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Saturday Dec 21: L 1 Flamengo 0 We never do it the easy way do we? The only surprise is it didn’t go to penalties. Watching it live I wasn’t particularly impressed with our performance, especially in the first half, but I watched the whole game again later and with the nerves and emotion removed it was much better than I initially thought. Firstly, they’re a good side. Steamrolling them was never going to happen. They had a good go but we took their best punches and eventually just overpowered them. Andy Robbo’s handling of Rafinha was brilliant. I couldn’t possibly love him any more than I do. He’s a little bastard and every team needs one of those. Funny how they’re often Scottish! Hendo was great as well, and you’ve gotta love his trademark trophy lift. All those years he had to battle to win people over and he had all kinds of shit thrown his way, and now he’s lifting the biggest prizes in the game as our captain, and he’s doing it in his own unique way. I’m just made up for him. There are still some weirdos out there on social media who want him replaced, but every trophy he lifts makes them look more and more ridiculous. I only wish his brilliant shot in the last couple of minutes had gone in so he could have scored the winner. That was an incredible save actually. So pleased for Bobby as well. It’s always about Sadio and Mo as they get the goals, and this season especially Bobby has struggled to score. But this tournament is a massive deal in Brazil so for him to score the winner in both games will have meant the world to him. As much as Flamengo were bad shithouses, I like the fact we’ve played the South American Champions and wish we could do it more often (in other words let’s win more European Cups!). It should be seen as a bigger deal than it is really. Even some of our fans weren’t really on board with it, but seeing how much it meant to the lads probably swayed their opinion. Finally, I have to tell you this as you’ll love it. At the start of the game when the camera showed Jorge Jesus, I laughed and said to myself “look at the state of that Peter Stringfellow looking prick”. A bit later on, Adrianna comes in to see how the game is going. He comes on the screen and she goes “he’s got hair like you”. “You cheeky get, his hair is nothing like mine”. “What about it is not like yours? Name one thing that’s different?”. “The colour for a start”. She didn’t say anything, she just gave me the Ancelotti eyebrow, shook her head and walked out. The lack of respect I get in my own house is almost as bad as it is on here. Sunday Dec 22: Some sections of the media still talking about it like it’s some glorified friendly. Makes me laugh really. You know why no-one in this country gives a fuck about this tournament? Because our teams our usually not good enough to be in it, and when they are everyone else wants to talk about how shit it is. It’s understandable really. If City or Chelsea had been playing in this, I’d have been downplaying it too. No-one wants to see another English side crowned ‘World Champions’ so of course the importance of it is going to be dismissed. Fans of most other teams will never ever see their team competing for it, so why would they attach any importance to it? If the competition were expanded and there were 32 teams from around the world involved it would be viewed differently, but hopefully that never happens as nobody needs that. Bottom line is we’re the European Champions and we just beat the best team in South America, so now we’re officially the best team on the planet. I don’t care if some chin stroking journos on Sunday Supplement are pontificating about it not being a big deal. Look at how our players have reacted to it. Their joyous celebrations tells me all I need to know. Meanwhile, while we’re basking in the glow of becoming World Champs, the Mancs were losing 2-0 at bottom club Watford and Mourinho was getting schooled by Frank Lampard. Great stuff. These really are halcyon days. Monday Dec 23: Got nothing to say about footy today as there’s not really anything happening. I did go to see the new Star Wars movie though so I can talk about that if you like. No spoilers, obviously, so you’re fine to continue reading. I’m a massive Star Wars nerd but I wasn’t looking forward to this as I thought “the last Jedi” was mostly terrible. I’m not one of those fanatics who want to pick holes in everything, I don’t want to be disappointed by these films so I’ll turn a blind eye to a certain amount of shite, but TLJ wound me right up. Not wound up like the final season of Game of Thrones, but it was a disappointment. This one was boss though. Me and Adrianna loved it. I have no complaints, there’s nothing I’d change about it and we’re going to go again before the end of the school holidays. Jumanji 2 is great as well, we saw that the other day. Frozen 2 was a big let down though (I loved the first one), defo wouldn’t recommend that. Tuesday Dec 24: Christmas Eve, no idea if anything interesting is happening as I’ve spent my day putting together a cross trainer we got for Adrianna. I had three spirit meltdowns which involved me swearing at the top of my voice and belting fuck out of the thing with a hammer. The dog shit itself and hid under a chest of drawers but I make no apologies for it. The meltdowns were justified. I’m actually boss at putting stuff like this together, but when the holes aren’t lined up properly and it’s impossible to get the bolt in there, it’s fair game to lose your temper and shout and swear. The way I see it, it’s part of being a Dad and as long as your kid isn’t there to see it then it’s fine. Wednesday Dec 25: Christmas Day so fuck all happening footy wise. So here’s a list of some random ‘Best of 2019’ awards for you. Best Game: Easy - Barca at home. Best Goal: So many to choose from. I’ll go with “Corner Taken Quickly Origi!!!!!” even though there were plenty of goals that were probably better, including all of the first half goals against Everton the other week. Best Moment: Impossible to choose one. Hendo and his Dad in Madrid. The Trent corner. Robbo calling Suarez fat at the Nou Camp. Robbo hitting Messi on the head at Anfield. Milner crying at full time after we beat Barca, while at the same time Hendo was collapsing with exhaustion. There's loads I haven't even mentioned. What a year. Worst Moment: Anthony Taylor not sending Kompany off at the Etihad, closely followed by Martin Atkinson doing likewise with Harry Maguire. If either one of those fucknuts did their job properly we'd be Champions. Best Player: Toss up between Virgil, Fabinho and Mané. Wait, and Andy Robbo and Trent too. Shit, this is really hard as any one of them could get it. I’ll go Sadio but if you pick any of the others you’d get no argument from me. You can even throw Alisson in if you want and I’m good with that. Jesus, how good is this fucking team? Best Visiting Performance: Bon Jovi. Not even close. Best Visiting Fans: Barcelona. Despite the absolutely soul crushing defeat they showed a lot of class and applauded us off at the end. I don’t like them as a club but I’ve got respect for those fans who were at Anfield. Worst Visiting Fans: It’s Man United every year but if we exclude them then it’s Wolves on the final day of the season. Unfunny, small time, banter obsessed jarg Brummy cunts. Worst Visiting Performance: I think I’m going with Arsenal this season. Instead of attacking us and getting battered, they chose to defend and get battered instead. Best Opposition Player - Minamino at Anfield is up there, but I’ll go with Messi in the game we won 4-0. He was actually on top form that night (which made Fabinho’s display agains him even more impressive), but it’s completely overlooked because we won the game. Honourable mention to Lewis Dunk the other week as well. No, I’m not kidding. Worst Opposition Player - So many to choose from, I’ll need to have a think. Fuck it, my memory is so bad these days there's no way I'll get this right, so I'll let you decide. Post your suggestions underneath and see what jogs my shitty memory. Thursday Dec 28: Leicester 0 L 4 Holy shit, that was incredible. I was mildly concerned about this game, in part because of the tiredness factor and in part because Leicester are good. We made it look easy though. It was complete and utter dominance from start to finish and it was probably the biggest statement win of the season. Even more than when we beat City, because this was away from home and was a game that everyone will have looked at as a real chance of us dropping points. And we played like THAT! How disheartening for the rest of the league. One thing I hadn’t counted on tonight though that I really should have, was Brendan’s ego giving us a helping hand. He won’t compromise his style at all even though he was playing into our hands by trying us beat us with ‘Rodgeball”. What he should have done is gone old school Leicester and tried to just play on the break. His ego wouldn’t allow that though, he had to try and play out from the back and as a result of that Jamie Vardy didn’t get a kick. Thanks Brendan. The Leicester fans picked up where they left off at Goodison the other week. Chants supporting Boris Johnson and the S*n. Just embarrassing. It’s a minority and many of those inside the stadium will have been fuming, as Leicester is actually a labour supporting city, but this is modern footy for you. “Bantz” is king. Won’t surprise me if Wolves do the same this weekend. Football fans throughout this country are for the most part, tribal, banter obsessed wankers. Friday Dec 27: Holy shit part two, City lost again! None of us want to say that it’s over and we've won, but if someone else was this far ahead and playing the kind of football we’ve been playing for the last couple of years, not one of us would be saying there is still a chance of someone catching them. If City were to win every game then there’s a slim chance they might catch us but they’re not going to win every game. This is not the Man City of last year or the year before. I do expect them to be much better in the second half of the season than they have been in the first, but it’s not going to be enough. Some might say that’s tempting fate or being over confident, but it’s really not. If I’d been giving it the beans a month ago then maybe so, but we’re 14 points ahead of them with a game in hand. It's no over-confidence, it's just reality. I could make a case that anyone saying it’s not over is showing under-confidence not to mention a serious lack of belief and trust in a team that would have to completely fall apart to not win it now. Let me put it another way. What do Klopp and his team have to do to make you trust them enough to not blow a potential 17 point lead? So now, it’s not being cocky or arrogant, it’s just having enough faith in this team that they won’t lose it from the position they’re in. If you don't think it's over then you're basically saying you think this team might completely bottle it and lose six or seven games between now and May. Caution is understandable and if the lead was single digits I'd be exactly the same. This lead is fucking massive though and we've lost one league game in 18 months, so my take would be that I have enough faith in them to not completely shit the bed. Meanwhile, Luke Shaw says that United’s squad is just as good as ours. So, given that they’re 24 points behind us, he must be saying that it’s Solskjaer’s fault then? Unless he's going down the Blue Moon forum route and blaming VAR and the Premier League. Staying with the Mancs though. Scholes made some disparaging remarks about the World Club Cup, saying it means less than winning the darts in his local or something. That’s fine, unlike most who are doing likewise he’s actually won it and if that’s how he feels then he’s entitled to say it. I’d be interested to know if that’s what he said at the time like, but whatever. I’m sure the European Cup meant something to him, and the league title definitely will. So he can downplay us winning in Qatar all he likes, we’ll just have to shove the other other trophies in his pasty little round ginger face. that was the week that was….

The weekend kicked off with one of the worst games of football I’ve ever seen. It was so bad I wasn’t even mad, I was impressed. The bizarre thing was that I couldn’t switch it off as it was so terrible that it was fascinating to watch. So many bad passes, mis-controls, awful decisions and clumsy fouls. It was completely inept from both teams. I saw all but ten minutes of it and in that time I didn’t see either keeper make a save. Apparently the only shot of the game came when I wasn’t watching. Arsenal’s players celebrated their point like they’d just pulled off a heroic European away display. Calum Chambers was talking afterwards about what a battling display it was and how pleased they are with the clean sheet. Fuck me. You’re Arsenal, not Accrington. I know I’m repeating myself every week, but Arsenal’s utter shitness just makes me so angry. They’re an absolute fucking disgrace, so much so that Freddie Ljungberg decided to give himself the ready made excuse for not winning by ditching the likes of Pepe, Lacazette and Ozil and picking a load of kids. The idea that Arteta is going to walk in there with his PlayMobil haircut and turn that mess around is preposterous. If he’s still there in 12 months I’ll be staggered. He won’t know what’s hit him, going from working every day with Man City’s squad with their ultra professionalism, unrelenting work ethic and single minded winning mentality, to that fucking spineless rabble of shthouses. The game itself was fascinating though. I wouldn’t have thought it was possible for players at this level to look as bad as this. Every pass was either underhit, overhit, misplaced or when it eventually got there it was mis-controlled. There were just clumsy tackles all over the place and everyone seemed to just be making the wrong decision every time. So many passes were put straight out of play it was like a rugby union game. It was so bad it was almost good. Almost. There were weird scenes at full time where Dunc was saying his ‘goodbyes’. He isn’t going anywhere, but this was his last game as caretaker boss, so he was out there on the pitch milking the adulation of the crowd and then spoke proudly to BT about how he’s unbeaten in his time in charge (technically he’s not as they lost a penalty shoot out, but I tend to agree with him that they don’t really count). Then he goes “What a fantastic performance we put in”. Ok, slow down, Tonto. I know you’re excited and caught up in the moment, but let’s not get silly here. Fantastic performance? Even the Hodge would have struggled to describe that as ‘fantastic’. Fuck me. I wish he’d been given the job full time as it would have been a disaster, but to his credit he knows that and he’s said from minute one he wants Everton to get the best manager available and that he knows that isn’t him. He’s made the most of every second he’s had the job and he’s actually been a fun watch if I’m honest. Of course I’ve found myself laughing at him but it wasn’t even in a malicious way. He starts every game with the suit jacket on but it always comes off as he’s prowling the touchline in his shirt and tie. And the blue sweatband is incredibly fucking sad yet somehow quite endearing. He even bought a load of them so he can give them away to his adoring public. He gave that to a girl in a wheelchair at full time as he went over to see everyone in the disabled section. It was a nice touch. Then he grabbed an arl fella in a wheelchair and kissed him on the head. It’s really funny how a player who did so little is such a huge legend with the Blues and it basically shows just how little they’ve had to cheer for since the 80s. The way they idolise Ferguson is desperately sad, but it’s nice to see someone interact with his fans the way he has. I’m sure he’ll get to do it again when the fans turn on Ancelotti and hound him out like they have with everyone they’ve had since Moyes. Eyebrows were certainly raised when they went for him, none more so than from Carlo himself when he saw how much they were offering him. Villa have been on a sneakily bad run of late and are in more trouble than most of us realised. They found themselves 3-0 down at home to Southampton and suddenly they’re in the bottom three. Can’t just be me who until the last couple of weeks thought they were doing quite well? Our boy Ings scored twice (feels like he scores just as often as Vardy these days) and Stephens got the other. Grealish pulled one back with a class strike and went close to repeating the feat late on, but Southampton did a proper number on Villa and deserved the win. Whereas Villa seem to have lost the impetus they had early on in the season, Norwich seem to be rediscovering theirs. They were all over Wolves early on and deservedly took the lead through Cantwell. My boy Pukki should have made it 2-0 but got his finish horribly wrong. He had another chance soon after but hit it straight at the keeper. Those misses proved costly as Wolves clawed their way back into the game and Saiss headed them level from a corner before Jimenez won it with ten minutes to go. Harsh on Norwich, who played well again, but Wolves keep on rolling and a top four spot might not be beyond them. The other newly promoted side fared better though as the Blades continued their incredible unbeaten away run with a 1-0 win at Brighton. They haven’t lost away since January but their next two are at the Etihad and Anfield so we’ll see what happens there. McBurnie got the decisive strike in the first half (fantastic goal too) but his partner McGoldrick still can’t score. They see him as their version of Bobby Firmino as he’s so important to what they do, but he’s more like Rob Jones at the moment. He missed an open goal in this one when he went round the keeper and then hit the side netting. He then put one on the roof of the net before racing 50 yards to go right through the back of Mooy. Hey guess what, it finally happened! The world with eyebrows actually scored a goal at the 27th time of asking. Almiron signed for Newcastle in January, he plays up front every week and it took him 11 months to find the net. It was an important one too. Palace had been the better side but didn’t take their chances, and with seven minutes left the ball fell to Almiron who lashed it home and then went mad, taking off his shirt and running into the crowed to celebrate. He got booked of course, and while I usually frown upon that kind of celebration, sometimes you just have to say ‘you just crack on and do what you like son’. Personally I’d go down the Peter Crouch route and run around the entire perimeter of the pitch slapping hands with everyone, but each to their own. I’m pleased for Almiron, not least because it means I won’t have to keep bringing it up every week. Just need that McGoldrick chump to score now. But not at Anfield. Bournemouth took on Burnley at home having just won at Chelsea to end a five game losing skid. I fancied them to win this one but their injury list is pretty crippling and they had seven first choice players out. The game was predictably shite and neither team deserved to win it, but Burnley won it with two minutes to go with the only shot on target of the entire game. The most interesting moment of the entire game was a VAR check for a possible red card. Barnes was holding Billing, and Billing swung an arm and caught him on the back of the head. Barnes went down like he was pole axed but VAR said ‘nothing to see here, move along’. Surprising, as everyone knows that Sean Dyche’s players don’t dive or cheat so surely that has to be a red card? That game was hideous, but it wasn’t bad enough to be on last on MOTD. Congratulations to Everton and Arsenal for somehow producing an even worse spectacle than this abomination. With the Mighty Reds busy winning a world title, the biggest game of the weekend saw 2nd playing 3rd at the Etihad. Vardy broke the deadlock with a sensational ‘Vardy goal’ as he ran off the back of Fernandinho and raced through to finish with style. He’d earlier almost picked out Barnes for a tap in and soon after he raced clear again before shooting over. City couldn’t cope with him at all and hopefully we’ll manage him a bit better today. City’s equaliser was a flukey deflection from a Mahrez shot that would have otherwise been saved. These cunts are turning into Mourinho’s original Chelsea side when if it wasn’t Lampard hitting one in off a defender’s arse then it was Joe Cole. City are becoming just as bad for this shit. Soon after they were ahead from the penalty spot. Sterling went down easily but Leicester’s players (including Maddison of all people!) telling Mike Dean it was a dive made me laugh. Ricardo lunged in, missed the ball and kicked Sterling on the foot. Of course he’s going down there, I’d expect our lads to do the same. He’s been impeded and it might have prevented him from reaching the ball before the next covering defender. If he stays up he won’t get a pen. No complaints from me. Ederson saved from Maddison just before half time and Guardiola spent the first minute of the break remonstrating with the fourth official over something. Every game he’s doing that lately, the bald crysarse. Vardy continued to wreak havoc on City’s backline and Barnes went close from a brilliant Vardy cross. Should have scored but he saw the keeper coming and took his eye off it. Leicester didn’t play well at all but the danger posed by Vardy meant they were always in it until De Bruyne powered through three challenges and drilled the ball across to give Jesus a back post tap in. That was that. It’s only a matter of time before a rival manager chooses to man mark De Bruyne, because he’s single handedly carrying City of late. He just hangs around on the corner of the box and he’s either lashing in shots or whipping in crosses that are impossible to defend. He hit the post early on when three defenders went to Mahrez and left De Bruyne all alone. He’s an incredible player when he has room to play in, so you have to deny him that room. Easier said than done, but too often I see him just being left all alone around the box and that’s begging to be punished. At full time Brendan went the full on ‘back of the neck grab, pull in for a hug’ with ‘Pep’. He lost the game but he’s got Guardiola’s respect and that means as much to the little man’s gargantuan ego. Harsh? Maybe, but that’s the impression he gives off. We won’t know for a little while if that result was best for us or not. I suspect it was the best short term outcome for us, but long term a Leicester win may have been better. That would have put them just seven back with the opportunity to close it to four if they beat us, so the short term benefit to this was that our lead remained at ten points. If City go on one of their mad winning runs though then they’re a much bigger danger than Leicester. Ultimately though it’s in our own hands and we shouldn’t be concerning ourselves too much with what these two are doing. Sunday was great fun. Mourinho taking on Lampard and United going to bottom club Watford. The Mancs are hilarious. Home draws with Villa and Everton, an away win at City and now a loss at Watford. Being a United fan must be like eating a packet of Revels, and this game was the coffee cream. They had actually started well and had decent chances before De Gea inexplicably let one go through his hands. Shocking stuff. Wan-Bissaka then clumsily gave away a penalty that was converted by my boy Troy. United fans are hilarious the way they’re going on about that Wan-Bissaka and continually trying to compare him with Trent. It’s cringeworthy. He’s good, but it’s like comparing Line of Duty with the Sopranos. Any time Wan-Bissaka does anything decent United fans are all over Twitter giving it the “Trent who?” shouts. Strangely quiet after this one though. Finally, the big one at White Hart Lane. I have no love for Spurs or Chelsea and under normal circumstances I have considerably less disdain for Spurs. This time though I was well and truly rooting for a Chelsea win. Why? Lampard, that’s why. I wanted to see him get the better of his old boss because Lampard is alright and Mourinho (when he’s not being a very entertaining pundit) is a tit. Willian was brilliant and scored both goals. The second came from the penalty spot after the Spurs keeper had inexplicably tried to volley the ball away instead of catching it, and succeeded only in karate kicking the helpless Alonso who couldn’t get out of the way. Anthony Taylor actually gave a free-kick to Spurs initially, which genuinely boggles the mind. How is it possible to get it THAT wrong? VAR intervened and ensured the right outcome was reached, and did so again late dropped to his knees at the ‘injustice’ of it all. My mum was right about him and she was off on one again about it when I spoke to her the next day. “Told you he’s a sly little thing him. He knew what he was doing there”. Yep, he did. Some will claim that it was soft and he barely touched him, and they’d be right. Rudiger made a massive meal of it and Mourinho was ripping the piss out of him afterwards, saying he hopes his broken ribs are ok. It’s true that Rudiger was embarrassing, but you know what else is true? Son deliberately - and obviously - kicked out at him and deserved to be sent off, because, and here’s the key aspect of this. YOU CAN’T FUCKING DO THAT!! He’s a fucking snide but because he’s always smiling and happy (except when he’s crying) people think butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. He’s a fucking prick. Spurs had the balls to appeal that decision. I’d double his ban just for that. Sick of this ‘Poor Son’ shite. The cunt has been sent off three times in 2019 yet there are people still saying ‘he’s not that type of player’. He is EXACTLY that type of player. Fuck that guy. Mourinho was as graceless in defeat as ever. I didn’t see every interview he did, but in the one I did see he never mentioned Chelsea or Lampard by name even once. He kept saying “the opponent”. Rather than give Lampard praise, he claimed that Chelsea won by using “Conte’s tactics”. He’s such a dick, but it no longer winds me up because he’s not successful anymore. The game was overshadowed by incidents of racism. Rudiger claimed a Spurs fan made monkey noises at him while a Chelsea fan was caught racially abusing Son. The game had to be stopped three times while announcements were made over the tannoy. This country is a fucking cesspit right now, I hate it. I also hate the way this is always described as ‘football’s problem’. How the fuck is this football’s problem? The country is full of horrible racist pricks, and some of them go to football matches. Talk of making teams play in empty stadiums or deducting points is utterly ridiculous. How is it Tottenham’s fault that some cunt called a black player a monkey? How is it Chelsea’s fault that one of their gobshite fans abused Son? What exactly are people expecting the clubs to do about it? They can act retrospectively and ban the offenders (which they do) but preventing it is virtually impossible. It’s easy to blame football and say football fans are racist, but football is a lot less racist than society in general, and in terms of percentages there are more racists in the houses of parliament than in your average football crowd.