Corporate bellendary at work.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Just get jobs in IT sales. In the right company it's a bit of a laugh, nothing like a call centre. We pay graduates £30k basics and £20k in commission just for generating leads not even for closing them.

 

Where do you work sir??

[KMD7]

I was working for a very well known national charity.

 

They decided to stop all unsocial hours, double time for bank holidays and reduced A/L.

 

3 weeks later they sent out an email to all staff telling them about 'Onesie Wednesday'.

 

All staff were expected to PAY £1 to come to work wearing a onesie or pay a £2 fine for not wearing one.

 

Fucking Hell.  As if the cutbacks weren't bad enough.  I'd be contemplating having a Falling Down moment with that onsie shit

[JagSquared]

Where do you work sir??

Lead generation is just a cold calling call centre. But where everyone thinks they are the dogs bollocks. Granted it can be a laugh but you have to be the right type of person I found.

 

Yeah it's fine if you want to get into sales (and IT sales pays very well) but I found it to be a soul destroying job even if I was good at it. Constantly calling out gets dull no matter how decent the laugh is.

 

I swore I would never work in IT after my placement year doing this. I then accepted a job after graduating doing this again and it took just a few months to realise how dull IT is.

 

I then became an IT Project Manager.

 

Maybe you shouldn't listen to me either.

[Section_31]

Lead generation is just a cold calling call centre. But where everyone thinks they are the dogs bollocks. Granted it can be a laugh but you have to be the right type of person I found.

 

Yeah it's fine if you want to get into sales (and IT sales pays very well) but I found it to be a soul destroying job even if I was good at it. Constantly calling out gets dull no matter how decent the laugh is.

 

I swore I would never work in IT after my placement year doing this. I then accepted a job after graduating doing this again and it took just a few months to realise how dull IT is.

 

I then became an IT Project Manager.

 

Maybe you shouldn't listen to me either.

 

Toying with the idea of getting into cyber security after doing some writing about it, find it genuinely interesting, I did IT at uni but found it dull, but with the security stuff I like the idea of there being an 'opponent'. 

 

Managed to line up a brew with some IT bod in our place but am not optimistic about my chances of retraining at the age of 36 when they can draft people in straight from uni, besides which I couldn't afford the training anyway. If it happens it's going to require some major goodwill on someone's part - and that's always the hard part. 

[JagSquared]

Toying with the idea of getting into cyber security after doing some writing about it, find it genuinely interesting, I did IT at uni but found it dull, but with the security stuff I like the idea of there being an 'opponent'.

 

Managed to line up a brew with some IT bod in our place but am not optimistic about my chances of retraining at the age of 36 when they can draft people in straight from uni, besides which I couldn't afford the training anyway. If it happens it's going to require some major goodwill on someone's part - and that's always the hard part.

Nice one. You can certainly still get into it. It's more about personalities people will give people they like chances. You also don't need to be fully qualified you can certainly start getting involved with it if there are any projects around in your company.

 

Also there are tons of types of roles. From business analysis (writing requirements), customer experience, testing (write and execute test scripts) or Maybe working on the controls and reporting aspect of it would be interesting to you?

 

I worked on IT security projects everything from putting those controls in place, software and hardware upgrades to building a new authentication (logging in) system for customers and how we protect them. That was interesting if a complete ball ache of a project.

 

I found designing the user journeys (bullshit bingo phrases galore in this post - how people will use the system) to be really cool but the fascinating bit was considering how people would look to exploit the system and how we could mitigate those vulnerabilities and how the products we bought could help us to do that.

 

It depends on the size of the organisation but if they are a decent size you have plenty of options. Smaller places will simply outsource this stuff or buy off the shelf but defo worth considering what it is that interests you. You can learn all you need to without getting to involved with the technicalities.

 

I started out on an IT degree and switched to Business so you don't need to be technical at all really. Just use common sense.

[Bellflower]

This woman is the one that fucked up, resigned, and got moved into another role for the same wage of about £180,000 a year, is that right?

They've got wise to her, only an advisory role now

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

£200k PA.................... 

[Curly]

Couldn't listen to more than 10 seconds of that.

Worse indictment of that is that I wouldn't even finger her.

[Anubis]

They've got wise to her, only an advisory role now

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

£200k PA....................

It's a fucking joke, isn't it?

[Ne Moe Imya]

I genuinely doff my hat to all of you that work in an office and have to put up with this utter, utter cuntery every single day. I wouldn't last a single fucking minute.

 

Just watched that video and I have to agree with this.  Was discussing it with the wife and I won't say what terms I used to describe what I would do if I had to work in an office with people like that for more than a month but a machine gun was involved.

 

Of course, many of you would do the same if you had to live in the middle of Siberia where I do, so I guess it's to each his own.  I would genuinely struggle to cope psychologically in a safe office job, though, I'm sure of that.

[Kant]

I have a particular hatred of people who use the word "learn" as a noun.

 

Also people who start every sentence with "So".

 

Add them together them to square the levels of cuntery.

"So, we were discussing all the learns from yesterday's training"

[Remmie]

I have a particular hatred of people who use the word "learn" as a noun.

 

Also people who start every sentence with "So".

 

Add them together them to square the levels of cuntery.

"So, we were discussing all the learns from yesterday's training"

I've not heard this use of the word learn before and now I like you less for inflicting that on me.

[The Great Jacko]

I'm in a cyber security company in Reading. Most of the vendors are based on M4/M3 corridor.

 

As Jag said it's not for everyone, at the end of the day you've got to be fairly thick skinned, have plenty of self motivation and really like money - but motivation is the most important ( as well as being able to string a sentence together). Because the results of your own work directly effect your pay I don't expect people to turn up late, stoned, too hungover.

 

I took a pay cut to join the industry about 20 years ago. For a lot of people, but not all, it's a fairly transient and insecure career - average life of my jobs is about 3 yrs. I've been out of work twice for 1yr but luckily had good payouts that saw me through.

 

I can be fairly introvert which doesn't sit well with sales generally but shows that you don't have to be a gobshite to succeed. And like any industry there a great companies and awful ones, complete arseholes and potential friends for life.

[Ne Moe Imya]

I have a particular hatred of people who use the word "learn" as a noun.

 

Also people who start every sentence with "So".

 

Add them together them to square the levels of cuntery.

"So, we were discussing all the learns from yesterday's training"

 

Don't get me started on corporate vocabulary.  It's like another language that you are expected to understand.  Like why anyone who's talking to his mates will say 'use,' but put them in a suit and it's 'utilise.'  The meaning is exactly the same, why does it have to be a new word?

 

The worst one of all is the made-up "orientate."  We already have a verb for that - to orient something/someone.  Some idiot at some point heard the word "orientation," (which we only have because you can't say "oriention") and worked it backward to "orientate" and decided that sounded more posh or professional or something and now it's stuck.  But that's not how English works!

 

Imagine if someone came into your office and asked you to "presentate" something, or to "limitate" the damage in a certain situation.  You'd give them a smack, and yet that would be the same logic that gave us the word "orientate."  Absolute rubbish is what it is.

[Alan Sex]

Don't get me started on corporate vocabulary.  It's like another language that you are expected to understand.  Like why anyone who's talking to his mates will say 'use,' but put them in a suit and it's 'utilise.'  The meaning is exactly the same, why does it have to be a new word?

 

The worst one of all is the made-up "orientate."  We already have a verb for that - to orient something/someone.  Some idiot at some point heard the word "orientation," (which we only have because you can't say "oriention") and worked it backward to "orientate" and decided that sounded more posh or professional or something and now it's stuck.  But that's not how English works!

 

Imagine if someone came into your office and asked you to "presentate" something, or to "limitate" the damage in a certain situation.  You'd give them a smack, and yet that would be the same logic that gave us the word "orientate."  Absolute rubbish is what it is.

Start using the word "orientalize" instead.

 

They will be looking at you through slitted eyes over that one!

[tokyojoe]

I'm going to utilise the bog.

[Alan Sex]

I'm going to utilise the facilities, to give birth to the mother of all runny shits.

Class is permanent.

[Remmie]

Don't get me started on corporate vocabulary. It's like another language that you are expected to understand. Like why anyone who's talking to his mates will say 'use,' but put them in a suit and it's 'utilise.' The meaning is exactly the same, why does it have to be a new word?

 

The worst one of all is the made-up "orientate." We already have a verb for that - to orient something/someone. Some idiot at some point heard the word "orientation," (which we only have because you can't say "oriention") and worked it backward to "orientate" and decided that sounded more posh or professional or something and now it's stuck. But that's not how English works!

 

Imagine if someone came into your office and asked you to "presentate" something, or to "limitate" the damage in a certain situation. You'd give them a smack, and yet that would be the same logic that gave us the word "orientate." Absolute rubbish is what it is.

'Orientate' is the British way of saying it, 'orient' is the American way. I've not checked but I'd imagine the British version existed first.

[Bob]

'Orientate' is the British way of saying it, 'orient' is the American way. I've not checked but I'd imagine the British version existed first.

Perhaps similar to Americans use of acclimate instead of acclimatise.

 

It grates me, hearing it.

[Bob]

'Orientate' is the British way of saying it, 'orient' is the American way. I've not checked but I'd imagine the British version existed first.

Perhaps similar to Americans use of acclimate instead of acclimatise.

 

It grates me, hearing it.

[NoelM]

Some cock-knocker emailed me today and said that he "reached out" to my boss to find out who I was, ffs.

 

Not sure if this has been posted before 

 

[littletedwest]

So had my interview for my job last week. Told me he'd let me know today, rang him and now he says wait 2 days.

[littletedwest]

Oh and today's my day off but I've still had to do two conference calls and send and answer shit loads of emails

[Paulie Dangerously]

Manager pulled me after sending him an email about an error he has made but ccing a sales rep in who was also involved because it "contravenes hierarchy protocols" and might make the sales rep "get the wrong idea"

[littletedwest]

So today my boss has given my old shop to someone else and the shop I've been managing for 5 weeks very successfully to someone else.

Bit gutted I'll be onto hr on Thursday and asking for redundancy.

The guy he's given my current shop too has been performing worse than either my old or current shop to someone else.

13 years for this shit.

[Furmedge]

As a fairly new starter to my company I've been invited to a coffee morning with the Managing Director of the company to discuss 'our shared vision for the future'.

 

If the company's vision is for me to get paid to do as little as possible then we share the same vision.