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Went to the doctor this morning & had what he described as a seizure right there in front of the boy, I'm currently lying in hospital with pneumonia & pleurisy. The good news is that my missus believes me now.

I was thinking with my cock for a spell over Christmas and was shagging a single mum I really should have ran from the first time I met her for a drink. I turned up at hers one night off my face as it was cheaper than a taxi back to mine and I fancied a shag. My memory goes completely from when I was in the taxi... Waking up the next morning with a stinking hangover I could tell she was in a piss with me so started to quickly get dressed and made my excuses. It was at this point she told me I’d let myself in with her spare key, demanded a blow job and then said I wanted her to squirt over my face. Apparently she said it felt different when when I was going down on her but still nice all the same. It wasnt until after a few minutes she realised I’d passed out and was snoring on her clit.

Harsh on Big Adam, aRdja.

He can do weekdays but isn't available evening and weekends.

You don't have to read threads to be a thread-reader but you are a thread-reader.

The support on this thread is fantastic. We should start a Anxiety, Stress and Depression Quiz Team to support each other and socialise. I’m in, depending how I feel, if I can be arsed. Love you all. Not Stig though. I’m in love with him

Nil Snoogy Nisi Doogy.

Worst post in forum history? I think so.

Lashings? Do Enid Blyton's Famous Five post on here?

Mook at hospital upon hearing the news from the doctor.

We could win the league title and SteveO would still be telling the world that we were a club in crisis.

She was elected because she's (supposedly) a Labour MP who was democratically elected by those same constituents because they want a Labour Govenrment rather than this shitstorm of one that the majority of this city want rid of . Her behaving like that and the fact that it's being retweeted by prominent Tory activists isn't making that likely to happen. Lets be honest Patrck Berger would get elected standing in Wavertree for Labour although him being parachuted into that seat wouldn't be as dodgy as the way she got it https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/crash-landing-for-labour-candidate-parachuted-into-liverpool-1951962.html

Great read this https://www.brightonandhovealbion.com/news/2019/january/tony-evans-on-two-tribes-the-farm-and-the-politics-of-football/#.XDi6ldJ3P8g.twitter

I was about to get down to business with a girl I had met in the pub one New Years eve many moons ago, really fancied her. In the throes of taking each others clothes off (very pissed) she bit me. Not a just a nibble, fucking hard. I managed to wince and keep it cool like the fonz. Then she did it again. Even harder. This time I sort of stood up trying to see if a chunk of me was missing. At which point she started getting dressed muttering that "she knew I wouldnt be able to handle her" and off she went. Nice girl. Works at the local garden centre now.

If y’all don’t want to take prescription drugs, don’t let them go to waste. Send them to me and I’ll dispose of them responsibly.

It will pass mate. I had a really shit week last week. Didn't want to leave my bed, talk to anyone or eat. Decided to knock the ale on the head for a bit after far too much over xmas. After 2/3 sleepless nights lay there sweating with my head all over the place unable to switch off I slowly started feeling better. this week I've eaten like a maniac, I'm up fresh every morning, out like a light when my head hits the pillow and it has done me the world of good. Still not perfect and a lot of shit I can't immediately change is playing on my mind but just feeling physically better is priceless. I am motivated to clean up, shower, cook food as opposed to just make noodles as they are easy and getting fresh air if needed. I did get some sleep aid tablets from wilkinson though that have helped me. Only about a quid a box and they are herbal. Literally within 20 minutes of having a couple i'm yawning and ready for bed. Out like a light for 7 hours every night. Things will get better mate, its just how well you ride it when it is shit. its far easier said than done and I know how easy it is to try and drink through the pain. Ive done that for nearly 3 years and it has got me nowhere. As NV has said, if you want to chat with a complete stranger my PM is always open.

Always thought it strange that the BBC used a proboscis monkey to interview politicians.

Fucking dryanuary cunts. We sold xmas gift cards at the pub, expiry date end of Jan, as part of an effort to pull in extra trade in January. I've had dryanuary wankers asking me to "extend" their voucher dates into feb. They can fuck the fuck off.

My first experience of unisex toilets was on a school trip in Belgium. We were in some cafe in Bruges and I had some syrup pancakes for breakfast. Fuckers went right through me. Hurried downstairs to the toilet and the most beautiful flemish female specimen ever to sniff the froth off a Leffe was washing her hands. Anyway I was too occupied with emptying my body sharpish to acknowledge a woman there and locked myself into the cubicle. I waited a minute or so until I heard the door go and proceeded to deliver a full blown shitbreak from american pie explosion. I was sweating and everything. Next thing I heard my mates voice and asked him if he saw that fit woman who just left the bathroom. he just said "yeah". I then said something along the lines of "I'd love to fuck her" or whatever a 15 year old lad would say about such a beauty when I heard him start laughing. Turns out she had been there the whole time doing her make-up in the mirror or something and the door noise was him coming into the bathroom to wait for the cubicle. I refused to leave for about 15 minutes.

The correct way to season your chips should be to put a generous handful of salt, shake the bastard until the salt is well dissipated, then rain down the vinegar, then twat on a load of salt again so that it sticks to the vinegar.

I reckon I’ve done about 30 drafts on here over the years and every single one has involved waiting hours for FG.

Hope you get an colonoscopy and they don't ask for it back. Get well soon mate.

Just demolished haddock and chips, with an accompanying cuppa. Lovely. Must've been the biggest fish I've ever had from a chippy, about three or four inches over each side of the plate. Not moving for at least an hour now, while I sit like a snake that's swallowed a bowling ball.

You should go and take your secateurs to her clematis and ask her how she likes it

Marcelo Bielsa. Zero fucks given.

The trophy looks like a box for aftershave.

I've no problem to be honest with her swerving that question, loyalty to a party and loyalty to a leader are completely different, if it's not you're basically in north Korea. Plenty of Blair loyalists couldn't stand Brown and vice versa. She's been put on the spot there, she's not actively gone out to stir shit.

He's trying too hard now, his earlier wummery at least had a passing relationship to reality. SteveO's difficult second album.

I'm very susceptible to colds. I've honestly thought about wearing surgery masks on the morning commute a la the Japanese.

Barmaids beating up the customers in the Legion.

Gym related anger again. Fucking vacuous twats that sit on the machines and play with their bastard phones and won't budge even when they know people are waiting. Cunts the lot of them

The dog in that pic is clearly asking, "Iz it coz I iz blak?"

Hearing that a Koulibaly move to Everton is unlikely in this window.

A nipple in the teeth is worth 2 for 1 on her bush

Free half a pint today if you can get there for 4pm.

A monkey doing Antiques Roadshow would be good.

Wanted to expand on this as I've stated this a few times (I think). Medication is designed to provide chemical balance (or mood regulation if that works for you). For instance, if someone presents with low mood or depression and they're really struggling something like Sertraline/Fluoxetine is usually provided. That's not your GP saying "ey mate, you're a bit fucked in the head and you need these to survive" it's there to provide you with some stability and consistency in your mood. Another example is those struggling with social anxiety often have huge highs and devastating lows on a daily basis and working with these folks without the aid of medication can be a journey of suicide attempts, self-harm and challenging recovery. With, they are more able to rationalise, learn and understand barriers which is stopping them from say getting their hair cut or going to the shop. You can complete therapy with or without medication. I've worked with both and both have great recoveries - it all depends on the client. If you're mood is all over the place frequency then speak to your GP. Get some balance and then work on that foundation. If you're already consistent with your mood, work on your behaviour. Get out more, plan things in your diary, find your values and do the stuff you love. You don't need to wait 'til the dust settles' you can do it right this minute. Have an empowering wank.

The man’s right and I know Stig’ll be along in a minute to say what a horrible time he had but the drugs work for me. They won’t sort out whatever it is you’re struggling with but they can settle your mind and give you the space you need to help you think what you need to do to get to a better place. You are very definitely not alone

That’s a good rule. You want the fish batter to be crispy and adding gravy will take that away.

First club to hound their first black player out of the club. Cliff Marshall, and I was told that by the brother of a then current everton player.

Yeah, dealing with it instead of ignoring it is definitely a must. It’s not easy and as soon as you start to feel a bit better you’re liable to start pushing it under the rug again. At least I did. As for pills... I had the same attitude for years until I just couldn’t go without them. Then within a couple of weeks things started to get easier and more manageable, just from swallowing a pill with breakfast. If you’re low on chemicals, it’s going to suck regardless. Getting your diet right and some exercise will help too.

Let's not take the chance and just organise a campaign of harassment against her anyway.

A decent chippy is the best thing on the planet.

Perfect sense.

Every show should end with Bobby Gillespie staring at Andrew Neil with bored disgust.

Have we had this one yet. Salt Bae.

Heysel This only matters to Evertonians for two reasons. One because they reckon they would have won the European Cup and two because they see it as some moral crusade even though they don't give a fuck about anyone who died. They know fuck all about what went on, they just know it was started by liverpool because they hate Liverpool. Steau Bucharest banners One banner after years of murderers shouts Athens Only a few knobheads, I'm sure if I looked hard enough I could find instances of them being pricks  Fanta scruff Some fella gets punched by a Sevilla fans in a neutral section as he bought the ticket in a UEFA ballot is "embarassing". Simply because he made a stupid joke on Sky sports before the game. Rocking ambulances Alan Smith has said numerous times that his didn't happen. Death threats to players Like who?. Hunting people down on twitter who may of slighted them so they can get ‘revenge ‘ Bit like the knobheads who turned up outside Iceland in Old Swan waiting to fill fanta scruff in because someone said on Twitter he worked there. He didn't even work in a shop. 2007 bus (6 times) This was done because the council wanted a victory parade to be done straight after the final (the day after) and Liverpool would have had no time to get the bus decorated. Rafa’s Cardinals No idea Bullying badgeman out of anfield No idea John Aldridge They have loads of embarassing ex players. Namely a former convict they gave a standing ovation to when he got out of prison who they worship. Loads have been done for drugs and domestic violence but obviously that is not as serious as John Aldridge being a bit biased. Blaming the wind Everton blame Liverpool for fucking everything The anfield wrap podcast GOT/Bluekipper The anfield rap song Here we go - most footy sings are shit but at least that got in the charts. Gerard’s slip I'm more embarrassed for them given that he scored about 20 times against them and they sing about his kids. Racially abusing the young Oldham player When? Sticking up for a racist on national tv Was never convicted in court unlike someone else. Everton can't claim the moral high ground over racism in any way. Destroying their own community Everton threw people out their homes years before liverpool did this and built a massive tin shed of a main stand over people's houses. Singing Munich while crying about Hillsbrough The Munich chants get shouted down but in the past it was bad. Bullying 2 old ladies out their home  They got 4/5 times what their house was originally worth. I work with one of the relatives of the two old ladies and it was all about holding out for more cash. Turning their back on shankly 2013/14 Didn't turn their back on him. They wanted Bob Paisley to implement his own ideas and not be undermined. ‘’champions’’ t shirts When? Crystanbul Everton haven't been in a position like that for 32 years. That's more embarassing. Robbing of their own in Athens Yeah you said Robbing their own at anfield every home game with forged and massively overpriced tickets Evertonians were jn the Echo the last couple of seasons doing this for the Derby. The only time they sell out. ‘’Boss’’ nights (snigger) Better than listening to z cars and booing whilst trying to punch players with kids in your hand. Trying to kick the disabled out the front rows of the kop Simply moved them to another area of the ground with more space and better facilities Reclaim the kop campaign As above, better than sitting there listening to z cars and booing. Sons of shankly nights having the band on stage singing Munich songs  Yeah you said already The abuse of karius Couple of knobheads on Twitter. Because no other club has them. Hounding people out of jobs if they dare cross them. Or turning up at Iceland to threaten people  Fck juve scarfs in Turin in 2005  Didn't happen The half hearted ‘apology ‘ the club gave juve to ensure their own fans safety in Turin  The relationship between the two clubs began in 1987 Boycotts , petitions . Plenty of petitions  I haven’t even scratched the surface yet The Salah one was started by an Egyptian for the world cup. The Boycott was for the ticket price rise. No way would any of them pay £77 either.