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It’s been a while since I did one of these as personal circumstances didn’t allow it, but loads has happened at the top and bottom of the league since the last one. The most significant development was Everton finally dropping into the bottom three after flirting with it for months. I’ll start with that actually. This might be the first time ever that I’ve led one of these round ups with a Burnley game but it seems fitting as they’ve been on an absolute rampage since they sacked Dyche. I’ll be honest and say I thought that was a terrible move and that they were essentially surrendering their Premier League spot and getting Everton out of jail. I was wrong. I’ve been watching Burnley games quite closely of late and I’ve unashamedly become a bit of a Clarets fan, because needs must. If they can send Everton down I’ll be forever grateful. That dramatic win over Watford felt like a pivotal moment until Chelsea shit the bed 24 hours later at Goodison. Still, the importance of this Burnley win could still be massive. Especially given the drama of it. They fell behind early at Watford and it stayed that way until very late, when goals in quick succession by Cork and Brownhill gave them the win and relegated the Hornets. I hope we don’t see Watford again for a while. I have nothing specific against them but I’m just utterly bored of them and their yo-yo shite. Same with Norwich, who have been up and down more times than a fiddler’s elbow. Don’t come back any time soon, you pointless bastards. Burnley have taken 10 points from 12 since Mike Jackson took over. I’d never heard of the fella and given how Dyche has pulled them out of this situation several times before it just seemed like a stupid, panic move. The only caveat I had to that view was if maybe Dyche had lost the players, but there hadn’t been any reports of that and usually in that situation there are leaks in the press every other day. Maybe we didn’t hear about it because no-one gives a shit about Burnley so the press don’t ever write about them? Or maybe it’s because the players are solid pros and not spoiled whiny cunts like at Man United for example. It kind of feels like Dyche must have lost the dressing room though. Maybe not in the sense that they hated him, but it does seem that they’d stopped listening to him because they actually look like Burnley again now. So if they stay up the owners get a massive pat on the back, as does Jackson. Shit, if he relegates Everton I won’t even object if someone wants to build a statue of him outside Anfield. It wouldn’t be the first Mike Jackson statue at a Premier League ground. Remember when Fulham unveiled that Whacko Jacko one at Craven Cottage? Is that still there? How mad was that though, fucking hell. I had to google that just now to make sure it really happened and it wasn’t some weird dream. But yeah, if Mike Jackson is responsible for relegating Everton then a statue is the least he deserves. Can’t be doing with the shit puns though. MOTD’s commentator said after this game that “Mike Jackson has served up a Thriller”. Fucks sake, that’s Bad. MJ was asked what he’d done to turn things around and he said “we just reminded these lads of who they are”. So you could say he told them that it starts with….. the man in the mirror. What? Oh fuck off, that’s gold that is. Burnley have been amazing of late though. They lost at Norwich and it looked like they were fucked, but the spirit they’ve shown since has been great, but it’s not just that. Whisper it, but they’ve played some pretty good footy. It’s not all long balls and set-pieces, they’ve put some nice passing moves together and they look a totally different side to what they’ve been all season. Unfortunately Leeds are right back in it now. Not because of anything they’ve done, but the points picked up by Burnley and Everton have got them back on the cusp of it despite their resurgence under the new boss. They lost 4-0 at home to City but that doesn’t tell the full story as apparently (I say apparently as I didn’t watch it) they did pretty well and were in the game for a long time. They had chances too but they couldn’t take them. That’s where they miss my boy Bamford. They’ve got more injuries now too and lost a couple more key players during this game. The only thing I’ve seen from this was all the fans lashing balls of paper at Grealish as he was taking a corner. Twitter went into meltdown over that and Leeds fans were getting slaughtered for it. What did I miss? Since when is throwing scrunched up bits of paper this massive crime? Fucking snowflake society. Leeds have tough games to come but I feel as though they just need one more win and that should be enough. The counter point to that would be that they let Fernandinho score against them and arguably deserve relegation just for that. On a similar note, Jesse Marsch said before the game it was “the best team in the world versus the best club in the world”. Again, that’s relegation worthy. It’s the kind of shite I’d expect from Everton really. Norwich’s fate was sealed with a loss at Villa, who really needed that win as they’ve been in freefall these last couple of months. They were not too far out of the relegation mix themselves but the three points here should be enough now even if they don’t pick up another point, which unless they can take something off City hopefully they won’t. Watkins put Villa ahead with a deflected effort after Brandon Williams had fell over to set him clear. He’s shite that Williams, so no doubt he’ll be back in the United team next season. Ings was lively throughout and had earlier been denied by the bar before eventually getting his reward in stoppage time to wrap up the win. Villa have to play us and City as well as Burnley twice so they could have a huge say in the top and bottom of the table. Makes me sick to think of the Blues cheering Stevie on against Burnley. Hope they lose both games and Stevie winks at the camera on his way off. Wolves got spanked at home by Brighton. Two really unpredictable teams these. Brighton went on a massive losing streak before coming back with some really good results. They’re finishing the season strongly, just as they started it. Wolves are a team you don’t really enjoy playing because you always think it will be tough, but then you look at where they are in the table and it makes you realise their reputation isn’t really justified. I think it’s just that they play better against the good sides because they can sit in and play on the break. When they’re expected to make the play they can’t do it. Brighton could even afford the luxury of missing a penalty in this one. Mac Allister missed that but soon after he got another chance and he just about made amends, although Sa did get a hand to it and almost made a great save. Young Farage made it 2-0 and then gave it the binoculars celebration. Not sure what that was, maybe he was looking for boats full of refugees so he could grass them up to the authorities? Joking aside, I feel kind of bad for Trossard as it can’t be easy looking like that fucking scumbag. I probably should stop making the comparison but it amuses me so *shrugs* whaddayagonnado. Bissouma added a third as the home fans either booed or walked out. This doesn’t bode well for them playing City, but you can look at it another way, which is what I’m choosing to do. They need to respond in front of their home crowd and they’ve generally done well against City in recent years so they’ll see that game as a chance to redeem themselves and give their fans a nice send off. We only need them to get a draw. Come on Wolves. Southampton, who have done their bit with two draws against City this season, led early against Palace as Romeu headed in a Ward-Prowse corner. The delivery from Ward-Prowse is just always fucking right on the money, I really like him. Wonder if they’d be interested in a part ex with Ox this summer? Palace levelled when Clyne crossed for Eze to volley in at the back post. Clyne has been getting a good run of games recently and is doing well. It’s weird because he played a fucking shitload of games for us but he’s someone who didn’t really leave any kind of lasting memory. I liked him, he was good, but for some reason he’s very forgettable, like he was never even here. Palace won it at the death when Zaha came off the bench to spin away and fire in a low shot past Herman Munster in goal. He’ll have enjoyed that as him and Ward-Prowse have had beef for years. I’m surprised he didn’t go and celebrate right in front of him as he seems like the type to do that shit. Don’t take that as a dig either, I’m absolutely the type to do that too so I’m not judging. Onto Sunday now and Chelsea did exactly what I feared they’d do. I said it on the pod and in various conversations I had during the week. I saw it coming a mile off but it’s hard to pinpoint exactly why. I just didn’t trust them to go and do what they should be doing against Everton. Arsenal couldn’t do it, United couldn’t do it and I didn’t think Chelsea would either. And sadly I was right. It’s almost like these fucking teams are taken by surprise with how hostile Goodison is and the rampant shithousery of the Everton players. They’re either not expecting it or they just don’t have the balls to deal with it. I think in Chelsea’s case it’s just that they’re very much apathetic at the moment. The Abramovich thing lingers over them like a bad spell, they don’t have much to play for until the FA Cup final and on Sunday it showed. Everton were shite but they wanted it more. We saw Gordon and Richarlison diving all over the place, Mina outdoing both of them with some seriously embarrassing shit, Coleman trying to referee the game again and Pickford constantly charging sixty yards from his goal to get involved in every little fracas, of which there were plenty. Horrible shower of cunts. And Chelsea just let it get to them, the fucking useless wankers. I can’t even tell you how angry I am with them. They should be stripped of their World Club Champions crown for this. Not even joking, They don’t deserve that title if they can’t even beat that fat, bald, tory twat and his team of horrible little shithouse rats. As each week passes my desperation for them to go down increases to the point where sometimes I think it would be just as good as us winning a trophy. I then have to chastise for myself for being a tit, but I can’t lie that there have been moments when I’ve thought that. Usually when Richarlison is on my screen. I want them relegated so much now that it’s constantly in my thoughts. It’s not even because of the fans either. It’s Lampard and the players. I fucking can’t stand the cunt and some of those players are among the biggest shitbags in the entire league. Pickford, Richarlison, Mina, Gordon, Coleman, Allan, Calvert-Lewin, Gomes… Fucking hell, Sigurdsson doesn’t even make the list and he’s an actual nonce. That’s how much I hate some of those players. Come on Leeds. Come on Burnley. Don’t let us down. The battle for fourth looks like going down to the wire as Spurs and Arsenal both won. Spurs started badly against Leicester and could have been a couple of goals down before Kane settled the nerves by heading them ahead. Son added two more as they won comfortably in the end, even though that Iheanacho prick bagged a late consolation. Leicester’s league form has been shite as they’ve been pre-occupied with Europe. They better sort their shit out and beat Everton this weekend, but they won’t because they’ve been fucking shite for months. Arsenal won at West Ham, which was no surprise as the Hammers are 100% focused on their Europa League semi and have given up on the league now. They even let Rob Holding score. Fucking hell. At least I think it was Rob Holding. Where the fuck did he get that head of hair from? Has he been to see Shaq’s barber? Bowen equalised and was later brought down by Ramsdale as he ran through on goal. The keeper got a yellow for that but it could easily have been a red. Surprising that Mike Dean went with the lenient option, especially as he has previous for fucking Arsenal over. He’s going soft, no wonder he’s retiring. Gabriel won it for the Gunners with a back post header. West Ham conceding two goals from set-pieces to Arsenal, who never score from set-pieces. Good job Moyesy. Finally, Monday night saw United beat Brentford and celebrate like they’d won a trophy. It was their last home game so the lap of appreciation was somewhat understandable, but the way they were smelling themselves wasn’t. Absolutely shameless bunch of twats that United team. They’ve brought nothing but embarrassment on the club all season but they beat Brentford and walking around with their dicks swinging, like a Poundland Arsenal. The fans deserve no better though. They planned a protest but then the team were playing some good stuff for once and they were winning, so they sacked off the protest and stayed until the end, and then applauded them when they walked around the pitch afterwards. Green and Gold, unless they’re good. Embarrassing wankers.