The world of a woman.

[dirty_sanchez]

Some lad has just come back from his honeymoon to Hawaii, he was telling me that they went to Pearl Harbour and that there was loads of tourists there. The bird opposite says "What are you talking about?" -

 

Us "Pearl Harbour"

 

Girl: "I hated that - I turned that off halfway through"

 

In fairness, it is a film of unsurpassable lameness.

[Original202]

The sequel was better. Saw it on Youporn, Pearl Necklace.

 

Badum!

[Ezekiel 25:17]

An extract from my mate (who's a die hard blue) facebook;

John:

Banter, bragging rights, bitterness, jealousy... call it what you want, we're still human and football is still just a game. It's not a matter of life or death and I assure you Bill, it most certainly isn't more serious than that. Justice for the 96 and all their families, friends and fellow supporters! You'll Never Walk Alone.

 

Sarah:

wats 96? thought u supported everton and liverpool thing is u will never walk alone isnt it?

 

The next girl underneath exclaimed;

 

Michelle:

it couldnt ave bin better said. xx

 

This is irony, no ?

[Ezekiel 25:17]

She just said to me, "ay, I don't know what to get my mum for her birthday, but she loves Coronation street, do you think I should get he the box set ??".

[Wor Horse]

Hahahahahaha.

[The Robot Tank]

Whilst in California last summer, I managed to pull this tall, gorgeous brunette. I gave her a lift to her hotel and we were sitting in a car which me and a few pals had rented. And in just 10 minutes of one on one conversation, she said the following things:

 

 

"You have iPods in London!!? Really?? *nod* Noooo waaay!!"

 

"They have Kanye West in London?!! *nod* That is so cool!!" (kept calling England London for some reason, despite me telling her several times that I wasn't from anywhere near London)

 

"Milan? Isn't that in Asia or somewhere?"

 

"Have you heard of Hannah Montana..?"

 

"Do they have Lost on London TV..?"

 

 

Anything I said, she responded with an answer which had me desperately trying to stife laughter. After a while, I thought very seriously about opening the passenger door, kicking her tight arse out of the car and speeding off. But biting my lip, wiping the sweat from my forehead and persevering through her incessant childish babbling meant I got what I needed from her.

 

Just about worth it in the end.

[Remmie]

Zeke is a superhero I've decided. His power is to miraculously come in to contact with the stupidest women in existence. The frequency of such obscene stupidity is fantastic.

[Trumo]

Zeke is a superhero I've decided. His power is to miraculously come in to contact with the stupidest women in existence. The frequency of such obscene stupidity is fantastic.

 

Bastardising a sacred text, but hey.

 

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the mind-numbingly stupid and the bitchiness prevalent in all women. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and wanting to get laid, shepherds his piece through the valley of darkness. For he is truly his brother's hero and the finder of lost pleasures. And I will dry-bum upon thee with great satisfaction and furious thrusting those who attempt to poison and lead my brothers astray. And you will know I am the King when I spatter my load upon you."

[Hand Shandy]

Wife: Shark's are blind, aren't they?

 

Me: Erm, what gave you that idea?

 

Wife: Well in that James Bond film, when he gets dropped in the shark tank he just swims past them all, so they must be blind.

 

Me: I'm posting that in 'The world of a woman' thread tomorrow...

[Johnni]

She just said to me, "ay, I don't know what to get my mum for her birthday, but she loves Coronation street, do you think I should get he the box set ??".

 

If they attempted it the boxset would look like this

[JagSquared]

Looking at the world map and the other half points out "Look how close America is to Mexico" ....let the lord take me now....

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

She just said to me, "ay, I don't know what to get my mum for her birthday, but she loves Coronation street, do you think I should get he the box set ??".

 

Coronation Street : The 1960's 10 Disc Box Set DVD: Amazon.co.uk: Coronation Street: DVD

 

Coronation Street : The 1970's 10 Disc Box Set DVD: Amazon.co.uk: Pat Phoenix, Eileen Derbyshire, Peter Adamson, Violet Carson, Betty Driver, Julie Goodyear, Jean Alexander, Bernard Youens, William Roache, Johnny Briggs: DVD

 

Coronation Street : The 1980's 10 Disc Box Set DVD: Amazon.co.uk: William Roache, Kevin Kennedy, Julie Goodyear, Roy Barraclough, Elizabeth Dawn, Bill Tarmey, Helen Worth, Betty Driver: DVD

 

Just the 90s and 00s to find and she's onto a winner.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Coronation Street : The 1960's 10 Disc Box Set DVD: Amazon.co.uk: Coronation Street: DVD

 

Coronation Street : The 1970's 10 Disc Box Set DVD: Amazon.co.uk: Pat Phoenix, Eileen Derbyshire, Peter Adamson, Violet Carson, Betty Driver, Julie Goodyear, Jean Alexander, Bernard Youens, William Roache, Johnny Briggs: DVD

 

Coronation Street : The 1980's 10 Disc Box Set DVD: Amazon.co.uk: William Roache, Kevin Kennedy, Julie Goodyear, Roy Barraclough, Elizabeth Dawn, Bill Tarmey, Helen Worth, Betty Driver: DVD

 

Just the 90s and 00s to find and she's onto a winner.

 

Jeez, I almost feel embarrassed now, nice going Nueve.

[chrisbonnie]

my girlfriends mother was over in our new house last week, when we moved in i got a 20kg bucket of grease and smeared all over the tops of the back and side walls, do deter gobshite burglars

 

here's how the conversation went

 

missus mam, "Chris, whats that on the wall"

 

Me, "Grease, to stop people jumping over"

 

Missus ma, "did you check if it works"

 

Me, :whatever:

[harryo63]

whats a women look like

[Curly]

A few years ago my mate was seeing a bird who made up for what she lacked upstairs in the looks department. She was boss looking, but thick as pig shit in other words. Anyway, he was in her car and they stopped for petty. She gets out and picks up the pump for super unleaded, which was about 7p more expensive than the regular stuff. My mate says, "just use the normal one, you'll get more for your money", to which she replies, "why? I'll get a fiver's worth either way".

[Mustangt125]

Shame you had to Powerpoint that out to him.

 

Hilarious.

 

Friend's ex: Is the North Pole in Canada?

Us: hahaha

 

same girl, after having sex with my friend for at least a year: Do pee and cum come out the same hole?

[melons]

Hilarious.

 

Friend's ex: Is the North Pole in Canada?

Us: hahaha

 

same girl, after having sex with my friend for at least a year: Do pee and cum come out the same hole?

 

Not overly stupid given they don't for women, it just looks that way if you're not close up. If she didn't pay attention in A&P class then thats a fair thing to question.

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

it just looks that way

 

It doesn't just look that way.

[Fowlers God]

It doesn't just look that way.

 

Depends which way your looking at it.

[melons]

It doesn't just look that way.

 

What way does it look then? Or rather, men look that closely?

 

 

From a distance of being up right and urinating it does, you'd be surprised how many women are so naive about their own anatomy. I remember one woman thinking the vagina opening moved depending on the sexual position she was in.

 

My cousin up until the age of 16 and herself getting pregnant thought babies came out of the abdomen, her youngest brother was an emergency horizontal cut c section, why would she think differently unless taught?

 

 

 

Depends which way your looking at it.

 

uspide down at the very least i'd of thought.

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

Sorry, Melons. I thought you were talking about a cock up close. I misread what you'd written.

[dirty_sanchez]

I bet those Coronation Street DVDs are just scene after scene of Ken Barlow macking on bitches.

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

I bet those Coronation Street DVDs are just scene after scene of Ken Barlow macking on bitches.

 

Sign me up.

[melons]

Sorry, Melons. I thought you were talking about a cock up close. I misread what you'd written.

 

No worries if it wasn't for helping my daughter with her biology homework i'd forgotten what they look like close up.