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Saturday May 11: Barcelona want Andy Robbo. I want a yacht like John Henry’s. Well see who gets lucky first. Things aren’t going well over at Camp Nou though. Reports today reckon Messi has told them to ‘sell Coutinho’. Wow, with friends like him who needs enemies. They’ve probably got Suarez house hunting for him again. In England. Pricks. I know I should probably be taking pleasure in how things have gone for Phil, but I’m genuinely not. I mean don’t get me wrong, I definitely don’t want to see him tearing it up for them, but that’s more to do with how I feel about Barca than any beef I have with Coutinho. I almost feel bad for him now as those fans are fucking gobshites. He should have known that though, the white hankie waving twats. He was loved here. He had it made, but he wanted to follow his dream and it’s turned sour on him. Let that be a lesson to anyone else who is thinking of walking away from Kloppo’s Reds. As for Phil? Bring him home, Jurgen. On the field today, Leeds beat Derby in the first leg of the playoffs. I don’t want Leeds to come back up but only because I’d be concerned that Milner might be tempted back there. Let them stay where they are, for now, even though I’m intrigued by Bielsa and think he’d be a welcome addition to the top flight. We’ve just lost Neil Warnock, we could do with another entertainer. Yes, I did just compare Bielsa with Warnock, but obviously I don’t mean their football. Just that the game is full of boring bastards and those two are off their heads. Ideally I don’t want Lampard getting promotion (not even sure why as I quite like him these days) but it might be good for Wilson if they wanted to take him for another year. I don’t have any major beef with West Brom but I don’t like the way they treated Darren Moore so fuck them. I think the one thing we can all agree on is that Villa need to stay where they are, the boring, unfunny, witless pricks. Sunday May 12: L 2 Wolves 0 Definitely a bit of after the Lord Mayor’s Show about this. The efforts from the other night meant there were a lot of heavy legs out there, and the whole emotional drain of what was happening at Brighton made it worse. The players will have had that brief moment of “fucking hell, City are losing? Maybe this is on” but it was only fleeting as they will have picked up on the sense of deflation around the ground almost immediately after. With no more cheers after that they knew it was over, and it would have been so easy for them to subconsciously ease off and let the fatigue win. Wolves were pushing hard for an equaliser but as they have done all season, the lads dug deep and managed to get it done. I couldn’t be prouder of them. 97 points, only one defeat (courtesy of bad luck and a bad Manc ref) and a second Champions League Final in a row. The best LFC team of my lifetime, title or not. Let every sad jealous prick around the country have their fun. The only people entitled to gloat are those connected to City. Everyone else is a fucking million miles behind us and any piss taking coming from them is like water of a duck’s back. Gary Neville laughing at us? Yeah, you’ve got your own problems lad. Your mate Ole is presiding over a sinking ship and will be lucky to hold onto a top six spot next year. Wolves fans taunting us about ‘you fucked it up again’ when less than a month ago they blew a 2-0 lead with 10 minutes left in an FA Cup semi. Then there was Everton’s official twitter account offering congratulations to City about a minute after the final whistle. I mean fucking hell, that was shameful even by their non-existent standards. It hurts not winning the title, but the difference between this time and other near misses is this team hasn’t even peaked yet. They’ll get better. No-one is swooping in and taking our best players, none of our players will want to leave and pretty much every top player on the market this summer would be desperate to come here. Great manager, great team, great fans. Who wouldn’t want to join us right now? I can’t remember the last time we were in a position as strong as this. Even when Kenny’s side were at the peak of their powers they wouldn’t have been the top destination for overseas players because Italy and Spain was still where it was at. Now? Players all over the world will be intrigued by what’s happening here. Klopp will be able to get pretty much whoever he wants this summer. Up the Reds, fuck everyone else and let’s go and win that European Cup to make up for the injustice of what happened a year ago. Monday May 13: Reports claim that UEFA want to boot City out of the Champions League. Of course the reports weren’t written by the English media, they won’t touch any of this with a shitty stick. I don’t know why, all I can assume is they’re terrified of City’s lawyers because frankly it’s just really weird how everyone skirts around it. The only person on TV I’ve ever heard referencing it was Martin Keown, who was promptly told he couldn’t say it. The papers barely reference it either. I genuinely don’t get it. Anyway, UEFA’s investigators apparently reckon they have enough to ban them for a year. Good. This is just the tip of the iceberg though as the stuff they are investigating isn’t even the most serious shit they’ve been doing. It’d be nice if the Premier League grew some balls and did something about it too. I won’t hold my breath on that though. Everyone is terrified of taking them on because of the financial might backing them. In transfer news, we’re being linked with Julian Brandt again. I like him, he’s looked great any time I’ve seen him which isn’t very often if I’m honest. Ok, ok, I’m basing it entirely on a few cameos as a late sub in the world cup. He did look boss though. Anyway, he’d be a good signing but I don’t want him. Why not? Because I want Coutinho back. If he was the only signing we made this summer I’d be more than happy with that, providing of course we stiffed Barca on the fee, or maybe even nabbed him on loan with a view to buy. For that to happen though, Coutinho is going to have to do what Michael Owen couldn’t and tell his club it’s Liverpool or nowhere. Call their bluff. They want him off the books and the fans hate him (he was booed relentlessly yesterday at the Nou Camp) so he needs to stand firm and prove how much he wants to come back. In other transfer news, the president of Leipzig was asked about Timo Werner joining Bayern, and he said “Maybe [Timo] doesn’t even want to go to Munich. Maybe he would rather join Tuchel in Paris, Klopp at Liverpool or Favre at Dortmund.” Not having that one though, I don’t think Klopp wants him at all. In fact, hasn't he already said as much? I'm sure he did. The Spanish press meanwhile have us being in for De Ligt and reckon we might pip Barca to his signature. I’ll say here and now, without a shred of doubt, that there’s no way we’re paying £75m for a partner for Virgil when we’ve already got the best defence in the league and we’ve got more depth at the position than anyone else in England. There’s zero chance of that happening, even though he'd be great. Also today, I saw a tweet from Neil Reynolds who does the NFL stuff on Sky. He was commenting on an interview with Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers (who I fucking hate by the way) where he was talking about what a big City fan he is and how great he thinks Pep and his team are. Reynolds revealed that when he interviewed Rodgers four years ago he had a signed Liverpool shirt on his wall and was going on about what a big Red he is. Nothing worse than cunts who change teams. No wonder his own family hate him (google it, they actually do). Rodgers will get his in a few months when my Bears get hold of the turncoat bastard. Tuesday May 14: Remember when people didn’t want us to win the league because we’d be unbearable? Pretty sure there’s nothing we would have done that would have been worse than that video of the Man City players singing that shitty fucking song attacking us. I mean what the fuck? Had our players done anything like that Klopp would fucking murder them himself. That’s the difference between our club and theirs. These cunts are still small time despite their success. They don’t know how to act like a big club because they’ve never been one. It’s all new to them and they’re floundering. The manager is tit, the press office are utterly consumed with their obsession about us, as are the fans, and now it looks like it’s all filtered through to the players too. It’s a compliment really. We’re in their heads. We have been since we knocked them out of the Champions League last year. I said to a few people last week that they want to win the league more for being able to stop us winning it than for the glory of winning it themselves. They won the title and their first thought was “haaaaaaaaa fuck you Liverpool”. They don’t even have plans for a parade, but I really hope that changes just so we can piss ourselves watching it. They’re fucking pathetic. A soulless, embarrassment of a club who just don’t get it. The players know it too. They see the support our lads get and it must really fucking get on their nerves. I just hope Klopp sends that video out in the group chat he has with the squad. Let them all see it. Drink it in, and fucking ram it down their throats next season. Hopefully they win the FA Cup next week so we can play them in the Charity Shield. That's how I want to start next season, by smashing them at Wembley. You want a war? You'll fucking get one. Also today, Guardiola is named manager of the year. Hahahaha fucking hell. I mean really? They finished one point ahead of us and went out of the CL in the quarters, whereas we’re in the final. They finished with less points than they had last year, while we improved our tally by 22. We lost one game. This wasn’t even a close decision, its the most obvious call they’ll ever make, and they still got it wrong. This is worse than when the players picked Pogba in the team of the season. Wednesday May 15: City issue a statement about the singing. No apology, no humility, merely a denial that the chant was about Sean Cox. These are unbelievable, they really are. Whether it was about Sean Cox or not is hardly the point (for what it's worth, I'd say it's obvious the fans see it as being about him, but the players won't have even thought about it). Let's leave Sean out of it for a second. They're still singing about fans being battered in the streets, about Kompany injuring Salah and about us being 'victims'. What pisses me off the most is that we're actually being attacked for being offended by it. "Oh look, scousers being victims again". Well yeah, because we are the victims here, yet somehow City are trying to make out that they're the ones being hard done to? Fucking scumbags. A journalist told me some time back that as a club City are absolutely horrible to deal with on every level. They’re small time and have no idea how big clubs act. They complain about LFC getting better media coverage, while at the same time banning their players from talking to Sky and generally not making them available for the papers as much as they should either. Liverpool, on the other hand, are the exact opposite. The press are given regular access to Klopp and the players, and the press office is generally very accommodating. So of course we’re going to get more media coverage, and that’s before we even bring up the fact that we’ve got a couple of billion more fans than them, which means more interest in LFC articles and videos than City ones. We know the people who own City are morally bankrupt, you only have to look at their human rights record to know that, so why would we expect the people who work there to be any different? Owners, press office, manager, staff, players - all cunts. I bet even the tea lady is a right fucking cow as well. Of course the FA are doing nothing about it. Probably too busy trawling through twitter to find daft posts made by League Two players when they were 15. I mean seriously, how is what City’s players did ‘not breaking any rules’? Then again, we can ask the same thing about their accountants too, but that will also fall on deaf ears. Meanwhile, the playoff game between Leeds and Derby was fucking sensational. Two teams who really deserve to be in the top flight based on the way they play the game, but only one still has a chance. I’m glad Derby won for the reason stated the other day, but I have to say I was getting pretty wound up with their excessive celebrations afterwards. They went way too far and milked it way too much. I’m genuinely surprised there wasn’t a pitch invasion by the Leeds fans. Lampard was giving it a bit too much and that probably encouraged the players to go overboard as well. Then afterwards their official twitter account was taking the piss out of the Leeds fans. It was a funny, well thought out tweet, basically mocking an equally funny chant by the Leeds fans which was mocking them about the spying thing, but is it really the place of clubs themselves to be doing this? I dunno, in fairness most of the Leeds fans I saw reacting to it were saying ‘we gave it out so we can take it’ but it just doesn’t sit well with me. The more I watched Derby over egging their celebrations the more I thought “if they were playing anyone else other than Villa I’d want them to get beat”. But they are playing Villa, so… Up the Rams!! Thursday May 17: Another day another twatty statement from Man City. “Manchester City Football Club is disappointed, but regrettably not surprised, by the sudden announcement of the referral to be made by the CFCB IC Chief Investigator Yves Leterme. The leaks to media over the last week are indicative of the process that has been overseen by Mr. Leterme. Manchester City is entirely confident of a positive outcome when the matter is considered by an independent judicial body. The accusation of financial irregularities remains entirely false and yada yada yada…” Roughly translated “Who the fuck do you think you are investigating us? Do you know how rich we are? We’re not worried though, because we’re rich and lawyered up to the eyeballs. Did we mention that we're rich?”. There’s a pattern here. The cunts thinks they’re above the law. One of the leaked emails even showed them telling a UEFA official the last time they were being investigated that rather than pay a fine Sheikh Mansour would rather spend £30m on hiring the world’s top 50 lawyers and tying UEFA up in court for the next 10 years. There was another email between high ups at City after one of the seven FFP investigators passed away that said "one down, six to go". Seriously, when you actually read up on the shit they’ve been pulling it’s staggering that more hasn’t been made of it. The rule breaches are rampant but it’s the “what the fuck are you gonna do about it? Nothing, that’s what” attitude about it that’s even worse. The media in this country don't want to touch it though.This shit should be all over the front pages, let alone the back. I guess when you’re got that much money and power you actually can do whatever the fuck you like without consequences. I’ve been calling City “Ben Johnson FC” but I was wrong. They’re “Donald Trump FC”. Friday May 18: Firmino and Alisson make the Brazil squad for the Copa America, but there’s no place for Fabinho. Anyone shocked by this hasn’t been paying attention. This is a nation that picked Gabriel Jesus to start over Bobby at the last World Cup. They have a history of doing mad shit and specialise in stupid. They picked Richarlison. Enough said. Meanwhile, Guardiola assures Barca that City won’t be trying to nab wantaway Atletico star Antoine Griezmann, saying “Don’t worry guys, Manchester City is not going to buy Griezmann, we cannot afford him”. Well you can’t afford him if you’re playing by the same rules as everybody else, but then if you were playing by the same rules as everyone else you couldn’t have afforded half the players in your squad, you doping cunts. He also said “If Liverpool win the Premier League it is an incredible achievement. Man City win and it’s ‘ok’. All I know is we won the most incredible Premier League season.” He’s worse than Mourinho. Yeah I said it. He is. Mourinho was a cunt but he never really attempted to be anything else. The worst thing about “Pep” is he’s a fake nice guy. So many people have fallen for the act and think he’s a decent bloke. He’s not. He’s a cunt. And a bad fuckin’ weirdo. Just a shame no-one pointed out to him that when you win something by cheating and by outspending the competition by around half a billion quid, you don’t get the same kind of credit. Plus, when you won the league by a gazillion points the year before and then only a point a year later, people aren’t going to be blown away by it and the story might be the team that improved by 22 points on the previous year to take it down to the wire. Just enjoy your title win and stop whining you bald weirdo. Also today, I see Carra is on board my “bring O Magico home" train. Good stuff from him today highlighting that the one thing City have over us (other than money) is creative midfielders like De Bruyne and the two Silvas. Add Coutinho to what we already have and we’d take some fucking stopping. Finally, it seems like everyone is falling over themselves to buzz off this video of De Ligt addressing the Ajax fans. “ooooh what a great leader” “wow, he’s only 19” blah blah blah. I agree that he’s an impressive kid but it can’t only be me who watches that and thinks, yeah lad, you forgot the bit where you say “and now my work here is done, I’m off to Barcelona. Adios amigos”. Wait, stop the press. More Guardiola quotes, this time on the chanting on the plane. “Just for one second imagine we could offend about these tragedies about Liverpool, all the Liverpool people, it’s incredible. We were happy for ourselves. If someone was offended for another issue, I am sorry, I apologise, but it wasn’t our intention. “We were happy for ourselves to win the Premier League against an incredible contender. You know my opinion on social media, but we are not the only one to do that. We are living in that position and that is what it is." Ok, I appreciate he is speaking in his second or third language, but most of that doesn’t make any sense, and the stuff that I could understand is weak as fuck. “Sorry you were offended” isn’t an apology you arrogant bald fuck. And if you were happy for yourselves why aren’t you singing about yourselves instead of singing about us? I’ll tell you why. Because as I said, City wanted to win that title not for themselves, but just so they could go “haaaaaaa you didn’t win it! Allez Allez Allez hahahaha”. That goes for fans, manager, players, Gallagher brothers, Eddie Large and every other cunt connected to the small time bastards. And what the fuck has social media got to do with it? That might be the reason we know about it, but the singing happens with or without social media. That would be like blaming hackers when incriminating emails have been made public. Oh wait, they’ve done that too. Pricks. and that was the week that was…

So here we are again, another season over and the wait for the title goes on. The season has flown over again and our lads were incredible from first game to last. I could just about handle the stress of watching our games, it was the feeling of helplessness whenever City were playing that was tough. Relying on other teams for favours isn't something I ever want to do again, so next year we'll just have to win every game. Or at the very least make sure we beat City twice. Easier said than done, but after what these boys did this season I'm not going to doubt them, and after the way City’s players conducted themselves this week I’d imagine our lads can’t wait to get another crack at them. Hopefully City win the FA Cup so we can smash them everywhere in the Charity Shield. It’s hard to take knowing we aren’t Champions after a season like that, but I’m not too disappointed or disheartened. I’m resentful because I feel as though we’ve been cheated out of something we deserved (financial doping or a Manchester ref doing them favours, take your pick), but putting that sense of injustice aside I feel fucking great about where we are. I mean think about it. We lost once all season. We haven’t lost at home for over two years. We’ve made back to back European Cup finals. We've got Andy Robbo. All in all we’re in fucking great shape and the bond between team and fans has never been stronger. Meanwhile, over at Old Trafford….. It's only when you see something like that it fully hits home just how good we've got it right now. We've got a squad of players who never once short changed us this season. Not once. They might not always play well but they always leave everything they have out on the pitch. All those clips you see of other teams being highlighted on MOTD (usually by Shearer, he loves a bit of shirker bashing) for their lack of work rate and half arsed closing down or not tracking back. You don't get that with our boys and I love them for it. Even more so when I look at how United's players are cheating their crowd. While we were winning our 30th game of the season they were losing at home to already relegated Cardiff City. And while that was happening, their fans were cheering for City’s goals at Brighton. How the mighty have fallen. Good way for Cardiff to sign off though. Warnock said he asked his players to make his last Premier League game a memorable one and to win it for him. They did him proud. As I said last week though, this was a game they should have been looking at as the one that kept them up, but because they blew it against Palace it was a dead rubber. Brighton hate Palace but they've got them to thank for still being in the league, because Brighton would be gone if Palace had rolled over last week. Still, it says everything about the difference between Cardiff's players and United's that they were the ones who wanted it more. Mendez-Laing won a penalty and picked himself up to score. He added a second with a tap in after the break and all United had to offer in resistance were a couple of decent efforts by 17 year old Mason Greenwood. Pogba did fuck all as per, and was lucky to stay on when he flung Murphy to the floor and then shoved him in the face. Classic case of a player doing something aggressive just to try and fool the fans into thinking he cares. He doesn’t. He’s half arsed his way through 3/4 of the season but one little spell of decent performances got him a spot in the PFA team of the year. I don’t agree with fans hurling abuse at players and I’m not condoning the behaviour of that United fan in the clip above, but I completely understand how he could be driven to acting like that. If I had to watch that preening twat every week and then listen to people telling me how great he is and that it’s the manager’s fault for not getting the best out of him, I’d probably go all Michael Douglas in Falling Down too. Pogba was even preening when the fella was hurtling insults at him! Fan: “You’re fucking shite!!!” Pogba: *nods his head sarcastically* Fan: “FUCK OFF!!!” Pogba: *applauds* Fan: “FUCKIN SHIIIIITE!!!!” Pogba: *thumbs up, pats hand on his heart* Fan “You’re not even average!! FUCK OFF!!” That finished me off that did. The perfect put down for someone like Pogba and exactly what I’ve been saying about him for years. Every now and then he looks boss. Every now and then he looks like the worst player in the league, and sometimes he’s a bit of both even in the same game. If you add up the overall body of work, it comes out as less than the average for a top six club midfielder. So yeah, not even average. He’s a product of the FIFA / Social Media generation. I know Roy Keane and Graeme Souness hate loads of modern day players, but you can see why their disdain for Pogba in particular is off the scale. He doesn’t even do the basics without the ball (Cardiff’s second was a direct result of him standing still and letting his man run off him into the box) but all he has to do is ping one 60 yard pass or hit a decent shot from distance and the FIFA virgins are tugging themselves off. It’s going to be a long road back for them as United’s situation is truly dire. Mourinho said this week “I said that finishing second with Man United was perhaps my greatest achievement. Now people understand.” The man has a point (although typically he’s completely exonerating himself of any blame for how shit they are). I couldn’t believe they finished second last season as they were obviously shite, but much like Solskjaer’s little honeymoon period it was unsustainable and it caught up with them. They’re so, so bad right now. Look at their team and tell me who you’d even want. I’d have Rashford for the bench and that is quite literally it. At one time I’d have taken Martial too, but fuck that. His attitude stinks. Their squad is dogshit. Ashley Young is their captain and no-one can even argue about it because he's the best candidate, even though he's Ashley Young. Imagine being that shit that Ashley Young is your captain. They’re just a shambles. They used to be such a well run club that it was difficult to see any way past them. Now they literally can’t get a thing right, even their kit. Next year they have a kit to commemorate 20 years since they won the treble. They won the treble in 1998/99, and next season is 2019/20, so even by my GCSE grade E maths (what can I say, I was a lazy bastard in school) that’s 21 years. You couldn’t make this shit up. What a mess. Still, never mind, eh? Right, what’s next? I'm sure you'll be relieved to know I’m going to completely skip over City’s win at Brighton. I have nothing to say about them at this point as I’ve said plenty all season. I fast forwarded through the highlights from the game and I’ll be doing all I can to ensure I never see any footage of their post match celebrations. So far so good. Maybe at some point I’ll accidentally be subjected to a split second of it (probably the MOTD credits next season) but by and large I’ll be avoiding this like I avoided any footage from our 2007 CL final loss to Milan. To this day I think I’ve only ever seen those Inzaghi goals once, and I’m pretty sure I haven’t seen them lifting the trophy. So yeah, I’m ignoring City completely in this and just concentrating on the other games. First up, Wilfried Palace v Bournemouth which was a cracker. Eight goals, five of them to Palace. Not sure they'd managed five goals at home in the previous 18 home games combined. Batshuayi volleyed in a deflected Zaha cross and then slid in to convert a low centre from Wan-Bissaka to double Palace’s lead. Their third was a weird one. Zaha went racing through and stabbed a shot at the keeper, who wasn’t expecting it and could only parry it onto one of his defenders and then watch helplessly and it rebounded into the net. Zaha’s shot was just weird though, he had time to set himself but deliberately took it early. Had it gone in it would have been a brilliantly improvised finish, but in reality it was a bit shit and he got lucky. Jefferson Lerma pulled one back with an absolute belter from 30 yards that went in off the bar and then - and I’ve had to rewind this just to double check - Jordon Ibe found the net to give Bournemouth hope. Zaha then teed up Van Aanholt to restore Palace’s two goal lead but King stole in at the back post to make it 4-3 and keep the game alive. Zaha then got into a bit of handbags with Lerma and was given a booking for his trouble. He was fuming, and the next time he picked up the ball he just powered past two players (including Lerma who unsuccessfully tried to foul him) before teeing up Townsend to make it 5-3. He’s reportedly told Palace he wants to leave this summer. Where to hough? Chelsea would be the most obvious destination but they’re banned from buying anyone. He won’t go back to United, he’s too good for Arsenal so that would leave us, Spurs and City. I’d be made up if we went for him but it seems unlikely as he’s never been linked with us even tentatively. City don’t need him but since when has that stopped them? Spurs would seem the most likely, and I’d hate to see him there as he’d improve them a lot. Ideally Palace price him out of a move and he stays put. Arsenal ended with a win at Burnley. Aubamayeng scored twice to grab a share of the Golden Boot with Mo and Sadio. Ashley Barnes pulled one back but Nketia wrapped it up with the last kick of the game. Not a good week for the Gunners though, who put out a statement saying they'd love to know how UEFA came up with the decision to play the Europa Final in such a far flung remote location, only to have it pointed out that their then chief exec was part of the committee who made the decision. Man United behaviour that. Meanwhile, a tough day for the Blues at Spurs as the poor buggers didn’t know who to cheer. Some will have wanted to cheer their own team while others will have been rooting for Spurs as a show of solidarity ahead of the Champions League final. That could have caused some infighting in the away end, but thankfully they all found common ground by cheering for Man City instead. Dier put Spurs ahead but Walcott equalised. Is there a more pointless footballer on the planet than Theo Walcott? That’s a rhetorical question by the way, because clearly there isn’t. He's the only player in the history of football who has gotten progressively worse with each year as a professional. What an absolute fucking waste of space. Tosun bundled in to give Everton the lead but Eriksen found the bottom corner with a free-kick to ensure it was honours even. The Spurs players did a lap of appreciation at full time and were given an incredible send off ahead of the CL Final. Spine tingling stuff, wonderful support. The reception they got from their own fans wasn’t bad either. Mark Noble set West Ham on their way to three points at Watford with a nice individual goal. Lanzini doubled their advantage with a header after a brilliant effort from Antonio had been tipped onto the bar by the keeper. Antonio’s form these last few weeks has been top class. Deulefeu’s clever finish got Watford back into it immediately after half time, but two minutes later Antonio got away from Holebas and was brought down. Not much contact and Antonio’s touch was shite, but a red card for the Watford man, who now misses the FA Cup final. Harsh that like. In hindsight, Javi Gracia should have put the reserve side out for this one as why risk something like that happening? Nothing was riding on the game for either team. Arnautovic scored from close range and Noble made it 4-1 from the spot after Antonio had been fouled. Strong end to the season for the Hammers after a terrible start. Across London, Shelvey’s first goal in over a year set Newcastle on the way to three points at Fulham. That Ayoze Perez loser (ah that felt good) prodded in number two after poor goalkeeping from Spider Rico. Schar headed in from a corner and Rondon added a late fourth. Fulham have been improved of late but they gave Scott Parker the job permanently and he’s immediately gone and pulled a Solskjaer on them. Fair play to Huddersfield who gave all of their travelling fans a free shirt. How come the smaller clubs can afford to do things like this but the big clubs would never dream of it? Those fans deserve it, they’ve been great all season. I'd have no issue whatsoever if they came straight back up, but I can't see it. They ended with a draw at Southampton which was a decent way to finish. The Saints led when Redmond lashed one in from 18 yards, but a howler from Angus Gunn allowed Pritchard to equalise. Channeling his inner Ben Foster there. Finally, over at the KingPower Stadium Higuain had a great chance to put Chelsea ahead at Leicester but he frauded it up as he’s a big fat fraud. It ended 0-0 and was your classic end of season nothing game. Chelsea aren't in as dire a situation as United, but they'll have their work cut out staying in the top four next season, especially if they keep Sarri. So that's that then until August. When you look at it, we basically single handedly salvaged the season as it would have been shite without us. The relegation battle was crap, the 'race' for top four was like watching four drunks at closing time, throwing wild haymakers and knocking themselves out. The title race was the only thing of any real interest and quality, and that's only because we've made such massive strides. Had we just been average like the other top four challengers, maybe then people would actually look at what City have done to distort the competition through foul means and actually take issue with it? Instead, they were seen as the fucking white knight riding in to save football from us winning the title. One day they'll realise just how much those cunts are ruining the game, but it won't be any time soon I suspect, not while we're so fucking good and pushing them all the way, Roll on August and let's do it all again. Meanwhile, some awards: Player of the Season not named Big Virg - Andy Robertson Young Player of the Season - Trent of course. Goal of the Season - Can't choose between Townsend's stunner at the Etihad and Big Div's derby winner. Aaron Ramsay’s against Fulham was great too. Best Shit Player - Ashley Barnes retains his crown. Shittest Good Player - Paul Pogba Twat of the season: 1 Iheanacho, 2 Kompany, 3 Guardiola. Biggest over achievers - Watford Biggest under achievers - United. ‘My Boy’ of the season - Ryan Fraser Best fans - Huddersfield by a landslide. Palace create a good atmosphere too, but everyone else is shit. Worst fans - Man City, not even close. Twats of the Season XI Ederson - Shit tattooed, ugly, offensive looking twat. Kyle Walker - Over rated, ‘banter’ loving twat Vincent Kompany - Bulb headed dirty twat Harry Maguire - Big foreheaded, red card escaping twat Lucas Digne - Constantly lying about turning down Liverpool twat. Paul Pogba - Style over substance twat. Ander Herrera - One last time for the road, twat Bernardo Silva - Snide twat. Richarlison - Diving, stupid faced twat. Sergio Aguero - Bird shit headed, still non-English speaking after eight years here twat Kelechi Iheanacho - Deliberate chance missing twat Non-top five team of the season: GK: Neil Etheridge (Cardiff) - He’s really good, half the teams in the division should be looking to bring him in this summer. RB: Ricardo Perreira (Leicester) - Brilliant player. If we didn’t have Trent I’d be pulling out all the stops to try and land this guy. CB: Aaron Wan-Bissaka (Palace) - I know he’s a right back, I don’t care, it’s my team so I’ll pick who I like, where I like. He’s got all the attributes to play in the middle anyway and long term my prediction is he’ll end up there. CB: Sol Bamba (Cardiff) - I know he shouldn’t be in here but I like him and Neil Warnock reckons he’s as good as Big Virg, so that’ll do for me. Besides, if the alternative is that Harry Maguire goon then that’s not an alternative I’m down with. I like his name, I like saying it. It rolls off the tongue. Sol Bamba. Say it with me. Sol Bamba. LB: Lucas Digne (Everton) - Second best left back in the city, which is nothing to be ashamed of when you play across the park from the great Andy Robbo. Just edges out Ben Chilwell, who I really like too. RW: Wilfried Zaha (Palace) - I think he’s brilliant. Not everyone agrees but they’re wrong and that’s ok, we can’t all be right all of the time. I’m not right all the time, but I am right that Zaha is brilliant. CM: Abdoulaye Doucoure (Watford) - I like him. I’ve liked him for a couple of years. We were linked with him last summer but I don’t like him THAT much. Good player, not a great player. There was a shortage of midfielders to choose from though so he gets in. CM: James Maddison (Leicester) - Loves a dive but the lad can play. Very smooth. Good on the ball and can pick a pass. Reminds me of Danny Murphy, apart from the diving and not being bald. LM: Ryan Fraser (Bournemouth) - I never used to like him because of that time he came off the bench and tore us apart. It was the big club snob in me. I was offended that a little fat Scottish lad who looked like he lived on a diet of Irn Bru and battered Mars Bars could do that to us, and I was unkind about him for a while after that. I was wrong. For all I know he might live on Irn Bru and battered Mars Bars, but he’s a good player and he’s deservedly earned the title of ‘my boy Ryan Fraser’. CF: Callum Wilson (Bournemouth) - He’s only in the team because my boy Ryan Fraser has a great understanding with him. He’s a quality player in his own right but he can thank my boy for his spot in this starting eleven. CF: Jamie Vardy (Leicester) - My favourite non-LFC player and someone I always enjoy watching. Reminds me of Rushy. Settle down now, I’m not saying he’s as good as Rushy, but he’s the closest thing I’ve seen to him in terms of style. subs GK: Lucas Fabianksi (West Ham) - Every week I watch MOTD and see keepers making clangers. I can’t remember any from this guy though. He mightn’t be the best keeper in the league but he’s on of the most reliable as he rarely costs his team goals. RB: Matt Doherty (Wolves) - He first caught my eye in the opening weeks of the season, but because I’d never heard of him before I thought it was just a case of ‘the sun even shines on a dog’s arse some days’. I was wrong though, he’s been good every time I’ve seen him and he was boss against us last week. LB: Ben Chilwell (Leicester) - As with Ricardo, if we didn’t already have someone boss in his position I’d be all over this lad this summer. Good player with a great engine. The only player in the league to make more sprints this season than Robbo and Mo. CB / CM: Declan Rice (West Ham) - Good player. Not sure why they keep playing him in midfield though. I mean he can do a job, but he looks like a potential top drawer centre back. CM: Joao Moutinho (Wolves) - Toss up between him and Neves. I went with Moutinho for no particular reason RM / LM: Gerard Deulefeu (Watford) - I always joke about him looking like the best in the world for maybe two games a season and then doing fuck all the rest of the time. This year he’s been much more consistent though. He still doesn’t do it as often as he should, but he had a good season. CF: Raul Jiminez (Wolves) - Good all round striker who can do a bit of everything. Would have had a shot at making the starting eleven except he wore that wrestlers mask as a goal celebration. I’m ok with him doing it, but then they started handing them out to all their fucking moron fans. Honourable mentions to Andros Townsend, Felipe Anderson, Ashley Westwood, David Brooks, Diogo Jota, Ettiene Capoue and Nathan Redmond.