Maybe KK would have been better signalling for Charlie Adam to take that penno on Sun

[The Flâneur]

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

[silverlining]

This thread is not good. At all.

[razor]

When is a door not a door?

 

When it's ajar.

 

When is a boy on a bicycle not a boy on a bicycle?

 

When he turns into a side street.

[Melchett]

JEB END

[Rorschach08]

I think I bent my wookie

[Section_31]

[Sut]

Beans on a fryup. Yes or no?

[Redder Lurtz]

[YOUTUBE]NWX-O3srMIs[/YOUTUBE]

[NLW2010]

It was Rafa's fault.

[Magic Sponge]

How can you soar like an eagle, when you're working with turkeys?

[The Dude Abides]

Don't get me wrong, I love that Kenny wanted to give 'the wee man a leg up' but the wee man was buzzing all game, unlike Charlie. Suppose '26' is harder to translate into fingers...

 

He could have just pulled that face you do when making fun of a fat kid.

[Pony Princess]

I saw a duck (a mallard) on the main road in Maghull yesterday. A van stopped to let it waddle off the road. It must have been lost or confused because ducks shouldn't be on a main road. Anyway, it looked pleased with itself and then flew away, presumably to a canal which is more of an appropriate location for a duck to be.

 

God speed, Mr Duck.

[diamondjoe]

[Malarkey]

[Furmedge]

I was watching old school wrestling on telly before with Giant Haystacks et al. Don't make them like they used to.

[robbiefowler9]

[YOUTUBE]A5FVLrRqwEY[/YOUTUBE]

[kalasoma]

Anyone else think Stuart Pearce looks like Hitler with that side parting?

[razor]

[Guest The Big Green Bastard]

No.

[A_S]

On the way to the LFC supporters club in Melbourne last night to watch the final, I noticed someone had pitched a tent on the pavement, smack bang in the middle of the city! Must have been asleep inside as there was a bike chained to a rail just outside.

 

Fair.play, that.

[Melchett]

It all started when our overrated adventurer, Jeff Mong, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling abnormally puzzled, Jeff Mong slapped a carrot, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unsatisfying minutes later, he realized that his beloved Diamanté Dildo was missing! Immediately he called his overtly elitist, rich friend, Linda Felch. Jeff Mong had known Linda Felch for (plus or minus) 1.2 billion years, the majority of which were curious ones. Linda Felch was unique. She was intelligent though sometimes a little... funny-smelling. Jeff Mong called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Linda Felch picked up to a very unctuous Jeff Mong. Linda Felch calmly assured him that most spotted wolf hamsters panic before mating, yet man-eating capybaras usually explosively belch *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Jeff Mong. Why was Linda Felch trying to distract Jeff Mong? Because she had snuck out from Jeff Mong's with the Diamanté Dildo only nine days prior. It was a enchanting little Diamanté Dildo... how could she resist?

 

It didn't take long before Jeff Mong got back to the subject at hand: his Diamanté Dildo. Linda Felch belched. Relunctantly, Linda Felch invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Diamanté Dildo. Jeff Mong grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Linda Felch realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Diamanté Dildo and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Jeff Mong took the gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV, she had take at least nine minutes before Jeff Mong would get there. But if he took the Rocket ship? Then Linda Felch would be abundantly screwed.

 

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Linda Felch was interrupted by two stupid marmots that were lured by her Diamanté Dildo. Linda Felch cringed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling exasperated, she thoughtfully reached for her live hand grenade and deftly hit every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Rocket ship rolling up. It was Jeff Mong.

 

----o0o----

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With a careful leap, Jeff Mong was out of the Rocket ship and went sassily jaunting toward Linda Felch's front door. Meanwhile inside, Linda Felch was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Diamanté Dildo into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind her time machine. Linda Felch was stunned but at least the Diamanté Dildo was concealed. The doorbell rang.

 

'Come in,' Linda Felch indiscriminately purred. With a inept push, Jeff Mong opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some insensitive self-righteous ass in a Jap Trap,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Linda Felch assured him. Jeff Mong took a seat ridiculously unclose to where Linda Felch had hidden the Diamanté Dildo. Linda Felch cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Jeff Mong was distracted. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, Linda Felch noticed a oafish look on Jeff Mong's face. Jeff Mong slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 

'...What's that smell?'

 

Linda Felch felt a stabbing pain in her fingernail when Jeff Mong asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Diamanté Dildo right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Jeff Mong's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Jeff Mong nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Linda Felch could react, Jeff Mong randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Diamanté Dildo was plainly in view.

 

Jeff Mong stared at Linda Felch for what what must've been eleven days. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Linda Felch groped indiscriminately in Jeff Mong's direction, clearly desperate. Jeff Mong grabbed the Diamanté Dildo and bolted for the door. It was locked. Linda Felch let out a enchanting chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Jeff Mong,' she rebuked. Linda Felch always had been a little annoying, so Jeff Mong knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Linda Felch did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at her or something. A few unfulfilled decades later, he gripped his Diamanté Dildo tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

 

Linda Felch looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Jeff Mong. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Jeff Mong. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Linda Felch walked over to the window and looked down. Jeff Mong was gone.

 

----o0o----

 

Just yonder, Jeff Mong was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind Linda Felch's place. Jeff Mong had severely hurt his scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral marmots suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Diamanté Dildo. One by one they latched on to Jeff Mong. Already weakened from his injury, Jeff Mong yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of marmots running off with his Diamanté Dildo.

 

But then God came down with His intelligent smile and restored Jeff Mong's Diamanté Dildo. Feeling displeased, God smote the marmots for their injustice. Then He got in His noise-polluting import and jettisoned away with the fortitude of 200,000 South American hissing sloths running from a huge pack of long-haired sea monkeys. Jeff Mong stumbled with joy when he saw this. His Diamanté Dildo was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in six minutes his favorite TV show, Two and a Half Men, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When venomous koalas meet contraceptive'). Jeff Mong was thrilled. And so, everyone except Linda Felch and a few gun-toting man-eating capybaras lived blissfully happy, forever after.

 

 

XXX

Melchett ©2012

[Dr.Filth]

I was watching old school wrestling on telly before with Giant Haystacks et al. Don't make them like they used to.

 

What channel?