The world of a woman.

[Cortinaman666]

Said to me by an ex whilst walking past the duck pond in the local park: 'what type of ducks are they? Well 'ards?'

 

It may be the same girl (or the one I've been seeing since) that pointed out a goose at the same pond and stated 'that swan has got a short neck hasn't it?' Women are fucking useless when it comes to the natural world (unless it's to do with cats)

[A_S]

- Buys a dress (without trying it on) for a wedding we were going to in a week's time.

 

- Actually tries it on at home and decides she's not as fond of it now.

 

- Goes through her 'old' (READ: worn once or twice) dresses, I tell her I like a simple but classy black one she wore for our engagement party last year.

 

- She brings 4 dresses to our hotel, then decides she needs a cardigan for the one she most recently bought (in case she wears it, you see)

 

- Buys a cardigan that ends up not matching the most recently purchased dress. Decides she can't wear either.

 

- Ends up wearing the dress I originally suggested.

 

Oh wedded bliss....

[Unrighteous]

- Buys a dress (without trying it on) for a wedding we were going to in a week's time.

 

- Actually tries it on at home and decides she's not as fond of it now.

 

- Goes through her 'old' (READ: worn once or twice) dresses, I tell her I like a simple but classy black one she wore for our engagement party last year.

 

- She brings 4 dresses to our hotel, then decides she needs a cardigan for the one she most recently bought (in case she wears it, you see)

 

- Buys a cardigan that ends up not matching the most recently purchased dress. Decides she can't wear either.

 

- Ends up wearing the dress I originally suggested.

 

Oh wedded bliss....

 

That'll, surprisingly, make perfect sense to a woman... but I guarantee every man who reads that is going, "Daft. Just daft."

[Champ]

That'll, surprisingly, make perfect sense to a woman... but I guarantee every man who reads that is going, "Daft. Just daft."

 

Did you mean 'unsurprisingly'? I want to be able to disagree with you but I cant, except to say I dont understand how she could buy a cardigan that didnt match...I'd have taken the newly purchased dress out with me when buying said cardie. Hope this helps your research x

[Harry Squatter]

Same bird who thinks Mosquitos can give you AIDS:

 

"Charles Darwin, was he the first man descendent from a monkey?". She thought he died in 1982 as well then questioned how people knew he existed for real when there was no actual photos or tv footage of him. I told he'd that I watched a film about his life starring Paul Bettany an Jennifer Connelly to which she said "sounds boring as fuck, I won't be getting that from Blockbuster" then said it still didn't prove his existence because it wasn't "live"

 

I said "they named a town in Australia after him"

 

Her: "oh yeah? Which one?"

 

Me "fuckin Melbourne"

 

Her "no need to swear, I just asked a simple question"

 

She then said:

 

"who is Charles Isaacs then? Is he the fella who got hit on the head by an apple?"

 

"no that was Sir Isaac Newton he discovered gravity"

 

"yeah but he never fucking invented it though did he cos it was already there"

[stevebaby]

Same bird who thinks Mosquitos can give you AIDS:

 

"Charles Darwin, was he the first man descendent from a monkey?". She thought he died in 1982 as well then questioned how people knew he existed for real when there was no actual photos or tv footage of him. I told he'd that I watched a film about his life starring Paul Bettany an Jennifer Connelly to which she said "sounds boring as fuck, I won't be getting that from Blockbuster" then said it still didn't prove his existence because it wasn't "live"

 

I said "they named a town in Australia after him"

 

Her: "oh yeah? Which one?"

 

Me "fuckin Melbourne"

 

Her "no need to swear, I just asked a simple question"

 

She then said:

 

"who is Charles Isaacs then? Is he the fella who got hit on the head by an apple?"

 

"no that was Sir Isaac Newton he discovered gravity"

 

"yeah but he never fucking invented it though did he cos it was already there"

Great tits or makes a good cuppa?

[rEddie]

Wife V.2 came out with another mind boggler. Our 5 year old daughter has been giving us a bit of lip lately. Nothing bad, just testing the boundaries. My Missus said, " We have to nip this in the butt". I replied its "bud" not "butt". She retorted "that's your answer to everything, beer"!

 

I am mindfucked as I am typing this.

[A_S]

Wife V.2 came out with another mind boggler. Our 5 year old daughter has been giving us a bit of lip lately. Nothing bad, just testing the boundaries. My Missus said, " We have to nip this in the butt". I replied its "bud" not "butt". She retorted "that's your answer to everything, beer"!

 

I am mindfucked as I am typing this.

 

Brilliant.

[stevebaby]

Wife V.2 came out with another mind boggler. Our 5 year old daughter has been giving us a bit of lip lately. Nothing bad, just testing the boundaries. My Missus said, " We have to nip this in the butt". I replied its "bud" not "butt". She retorted "that's your answer to everything, beer"!

 

I am mindfucked as I am typing this.

I'm utterly boonswoggled by this news.

 

Always wanted to use boonswoggled in a sentence.

 

 

Probably doesn't mean what I think it does.

 

Fuck it.

[rondeco]

That is fucking outstanding! Sitting in the hospital with one of the twins and this has made me laugh out loud!

[lifetime fan]

Wife V.2 came out with another mind boggler. Our 5 year old daughter has been giving us a bit of lip lately. Nothing bad, just testing the boundaries. My Missus said, " We have to nip this in the butt". I replied its "bud" not "butt". She retorted "that's your answer to everything, beer"!

 

I am mindfucked as I am typing this.

 

 

Ahahahahaha

[Uncle_Meat]

Wife V.2 came out with another mind boggler. Our 5 year old daughter has been giving us a bit of lip lately. Nothing bad, just testing the boundaries. My Missus said, " We have to nip this in the butt". I replied its "bud" not "butt". She retorted "that's your answer to everything, beer"!

 

I am mindfucked as I am typing this.

 

Brilliant!

 

Thing is, she's right.

[lifetime fan]

Brilliant!

 

Thing is, she's right.

 

 

So ie rEddie.

[Uncle_Meat]

Just got off the phone to a customer.

 

"Is my laptop ready yet?"

 

I reply. "Might be, depends upon what your name is"

 

"Why should that matter. Is it ready?"

 

"I don't know, what's your.." Name, I was about to reply but I was then interrupted by "I just want to know if it's ready, you said a couple of days, it's been a couple of days. Is it done?"

 

"Well, I have numerous laptops here and I don't know which one is yours as I don't know your ." Interrupted again. "Have you lost it?

 

"I doubt it, but without knowing who you are, I cannot say if your particular laptop is ready, can I?"

 

"Oh...."

 

It is done, by the way, but she's deffo getting an extra £10 lobbed onto the price.

[RedinSweden]

Just got off the phone to a customer.

 

"Is my laptop ready yet?"

 

I reply. "Might be, depends upon what your name is"

 

"Why should that matter. Is it ready?"

 

"I don't know, what's your.." Name, I was about to reply but I was then interrupted by "I just want to know if it's ready, you said a couple of days, it's been a couple of days. Is it done?"

 

"Well, I have numerous laptops here and I don't know which one is yours as I don't know your ." Interrupted again. "Have you lost it?

 

"I doubt it, but without knowing who you are, I cannot say if your particular laptop is ready, can I?"

 

"Oh...."

 

It is done, by the way, but she's deffo getting an extra £10 lobbed onto the price.

 

Sometimes i am really glad that I don't have to deal with the general public. It's easy to forget just how fucking stupid some of them are.

[ph245]

Our girl had gone out & left her mobile behind.

"I'll ring & let her know" says the missus.

 

I sit back in delight awaiting the next few priceless moments as she rings her mobile, which, of course , starts ringing in the kitchen.

 

Ace, simply just ace.

[Hand Shandy]

 

Sometimes i am really glad that I don't have to deal with the general public. It's easy to forget just how fucking stupid some of them are.

 

Nip onto the FF - you'll soon remember...

[Lurtz]

Sometimes i am really glad that I don't have to deal with the general public. It's easy to forget just how fucking stupid some of them are.

 

Reminds me of one from years back, can't remember if I've mentioned it already on here.

 

When I was about 18 I worked for a few months at Serck Marsden, darn sarf, who sell car parts. One day a woman phones up:

 

"Hello, could you give me a price on a radiator for my car please"

"Of course, what car is it?"

"Er. Ermmm. Errr.. It's blue"

[Liverpool lad]

What is it with women talking about celebs and their lives like they are best mates with them?

 

And stuffing their fucking faces all day, but eating Weight Watchers food for lunch and putting sweeteners in their brew?

[Champ]

Reminds me of one from years back, can't remember if I've mentioned it already on here.

 

When I was about 18 I worked for a few months at Serck Marsden, darn sarf, who sell car parts. One day a woman phones up:

 

"Hello, could you give me a price on a radiator for my car please"

"Of course, what car is it?"

"Er. Ermmm. Errr.. It's blue"

You're all such stickers for details!

[Champ]

Different office same shite, LL?

[Liverpool lad]

Different office same shite' date=' LL?[/quote']

 

Hahaha

[RedinSweden]

You're all such stickers for details!

 

I think you mean "sticklers".

 

 

 

 

 

 

*runs off punching air after perfectly executed post*

[Champ]

I think you mean "sticklers".

 

 

 

 

 

 

*runs off punching air after perfectly executed post*

Like I said....and the pleasure you get pointing them out (or does that one work both ways? Hmm..)

[VladimirIlyich]

Same bird who thinks Mosquitos can give you AIDS:

 

"Charles Darwin, was he the first man descendent from a monkey?". She thought he died in 1982 as well then questioned how people knew he existed for real when there was no actual photos or tv footage of him. I told he'd that I watched a film about his life starring Paul Bettany an Jennifer Connelly to which she said "sounds boring as fuck, I won't be getting that from Blockbuster" then said it still didn't prove his existence because it wasn't "live"

 

I said "they named a town in Australia after him"

 

Her: "oh yeah? Which one?"

 

Me "fuckin Melbourne"

 

Her "no need to swear, I just asked a simple question"

 

She then said:

 

"who is Charles Isaacs then? Is he the fella who got hit on the head by an apple?"

 

"no that was Sir Isaac Newton he discovered gravity"

 

"yeah but he never fucking invented it though did he cos it was already there"

 

This is,sadly,very true.