The world of a woman.

[Champ]

What is that expression, no-one ever lost money preying on the stupidity of people?

[lifetime fan]

What is that expression, no-one ever lost money preying on the stupidity of people?

 

Spend £100 on a juicer and then spend fuck knows how much on buying the juices ready made for you because 'you know they have the right balance of antioxidants and vitamins and minerals to detox and recover your body'.

 

Why buy a fucking juicer if you're going to buy them ready made up you pathetic cunt?

[Champ]

How about eating less?

 

Apologies, I shouldn't even be in here, should I?

[Bjornebye]

How about eating less?

 

Apologies, I shouldn't even be in here, should I?

 

[Paulie Dangerously]

How about eating less?

 

Apologies, I shouldn't even be in here, should I?

Is the answer.

 

Instead of an expensive powder drink for breakfast how about a banana, Apple and a pint of water?

[Trumo]

On a similar theme, how about these Diet Chef adverts. Some bint talks about her calorie controlled diet and how DIet Chef do all the portion control for you so you just warm up the meals, and how it's a great way to lose weight. It shows her sat on her arse at work getting ready to eat a pasta salad. It shows her about to sit on her arse and delve into a chicken curry in the evening. It also shows her sat on her arse munching a bag of their crisps. If she spent less time sitting on her ample arse and cooked some proper meals from time to time as well as getting a bit of exercise, she wouldn't need some rip-off diet scheme to try and lose weight. Lazy bitch.

[Carvalho Diablo]

http://youvew.dailylaughs.org/world-news/63-yr-old-woman-becomes-pregnant-in-the-mouth-with-baby-squid-after-eating-calamari/?uid=youvew

 

 

A 63 year old woman from South Korea was hospitalized after she complained of pain in her mouth when she was eating cooked squid. The doctors discovered that she was impregnated in mouth with twelve baby squids. This is revealed in a scientific paper of Bethesda, Maryland based National Center for Biotechnology Information.

The woman did not eat the whole cooked squids. She spat the food from her mouth immediately. She felt something prickling in her oral cavity.

The South Korean woman told doctors that she was feeling something in her mouth. The doctors told her they were just bug like organisms. Baby cephalopods, which were cemented to the tooth and below the tongue, were found in her mouth during examination by doctors. Ejaculatory apparatus and sperm are found inside the pods. The apparatus expels the sperm with force.

The doctors have meticulously removed baby cephalopods from the cheek, tongue and gums. White spindle shaped, small and bug like organisms were found in the cheek, gums and tongue’s mucus membrane. All the 12 organisms together with affected mucosa were removed from her mouth.

Only after removal, the physicians were able to identify them as squid spermatophores based on the presence of sperm bags and morphology.

Spermatophore is just like a cup filled with sperms. It is still not clear how can spermatophores gets implanted into the skin.

Last year, A Japanese woman experienced similar problem last year after eating raw squids.
Impregnation of human mouth is commonly found in the Far East where people usually consume raw squids.
Internal organs of the squids are removed while preparing food in the west. Hence, there is no risk of mouth impregnation.

Skin on our hands and all over the body is thick. Therefore, we will not feel a sting when spermatophores ejaculate. They usually do not get stuck on our skin. Spermatophores are usually transferred to the females using a long penis or with the help of hectocotylus of a male. Sperms are covered in thin covering after ejaculation and cemented to the body. It is likely that spermatangium may get attached to the female skin.

Calamari should be cooked properly. Otherwise, sperm bags inside the calamari may be alive because insufficient heat during cooking. When you eat the calamari with live sperms, you are likely to experience pain in the mouth because of forceful ejaculation of sperm.

Tubular portion in the squid body is called raw calamari steak. Squid’s cartilage backbone is removed and cleaned. A flat piece of calamari is produced with a single slit on the tube. It is usually consumed after grilling.

A 3 ounce raw calamari consists of 78 calories. It also consists of 1324 gm protein and 2.62 gm carbohydrates. One serving of cooked calamari consists of 0.445 gm polyunsaturated fat (omega 3 fatty acid), 0.09 gm monounsaturated fat and 0.3 gram saturated fat. Raw calamari is also rich in magnesium, potassium, phosphorous, Vitamin A and Calcium. Therefore, calamari is a nutritious food. Short cooking time and high temperature are ideal to cook and serve delicious calamari.

[Dr Nowt]

She should sell her story.  Squids in.

[stringvest]

That principle explains how Denny Cranes mouth keeps spouting bullshit

[lifetime fan]

Conversation this afternoon;

 

Her: Can you give me an honest opinion

Me: No, I want to get laid tonight

Her: You're suck a prick

[Ranxerox]

Considering the number of armed people in the US she ought to count herself lucky

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/16/hawaii-road-rage-lady_n_5826508.html

[PestiRed]

To add to my decorating woes, I got home to find that my mother in law has placed loose newspaper sheets on the stairs over the protective plastic sheets in what appears to be an effort to kill either me or the dog. When asked why she has set up this death trap, she said she didn't want us to step on the dirty plastic sheets.

 

I hope her daughter doesn't get like this at her age

[Dr Nowt]

The MIL wants you out the way so she can suck his nutsack again, Pesti.

 

It's crude, obvious and puerile of course, but by god we've all thought it.

[stringvest]

any pictures of the MIL?

[Carvalho Diablo]

[stringvest]

my word

[Trumo]

any pictures of the MIL?

 

 

 

Fucking hell, now THERE'S a juxtaposition and a half!

[Carvalho Diablo]

 

I want a go for Christmas.

[manwiththestick]

 

I want a go for Christmas.

 

Built. For. Sex.

[Bjornebye]

Nice arse and all that but why the fuck does she watch her face when she has a shit

[Trumo]

Nice arse and all that but why the fuck does she watch her face when she has a shit

 

She didn't, she just left the tap running.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Nice arse and all that but why the fuck does she watch her face when she has a shit

 

She has a face ??

[Jose Jones]

My missus was telling me about the woman who's just moved to sit next to her in work.  She's in her 40s, used to be a science teacher and now works in corporate training bollocks.

First there was a bit of a bang from the floor above (the office is on the 42nd floor) and the woman shouted "was that a bomb?!"

 

10 minutes later it started raining outside and the woman goes "Is it snowing?!"

It was spring, 17 degrees C, and the last time it snowed in Melbourne CBD was 1951.  She used to be a science teacher.

[Fowlers God]

There is a reason why she used to be Jose!

[PestiRed]

There is a reason why she used to be Jose!

Sex change science teacher?