Corporate bellendary at work.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

See, the hardest thing for me was leaving the life. I still love the life. And we were treated like reps with muscle. We had it all, just for the asking. Our wives, mothers, kids, everybody rode along. I had paper bags filled with sales samples stashed in the kitchen. I had a blackberry next to the bed. Anything I wanted was a phone call away. Free imitation leather sales presenters. The keys to a dozen stationary cupboards all over the office. I’d bet twenty, thirty quid over a weekend and then I’d either blow the winnings in a week or raid the mrs purse to pay back the bookies. Didn’t matter. It didn’t mean anything. When I was broke I would go out and sell some more. We ran everything. We paid off window cleaners. We paid off binmen. We paid off milkmen. Everybody had their hands out. Everything was for the taking. And now it’s all over. And that’s the hardest part. Today, everything is different. There’s no action. I have to wait around like everyone else. Can’t even get decent food. Right after I got here I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce and I got a pastie. I’m an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook in cornwall.

 

Lost my shit at the bit in bold.

 

My rep balls are juiced. Can someone bum him for me. Ta.

[Mook]

See, the hardest thing for me was leaving the life. I still love the life. And we were treated like reps with muscle. We had it all, just for the asking. Our wives, mothers, kids, everybody rode along. I had paper bags filled with sales samples stashed in the kitchen. I had a blackberry next to the bed. Anything I wanted was a phone call away. Free imitation leather sales presenters. The keys to a dozen stationary cupboards all over the office. I’d bet twenty, thirty quid over a weekend and then I’d either blow the winnings in a week or raid the mrs purse to pay back the bookies. Didn’t matter. It didn’t mean anything. When I was broke I would go out and sell some more. We ran everything. We paid off window cleaners. We paid off binmen. We paid off milkmen. Everybody had their hands out. Everything was for the taking. And now it’s all over. And that’s the hardest part. Today, everything is different. There’s no action. I have to wait around like everyone else. Can’t even get decent food. Right after I got here I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce and I got a pastie. I’m an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook in cornwall.

 

Repped, that could easily go in the 'If films were based in Britan' thread for Wolf of Wall Street.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Repped, that could easily go in the 'If films were based in Britan' thread for Goodfellas

 

Fixed

[Anubis]

Where the fuck do you people work?

 

I'm lucky if I get an email that's spelt properly, and our receptionists still haven't worked out that mobile phone numbers in the UK have eleven digits, not ten.

[Oh Buoy]

Where the fuck do I work?

 

I'm lucky if I get an email that's spelt properly, and our receptionists still haven't worked out that mobile phone numbers in the UK have eleven digits, not ten.

 

Fixed that for you, pal.

[Rico1304]

My mate is a senior partner in a law firm in London, he's had his annual review today. He's billed £6m this year and is comfortably the highest biller in the firm. He went into the review with the managing partner and HR director, he was expecting them to suck him off and shower him with £50 notes. Instead they told him he can no longer work from home every Wednesday.

[General Dryness]

My mate is a senior partner in a law firm in London, he's had his annual review today. He's billed £6m this year and is comfortably the highest biller in the firm. He went into the review with the managing partner and HR director, he was expecting them to suck him off and shower him with £50 notes. Instead they told him he can no longer work from home every Wednesday.

Or as he calls it, "wanksday".

 

Up until that meeting, anyway.

[Section_31]

They've introduced a new system in this place and it's gone predictably  tits up, the way in which blame has been deflected already though is an impressive sight to behold. You have to admire people who climb in these organisations, they're like salmon swimming againts a tide of their own shit.

[Anny Road]

My new boss told me to schedule mon&frid as work at home days. Means I have no excuse to fuck around the other days. And my kids will see me.

[stringvest]

My mate is a senior partner in a law firm in London, he's had his annual review today. He's billed £6m this year and is comfortably the highest biller in the firm. He went into the review with the managing partner and HR director, he was expecting them to suck him off and shower him with £50 notes. Instead they told him he can no longer work from home every Wednesday.

 

haha!

[Section_31]

We've got a new marketing boss in work who looks and sounds a bit like Marcellus Wallace, and there's actually an Esquire article about him which says this - and I shit you not. 

 

"When he smiles, his teeth gleam with the evidence of his twice-daily use of an Oral-B Sonic Complete electric toothbrush. Crest toothpaste. Period. It doesn't matter what flavor so long as it's Crest, which he buys because P&G makes it and because he is a loyal company man" 

 

I need to go to Pitcairn Island and paint seashells, like, right now. 

[setreal]

Wait until he asks you to "take care" of his Mrs.

[SilverSong]

We've got a new marketing boss in work who looks and sounds a bit like Marcellus Wallace, and there's actually an Esquire article about him which says this - and I shit you not.

 

"When he smiles, his teeth gleam with the evidence of his twice-daily use of an Oral-B Sonic Complete electric toothbrush. Crest toothpaste. Period. It doesn't matter what flavor so long as it's Crest, which he buys because P&G makes it and because he is a loyal company man"

 

I need to go to Pitcairn Island and paint seashells, like, right now.

Wtactualf.

I was a Unilver man myself. They would never stoop to such bellendery. Apart from this one time when they introduced a new head of department and her LUXurious coiff.

[Anubis]

Sorry section - had to go looking for it.

 

http://www.esquire.com/style/advice/a5538/most-fashionable-man-0309/

 

 

 

 

 

Effortless twattery.

[cloggypop]

MAKE IT AN OUTSTANDING DAY!

 

Show him your supermarket coat and explain it's practicality and simple elegance in great detail.

[Section_31]

MAKE IT AN OUTSTANDING DAY!

 

Show him your supermarket coat and explain it's practicality and simple elegance in great detail.

 

Believe. Gonna rock the G Shock and my Sainsbury's waxed jacket. 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Paint your supermaket shoes red and kick him in the cunt with them while the paint is fresh.

[lifetime fan]

Wait until he asks you to "take care" of his Mrs.

And smash her back doors in.

[General Dryness]

Sorry section - had to go looking for it.

 

http://www.esquire.com/style/advice/a5538/most-fashionable-man-0309/

 

 

 

 

 

Effortless twattery.

What. A. Fucking. Cunt.

 

How do you even know you exist when everything about you is an affectation?

[Rico1304]

Im smelling a lot of bullshit in that article;

 

- 4 closets of suits, say 50, that's over $50k

- 36 coats @ $1k

- 36 pairs of jeans $18k

 

Over £100k

[lifetime fan]

'It takes a lot of money to look this cheap'.

[Section_31]

Im smelling a lot of bullshit in that article;

 

- 4 closets of suits, say 50, that's over $50k

- 36 coats @ $1k

- 36 pairs of jeans $18k

 

Over £100k

 

Yeah, he reckons he's got 40,000 vinyl LPs too. 

[lifetime fan]

What the fuck do you do now Sec?

[Section_31]

What the fuck do you do now Sec?

 

I'm a male model. 

[lifetime fan]

Model of restraint!