Corporate bellendary at work.

[lifetime fan]

A mate just sent me this email, his place is in the process of laying off all staff and reopening under a different name with new contracts (less pay).

 

You need to read the emails from the bottom up.

 

 

From:

Sent: 04 February 2014 15:48
To:

Subject: Re: Job Adverts

 

 

 

 

Embarrassing but true then

 

From:

Sent: 04 February 2014 14:07
To:

Subject: Re: Job Adverts

 

Dear *****,

Thank you for your e mail, I am in the service next Monday and would be very happy to meet with you to discuss this in more detail.
As has already been explained to you and others we will always advertise job roles within the payscale and then we appoint on a salary that meets the criteria,
For clarity I acknowledged I made a mistake with you original salary offer and did rectify this within about 4 hours, therefore this is not a true account of events,

I can meet you on Monday and would suggest that in future you do not copy all these people in as it does not help the situation,
Kind regards
******
 
 

From:
Sent: Tuesday, February 04, 2014 01:38 PM
To: 

Subject: RE: Job Adverts 

 

I have worked for you for 5 years!

 

I have been through 2 restructure in that time!

 

Every time I have had a pay cut! Holiday cut! and responsibilities increased!

 

We have been constantly lied to by mangers sent from head office.

 

When I re-applied I was offered £13,501 for a QUALIFIED EXPERIENCED VALUED support worker! Everyone else was offered £14,800! After I expressed concern at this I was then offered £14,800 and was told THIS IS THE MAXIMUM AND THERE IS NO ROOM TO INCREASE THIS UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES!!!

 

Now can you imagine how disgruntled I am now I see this advert and you are offering up to £15,800. Ok you can get round it by putting those magical little words UP TO before it. But what do you need to reach that top end? Experience? (5 years) Qualifications? (I have them)

 

When will you stop trying to deceive us?

 

From:
Sent: 29 January 2014 16:24
To:

Cc:

Subject: Job Adverts

 

Hi all,

 

Just a quick message to draw your attention to the posts now being advertised externally and on job spot, if anyone is interested in applying please do so through the usual application process:

People Manager – FULL TIME (37 Hours) - Salary £26,601 - £33,400    (AS Grade 4)              

Shift Leader – FULL TIME (37 Hours) - Salary £15,000 - £17,895    (AS Grade 2)

Support Workers (Day and Night) – FULL TIME and PART TIME positions available – Salary up to £15,800 

Administrator – FULL TIME (35 Hours) - Salary £14,603 - £15,902  

Closing date for People Manager: 6th Feb 2014

 

Closing date for other applications: 13th Feb 2014

 

If you want to discuss further please let me know

 

Kindest regards,

 

********

[Bjornebye]

That is very shitty of them Col

 

Does remind me of a time one of our facilities co-ordinators got binned off, we had 3 and had no need for 3 at all, plus she was shit. Anyway, i'm at my desk and he mad bitch emailed the whole company (directors, CEO the lot) calling for everyone to get up and leave their desks until she gets her job back, then proceeded to slag off her manager, other members of staff and the new structure that had been brought in. It was about 4 paragraphs long, absolutely fucking brilliant. People were going mad , I just sat at my desk pissing myself. 

[lifetime fan]

He's fucked off now, took the redundancy.

 

Another mate of ours works for a well known bank, he's trying to get himself made redundant but they refused his offer to go voluntarily.

 

So he's now being as big a cunt as possible without going too far and them being able to sack him.

 

Last week he put in a complaint to the area HR manager claiming a breach of the Data Protection Act as no one asked his permission to put his tea and coffee preferences on display in the staff kitchen with everyone else's.

[Trumo]

Last week he put in a complaint to the area HR manager claiming a breach of the Data Protection Act as no one asked his permission to put his tea and coffee preferences on display in the staff kitchen with everyone else's.

 

Frivolous in the extreme, but they must have really pissed him off so as to leave him with no option but to make life difficult for them.

[lifetime fan]

Frivolous in the extreme, but they must have really pissed him off so as to leave him with no option but to make life difficult for them.

 

He's been their nearly 25 years and just wants the pay off, they don't want him to go so he's just being an arse hoping they'll change their minds.

[Liverpool lad]

Anyone got experienced of Linked in?

[Bjornebye]

Anyone got experienced of Linked in?

 

I use it mate what you wanna know? 

[General Dryness]

Anyone got experienced of Linked in?

 

Yeah, its great. Prospective employers can see all the little monkeys that want to dance for them without actually having to meet them.

 

Its just another bullshit social networking site. Its not quite there yet, but one day you won't be able to get a job without having a fucking profile on there. On the plus side, you get to go all self promoting like Michael Owen. I prefer the Adebayor route. My profile says I'm Wi-Fi Ready, Slightly Peppery, and Fiendish.

[Mad Erik]

Anyone got experienced of Linked in?

 

It's not bad, though I'd say it's usefulness rapidly declines if you're not in a Sales, Marketing, PR-y type field.

 

The best bit for me is a feature that lets you add examples of your work - so, for example you can upload a magazine you produced, or something of that nature.

 

If you're a writer, graphic designer, or pretty much anything that means you produce stuff like that, then it can be uploaded for all to see. IMO, that's far better than wasting 400 words on the usual abstract noun bullshit most have on there....

[Remmie]

This takes quite some topping, a little video from our head office. Thankfully I only recognise one of these people but this is truly toe-curling, vomit inducing cringiness of the highest highest order:

 

http://browzaplus/media/video/happy/index.htm

 

Just in case you were in any danger of warming to the head buffoon dancing, he earns close to £1m per annum. 

[lifetime fan]

After a great night out last night I come in to find this bollocks from my manager.

 

 

Hi Colin I had asked you to cover the sleep in tonight and had stated that Support staff  could cover if necessary and as you did not get back to me I had not realised I was supposed to be sleeping in. I did not bring a change of clothes. I expected you to update me. I should be informed anyway of any changes to the rota, Dawn

 

 

Luckily I had a cup of tea before replying and calling her a cunt.

 

 

Hi Dawn

 

I’m sorry but you did not ask me to cover the sleep in, I pointed out to you Gemma had put herself down to cover the sleep and I would try to find a shift leader, at no point did you say a support worker could do it if necessary. I was unable to do the sleep myself as it would have meant doing 3 sleep ins on the trot and had a friend visiting from Bournemouth.

 

I asked Rose if she was able to do the sleep in and she told me you were doing it, I even text you to check if that was true, you did not respond.

 

I am sorry but I have done nothing wrong here and feel your tone is out of order.

 

Colin

[Bjornebye]

After a great night out last night I come in to find this bollocks from my manager.

 

 

Hi Colin I had asked you to cover the sleep in tonight and had stated that Support staff  could cover if necessary and as you did not get back to me I had not realised I was supposed to be sleeping in. I did not bring a change of clothes. I expected you to update me. I should be informed anyway of any changes to the rota, Dawn

 

 

Luckily I had a cup of tea before replying and calling her a cunt.

 

 

Hi Dawn

 

I’m sorry but you did not ask me to cover the sleep in, I pointed out to you Gemma had put herself down to cover the sleep and I would try to find a shift leader, at no point did you say a support worker could do it if necessary. I was unable to do the sleep myself as it would have meant doing 3 sleep ins on the trot and had a friend visiting from Bournemouth.

 

I asked Rose if she was able to do the sleep in and she told me you were doing it, I even text you to check if that was true, you did not respond.

 

I am sorry but I have done nothing wrong here and feel your tone is out of order.

 

Colin

 

 

your shagging Lizzie and I claim my free web-show. 

[lifetime fan]

your shagging Lizzie and I claim my free web-show. 

 

Don't you start with the gay insults too.

 

There's nothing wrong with wearing comfy shoes.

[Bjornebye]

Don't you start with the gay insults too.

 

There's nothing wrong with wearing comfy shoes.

 

It wasn't an insult mate and the fact you saw it as one makes you a homophobic cunt

 

Whoever smelt it dealt it

[lifetime fan]

It wasn't an insult mate and the fact you saw it as one makes you a homophobic cunt

 

Whoever smelt it dealt it

 

How can I be homophobic? I love cock.

[Dr Nowt]

Dawn sounds like she shares the same tone as that chippy freckly blonde cunt in the restaurant.

[lifetime fan]

Dawn sounds like she shares the same tone as that chippy freckly blonde cunt in the restaurant.

 

Haha - I thought you were going to glass her.

[Dr Nowt]

I might have had a slight strop!

[lifetime fan]

Reckon you should post the story of your other strop with that girl outside - ya big racist.

[Dr Nowt]

Hahaha. Forgot about that. I did like the Tony Benn film, just don't understand why they didn't do one on Farage!

[Ranxerox]

Mid way through my career I switched to the investment side of the bank I started with. It was a first class organization as far as things go in banking.  After a few years 4 of us got recruited by the 4th (out of 4) large banks to join their investment outfit, it was a great offer and seemed a good move. We weren't there long before realizing just how good things were at our previous shop. Everything was done a bit on the cheap and we soon learned the back operations were in total chaos with a level of bureaucratic incompetence that would make the USSR blush. We were stunned to learn that trade orders for a certain tax sheltered product had to be faxed (at the old place everything was done through fairly up to date online systems). The fax number was a toll free one 11 digits in length. At our office someone programmed it into the fax to at least save us a bit of time when sending orders. 

  After about 6 months we all started heading back to the old place or moving to a better outfit as the headaches just piled up. A year after that this story hits the news about some scrapyard dealer who's been receiving unsolicited faxes from a major bank full of people's confidential info. It was my old employer and I knew instantly the misdirected faxes must have been from traders using non-programmed faxes and making an error typing in the number. The scrapyard owner said he had complained to the bank for years but they did nothing so he finally called a reporter in frustration. It took them a further 4 months to finally get the system updated and god only knows how many trades were fucked and how much personal info was sent to less honest people than that scrap dealer.

[ZonkoVille77]

Which was nice

[Section_31]

The big boss sits by me and is currently playing Christmas music at his desk, Michael Buble obviously. He's also singing along from time to time, He really is a wanker.

[rubble-rouser]

The big boss sits by me and is currently playing Christmas music at his desk, Michael Buble obviously. He's also singing along from time to time, He really is a wanker.

 

Nut him in the nutsack

[Section_31]

Do you think it's possible to subconsciously hate your job? I've been down generally for a while and didn't think it was anything to do with work because it's pretty stress free.

 

I've got a cushy little number where I am. I got out of my old job because it was a 90 minute commute each way with traffic and pretty stressful. This is a doss, really easy, laid back, better money, the people I work with are all sound. But when I come in part of me sinks. 

 

It's a retail business and I look around at some people who've been here decades and just wonder how they do it, and that working for that long purely to make someone else wealthy is simply a waste of a life. 

 

I hate how there's so much corporate double speak, how people pretend to get things done or pretend to innovate, but they're actually just trotting out the same old shit. 

 

When they launch a new project I get briefly excited, we get allowed to brain storm and come up with new ideas, but then they just use the thing they used two years ago instead. 

 

Even stuff like the fact the carpark is full of flash cars even though most people are on barely above minimum wage seems to wind me up even though it shouldn't. Just wish I could learn the art of not being arsed, I'd be a lot happier.