Oscar Pistorius

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Is Rab C. Nesbitt on trial?

Not unless he has lost a tonne of weight and two legs.

 

I didnt realise you were South African, VD

 

Yar !

[Boss]

Been working on my Oscar Pistorius impersonation.  Also David Cameron and Jose Moutinho.  I can't do Milliband, though.  His voice is too weird.  Might start putting them up on youtube wearing a stormtrooper helmet. 

 

 

They say fuckin' exactly like a scouser would, it's weird.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Been working on my Oscar Pistorius impersonation.  Also David Cameron and Jose Moutinho.  I can't do Milliband, though.  His voice is too weird.  Might start putting them up on youtube wearing a stormtrooper helmet. 

Pistorious is easy, start by doing the main guy in District 9 and gradually add Kyle Minogue  circa 1987. If it helps also pretend your Dog died.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Like Boss showed.

[Anubis]

Been working on my Oscar Pistorius impersonation.  Also David Cameron and Jose Moutinho.  I can't do Milliband, though.  His voice is too weird.  Might start putting them up on youtube wearing a stormtrooper helmet. 

 

The world should not be denied this.

[Alan Sex]

The world should not be denied this.

Unless that's all he plans on wearing. No need to see the little stormtrooper helmet.

[Beansonafryup]

With all these tortured attempts at reproducing South African accents, has anyone mentioned the blicks?

You mean Hans? Haven't heard of him for ages

[Bjornebye]

First thing I would do if I was in bed with her and heard intruders would be to take my dick out of her.

 

The quicker someone points this out the quicker we can get more alien plane abduction airtime.

[Fugitive]

Rumours that he's going to play his wildcard today...

 

[lifetime fan]

He's not a very good first aider if he heard her breathing.

[dennis tooth]

A visibly shaken Oscar Pistorius appeared to be in shock after an extremely graphic photograph of Reeva Steenkamp's head wound was shown in court as State Prosecutor Gerrie Nel began his cross-examination.

 

 

Mr Nel, known in South Africa as the 'Pitbull', demanded permission to show a video in which the athlete is seen firing at a watermelon in a shooting range and appears to whisper: "It's softer than a brain, but f**k it's a zombie stopper".

He went on to show a graphic photograph of Ms Steenkamp's head wound caused by a Black Tallon bullet that impacted her right temple after Pistorius shot her three times through a locked toilet door on Valentine's Day last year.

Mr Nel asked the athlete if Ms Steenkamp's head "exploded" just like the watermelon and asked him to look at the photograph, which showed a side view of the model's head, with a mass of blood and human tissue on the back and upper parts, and her eyes closed".

"It's time you look at it", he added. A sobbing Pistorius said he didn't have to look because he was at the scene when Steenkamp died.

Mr Nel also demanded the athlete admitted that he did not simply make a "terrible mistake", he shot and killed his girlfriend.

"You killed Reeva Steenkamp, didn't you?" he asked at the start of questioning, to which Pistorius responded that he had made a terrible mistake.

"You made a mistake? You killed a person. You killed Reeva Steenkamp

"Say it. Say I shot and killed Reeva Steenkamp," he demanded of him.

"I did, my lady," Mr Pistorius tearfully replied.

Earlier in his evidence, Pistorius described the dramatic moments that followed the shooting, after he realised he had shot Ms Steenkamp through a locked toilet door, in what he claims was a case of mistaken identity.

Pistorius told Pretoria's High Court that he put his hand on her hip, where she had been shot, to stop the bleeding and placed his fingers on her mouth to help her breathe.

The athlete told the court Ms Steenkamp died in his arms. He denied he had ever intended to kill his girlfriend, "or anyone else for that matter", his murder trial heard.

Pistorius said he felt helpless and that he wanted to take her to a hospital, but a neighbor advised him to wait for paramedics to arrive at the Silver Woods estate.

"The paramedics arrived. They asked for some space to work so I stood up," he said. "Reeva had already died whilst I was holding her, before the ambulance arrived, so I knew there was nothing they could do for her."

Police arrived at the scene soon after.

"I asked a policeman if I could wash my hands because the smell of the blood was making me throw up," Pistorius said. "Every time I saw Reeva, I got sick. So I stayed inside the kitchen. I sat in the pantry against the washing machine."

He was then told to go to the garage, where he was photographed, and later told he was under arrest. Police advised him to keep his head down while exiting the house because there was "a lot of media" waiting for him.

Yesterday, Pistorius sobbed uncontrollably as he described the moment he realised Ms Steenkamp wasn't in bed and smashed down the toilet door to reach her. By the time Pistorius entered the toilet, Ms Steenkamp "wasn't breathing".

He told the court he feared an intruder had entered the house after hearing the sound of a "window sliding open" in the early hours of 14 February. Pistorius told the court he asked Ms Steenkamp to call the police immediately.

He then heard the sound of a door slamming shut, which he said convinced him an intruder was already inside his bedroom and shot at the toilet door four times using his 9mm pistol.
READ MORE: • CRIME SCENE PHOTOGRAPHS REVEAL BRUTAL SHOOTING

Pistorius has pleaded not guilty to murdering Ms Steenkamp, claiming he shot the model by mistake thinking she was an intruder in his home. Prosecutors argue he intentionally shot and killed the 29-year old model following a domestic dispute.

There are no juries at trials in South Africa and Pistorius's fate will ultimately be decided by Judge Masipa, assisted by two assessors.

The case continues.

 

 

oooof

[Bjornebye]

why the fuck is he calling a man 'My lady'

[stringvest]

"I didn't have my legs on" to be fair as excuses go that's not bad.

 

to be fair I've had a few nights like that.

[Russ Atmosphere]

Because of two differing statements he has now said that he didn't leave to go out on to the balcony. So according to him, she has left the same room unheard after having spoke to him seconds earlier and then he has heard a bathroom noise. He doesn't deduce it's his girlfriend, who he knows is awake. He doesn't talk to her assuming she's still in the bed but he does get his gun. It's under the bed, the same bed where he hasn't checked for the presence of his beloved. He's unsteady without legs but he manages the gun getting and the exiting of the too-dark-to-see a thing bedroom with ease.

[Champ]

Because of two differing statements he has now said that he didn't leave to go out on to the balcony. So according to him, she has left the same room unheard after having spoke to him seconds earlier and then he has heard a bathroom noise. He doesn't deduce it's his girlfriend, who he knows is awake. He doesn't talk to her assuming she's still in the bed but he does get his gun. It's under the bed, the same bed where he hasn't checked for the presence of his beloved. He's unsteady without legs but he manages the gun getting and the exiting of the too-dark-to-see a thing bedroom with ease.

He can put in a shift as an actor but his lying is shite

[PestiRed]

He's got the crying and vomiting on demand bit down to a fine art

 

[Dr Nowt]

Home videos of Oscar M'lady at paint ball:

 

[Anubis]

why the fuck is he calling a man 'My lady'

 

If it's similar to the UK, whoever asks the questions you're supposed to address your answer to the Judge or magistrates.

[stevebaby]

to be fair I've had a few nights like that.

We've all been there,true.

[stevebaby]

I still think he's a cowardly snivelling murdering cunt though. I'm just waiting for him to literally shit himself in the dock.I hope he does.I hope he shits himself and gets arse raped in Hell forever.

[stevebaby]

What the fuck did he expect people to say?..."Nice group there Oscar! Have a slot in the Paralympics biathlon squad.." Jesus Kerist.If this is just a cunning selection ploy it's a big fail and he's a bigger cunt.

[Dougie Do'ins]

"I did not intend to kill Reeva, or anybody else for that matter"

[torahboy]

why the fuck is he calling a man 'My lady'

 

 

Trial by Ladyboy - or My Ladyboy.

[polymerpunkah]

That "M'lady" is revealing.

 

He's wailing away like a banshee, he's got a very agressive lawyer in his face, pushing him for all he's worth, but he's still in possession of his faculties enough to remember court protocol.

 

And the Oscar goes to....

[stringvest]

It's all coming out now.

 

 

Wait until we get to the bit where he let off a rocket propelled grenade in an orphanage.

 

He also detonated an H-bomb in a donkey sanctuary for shits and giggles.

 

Pissed in the holy water in Lourdes, rendering 20 able-bodied helpers severely disabled for life.