Your apocalypse essentials

[aws]

You're still going to have to take out the Menai Bridge and the Britannia Bridge.

Good guess. Close but no cigar.

[Bjornebye]

I'm sure he said 6 items. Why are people only picking 5?

 

dickheads. you lot are getting dry bummed by zombies first. 

[Paul]

A big fucking dog would be a good item to have, I reckon. One that's clever, loyal and hard in equal measure.

[mattyq]

Good guess. Close but no cigar.

Isle of Man or if something a bit smaller is required then Puffin Island

[aws]

You'd soon get fed up with eating the puffins. You need somewhere you can raise sheep for food,clothing and recreation.

[Section_31]

A big fucking dog would be a good item to have, I reckon. One that's clever, loyal and hard in equal measure.

This is why cats are shit. Replace the word dog with cat in this post and even the most ardent cat lover would laugh.

[Jairzinho]

I reckon a well trained Tiger would be pretty useful.

[Stu Monty]

Brilliant idea Stu. I love this shit. However, am I picking for the short term on the assumption that I can scavenge longer term survival stuff later or is this a "grab it now or forever do without it" scenario?

 

I'll assume the latter (mainly because it's the long term survival shit that really interests me rather than the killing zombies bit). So, here are mine without having read the thread (because I know others will have had some boss ideas I've not thought of):

 

1. A really good multi-tool (with a built in flint) as it will have limitless usefulness.

2. A really good coat (preferably with Wu-Tang overtones because you've got to keep it real even during the zombie apocalypse, yo) to keep me warm and dry in even extreme weather conditions.

3. That Lofty Wiseman SAS Survival handbook in the laminated version (because knowledge is king and sodden, unreadable pages are useless).

4. A serious hunting knife for protection and as a tool.

5. A gun and ammo unfortunately. Highly limited in its effectiveness against zombies (and actually counter-productive, noise-wise) but absolutely essential for all the other cunts out there. This is the USA and every fucker will be armed and dangerous in this scenario. Never take a knife to a gun fight. And besides, in an emergency where you can't run or stab your way out, zombies will need to be dispatched quickly.

6. Antibiotics. Injury is pretty much guaranteed and infection will be a killer in a post-apocalyptic world. If I could assume I could scavenge done, I'd drop this item.

 

I left out other things like good boots (I assumed I was wearing them), a tarpaulin (for shelter, luggage or water collection) and rope (for snares, building shit and tying shit up) because six is six.

 

Now to see what clever stuff I overlooked.

 

You can obviously pick things up as you go along so the six things you want are probably going to be ones you think you might not easily come across or that you think are essential from pretty much day 1.

[Cardie]

Fuck taking 6 items, I just need a map to the nearest Clas Ohlson shop and I'm set.

 

[PestiRed]

small submarine

map to uninhabited tropical island full of good animals to eat

missus

dog

ipod powered by solar power

book on how to hunt, farm and brew

 

actually, fuck it, why wait for the zombie apocalypse?

[Boss]

1. Jumper cables (free cars)

2. Trip wire so you can get a warning before the undead invade the perimeter.

3. Pickling Salt / Curing salt - so you can keep meat, fruit and vegetables from spoiling.

4. A big plastic bucket to collect rainwater. 

5. Multi tool with flint for building camp fires

6. A pair of Turdseye's kecks so i can store all this stuff

[AngryOfTuebrook]

I'm sure he said 6 items. Why are people only picking 5?

 

dickheads. you lot are getting dry bummed by zombies first. 

Maybe their sixth item is zombie-strength arse-lube, but they just assume that goes without saying.

[Boss]

A chilled bottle of Chablis

About 100g of aged Roquefort

A box of Monte Cristo #4

A recording of the Goldberg Variations

A pair of silk pyjamas

A copy of Ulysses

 

... I'd be shit in the apocalypse, me.

 

A renaissance man after my own heart. A zombie apocalypse scorches the Earth and you'd be sitting in a burgundy smoking jacket, with a pipe in an old edwardian house mulling over the subtle nuisances of Joyce's prose.

 

 

"As you are now, so once we were you Zombie fucks"

[Pureblood]

Resi style:-

 

Lock pick

First aid spray

Handgun w/rapid fire attachment

Handgun bullets

Lighter

 

I'd keep the sixth slot empty as you always need an empty one.

[Mathewbet1]

A Ferrari

Toxedo

marks and spensers pork pie

Toilet paper

condoms

[Bjornebye]

Bump

[Teasmaid]

Sleeping bag

Clean knickers

Small saucepan

Super Noodles (preferably beef)

Tampons

Umbrella with a sharpened tip that could double as a bayonet.

[Bjornebye]

On 07/08/2014 at 18:16, Spy Bee said:

A jet pack

5 cans of premium lager

Hahahaha I was right 

[Guest Pistonbroke]

 

AK 47 assault rifle.

A Skinning Knife, those animals won't get undressed themselves

Army issue Mess tins with matching cutlery

Zippo Lighter

Water purifying tablets.

5 spice, fuck eating unseasoned shit. 

 

 

[Tony Moanero]

Fuck it, I’m going out in style, and I’m

going to frigging enjoy myself.

 

Portable DVD player

Bergerac boxset

Multipack of cheese & onion crisps 

Corned beef and Branston pickle butties

Clean underpants

Pair of box-fresh, turd brown Adidas trabs 

 

 

 

[Bobby Hundreds]

Crossbow

Ray mears

A woman for ray mears

Vick hope

Booze

Cannabis.

 

 

[JohnnyH]

Crunchie 

[Creator Supreme]

23 minutes ago, Bobby Hundreds said:

Vick hope

In that case I'd suggest chloroform as a bonus item!

[Bobby Hundreds]

19 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

In that case I'd suggest chloroform as a bonus item!

It's what the crossbow is for

[AngryOfTuebrook]

A blue passport

A Union Flag

4 old-style lightbulbs