the deal with calling a human child Tabitha?

 

You wouldn't call your lad Fido or Mr. Pickles, for fuck's sake.

My nephew, Mr Pickles is understandably quite upset about your post.

[Dr Nowt]

My nephew, Mr Pickles is understandably quite upset about your post.

 

Tickle his belly and if that fails, give him a saucer of milk.