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Arsenal produced a sorry performance in losing 1-0 at West Ham. Lifeless, turgid, shite. The exact type of performance they became synonymous with under Wenger. It’s too soon to be making any kind of judgement on Emery and his methods, but that stink is clearly going to take a long time (and a lot of money) to clear. There’s nothing surprising about it. The sixth best squad in the country will most likely finish sixth now that United have cut loose the massive dead weight that was slowing them down. Arsenal are where they should be but the gap between them and the top four is now huge in terms of player quality. They need to spend big but Kroenke isn’t going to do that. In fact, the suggestion this month is that they’re only able to bring anyone in if it’s a loan deal. Ouch. Arsenal never lose at West Ham though and the manner of this defeat prompted me to have a little look at Arsenal Fan TV for the first time this season. Great stuff. DT is still the same angry, aggressive, arrogant knobhead, only instead of leading a “Wenger Out” campaign he’s now urging his fellow fans to target the owners by not buying anything inside the Emirates. He’s not wrong to be fair to him like. Most expensive tickets in the league and they’re talking about only being able to sign loan players? The price you pay for giving Ozil nearly half a million a week to sit in the stands I guess. Amusingly, DT did acknowledge that little Ty is one of the biggest problems as he is single handedly keeping them in business with all the shit he buys in the club shop. Troopz, meanwhile, was understandably kicking off over the fact that his club are paying shite players crazy salaries, and pointed out that Carl Jenkinson is on 65k a week. Fucking hell, that’s mad. What are they smoking down there at the Emirates? I always used to get Jenkinson confused with Callum Chambers, as I’m sure some of you must also. Here’s a little trick I use to tell the difference; Chambers is the shit one, and Jenkinson is the REALLY shit one. Kind of like how it used to be with James McCarthy / James McArthur, until they confused the issue by switching roles. Meanwhile, I had no idea Samir Nasri was back in the Premier League, but if you’d asked me to name the top three most likely landing spots for him, West Ham would have been one, two and three on the list. The most West Ham signing ever that is. The Hammers have improved steadily under Pellegrini but they might be about to lose Arnautovic to China. Initially I was appalled at the notion he’d walk away from a top league to go and play over there. In theory I’m against any player still in his prime doing that, but the more I think about it the more I reckon he’d be stupid not to. This isn’t like Oscar or that other Brazilian midfielder (his name escapes me for now) who left Chelsea to chase the money. Arnautovic isn’t at Chelsea. He’s not challenging for major honours. He’s at West Ham. Before that he was at Stoke. It doesn’t look like any of the top teams want him so if he can quadruple his wages by going to China then good luck to him I guess. He’d be a loss to the Premier League as he’s a really good player, but West Ham will no doubt already have a replacement lined up. What’s David Trezeguet up to these days? Or Stephane Guivarch? Besides, Arnautovic can always return there for one last big pay day when he’s in his mid-30s. From the east end to the west end now, as Chelsea secured their grip on fourth place with a hard fought win over one of their many former managers. Pedro opened the scoring early when he latched onto an inch perfect ball over the top by David Luiz and finished expertly. Great goal that. Lovely pass and terrific technique on the control and finish. Newcastle responded well though and had a little spell of pressure that culminated in an equaliser from Clark. Newcastle wanted a penalty when that Ayoze Perez loser took an outrageous dive in the box. Can’t stand him, the fuckin’ bum. Chelsea then stepped it up once again and a cracker from Willian won it for them, but the performance was far from convincing and after all the initial good publicity they had early in the season, turns out they’re actually a bit dull to watch really. It’s all pass pass pass without going anywhere. But for the individual brilliance they possess in Hazard and Willian, they’d struggle to score any goals via the way they build attacks. They’ve got a big issue in attack as Hazard is just not a centre forward and it’s criminal to play him there. Sarri left Morata out of the squad and is now on the brink of signing Higuain. I for one will be glad when this little porker is finally over here because we’ll find out once and for all if he’s the massive fraud I’ve always thought he is. Ramires!! That’s the fella I was on about earlier. I might be slow but I usually get there in the end. He was a good player him too, absolute waste that he’s now in China. I mean I get Oscar and Jon Obi Mikel going there as they’re both fucking shite, but Ramires could play. He was like a Poundland Fernandinho. No wait, that was Fernando. Ramires was a Tesco’s Fernandinho. Meanwhile, another former Chelsea man (there are fucking hundreds of them aren’t there?) Andre Schurrle’s brilliant strike put Fulham ahead at Turf Moor, but two own goals ensured they went home with nothing. Only Burnley could score twice without having a single shot on target. Maybe I’m deluded, but I still think Fulham will get out of it. I hope so, as I’d much rather watch them then most of the other spoiling shithouse teams down there. I’m rooting for them. Get rid of Burnley or Newcastle and let’s see Fulham survive, especially now Ryan Babel is there. I’ll always have a soft spot for him, partly because of that night against Arsenal in the Champions League at Anfield, but mostly for the Howard Webb in a United kit picture he tweeted. What a man. It was an entertaining game at Leicester, as ten man Southampton pulled off an upset win. I say upset, but I guess it wasn’t really because as I wrote in the last round up, Leicester are much better when the game comes to them and they don’t have to make the play. That’s why they won at Chelsea and Everton but lost at home to Cardiff. They should beat Southampton but it’s all very Claude Puel-ish that they didn’t. Shane Long won a penalty in typical Shane Long style, getting his body in front of a defender and then falling down. Not that there was any doubt about it, as Mendy’s challenge was clumsy as fuck. Ward-Prowse buried the pen to put the Saints ahead but then Valery was harshly sent off for a second yellow. It was harsh, as it was a nothing foul (if it even was a foul), but he’d been lucky to stay on earlier after a bad tackle and he also escaped a booking for diving, as did Vardy after one of the most pitiful attempts at deceiving a ref I’ve ever seen. I’ve said repeatedly that there are few players I enjoy watching more than Vardy, I think he’s brilliant. He loves a dive though. Being English means he seems to get a free pass on it. It’s not so much that they don’t get pointed out (it was highlighted on MOTD), it’s just that it doesn’t seem to stick and damage his reputation. People don’t automatically think “diver” when they hear the name Vardy, but they probably should. Same with Harry Kane, who dives more than anyone else in the league. Anyway, despite being a man down, Southampton extended their lead when Long capitalised on more generosity from the hapless Mendy to score with the last kick of the first half. Not sure he should even be credited with the goal though as his shot was going wide until it hit Schmeichel’s hand. It would take a far crueler man than me to take that away from Long though, as goals for him come around about as regularly as Halley’s Comet. His last four goals have come under four different managers, which is mental. People look down their noses at Long, but he’s got his uses and any team outside of the top six should be glad to have him. This manager appears to know how to use him, unlike some of the other bums he’s played for in recent years. Ndidi pulled one back after the break but Southampton held on quite comfortably. They’re not out of the woods yet but they’ve improved enough under the new fella to suggest they’ll be alright. That’s right, I still don’t know his name and I still can’t be arsed looking it up because I’m still pissed off at him throwing that game against City, the twat. I sound like my main man Neil Warnock there, but don’t worry, I’m not going to follow his lead on Brexit as well. Come on though, I know he’s a cock, but that was funny as fuck. Initially I thought the quotes were fake as they just seemed too Neil Warnock even for Neil Warnock. “I can’t wait to get out. To hell with the rest of the world”. He’s sat there in front of a ‘Visit Malaysia’ sign, he manages a team that has ten different nationalities represented, his multi million pound salary is paid by a Malaysian billionaire and he’s spent this week trying to sign Oumar Niasse from Everton. To hell with the rest of the world though, eh? Amazing. In fairness, he’s a 70 year old Yorkshireman. It would be more surprising if he didn’t think that way. His Brexit outburst overshadowed the rest of the absolute horseshite he came out with after their 0-0 draw with Huddersfield though. Huddersfield got screwed massively. There’s no doubt about it. Lee Mason saw what he believed was a penalty (and it was) and then allowed himself to be talked out of it by a linesman who had a much worse view of it. Absolute disgrace that was, and it’s had he consequences already, which I’ll get to shortly. Warnock said “thank God we had an experienced linesman”. Now I’m willing to go out on a limb here and say if Warnock had been on the receiving end of that decision he’d be serving a lengthy touchline ban and that linesman would currently be in A&E recovering from having his flag removed from his arse. He then tried to deflect attention away from that incident by complaining about a penalty that wasn’t awarded to Cardiff, even though replays showed the Huddersfield defender won the ball cleanly. Give Warnock credit though, it’s not easy talking so much and somehow not being right about anything at all. It’s a difficult skill, mastered only by the true greats, such as Richard Keys and Paul Merson. Warnock put himself in that lofty company this weekend though. Sadly it was all too much for poor David Wagner, who a couple of days after the result stepped down as Huddersfield boss. That was probably the final straw for him. It would have been more of a statement if he’d just quit right there and then when Mason screwed him. Imagine that. What a way to go out, just quit in the middle of the game and put it on Lee Mason’s shoulders. That would have been boss. It’s a shame for Wagner and it looks like, on the surface at least, that it was his decision rather than the club’s. I hope so, because if they’ve pushed him then they’re fucking idiots. He performed a miracle there, and then performed another one. You don’t sack him because he can’t pull off a third. Yeah they’re going down, but they can come back up again and be stronger for it. Maybe not now though, not without Klopp’s mate. He’s done himself a power of good in his time there though and he should get a good job whenever he’s ready to step back into it. It doesn’t matter who Huddersfield bring in, they’re already down, so they should probably be looking to next season and finding someone who can get them back up. Moving on, and Craig Cathcart scored at both ends as Watford won at Palace. Could any of you pick him out of a line up? He’s one of those players who’s been around forever and we all know his name, but I bet most of you have no idea what he looks like. I like to call this “Wes Hoolahan Syndrome”. The game was finely poised at 1-1 with chances coming at both ends, but substitute Tom Cleverly eventually hit a screaming volley to win it. He’s been out injured for a year so it was a nice moment for him. A year is a long time and I’d forgotten just how much I hated his manc face. I remember now though. Eurgh. Speaking of the mancs, they won at Spurs on Sunday. I didn’t watch it but it’s a good result for us as it pretty much ends any hope Spurs had of catching us. Still, this United “revival” needs to fuck off. It’s been massively overstated to this point as they’ve basically beaten a load of shite teams and only won this one because Spurs got De Gea’d. That being said, it is becoming a thing now. They’ve won every game and irrespective of who they beat or how they did it, that will breed confidence. I’m already fucking dreading the prospect of going to Old Trafford in a few weeks, with them being all whipped up into a frenzy trying to help City out. Horrible bastards. Also on Sunday, the Blues had an unconvincing win at home over Bournemouth. They were booed off at half after being thoroughly outplayed by Eddie Howe’s men. David Brooks ran them ragged in the first half and came closest to scoring when his shot hit the inside of the post. He also thought he should have had a penalty. Could have gone either way, but Bournemouth never get any decisions so there’s no point even appealing. They were denied a clear one later on too. The lad made a meal of it, but he was definitely fouled. As I say though, it’s Bournemouth, they get stiffed by refs every week and Nice Guy Eddie takes it on the chin. They were right in this until the end when they allowed that Calvert-Lewin turn to wrap things up five minutes into stoppage time. Bournemouth need to get Solanke fit because it looks like Callum Wilson might be off soon. Chelsea and Spurs are both being linked. He’s a good player, but he’s not THAT good. No way is Daniel Levy paying £50m for him. Finally, City beat Wolves on Monday night. I didn’t see any of it because I was in bed with stomach flu (and have been for pretty much the rest of the week. I’ve spewed out more shit this week than Neil Warnock, Rio Ferdinand and Richard Keys combined). I didn’t even know they’d won until the next day, but I’ve already come to terms with the idea they’ll probably win every game between now and May and that we’re going to have to do the same. One thing I do know is when they go to Old Trafford they’ll have a much easier time of it than we will. It might be stretching things a little to suggest they’ll all be hand in hand chanting “Manchester” but I guarantee the only competition we’ll see that day is in who can sing about us the most. Cunts.