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When God was giving out proportional arms, Pickford was in the queue for egos.

The Mountain cafe. Aviemore. Scotland. Probably the most expensive breakfast I’ve ever had apart from one I had in Byron Bay. Everything was cooked to perfection. Some may have wanted the fat on the bacon to have been a little crisper but I’m not fussy with that. I’m not normally a fan of beef sausages but these were very, very tasty. The black pudding was an absolute show stopper. It’s Grants of Speyside, and for me is as good and possibly even better than Stornaway which is consistently a people’s favourite. I’ve taken to bagging some up for myself from a butchers the last couple of times I’ve been to Scotland. The beans were tasty, well cooked and the sauce nicely thickened, as everyone knows they’re a staple part of any good all day breakfast. The hash brown was tasty, probably even more tasty because I know somewhere on planet earth Remmie will have sensed that hash brown on my plate and a little part of him will have died, for me Clive, you can’t put a price on that. The toast (not pictured) was a single solitary slice of something like a Hovis seed sensation. It was probably just shown a toaster and that was it, Lifey would have been fuming, I’d have liked another slice and for it to be a bit more than warm bread but once again I’m not overly arsed. Tea not included £1.90 Service was great, the girl serving (not pictured) had a very pert, round bottom, extra point for that. The ambiance of the place was great and the views on a good day over to the Cairngorm mountains are worth an extra couple of quid on the price. All in all all I give it 8.9 bitches out of 10. Expensive but great location and real good quality food.

Wife Not Satis Nisi One More Thing.

"I bumped into Shaun before the game and noticed he'd made the effort to trim his little ginger goatee, I think this shows how far my team has progressed"

Bringing on Lingard when you need goals is like cutting off both feet when you need to go for a run.

£25M to buy a CM,CB & RW! have they got a fucking Delorean?

It’s like when you buy a lottery ticket and when you’re waiting for the numbers to draw you run through what you would buy if you won, a mansion, a Ferrari, holidays and then the numbers drop, you don’t win and it’s back to work on Monday in the pissing down rain and a bus soaks you with a massive puddle.

The quickest way for a League to go from strongest in the world to shite is for us to win it.

"Fog just beginning to descend on Old Trafford...." Even God doesn't want to watch United.

To the tune of 'Strawberry Fields.'

Something Pickford attaches his razor to ?

I'm afraid 'johhny' is a troll account: Still made me laugh though.

Too easy.

I've finally talked my girlfriend round, after weeks of trying, that we're naming our boy Jürgen. It'll be harder to talk him round - you know what teenagers are like.

A classic Accidental Partridge moment...

This is not good, Ole’s going to get sacked at this rate.

Spaniel Alves

You don't have to not finish 3rd to have probably finished 3rd but they'll probably finish 3rd by not finishing in the top 10.

Monty Pythons dying circus.

So much of what made them what they were in this: I'm sure Jones would approve of similar in his case.

There's actually a technical term for it it's called 'Maguire syndrome'

This is my sister's bunny rabbit Doris. Dozza is not long for this world. She's certainly 18 and could be 19. She's had cat flu all her life and sneezes massive gobs of geck every few hours. Since she was a kitten, she adored doubling up as my scarf wherever I was in the house. I haven't seen her in three years and have missed her terribly. I went there after the game on Sundee, knowing she was in a bad way. Here's the two pics. You'll have to guess where she spent her time for the duration of my visit. Sobs.

Calling the Lib Dems the Lib 'Dumbs' is akin to opposition fans saying stuff like 'Klanfield', 'LiVARpool', 'Jurgen Flopp', etc. I'd recommend not doing that.

I'm intrigued by the two outfield Everton lads taking a break away from the field of play. Why is more than a quarter of their team not even on the pitch?

Isn’t it her ex that caused all that and is actually the cunt? He put her in that position.

That’s his comedy value

That's an earlier-than-expected move for the big pay-off.

Ancelotti: “The lads are really down in this moment, I said to them I lost a champions league final from 3-0 up, these things happen” haha fucking hell.....

Did Drunken use his *ahem* man-management skills on Schneiderlin's neck? Seriously, though, I think that's a genuinely sweet thing to do, using the kids' drawings like that. Occasionally that club does stuff right: it's only when they try to play football that it all comes apart.

He is desperately fucking shit Maguire. They'd have been had off paying £20m for him.

The best part for me is two fold. Despite it being them and him, I love seeing a player as a real fan, he's got the same excitement as all their dickhead who'd have been in Paris that night. But then 2nd part is what a fucking mug it's made out of him being a fan. It just shows as soon as you let emotion come into it, these supposed experts are no different to the rest of us. They know fuck all and football will always make a complete tit out of you. At least we only make tits of ourselves on here and nobody is making video loops of us.

That will be the lasting memory of Rio, that clip will be rolled out as part of his eugoogooly.

Top -notch gegenpressing.

Dave's midweek Premier League Round Up is going to be one for the ages.

Pickford has been compared to the Luxembourgese military because they have a small army

We didn't screw it up last season... we lost once, to the team that ended up a 1-point-better side than us.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Ancelotti: "The players are really sad for this moment. I said to them I lost the Champions League final after winning 3-0, these things happen." There's Don Carlo's red Christmas tree moment, right there. His card is marked.

Still the most outrageously talented player I've ever seen for us... I can't stay cross at him.