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Valentines

Rashid

By Rashid,
in GF - General Forum

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Captain Grand Master

Captain

Posted
Posted
She’s only climaxed twice since they wed.

 

Once after the first year, with a bunch of French sex aids discarded by her previous hubby, and her second 12 months later following a late thrust by a passing scouser.

 

In both triumphs she came from behind at the third time of asking, after a net spend on gigolos far greater than her neighbours who manage an orgasm within the first three years of marriage.

 

“I hope a man with a bigger dic buys her who can cum quicker than me,” Radish told Chris Bascombe in a Nob of the World exclusive.

 

Take a bow, pure comedy!

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Rashid Grand Master

Rashid

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Taking her out now to a "Pan Asian" thingy now, saw the menu, it's all that posh (indian wannabe white man) shite. I'd prefer a Chicken Jal Frezi FFS! Just had an argument and then I felt shit so apologised. Fucks sake, need to get this fucking day over.

 

Chat later lads....

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reder Rising Star

reder

Posted
Posted
That's code for no pay rises this year!

 

I hope you resigned immediately?

 

I am in the process of finalising an interview for a new job next week. It fucking beggars believe have many soft twats fall for all this family caring bollocks. Young women in paricular!

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Plewggs Proficient

Plewggs

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Had a card off my ex, and a pressie in a series of russian-doll type boxes that took ages to unwrap.

 

She sent me a single Rollo.

 

Why didn’t she show some consideration?

She knows I hate chocolate and would much prefer a Trebor Mint.

 

Thoughtless cow, glad she’s gone.

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Elmyn Noos Grand Master

Elmyn Noos

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Just sent the following message to Hallmark cards via their website. I'll let you know if they come back with a response.

 

Dear Sir/Madam,

I was hoping somebody there could address my concerns regarding that recent and much vaunted celebration of love, Valentine's Day. Now it is generally accepted that this particular day was borne of the imagination of a particulary smart marketing machine within your own industry, and there is no escaping the fact that you do make a lot of money out of it. It is for this reason, and the fact that I bought my wife a card from one of your shops that I address this complaint to you. As I say, I bought my missus a Hallmark card (not a cheap one mind, it was one of those with glitter and feathers and shit on the front. Lovely it was.). I also got her a very nice piece of jewellery, and after a full days hard work, I returned home to cook a fine three course meal for her, the ingredients for which I had used up my lunch hour to buy. We had a nice bottle of wine, and I said nice things to her.

 

Now at the end of all this, wouldn't the least any reasonable man expect to get be a shag (that is to say sexual intercourse, if this is being read in the US)? I mean, card, jewellery, nice meal, wine and general romantic behaviour then sex, right? Well no. Not a fucking sniff. I feel hurt, frustrated and cheated, and it's all your fault.

 

I'm therefore asking for a refund on the card, which cost me £3.45 from your Leeds store, and damages to the tune of $3.5million, (just in case this goes in front of a US court, where I believe this sort of sum is the norm). This may seem a little disproportionate to you, but for me, and for millions of men worldwide, thanks to you, we have to endure this whole bullshit day, and the least we should get in return is to empty our loads into a lovely wet grateful clunge (UK trans.-vagina).

 

I await you response on the matter.

 

Regards

Mr. Elmyn Noos.

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Anubis Grand Master

Anubis

Posted
Posted
Just sent the following message to Hallmark cards via their website. I'll let you know if they come back with a response.

 

Dear Sir/Madam,

I was hoping somebody there could address my concerns regarding that recent and much vaunted celebration of love, Valentine's Day. Now it is generally accepted that this particular day was borne of the imagination of a particulary smart marketing machine within your own industry, and there is no escaping the fact that you do make a lot of money out of it. It is for this reason, and the fact that I bought my wife a card from one of your shops that I address this complaint to you. As I say, I bought my missus a Hallmark card (not a cheap one mind, it was one of those with glitter and feathers and shit on the front. Lovely it was.). I also got her a very nice piece of jewellery, and after a full days hard work, I returned home to cook a fine three course meal for her, the ingredients for which I had used up my lunch hour to buy. We had a nice bottle of wine, and I said nice things to her.

 

Now at the end of all this, wouldn't the least any reasonable man expect to get be a shag (that is to say sexual intercourse, if this is being read in the US)? I mean, card, jewellery, nice meal, wine and general romantic behaviour then sex, right? Well no. Not a fucking sniff. I feel hurt, frustrated and cheated, and it's all your fault.

 

I'm therefore asking for a refund on the card, which cost me £3.45 from your Leeds store, and damages to the tune of $3.5million, (just in case this goes in front of a US court, where I believe this sort of sum is the norm). This may seem a little disproportionate to you, but for me, and for millions of men worldwide, thanks to you, we have to endure this whole bullshit day, and the least we should get in return is to empty our loads into a lovely wet grateful clunge (UK trans.-vagina).

 

I await you response on the matter.

 

Regards

Mr. Elmyn Noos.

I've just near choked on my sandwich reading that. Inspired.

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Paul Grand Master

Paul

Posted
Posted
Just sent the following message to Hallmark cards via their website. I'll let you know if they come back with a response.

 

Dear Sir/Madam,

I was hoping somebody there could address my concerns regarding that recent and much vaunted celebration of love, Valentine's Day. Now it is generally accepted that this particular day was borne of the imagination of a particulary smart marketing machine within your own industry, and there is no escaping the fact that you do make a lot of money out of it. It is for this reason, and the fact that I bought my wife a card from one of your shops that I address this complaint to you. As I say, I bought my missus a Hallmark card (not a cheap one mind, it was one of those with glitter and feathers and shit on the front. Lovely it was.). I also got her a very nice piece of jewellery, and after a full days hard work, I returned home to cook a fine three course meal for her, the ingredients for which I had used up my lunch hour to buy. We had a nice bottle of wine, and I said nice things to her.

 

Now at the end of all this, wouldn't the least any reasonable man expect to get be a shag (that is to say sexual intercourse, if this is being read in the US)? I mean, card, jewellery, nice meal, wine and general romantic behaviour then sex, right? Well no. Not a fucking sniff. I feel hurt, frustrated and cheated, and it's all your fault.

 

I'm therefore asking for a refund on the card, which cost me £3.45 from your Leeds store, and damages to the tune of $3.5million, (just in case this goes in front of a US court, where I believe this sort of sum is the norm). This may seem a little disproportionate to you, but for me, and for millions of men worldwide, thanks to you, we have to endure this whole bullshit day, and the least we should get in return is to empty our loads into a lovely wet grateful clunge (UK trans.-vagina).

 

I await you response on the matter.

 

Regards

Mr. Elmyn Noos.

 

*Chuckles*

 

Fuckin' Noos.

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melons Grand Master

melons

Posted
Posted

Class thread lads, being single, i had to think of a valentines worth remembering... bless, my ex turned up at my door around 7am, box a chocs and a card.... why was that nice, he wasnt supposed to turn up at all, he was going to match that night in Southampton.... he got a good return when he got home...;)

 

fook doenst take much to impress me....

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