Depression

[Moctezuma]

9 hours ago, Fugitive said:

Just been a shit one. Apparently, I’m to blame and her being unfaithful was just one of those things. I just need to get on with it. 
 

Got no family here and my mates are useless but I need to open up to people according to her. I still love her and miss seeing my little girl everyday. I have her anytime I’m off but she has moved miles away so can’t see her all the time. Any time I get off is with my daughter and my life is now work or my girl 

Do you have mates back at home?

 

I find in the era of What'sapp groups it can feel like you are connected to folk, but a phone call does a lot more in terms of being able to talk things through with people.

 

I often call my folks, a) to catch-up with them b) to divulge stuff that's going on, it's good that I have this kind of relationship and I know not all people are able to do that kind of thing. I get the impression sometimes that they are concerned about me because I'm offloading onto them a bit, but having that kind of release/people to talk to is important.

[Moctezuma]

5 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

 

I think there's a lot of amateurs doing it too sadly. You can't really compare someone working out of their box room with a trained and experienced mental health professional. 

 

Sadly mental health is where you really do see the difference between the haves and the have nots. My mum sees counsellors through a charity and they're always trainees and tend to get moved around a lot plus there's always a big wait.

 

People with money can get the full leather couch trestmemt as and when they want.

 

 

Agreed, the people I saw when I was younger were funded by the University and a guy my mum met by chance through her work who specifically worked with Dyslexic people (the lad basically changed my entire heuristic/view of my self, remember walking out of those sessions and actually getting that feeling people state when they say 'their mind was blown').

 

One of the poor ones recently was a woman who could barely summon up any empathy and didn't seem to be listening with any great intent, I paid a significant amount for that useless session, didn't go back.

[M_B]

14 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

 

I think there's a lot of amateurs doing it too sadly. You can't really compare someone working out of their box room with a trained and experienced mental health professional.

It is worth shopping around. You have to feel comfortable with your therapist. Make sure they have good qualifications and experience.

 

I would also avoid choosing a therapist of the sex you are attracted to cause that can create problems in itself.

 

But most of all - you have to be honest in your sessions. A lot of people find it difficult to tell the truth, so if you are not being truthful in your sessions then try to understand why.

 

I think I was lucky to some extent - my therapist is great.

[YorkshireRed]

10 hours ago, Fugitive said:

Had a really shitty day today.

 

ended up arguing with the ex, saw my best mate who didn’t ask how I was and just spoke about how well he was doing and i didn’t want to bring him down. Ended up getting a few beers and now regret that as well. Just looking forward to going back to work tomorrow afternoon.

 

Fucking hate this. 

I don’t really have anything to add to what’s already been said.
 

You’ve been through, are still going through, some real difficulties. Anyone would struggle so, whatever else you do, try not to beat yourself up. At the moment it sounds like ‘life’ is doing more than enough of that so try not to add to it (I know that is easier said than done sometimes).
 

Hopefully you will find the right help and things will start to nudge towards better days.
 

Selfishly, I find the stories of those on here who’ve found a way to at least manage their illness helpful and inspiring. If they can then find a way to thrive, rather than just survive, even better. I’m looking forward to reading your story, whenever that will be.

 

[Section_31]

27 minutes ago, Moctezuma said:

Agreed, the people I saw when I was younger were funded by the University and a guy my mum met by chance through her work who specifically worked with Dyslexic people (the lad basically changed my entire heuristic/view of my self, remember walking out of those sessions and actually getting that feeling people state when they say 'their mind was blown').

 

One of the poor ones recently was a woman who could barely summon up any empathy and didn't seem to be listening with any great intent, I paid a significant amount for that useless session, didn't go back.

The dyslexia thing sounds interesting, I'm dyslexic, what was the difference in the way they deliver therapy?

 

Yeah I had one once working out of his spare bedroom and he kept repeating that 'the appointment won't be confirmed until payment by bank transfer is made'. 

 

He was also seeing me despite the fact I was clearly in the first 'shock' stage of anxiety when talk therapy is widely regarded as pointless as I could barely sit still, let alone summon any thoughts.

[No2]

On 05/01/2022 at 15:19, Section_31 said:

Cheers fellas, all great responses. 

 

One of my biggest problems is self inflicted in the sense that I don't do any, for want of a better word, self maintenance (Matron!). 

 

I don't really have any hobbies, don't really do anything to relax and calm my mind, save for watching telly. Don't really do anything around mindfulness, meditation or lists. I tend to just keep myself occupied by any means possible, like pushing a roundabout not wanting it to stop, just in case. 

 

I've been exercising a bit, recently completed that couch to 5k thing again in the gym and been doing weights again, have lost quite a bit of timber, but I'd be lying if I said I enjoyed it or in any way looked forward to it. 

 

It's funny that my anxiety only really started in earnest in my 30s even though, looking back, my life was a lot shitter in my 20s in terms of jobs/money etc. One thing I did have back then though was much more of a social life, no matter how shit a job was or my week had been, it'd all be forgotten about at the weekend with a few mates (I wasn't a alcoholic by any stretch, but 'going out' seemed to be my thing). These days I spend the weekend shopping. 

I wasn't going to post this but I've never had an mental health issues but I'm just in from the course and I would highly recommend golf. From my amateur reading of this thread it seems clearing the mind is a major issue.

 

On a golf course all family issues, work and any other shit is a million miles from the mind. I started playing 18 months ago with a mate, we're both still shit but we love it, he started from absolutely scratch and is now a capable golfer (as in he's not an embarrassment anymore). If you end up enjoying it then it bring something to look forward too which is never a bad thing.

[Fugitive]

Having a shit day today. She has took the baby to see family, so I dont get to see her this weekend and I lost my phone yesterday and feel really isolated. Was doing ok but now im feeling like shit. Fucking hate this shit.

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, Fugitive said:

Having a shit day today. She has took the baby to see family, so I dont get to see her this weekend and I lost my phone yesterday and feel really isolated. Was doing ok but now im feeling like shit. Fucking hate this shit.

Sorry to hear this mate, can't even suggest tinder seeing as you've lost your phone. Have you got a back up or anything? Get some beers in, put your favourite music on and rock out with your cock out x

 

[Fugitive]

Waiting for a new sim card but its for an iphone so will have to wait until payday to get a replacement because money is a little tight right now. Took on all the bills and still giving herb money for the baby and a deposit for her own place. Just feeling like fuck today. Tinder is not the place to be right now.

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, Fugitive said:

Waiting for a new sim card but its for an iphone so will have to wait until payday to get a replacement because money is a little tight right now. Took on all the bills and still giving herb money for the baby and a deposit for her own place. Just feeling like fuck today. Tinder is not the place to be right now.

Nah you're right its not. Sorry to hear all this lad keep your chin up as best you can. 

[YorkshireRed]

2 hours ago, Fugitive said:

Having a shit day today. She has took the baby to see family, so I dont get to see her this weekend and I lost my phone yesterday and feel really isolated. Was doing ok but now im feeling like shit. Fucking hate this shit.

See it for what it is. A shit day, but one you can ride out. Have something comforting to eat, maybe avoid the booze, watch some crap television and sleep if you can. 
 

Plan to do something you enjoy tomorrow. At the very least, go for a walk and just stay in the moment. 
 

This will pass. If it doesn’t, get some help. 

[Fugitive]

1 minute ago, YorkshireRed said:

See it for what it is. A shit day, but one you can ride out. Have something comforting to eat, maybe avoid the booze, watch some crap television and sleep if you can. 
 

Plan to do something you enjoy tomorrow. At the very least, go for a walk and just stay in the moment. 
 

This will pass. If it doesn’t, get some help. 

Not touching booze and gonna go in to work tomorrow to catch up on a few things and do a few performance reviews due next week. Its just being so far away from family and my true mates that gets me when im on my todd.

[littletedwest]

Been doing OK recently. Got a temporary promotion at work getting fitter and more consistent at gym. No doubt something will happen but going OK at minute

[Bjornebye]

4 minutes ago, littletedwest said:

Been doing OK recently. Got a temporary promotion at work getting fitter and more consistent at gym. No doubt something will happen but going OK at minute

Well done mate. Onwards and upwards 

[TheHowieLama]

49 minutes ago, Fugitive said:

Not touching booze and gonna go in to work tomorrow to catch up on a few things and do a few performance reviews due next week. Its just being so far away from family and my true mates that gets me when im on my todd.

yea

[Fugitive]

Got now 90's on sky. Bryan adams gonna run to you... Amazing

[Fugitive]

Now a bit of 'cant stop this thing we started'. Love bryan Adams haha

[Bjornebye]

8 hours ago, Fugitive said:

Got now 90's on sky. Bryan adams gonna run to you... Amazing

Tune that mate. How you feeling today @Fugitive

[Champ]

On 11/03/2022 at 20:47, Fugitive said:

Not touching booze and gonna go in to work tomorrow to catch up on a few things and do a few performance reviews due next week. Its just being so far away from family and my true mates that gets me when im on my todd.

Have you found the Supporters Club yet?

[littletedwest]

Just had a medication review with my doctor. What a twat he is. Told me I should stop taking tablets as I've been on them for years.

I said I had stopped several times in the past, only to go through withdrawal then six months later start to get panic attacks again.

He then compared withdrawal to being an alcoholic or drug addict ( which was the biggest false equivalence ever)

 

I said I'd had a tough few years to which he replied I'd said that in 2013 when we had the same conversation. I may have done that but the last few years have been even tougher.

 

Eventually he said I can keep taking the medication but he'll put down on record it's against his medical advice.

 

 

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, littletedwest said:

Just had a medication review with my doctor. What a twat he is. Told me I should stop taking tablets as I've been on them for years.

I said I had stopped several times in the past, only to go through withdrawal then six months later start to get panic attacks again.

He then compared withdrawal to being an alcoholic or drug addict ( which was the biggest false equivalence ever)

 

I said I'd had a tough few years to which he replied I'd said that in 2013 when we had the same conversation. I may have done that but the last few years have been even tougher.

 

Eventually he said I can keep taking the medication but he'll put down on record it's against his medical advice.

 

 

What a complete arsehole. If anything it’s far more understandable why the last few years could easily have been worse for anyone. I’d ask for a new doctor. 

[littletedwest]

Yeah gonna look at that. Felt like saying well in 2013 my dad was struggling with memory issues and I had work pressure , now he's dead and I was made redundant see how that's worse.

[Creator Supreme]

17 minutes ago, littletedwest said:

Yeah gonna look at that. Felt like saying well in 2013 my dad was struggling with memory issues and I had work pressure , now he's dead and I was made redundant see how that's worse.

Sounds like one of those GP's who thinks that continuing to take meds for depression for a long period just means you're not trying hard enough.

 

If you need them mate, keep fucking getting them, I've tried to go without mine in the past and within 6 months I was just about rock bottom. Meds can help to provide that little bit of equilibrium we need at tough times, and there's no fucking shame in it.

 

Chin up brother, keep fighting.

[Moctezuma]

On 06/01/2022 at 08:39, Section_31 said:

The dyslexia thing sounds interesting, I'm dyslexic, what was the difference in the way they deliver therapy?

 

Apologies Sec missed this the first time around,

 

I think it pretty much reframes the depression being suffered around the condition/the fact you are non-neurotypical within a society where your way of perceiving and interacting with the world is in a minority.

 

I had been diagnosed at an early age I think it was picked up in my second year of school so about 6 to 7 years old, this manifested itself in daydreaming, poor reading, poor retention of written information, dreadful spelling, hesitancy around writing, slower cognitive uptake of information. I still have the educational psychologist report knocking around somewhere that states this explicitly.

 

While I had been given the diagnosis it had never actually been explained to me what this really entailed. In secondary school I had been given extra time during exams and was in some class for 'thick' kids once a week or so which didn't seem to achieve a huge amount in my recollection. 

 

Terry was the first person who broke down how this neuro divergence actually effects me and how this was linked to the depression I was suffering at the time. Below are some of the things I remember him relaying to me, though this is all now a decade plus ago so it's a long way from verbatim.

One of the main things he pointed out at the time was the deleterious effect having a condition where you are unable to express yourself effectively in written form and find reading difficult has on you over the long haul and how the constant feeling of failure to fit into neurotypical predominated society and associated expectations can eat away at you. Dyslexics on the whole therefore display a distinct lack of confidence and undervalue their being. They also tend to do badly in academic settings leading to more feelings around a lack of self-worth (you are literally finding out constantly that your peers are getting better grades than you though in conversation you can't immediately detect some awning gulf in intelligence). 

 

There have been a number of studies that indicate that the number of dyslexics in prison and other institutions is significantly higher as a proportion than neuro-typical members of the population and in part this is because of the difficulties described above, if you from managed to avoid this, in of itself that is some degree of achievement. 

Keeping this in mind helps reframe issues that a person can have when work is critiqued.

The next thing he noted was that while it manifests as a reading and writing issue for children in general due to processing issues for adults the difficulties start to become more pronounced around organisation, sequencing and working memory function (all of these are linked).

 

Dyslexics capacity to retain short term information nodes (working memory) is significantly reduced in comparison to average member of the population this means on average that dyslexics are able to retain three or four short-term pieces of information in comparison to an average person who's probably able to go to five or seven this is particularly pronounced around things like phone numbers, dance steps, learning music, locker combinations, pin numbers, multiple tasks being given (especially in verbal form-instructions) etc. Anything where you have to sequence and use short term memory pulls.

 

Ultimately that feeling where you walk into a room and have forgotten what you are doing is significantly increased in likelihood.

 

Because of this dyslexics on the whole tend to use long term memory to a far greater extent than the rest of population, this is in part why many are good storytellers so and many end up in things like acting because they are able to pull out significant chunks of information from long term memory, because they are using that function (thus increasing the brains capacity with it) to a far greater extent than most other people.

 

This overt use of long term memory starts to manifest itself in a number of ways you are far more likely to undertake patterns repeating the same actions through a given day;
•    Eating the same foodstuffs constantly/preparing the same foodstuffs
•    Using the same routes to work and other locations with very little divergence
•    Creating standardised routines through the day
•    Extremely standardised routines at weekends in comparison to neurotypical members of the population

 

While an average person will do this it becomes particularly pronounced in dyslexics as the brain is trying to give the short term memory/processing functions a break relying on older established memory to enact tasks.

 

Dyslexics who work in jobs outside of being able to do this can often struggle. 

 

This is why in the event of depression/anxiety it can be particularly difficult for dyslexics as the working memory function starts to become even more overwhelmed than people without that particular wiring of the brain.

 

I have seen undiagnosed dyslexics in later life and the opprobrium from colleagues aimed at these people is often fairly considerable, they are seen as disorganised and ‘scatty’.

 

Coping strategies are needed, most develop them through lived experience. There are some website and videos around dyslexic in adulthood which can help.

https://www.dyslexia.uk.net/adults-with-dyslexia/ 
https://www.dyslexia.uk.net/services/assistive-technology/
 

Branson's crew have made some videos here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLBUsgxhf_otK_qKoZnP0pA/videos

 

[Moctezuma]

I don't know how others find it, but it feels like once you've gone through a major depressive episode it always feels like it's not a million miles away again and a lot of work is needed to avoid it reoccurring.