little things that annoy the shit out of you

[Teasmaid]

I've just spent the last 2 hours chatting up this fit as fuck bird. Young, fit, blonde, really nice, she smelled really great too btw; was genuinely interested by her stories of her travels to Asia and Australasia, stories about her estranged family, about her jobs and career thus far (inc modelling in Australia), even feigned interest at her time playing "ladies f**tball" with The Matlida's; fucks sake, even bought her a drink and I am nigh on knacker deep when says..."and my girlfriend..."

 

Eek, screech. Full stop and fucking rewind a fucking minute. Come again ?

 

What a fucking waste of my life. Two hours of which I will never get back.

 

Cock teasing fucking lesbians...

 

The "ladies football" bit should have been a bigger giveaway than the "girlfriend" part. Have you ever seen a women's football team? They look like the cast of Prisoner Cell Block H have spawned with The Warriors. I say you can always spot a lesbian by the muscliness of their thighs.

 

ETA: I obviously completely missed Vlad's post. Doh.

[Furmedge]

My mates cousin is Toni Duggan. Scrubs up well to be fair. Wouldn't bother me she plays football.

[RJ Fan club]

Youth. Wasted on those young cunts.

[Carvalho Diablo]

The "ladies football" bit should have been a bigger giveaway than the "girlfriend" part. Have you ever seen a women's football team? They look like the cast of Prisoner Cell Block H have spawned with The Warriors. I say you can always spot a lesbian by the muscliness of their thighs.

 

ETA: I obviously completely missed Vlad's post. Doh.

 

I try my very hardest to avoid at all costs.

[VladimirIlyich]

The "ladies football" bit should have been a bigger giveaway than the "girlfriend" part. Have you ever seen a women's football team? They look like the cast of Prisoner Cell Block H have spawned with The Warriors. I say you can always spot a lesbian by the muscliness of their thighs.

 

ETA: I obviously completely missed Vlad's post. Doh.

There is a hell of a lot of 'grooming' that goes on in women's f****all and I dont always mean the brushing their hair and putting on make up type either.

[RJ Fan club]

There is a hell of a lot of 'grooming' that goes on in women's f****all and I dont always mean the brushing their hair and putting on make up type either.

They tidy their horses?

 

I'm not sure that's strictly in rules tbh.

[VladimirIlyich]

They tidy their horses?

 

I'm not sure that's strictly in rules tbh.

All f***ballers are show ponies anyhow.

[stringvest]

The "ladies football" bit should have been a bigger giveaway than the "girlfriend" part. Have you ever seen a women's football team? They look like the cast of Prisoner Cell Block H have spawned with The Warriors. I say you can always spot a lesbian by the muscliness of their thighs.

 

ETA: I obviously completely missed Vlad's post. Doh.

 

I think the ability to make sweeping generalisations is what separates us from the beasts.

 

I did see a good looking one once.

 

[Carvalho Diablo]

I think the ability to make sweeping generalisations is what separates us from the beasts.

 

I did see a good looking one once.

 

The one I was trying to pull last night was a cracker. No whiskers, no dungarees, nowt.

 

A wake up moment for old Carvalho.

 

{shudders}

[Guest Super Sub]

Parkour!

[Dr Nowt]

Parkour!

Yes, m'lady?

[Champ]

The one I was trying to pull last night was a cracker. No whiskers, no dungarees, nowt.

 

A wake up moment for old Carvalho.

 

{shudders}

Did the crew cut not raise your suspicions, just a little?

[VladimirIlyich]

Creamfields cunts clogging up traffic to lie in shite for 3 days on already fucked up roads.

Fuck off back to your middle class homes and have a barbecue in your own garden instead. Twats.

[Sut]

The old man sat opposite me on the bus just now kept picking his ears and flicking the wax onto the floor while reading the Daily Express.

 

The Daily fucking Express.

[KMD7]

I've just spent the last 2 hours chatting up this fit as fuck bird. Young, fit, blonde, really nice, she smelled really great too btw; was genuinely interested by her stories of her travels to Asia and Australasia, stories about her estranged family, about her jobs and career thus far (inc modelling in Australia), even feigned interest at her time playing "ladies f**tball" with The Matlida's; fucks sake, even bought her a drink and I am nigh on knacker deep when says..."and my girlfriend..."

 

Eek, screech. Full stop and fucking rewind a fucking minute. Come again ?

 

What a fucking waste of my life. Two hours of which I will never get back.

 

Cock teasing fucking lesbians...

 

 

Her being a lesbian won't be a problem in your wank later though.

[Dr Nowt]

People who leave things like ironing boards and mattresses in the communal bin store at a block of flats, usually next to a sign saying not to do so.

 

You know as well as everyone else they won't take it, so just put it in your car and drive it to the tip or pay a white van man to come and take it, you lazy/tight helmet.

[Rico1304]

People who leave things like ironing boards and mattresses in the communal bin store at a block of flats, usually next to a sign saying not to do so.

 

You know as well as everyone else they won't take it, so just put it in your car and drive it to the tip or pay a white van man to come and take it, you lazy/tight helmet.

Racist

[Dr Nowt]

Racist

 

If they're not caucasian they're not taking away my unwanted items the council won't remove.

[Hooch]

People who claim to have been a ghetto tearaway when they were a kid knowing full well no-one can prove they weren't, when you know in reality they probably never even had as much as a single detention their whole school life.

 

I used to be a little terror causing trouble me, before I grew out of it".

Fuck off, you brought your own atlas to Geography lessons you snitch.

[Champ]

Surely, we can't have missed this one...

 

Stray hairs that gets caught between your fingers, especially if your hands are wet and you can't see it properly to get it off. I can feel my face screwing up just thinking about it

[stringvest]

Surely, we can't have missed this one...

 

Stray hairs that gets caught between your fingers, especially if your hands are wet and you can't see it properly to get it off. I can feel my face screwing up just thinking about it

You're a slave to Veet

 

[Trumo]

Surely, we can't have missed this one...

 

Stray hairs that gets caught between your fingers, especially if your hands are wet and you can't see it properly to get off. I can feel my face screwing up just thinking about it

 

Funny how removing just one word from a sentence can completely change the story.

[A Red]

People who claim to have been a ghetto tearaway when they were a kid knowing full well no-one can prove they weren't, when you know in reality they probably never even had as much as a single detention their whole school life.

 

I used to be a little terror causing trouble me, before I grew out of it".

Fuck off, you brought your own atlas to Geography lessons you snitch.

People dont just do it about their childhoods.

 

"Well i was well wankered, i must had 15 pints and 3 fights"

 

"I remember drinking a full bottle of whisky and going up Ben Nevis and drinking another"

 

etc etc

 

Then you go on the piss with them at 7.30 and they're home by 10.30

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

Welcome to my day. Love the place, but it really is like the aussie soaps we grew up with. The southern hemisphereisms flow thick and fast.

 

How are you mate?

Box o' fluffies mate.

 

You busy mate?

Flat out like a lizard drinking mate.

 

Everyone drives utes and says "G'day". Its just like Australia. Only with not quite so many australians. Which I see as a positive.

Dude the 'stralians love 'no worries' that much, there's a town about 30k out of Sydney called Sans Souci.

[Dougie Do'ins]

Cunts, who don't keep to the left hand side when using stairs.