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Saturday Oct 13: What’s this shit? I’ve been out the loop for a week or so due to a house move, I check back online and find out that Mo got injured last night, in the last minute of a game that Egypt led 4-0. Why is he still on the field when they’re up by four? Even worse, they were playing Swaziland. I didn’t even know that was a real country. Seriously, I would have put good money on it being one of those countries that underwent a name change decades ago, like Rhodesia, or just some jarg made up name like Timbuktu. *edit - I had to google Timbuktu to make sure I spelled it correctly, and it turns out that's a real place too. Mind. Blown. Just browsing newsnow and see that Andy Robbo has to defend himself after some comments he made were misconstrued and taken as a dig at Scotland boss Alex McLeish. Hold up, Gordon Strachan is Scotland manager isn’t he? *checks google* Ok so McLeish took over in February. I’m so out of the loop on anything non-LFC related these days it’s ridiculous. Anyway, bottom line is Robbo didn’t have a pop at him but if he did it would be ok because Andy Robbo is the King of Scotland and Alex McLeish is a terrible manager. Staying with international footy for a second, I caught a couple of minutes of the England game last night as it was on when I was at my parents’ house. For a second I thought they were playing at the Etihad as there were more empty seats there than at Goodison for a dead rubber Europa League game. Not sure why, something about Croatia fans misbehaving and having to serve a stadium ban apparently. Bit shit for the opponent though isn’t it? The players having to perform in that weird empty stadium with no atmosphere (no problem for Stones, Sterling and Delph, obviously) and the fans not being allowed to travel. Ok, so that’s actually a good thing. I wish all of England’s opponents would get themselves stadium bans. Sunday Oct 14: VVD is coming home early too with a reported recurrence of his rib injury. He scored last night as Holland beat Germany 3-0. Gini scored as well. Lovely goal that, it was the kind of goal he never scores for us and the kind that I was expecting Naby to be scoring every week. Let’s face it though, we’ve been getting no goal threat from our midfield all season and it’s a big problem because the front three aren’t producing. I really like Wijnaldum as a six, but when he’s in the box to box role he frustrates the shit out of me. Sometimes he looks really good, but mostly he’s just very vanilla. He should be the one who gets double figures every season but he’s nowhere near. Seeing him do this for Holland just makes it all the more annoying. I saw something today listing the top ten slowest players in the league, and two of them were ours. No surprise that Sturridge was one, but I was massively shocked that Lallana was in there, not least because to have your speed measured surely you have to actually spend some time on the pitch? Besides, Lallana isn’t slow is he? It’s that long since I’ve seen him I can’t be sure. For the record, the slowest player in the league was Gary Cahill, but I’m calling bullshit on that as no-one is slower than that Depoitre behemoth at Huddersfield. Cahill has only played 21 minutes this season so maybe he just didn’t need to sprint in that time? The slowest player ever is still Per Mertesacker, who I'm pretty sure would have lost in a footrace with Gunnersaurus. Monday Oct 15: England beat Spain and were brilliant apparently. I didn’t even know they were playing and wouldn’t have watched even if I had. I don’t even know who scored but from looking at twitter I do know that Pickford’s comment about ‘not doing an Alisson’ have come back to bite him yet again. Divvy. I also saw a clip of Eric Dier clattering Ramos totally unnecessarily. It was fucking glorious, I can’t even tell you how much I enjoyed seeing that clip. I wish I’d watched the game now as seeing that live would have been brilliant. I’d probably have cheered, and the last time I cheered anything England did was Owen’s goal against Argentina in 98. Actually not true, I cheered Andy Carroll’s header against Sweden in the 2012 Euros, but only because I had a tenner on him. Anyway, fair play to Eric Dier and I’m so impressed by what he did that I swear that from this day forth I will stop referring to him as Eric 'Dire'. He’s earned that I think. Well in lad. Meanwhile, Mane is injured now but thankfully Van Dijk is ok and he was only sent back early as part of an agreement Klopp had with Koeman, who has always loved us. We should send him a nice big red Christmas tree this year as a thank you. In other injury news, Milner was expected to be out until November but he’s apparently looking to be in training by the end of the week. Of course. He’s like one of those old Tonka trucks; fucking indestructible. Can the sports science team not inject some of his DNA into Lallana and Sturridge? Speaking of Tonka toys, my Dad was telling me a story the other day about when I was a toddler. They were advertising those Tonka trucks on the telly and marketing them as being completely indestructible and that kids wouldn’t be able to break them, so he got me one and within two minutes I’d ragged the steering wheel off it and was about to swallow it. Proper hardcore I was. Tuesday Oct 16: What’s this? Lovren is wanted by Barca apparently. They can fuck off. They can’t afford him. Don’t laugh, I’m serious. They stung the Blues for that Colombian lad who isn’t fit to lace Big Dejan’s boots, so we should be looking for double what they got for him and frankly they don’t have that kind of cash these days. The best defenders in the world don’t come cheap you know. Funny thing is, if they did sign him and he went there and did well there’d still be a load of our fans saying he’s shite. There’s a section of our fanbase he’s never winning over no matter what. Wait, what’s this? They want Bobby too. Again, fuck off, you can’t afford him. Of course that won’t stop their usual shenanigans. We’ll have Coutinho talking about how he’d like to be reunited with him and how Bobby would be perfect for Barca. They’ll wheel out some Barca club legend like Steve Archibald to talk him up too and try and unsettle him. I don’t know if Bobby would want to go there or not. Chances are he probably would but if there is any South American we’ve had who might not be swayed by the lure of Spain’s big two then it could be him. He genuinely seems to love it here and appreciates the esteem he’s held in by everyone. I’d like to think he’d tell them ‘no thanks’, but I’m not foolish enough to talk myself into that. He'd probably drop us like a bad habit, just like all the other cunts before him. In other news, another day another injury. This time it’s Keita and it looks more serious than any of the others. Probably going to miss a few weeks, which is shite because we’ve got some bad teams coming up and it was chance for him to kick start his season. Mané doesn’t seem too bad though, its a broken thumb so if he misses any games with that then he’s a bad tart. Also tonight, Harry Wilson scored another belting free-kick. Made up for him, it all adds to his growing reputation and soaring confidence. Wednesday Oct 17: We’re linked with Insigne today. Not sure I’m keen, but then I feel that way about virtually any centre forward we get linked with, basically just because they’re not Bobby. We need another wide player more than a centre forward anyway, and we need a Coutinho replacement even more than that. If only Fekir's knee hadn't been goosed. Meanwhile, Origi is being linked with the Blues. Makes sense for them, as he’s better than anything else they have up front, but why the fuck would he want to go there? These are the same cunts who booed him for the crime of being on the wrong end of a shithouse tackle from one of their own. If he were to sign for them after that then he deserves everything that would come his way. I mean I know he’s shit, but he’s not that shit. Newcastle are interested too. Again, why would he go there? Still, he’d probably tear the Championship up next season so theres that I suppose. The other interested party are Wolves, who Origi turned down in the summer. Probably regretting that now as they look pretty good even though they have a glaring weakness at number nine. Thursday Oct 18: Keita will only be out for two weeks, which is a relief but still a right fucking pain in the arse because we need him and we’ve got some easy looking games coming up that might have seen him kick start his season. The midfield looks a little bereft of goals and creativity at the moment, but all is not lost because twitter has revealed that the club hasn’t deleted the Fekir signing video yet. In fact, it’s lying hidden on their youtube channel. Why would they not have just deleted it? It must mean he’s signing in January. Or it could be any number of other reasons of course, but why let that spoil the fun? Some talk today of a new contract for Sturridge. Can’t see it myself. I’m not dead set against it, but its way too soon to be thinking about that. He’s had a few months of being injury free, which is encouraging, but let’s see how long he can keep that up. If he goes the whole season without anything significant, and if he continues to look as sharp as he has done, then maybe when we get to March or April it can be looked at, but not now as that would be stupid. One of the Roma fans who attacked Sean Cox is cleared of GBH but will be charged with violent disorder. The other fella landed the blow that did the damage but this cunt swung his belt at him as he was falling. He’s just as responsible but he’ll end up with a light sentence and will probably be out before Sean is able to walk. Hope he gets a taste of his own medicine inside. They should send him to Walton. Friday Oct 19: I’ve been pretty good recently when it comes to not complaining about stupid clickbait articles on newsnow (mainly because I’ve been on an enforced two week break from the diary due to the house move!) but I saw this today and now I’m irked: 'Better than Robbo', 'Go for it' - These Liverpool fans react to transfer report - The Transfer Tavern As you know, I hate these articles that are based on tweets from fans, and I hate them even more when the fans are clearly morons. Unless that article is about us signing Marcelo then it’s fucking garbage, and even if it is Marcelo I’d still probably say it’s garbage. Who’s better than Robbo? No-one, that’s who. Not even going to click on that shit to see who they’re talking about. Load of shite. You may recall a few weeks ago I wrote about the antics of Jermaine Pennant in the Big Brother house and how he was trying it on with some young bird in there and didn’t tell anyone he was married. Well today he ended up on Jeremy Kyle as his missus accused him of cheating. I didn’t see it, but had I known he was on I’d defo have watched because there’s something really amusing about him. He just doesn’t give a fuck, which sums up his entire career really. He was good in Athens though. Oh this is great. Moreno is linked with a move to Arsenal in the summer because Unai Emery worked with him at Sevilla and wants a reunion. Imagine that, Ramsay joins us on a free and they get Albert the Moron going the other way. Too good to be true. Ok, so I clicked the link on newsnow and now I really hate myself. It wasn’t even a report linking us with a left back, the sneaky cunts had pulled a fast one. It was about Moreno leaving at the end of his contract and they included a few tweets including one from a fan who said that Tierney from Celtic would be a good option as he was once considered ‘better than Robbo’. See what they did there? Clickbaiting twats. Can't believe they suckered me in. Again. Fuck my life. That was the week that was….