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Call me a cynic but instead of clapping on your doorsteps, vote a fucking decent party who cares about the NHS into power* *this is aimed at the British public in general, fucking shower of morons

Don't tell him Pike.

Spreadsheets by day, spread cheeks by night, am I right

There's lunatics out there that think the government is going to try an microchip us. When in reality, we spend a couple of hundred quid for the privilege and carry it in our pocket.

All the financial institutions have been fucking boss helping my sister out who was made redundant on Monday. Santander have been fucking brilliant in bending their rules starting it immediately to ensure her mortgage isn't taken out on Monday (her payment day is 28th every month) and she now has a 3 month break. Their normal rule is 10 days cut off before payment date. A weight off my mind even though I'm ready to step in to help her financially if needed.

Just got back from braving the world, shopping for some vulnerable and isolating people. Had to go into two shops to get an old boy his beans. Two. Does this make me better than some people? That's not for me to say. But yes, it does.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/trudeau-trump-border-coronavirus-1.5510853 The Yanks thinking aboot sending troops near the Canadian border. FUCK YOU YANKEE BASTARDS WE ABSOLUTELY ROUTED YOU IN THE WAR OF 1812 AND WILL SEND YOU PACKING AGAIN. BE PREPARED TO BE BAYONETTED BY HOCKEY STICKS AND DIE IN PONDS OF MAPLE SYRUP. LIKE THE GERMAN ARMY AT STALINGRAD YOU WILL FREEZE AND DIE.

I see you’ve entered pre-flounce mode. And for clarification, because you clearly can’t read, I haven’t told anyone not to wear a mask, merely pointed out that wearing an inadequate mask is not going to protect you from the virus. Whereas clearly you’d rather lull people into a false sense of security. Now, let us start the countdown...

Thats the spirit I call on all to reignite old feuds, take them off ignore and pile in. The one you tend to ignore because you think they're a bit of cunt, tell them. Go through all your posts, if you negged someone 4 years ago and they've negged you once recently for something completely unrelated, thats a revenge neg that is, dont fucking stand for it. When we're all looking back at this you want to be safe in the knowledge that you did your bit.

But is he more sound than aRdja? I think we need a poll @Bjornebye

The clapping was for all the staff working in the NHS. Yes they get paid, although not all of them will be well paid, but none of them will have signed up for this. A simple gesture like this will have meant so much to so many of them and their families and equally had brought neighbours out to see one another to show their solidarity in frightening times. Loads came out on our street and we could hear cheering in the streets around us. It was heartwarming

Are my testicles black? ......... A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?" Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely: "Are - my - test - results - back?"

Fuck me, I got something in my eye. Whether you did it on your doorstep, in your home or anywhere else, well done.

Curb for remarkable consistency over its whole run, however Friends was a lot better than people give it credit for. Especially the earlier seasons.

He wasn’t having a go at you. Watch this...

I’ll take these threads off you, you cunt.

And where the fuck is Taxi? Stig just can't abide Danny de Vito.

You had me worried for a second, I thought he died.

My chest is sore but not to the point where I'm struggling to breathe, etc but I'm definitely anxious about it getting worse, which is totally understandable given what's on the TV every waking minute. Hopefully you're coming to the end of the infection mate.

I’ve had it a week now. Not been out of bed other than to go to the bog or shower. my boss has had it a lot worse. He’s been off 16 days, very ill but didn’t quite reach hospitalisation stage.

In these desperate times its each forumites duty to have a full on, calling them cunts, row with somebody.

You should never expect anything from Zappa, he just recorded whatever the hell he wanted and just churned out an ridiculous amount of music in loads of different styles. Plus there are still a shed load of recordings in the vault that never came out either. I'm at about 50 or so now. Been working through them for quite a lot of years now. I was introduced to him by someone I worked with when I was at college when I was about 16 or 17 who was a really good guitarist and did a lot of jazz work. Plus he produced quite possibly my favourite ever album cover.

Lucas Leiva

Prince Charles is isolating at Balmoral with Covid-19. Prince Andrew is isolating at Windsor with Jennifer 14.

Trump : "Our people want to go back to work. I'm hearing it loud and clear from everybody." Everybody. First class fucking loon.

Curb. But...

Leighton Moss nature reserve near Morecambe Bay. Probably more strange creatures around there than on Pandora, to be fair.

Where the fuck was that? Set of Avatar?

Frasier makes me laugh and gives me goosebumps at the same time. Never mind comedy, it's one of the greatest ever TV shows of any genre, period (to use an American parlance the type of which Frasier and Niles would be appalled at).

NP dusting his seal club off.

That's probably the HERPES Rico

Midnight Run starring Grinch as De Niro and ArDja as Grodin.

Had a proper scratchy cough this morning. As soon as I had a cup of tea it disappeared. Pretty sure I’m now immune until the science says otherwise.

Not everyone is as needlessly confrontational as you.

Indian police will be our last line of defence. Countries will be buying protective masks from China doctors from Cuba and police from India.

Its the first thing he's caught in a while.

https://medium.com/@jpsmithalt/hold-the-line-17231c48ff17

Our old friends, the Indian police, have come up with new punishments for social isolation offenders - you can get further with a big stick and squats/push ups, than you can with just a big stick.

Emporium.

As many people as possible should be staying at home and avoiding going shopping. We’re told there isn’t a problem with the availability of food and supply chains, so the government should be working with supermarkets, redeploying those who drive for a living - bus and taxi drivers, etc. - to deliver groceries.

Unless your mask has FFP3 rating its as much use as a chocolate teapot. You also need protective eyewear. That’s what a nurse will tell you. Oh, and buying anything more than you need for 7 days is stockpiling.

He's a fuckin' arsehole with his arsehole persona in his arsehole shows, cunt should be axed himself. With a tomahawk.

Been laid low with this bastard virus. All three of us have had it. Adrianna is fine but me and Gail have barely been able to move since Thursday. I was doing the diary last week but was too ill to finish it. The last hour or so I've suddenly started feeling more like normal so hopefully I've turned the corner now. Will try and get it finished when I'm up to it, so will probably just do a two week diary and post up this weekend. I'd started on the match report from the 86 final too. Was making good progress on it until I got sick. Looking at posting that next Monday, as the plan is to post the reports up on Mondays just like normal.