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Saturday Feb 8: The wives of Hendo and Mo both gave birth in the last day or so, pretty much exactly nine months since we beat Barca at Anfield. The first thing that came to my mind was fair play to Hendo considering the absolute state he was in at the end of that game. Mo had the night off so obviously he was full of beans, but Hendo collapsed in a heap at full time, his knee was in bits and he’d been pumped full of pain killers, so that’s a proper captain’s knock that. Milner took to social media to congratulate Hendo and quipped “assist by Origi” and hash tagged it #cornertakenquickly. What a man. Meanwhile, the investigation into our supposed ‘hacking’ of Man City’s scouting database has been closed. City will be livid but there’s fuck all they can say, publicly at least, because they accepted a £1m pay off with a legal binding agreement on both sides to make no comment on it. City weren’t arsed at the time because we were shite and posed no threat. Then, a few days after a meeting of the PL clubs in which some, including us, asked the PL just what they were doing about City’s blatant breaching of FFP rules, this story resurfaced in the Times, six years after the actual incident. Some co-incidence that, eh? The investigation was dropped by the FA because of the amount of time that has passed and because City had already accepted a settlement. Liverpool admitted no wrong doing, but because they coughed up a million quid that sort of implies guilt. From what I’ve been told, there was no ‘hacking’ and that’s a proper disingenuous way of putting it. The way these scouting systems are set up, the higher up the chain you are the more access you have. So, if you’re Michael Edwards for example, you’d be able to log in and you’d have access to all the scouting reports from everyone beneath you. If you’re one of the scouts on the lower rung of the ladder, you only have your own reports. Dave Fallows left City but he never ‘hacked’ anything to get back in. If he could still see the reports from the scouts who worked under him, it’s clearly because they never revoked his access. It’s claimed that he was looking at the reports for players they were scouting, and I’m sure he was because why the fuck wouldn’t you? It’s unethical and you can argue it’s poor form, but it’s not exactly crime of the century is it? Which is why we gave them a million quid by way of apology. The only reason it even reared it’s head again is because we became dead good and also because City were wanting to deflect from their own cheating. Classic case of ‘whataboutery’. Sunday Feb 9: Man City’s game is postponed due to the weather, meaning we might have to wait a bit longer to wrap up the title, depending on when that game is rescheduled for. Be funny if they stick in the middle of their winter break. It’d be even funnier if they were actually in a title race and could cry ‘conspiracy’. Difficult to do that from 22 points behind, although I’m sure that won’t stop the loons on Blue Moon. Saw a tweet today from Pedro Chirivella in response to something the clubs official account had put out about him. I had a little look at the replies and saw some fella saying he’s not going to make it here because he doesn’t have the physicality and he’s a yard slower than the other midfielders. That’s probably true, but what possesses someone to be tagging the player in on something like that? If I ruled the world, I’d find out who he was and I’d send the boys around to give him a kicking. It winds me right up. If he wants to tweet his opinion on Pedro and say he won’t make it here that’s fine. No problem at all as we all have opinions and social media gives us a platform to express them. When you tag the player in though, seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? Not just any player either. A young lad who has been sensational for us when he’s been drafted in for these cup games. I had a look through his account and Pedro often replies to fans who message him, so that tells me he reads his mentions and will have seen what this goon was saying. I’m sure it won’t have bothered him, but it bothers me as there’s just no need for it. So many people in this world are just fucking turds. Monday Feb 10: Bernardo Silva says Man City gave up on the title too soon. "I think we got to a point one month ago where we gave up a bit too soon and that's why we're twenty-something points behind now. We shouldn't have done that and it was not on purpose. It was in our head, everyone was disappointed to be already ten or 15 points behind and our heads went a bit down. It's difficult because we're a team used to winning and last season we won everything in England.” First thing I thought when reading that was “Mentality Midgets”. "In the important moments we’ve not been as lucky as in past seasons,” he said. “We always concede in the last minute, Liverpool always score in the last minute. These little details in football make the difference." They’ve let in a couple of late ones and we’ve scored a few late ones, but it doesn’t account for 22 points worth of difference. You keep telling yourself it’s just bad luck though. Another day, another bullshit transfer rumour. Bayern want to sign Bobby for £75m. That would barely even pay for his teeth. Even if they doubled that I reckon Klopp would tell them to fuck off. Tuesday Feb 11: Published an article from my mate Chris on the site last night. It was a piece inspired by the Owen interview on Carra’s podcast last week and it was very much pro-Owen. As soon as I tweeted out the link for it I decided I wasn’t going to look at my mentions as I knew what to expect, especially when Carra and Owen both put it on their Twitter too, which always attracts way more of the lunatic fringe. Not liking him is fine, but it always makes me squirm when I see the words “Judas” and “Rat” thrown around. It’s what I expect from United fans. It’s the same mentality that has them booing anyone who has had any connection to us, no matter how small. If you don’t like Owen, that’s your prerogative, but the whole “once a manc never a red” thing just makes me cringe. Leave that bitterness to them. I said my piece on all of that last week so I’m not going to go over it again, but there was one point made by Chris that I hadn’t really thought too much about and now that I have it’s really pissed me off. How come the club’s social media account acts as though Michael Owen doesn’t exist? As I say, it’s not something I’d paid any attention to but Chris took issue that they’re more than happy to tweet Happy Birthday to Suarez or Torres or do one of those “on this day (insert number) years ago (insert player) scored this incredible goal” posts, but they never do anything like that for Owen. It’s actually fucking weird when you think about it. I mean look at today for example. They were posting “Happy Birthday to Steve McManaman” which is fine, as whatever people think of Macca and how he left, he was a great player for us and gave us some great memories. He also won two trophies for us, almost single handedly. Just like Michael Owen in fact, but where were his birthday wishes from the club? I’ve heard people saying Owen is a bit of a whiner and seems to feel sorry for himself. I agree, he is occasionally coming across like that when he talks about Liverpool and his legacy, but can you really blame him when he’s seeing the club try to airbrush him out of their history? Why not go the whole hog and remove some of those trophies he won for us from the trophy wall they’re so keen to keep showing us all? I get why some people don’t like him. I get why a lot of people are completely indifferent to him. What I don’t get is why the club are treating him differently to other ex players who left. If it’s because he played for Manchester United then that’s utterly embarrassing, smalltime, manc behaviour. We should be better than that. Wednesday Feb 12: Timo Werner rumours are really gathering pace. He’s been lighting it up in Germany this year apparently, averaging a goal a game and looking like a superstar. He’s a good age (24) and by all accounts is seen as a good fit for how we play. So why am I not excited by this in the least? Mbappe, that’s why. I’m setting myself up for one big disappointment this summer when he ends up going to fucking Chelsea or somewhere. Still, you just know Jurgen will end up bringing someone in who ends up being fucking incredible. It might even be Werner. Thursday Feb 13: Or maybe it will be Sancho? We’re said to be one of the teams to have contacted Dortmund to express an interest. I think I’ve written before that I’ve seen virtually nothing of him as I don’t watch England or Dortmund. I can’t actually remember ever watching him play at all in fact, although I’ve seen some highlights posted on social media. The price for him seems like something we wouldn’t pay. I could see us pushing the boat out for Mbappe, but going over £100m for Sancho when Werner is available at half that isn’t really our style. We’ll go big when it’s a hole that desperately needs filling (Virg and Alisson) but when you’ve got the best front three in the world it seems a bit silly spending that much on a player who isn’t better than what we have. Of course Sancho is really young and might soon become better than what we have, which is why I wouldn’t rule it out entirely. Friday Feb 14: Oh my God, this season is just too good to be true. City being banned from Europe for two years would be the biggest game changer I can ever remember. It would finish them. They’d lose Guardiola, half the players would fuck off, no top stars would want to join them and they’d just be damaged goods. And it would be 100% deserved, the arrogant cheating cunts. Still, it’s not all bad for them, as when everyone fucks off then at least boy wonder Phil Foden might actually get to start the occasional league game. And of course Raheem will still be there, as he’s always shown such incredible loyalty to his previous clubs. Seriously, as soon as this news broke I bet Aidy Ward was on the phone to potential new clubs. You know where I reckon Sterling is going to eventually end up? Old Trafford. Don’t ask me why, I just have a gut feeling. He’d have no qualms about going there and I don’t think anyone else would pay the asking price. A two year ban from the CL would be fucking catastrophic for City. They’d lose around £150m, which is a problem when you’re already struggling to comply with FFP rules. If they’re £150m down, they have to make that up somehow, and they can’t just concoct some fake sponsorship that comes out of the Sheikh’s pockets. And that’s even without the PL and FA getting involved. They may have sanctions of their own yet. I’ve said all along that it’s up to the clubs really. If everyone puts pressure on the PL to do something about it, they’ll have to. The thing that’s done my head in is that City’s cheating is seen by many as being ok because it only impacts the other big clubs. It doesn’t though, it’s fucked it for everyone. City have hoovered up all the domestic cups, meaning no-one else has had a chance. Look at what happened to Watford in the cup final. They were humiliated. Or Burton Albion in the League Cup semi. Had City played by the same rules everyone else is playing by then maybe some of the smaller teams would have stood a chance at winning a cup. This shit affects every club, not just the ones like us and United that have missed out on titles because of their cheating. It’s hard to shake the feeling that they’ll somehow wriggle out of it because money and power always wins. It wouldn’t shock me but then I think if UEFA didn’t believe they had a watertight case why would they come down so hard on City? If this decision isn’t upheld, then FFP may as well be fucked off completely as it’s utterly pointless. And if that happens, City will spend double, treble, what they did before because there’ll be nothing to stop them. The funny thing is though we’ll still be better than them as long as Klopp is here. and that was the week that was….

Not much of a weekend as all of the relevant teams had the week off due to the winter break. Ok, I said ‘teams’ there when I really meant ‘team’. We had the week off and no-one else really matters now. No-one else is relevant other than Man City, who are still just about clinging on to relevance, but their game fell foul of the weather so both Match of the Day shows this week were pretty grim. So grim they had to lead the show with Everton. Imagine giving the Blues top billing. Jesus. They did their best to hype them up by pointing out that over the last ten games the only team to pick up more points than them are the Mighty Reds, but they failed to quantify that by saying that since Don Carlo came in they’ve played the Dog & Duck, Slapdick United, Jabroni Albion and Nomark Athletic. And Crystal Palace, who I’ve been telling you all season are fucking dreadful and had been in the falsest of false positions. Palace being in the top half is like Boris Johnson being Prime Minister. You look at it and go “just how the fuck is this happening? That can’t be right.” Sadly, Johnson is still Prime Minister and will be for some time, whereas Palace have long since dropped from the top half and are back in something approaching their rightful place. One day Johnson will be in his. Burning in hell with Thatcher. But anyway, to get back on topic. I imagine this week will have been MOTD’s lowest ever viewing figures, but those who swerved it missed out on yet another Jordan Pickford ‘moment’ as well as an event that has become so rare in recent years. No, I’m talking about Bernard scoring. No, I’m not talking about Walcott setting one up with a great cross either (yes, that actually happened). I’m referring to Benteke finally getting a goal. It was a strange old day at Goodison. As I said, Everton took the lead through Bernard from a Walcott cross. No-one could have predicted that but good old Theo at least reverted to type soon after by going off injured. He was replaced by Sidibe, but not before he had to make a quick dash back to the dressing room when he realised he was missing a sock. Seriously? How the fuck does that happen? I know I say this all the time, but I could never be a manager because I just couldn’t tolerate that kind of shit. How hard is it to put a fucking football kit on? I don’t understand how you can put a kit on and forget to put on a fucking sock. Did he not realise when he put his boot on, that the foot he was putting the boot on didn’t have a fucking sock on it? He only realised the sock was missing when he went to pull it up and grabbed a handful of nothing. He was stood next to the fourth official ready to come on, and he then had to run back to the dressing room. I’m irrationally livid about this. Really, it shouldn’t matter to me at all, yet it does. I’d never play him again if it was me, but that’s as much to do with the fact he’s shit as it is the missing sock. If he was any good I might give him a second chance, but then again I might not. Can you imagine James Milner doing that? Exactly. It’s inexcusable. Anyway, Benteke equalised when his tame shot went right through Pickford. On a day of so many rare sightings Pickford’s howler was the only thing you could have predicted beforehand (along with Walcott’s injury of course). Fucking clown. I’ve got to hand it to Benteke though. For one thing it’s impressive that he even remembered what his celebration was after all this time, but the thing I really need to tip my cap to him for is that he was acting like this was perfectly normal, just another day at the office. He’s a £30m striker who hadn’t scored for a year. If that’s me, I’m probably going down the route of the Newcastle fan at Oxford. Not Benteke though, he’s like “yeah, just gonna bust out my old shitty thigh slap celebration. Nothing to see here, just me back in the old routine”. Have to admire his chutzpah. Maybe he felt that it wasn’t a big deal because it was only against Pickford? Probably felt like scoring against one of his kids in the back garden. Palace then hit the post and Everton were wobbling, but a long ball out of defence was flicked on by Calvert-Lewin and Richarlison ran through to score a nice goal to restore their lead. He almost bagged a second late on when his towering header hit the bar but Calvert-Lewin was on hand to put the rebound in from a yard out. There’s a lot of talk in the media suggesting Calvert-Lewin should be leading the line for England this summer. God I hope so. He’s shite. You’ll never convince me otherwise and it doesn’t matter how many goals he scores. Darren Bent scored loads of goals and he was shite too. Make it happen, Gareth. Calvert-Lewin at one end and Pickford at the other. You know it makes sense. Speaking of Pickford, what a piece of work he is. He’s actually got the fucking cheek to be claiming he’s being hard done to and he’s only getting criticised because he plays for England. Well firstly, yeah, if you’re England’s first choice keeper then you will be under more scrutiny than the average bear. Just ask Joe Hart. That’s missing the point though. The reason he’s getting criticised is because he keeps making comedy errors. He’s had an easy ride until now because he plays for Everton. It’s almost like their irrelevance cancelled out the whole England spotlight thing, but that was never going to go on indefinitely. England players at big clubs are under the microscope but when you’re at Everton or Burnley or West Ham it’s a whole different ball game as no-one (and by that I mean the main sports writers and TV pundits) is paying much attention. Pickford has been shite for a long time and I’ve been writing it in here every week. I even asked the question “am I the only one who sees it?” because he was getting away scot free when it came to the media and the football public at large. Why? Everton, that’s why. If he’s making those errors for Liverpool, City, United, Arsenal etc then he’d have been pulled up on it long before now. It’s pretty funny that it took a weekend when no other fucker was playing for people to finally turn their eyes to Everton though. Pickford’s been throwing them in for two years and nothing has been said. Suddenly there’s no other games and the national press are having to watch Everton and all of a sudden the narrative is “Do England have a goalkeeping problem”. Saving a couple of pens in the World Cup earned him way more benefit of the doubt than he was entitled to, so the England thing works both ways. He’s used up all of that credit now though and he’s rightly being called out for being a fucking bum. You know how I know I’m right about him being shit? Because loads of Everton fans also think he’s shit and a bad knobhead. He needs to wind his fucking neck in because you can’t make the kind of blunders he’s making and then go on the attack against people who are pointing it out. Stop making fuck ups and people will stop calling you out on it. Simple. I tell you what the real issue here is. We broke him. I said the other week he’s now become a walking meme like Phil Jones, and that’s mostly because of us. And Origi. The little arms thing has caught on and other fans are singing it to him. He’s become a joke and he’s going to have to be extremely strong mentally to be able to turn that around. If he wasn’t so unlikeable I’d be rooting for him, but he’s a tit so fuck him. Outside of us, the league is so evenly matched this season it’s ridiculous. The Blues are on the cusp of a top four challenge now. Two months ago they were in the bottom three. It’s all so bunched up and only 15 points separate 5th from 19th. I can’t bring myself to show any interest in all the bums bumming around in the ‘race for top four’ but I do find the relegation battle really interesting. That might go down to the last day as there are a group of teams bunched really close. Two of them met in the other Saturday game as Brighton took on Watford in the good old fashioned ‘relegation six pointer’. It ended in a draw which isn’t great for either but equally it’s not too damaging either. Watford led through Doucoure but threw it away with a needless own goal 12 minutes from time by Mariappa, who mistakenly thought he was under when he could have just left the ball as there was no-one near him. After the game MOTD interviewed Nigel Pearson on the pitch and Clinton Morrison revealed that Pearson is the only man in football he’s scared of and that he has the hardest handshake ever. Pearson stood there and did absolutely nothing to put Morrison at ease! I always talk about how fucking intimidating Pearson seems and my mate Julian pegged him over the handshake thing years ago when he described him as looking like “one of those fellas who hold onto a handshake a little bit too long”. Good to hear ol’ Clinton confirming it. When Doucoure scored he ran to the bench and hugged two of the coaching staff but didn’t initially go to Pearson, not until he was given the go ahead by him. Pearson said he was upset that Doucoure went to everyone else except him, but what the fuck does he expect? He’s not really someone you’d randomly go up and hug, is he? You don’t walk into a zoo and cuddle a lion, because you don’t know if it will rip your head off. Doucoure had just scored so he was probably on safe ground, but you can’t blame him for being cautious. Sunday now, and Sheffield United’s bid for a European finish is still going strong after they came from behind to beat Bournemouth. Callum Wilson opened the scoring with a rebound after that Dan Gosling jabroni had blocked Harry Wilson’s goal bound shot. Gosling almost blocked Callum Wilson’s shot too, the big dope. The Blades bombarded them with crosses after that and Bournemouth were hanging on desperately, but seconds before half time Billy Sharp scored from close range after a scramble. It all kicked off in the second half when Gosling and Egan went for a 50-50. Both went in with their studs up, both were just going for the ball and there was fuck all wrong with it. Egan won the ball, Gosling went down like a sack of shite and the next thing you know Andrew Surman is pushing Chris Wilder on the touchline. It was the kind of thing you see in European games more so than in our domestic footy. Any time someone goes in with a raised boot in a European game you know that whoever wins the ball is going to be yellow carded and a foul is going to be given. It does my fucking head in. Both players do it, but the one who actually gets the ball inevitably ends up being punished. Anyway, things eventually settled down and my boy Ryan Fraser went close to restoring Bournemouth’s lead only to be denied by a good save by Henderson. He’s miles better than Pickford by the way. I know that’s a low bar, but still. The only clanger I remember him dropping all season was against us, so thanks for that, Deano. Lundstram won it late for the Blades with a superbly taken goal, and they moved up to fifth spot. Bournemouth are still in deep trouble but they can take some heart from how they played in this one. The fallout from this game is still going on now. That Dan Gosling jabroni was not happy with comments made by Fat Jon Moss during the game. He labelled the official ‘a disgrace’ and demanded an apology for the lack of respect shown by Moss towards Bournemouth players. I’ve got mixed feelings on this but based on the information available I’m going to side with Moss. That might surprise you considering the contempt I have for him, but I struggle to sympathise with footballers who spend 90 minutes giving the officials all sorts of shit and who then start crying when they get a bit back. Put it this way, I’ve absolutely savaged Jon Moss at times, but if he were to read what I’ve written about him and responded with “yeah, well your match reports are fucking shite” I’d be fine with that. So without knowing the exact specifics of what was said between him and the Bournemouth players, if he’s had them in his ear ripping him for his performance and he’s said ‘yeah, well you’re not that great yourselves, you’re the ones battling relegation’ then what’s the big deal? Refs are supposed to be above all that, but come on, they can’t just allow players to harangue them over every decision. If the alternative is to just start handing out cards then I’m all for them giving a bit back. If I’m a ref and I’m having to listen to Dan fucking Gosling giving me shit, sorry but that’s not going to fly. I’m hitting back at him and any of his team-mates with “Listen dickhead, my Premier League spot is secure for next season so I’m doing a better job than you fuckers”. Moss supposedly said “I’m not the reason you’re fighting relegation” as well as telling Gosling and one other team-mate that that “you’re having one” and “your team’s having one”. I’m fine with that, as long as the other team-mate isn’t Harry Wilson, obviously.