What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Barrington Womble]

3 hours ago, TheHowieLama said:

Baz is way off base -- microwaves do not remove moisture as well as a skillet.

My point microwaves don't remove moisture and the juice is too runny in the micro but I thought those beans looked ok. Nearly all the cafes micro the beans these days, but it's crap. 

[Barrington Womble]

8 hours ago, TK421 said:

My real life mate is a big a pro-beaner and is massively into his Heinz.  When we lived together as students I used to always argue that they were practically indistinguishable from HP, but he wasn't having it.  I said he would never be able to tell the difference and the baked bean challenge was born.

 

Using scientific methods the challenge was set up.  I cooked three plates of beans on toast for him simultaneously using Heinz, HP and a popular supermarket's own brand.  I'm not naming the supermarket, they can fuck off.  My mate was blindfolded as the challenge commenced.  Nowt kinky, like, just so that he couldn't identify the beans visually.  He ruled out the supermarket beans straight away - the sauce was a dead giveaway.  But when it came to HP vs Heinz he took a good minute or so to make his choice.  In the end, to my dismay, he identified the Heinz beans correctly but it was close.  It was one of the greatest days of the late 90s.

I've been buying Heinz for years. I'm not against supermarket ones, but they change. You find one you like then they get some twat to make them cheaper and they move and tell you it's a "new improved" recipe. Does my head in. The HP ones today I thought were more tangy than Heinz, but I reckon I'd be like your mate and struggle to tell the difference if pushed. 

[Pureblood]

1 minute ago, Barry Wom said:

I've been buying Heinz for years. I'm not against supermarket ones, but they change. You find one you like then they get some twat to make them cheaper and they move and tell you it's a "new improved" recipe. Does my head in. The HP ones today I thought were more tangy than Heinz, but I reckon I'd be like your mate and struggle to tell the difference if pushed. 

Do they still have "cheese" listed in the ingredients?  In the old days the HP cans had cheese listed. 

[Remmie]

The nuances between HP beans and Heinz are similar to the nuances between my bowel movements. Some are sloppy and wet, some are bubbly and packed with jagged nuggets. Same goes for my shit. 

[Barrington Womble]

28 minutes ago, TK421 said:

Do they still have "cheese" listed in the ingredients?  In the old days the HP cans had cheese listed. 

It seems not any more. 

[Bob]

13 hours ago, Barry Wom said:

That looks a cracker for the price. I'm not a tinned tomato or fungus person, but you can't argue with the value. The food looks well cooked, the sausages look real and not crappy chippy type, the beans look pan cooked and not microwaved so the juice stays too thin. 

I’d never choose to have tonnes tomatoes on a breakfast, but as a result it means when I do get them, it’s rare enough to be a nice change of pace. Especially so if - as yesterday - they’re plum tomatoes, and not chopped tomatoes.

 

i think I’ll be heading back there Saturday and will add a black pudding and a second egg, and report back.

[Bob]

13 hours ago, Barry Wom said:

That looks a cracker for the price. I'm not a tinned tomato or fungus person, but you can't argue with the value. The food looks well cooked, the sausages look real and not crappy chippy type, the beans look pan cooked and not microwaved so the juice stays too thin. 

I’d never choose to have tonnes tomatoes on a breakfast, but as a result it means when I do get them, it’s rare enough to be a nice change of pace. Especially so if - as yesterday - they’re plum tomatoes, and not chopped tomatoes.

 

i think I’ll be heading back there Saturday and will add a black pudding and a second egg, and report back.

[Tony Moanero]

I quite like tinned tinned tomatoes with a fry-up. Plum tomatoes, chopped are turd

[Remmie]

Whole tinned tomatoes are grade A, chopped are grade B. I'd prefer a fresh cooked tomatoes ideally but whole tinned can be OK provided the juice doesn't touch my egg

[Bob]

ive just remembered it’s an early kick off Saturday and my first match of the season, so I’ll be putting off my breakfast for a few weeks as they’re closed this Sunday for some reason.

 

bloody football.

[aRdja]

Okay, finally told my wife over the weekend, the reason why I always without faii order fry-up if it’s on the menu. So I showed her the thread, my last couple of reviews... complete with all the lovely the comments, and she loved it, thought it was a bit ‘cute’ that I do it for bunch of dudes I’ve (mostly) never met. She lolled so hard at some of the comments. The next day she took it upon herself to cook me a plate of fry-up. Went to the butchers for the sausages and bacon (they had run out of black pudding unfortunately). So here goes:

2 x sausages 

2 x bacon

1 fried egg over hard (how I like it)

Home made beans (with chickpeas and I’m sorry.... some spinach)

Sautéed onions I think for garnish

 

Rightio... Not gonna give it a rating, it was genuinely very nice. Fearing the worst though.

[Captain Turdseye]

Christ. You obviously don’t love her for her culinary skill. Probably be cheaper and easier to divorce her now before you go back to Australia. 

 

Spinach, chickpeas and onion. Fuck me. 

[Bob]

Spinach.

Chickpeas.

Onion.

Mutilated egg.

Streaky bacon cooked in a Luke warm bath.

Sausages that look like they’d be nice when they’ve been fully cooked.

 

A less than stellar outing, frankly.

[Tony Moanero]

24 minutes ago, viRdjil said:

 

10/10 for effort but it reminds me of this

 

[Guest Pistonbroke]

29 minutes ago, viRdjil said:

Okay, finally told my wife over the weekend, the reason why I always without faii order fry-up if it’s on the menu. So I showed her the thread, my last couple of reviews... complete with all the lovely the comments, and she loved it, thought it was a bit ‘cute’ that I do it for bunch of dudes I’ve (mostly) never met. She lolled so hard at some of the comments. The next day she took it upon herself to cook me a plate of fry-up. Went to the butchers for the sausages and bacon (they had run out of black pudding unfortunately). So here goes:

2 x sausages 

2 x bacon

1 fried egg over hard (how I like it)

Home made beans (with chickpeas and I’m sorry.... some spinach)

Sautéed onions I think for garnish

 

Rightio... Not gonna give it a rating, it was genuinely very nice. Fearing the worst though.

 

Arse you married to a Prison cook? 

[General Dryness]

30 minutes ago, Pistonbroke said:

 

Arse you married to a Prison cook? 

She should be in prison for her crimes against humanity. 

[Jairzinho]

[Jairzinho]

I'm sure I've seen that egg in the natural history museum.

[Remmie]

Footage of Ardja eating it:

 

 

 

It was delicious my sweet, sweet cream puff. 

[Guest Pistonbroke]

5 minutes ago, Jairzinho said:

I'm sure I've seen that egg in the natural history museum.

Salvador Dali springs to mind. 

[TheHowieLama]

It's bad man -- really bad.

[Mook]

1 hour ago, viRdjil said:

Okay, finally told my wife over the weekend, the reason why I always without faii order fry-up if it’s on the menu. So I showed her the thread, my last couple of reviews... complete with all the lovely the comments, and she loved it, thought it was a bit ‘cute’ that I do it for bunch of dudes I’ve (mostly) never met. She lolled so hard at some of the comments. The next day she took it upon herself to cook me a plate of fry-up. Went to the butchers for the sausages and bacon (they had run out of black pudding unfortunately). So here goes:

2 x sausages 

2 x bacon

1 fried egg over hard (how I like it)

Home made beans (with chickpeas and I’m sorry.... some spinach)

Sautéed onions I think for garnish

 

Rightio... Not gonna give it a rating, it was genuinely very nice. Fearing the worst though.

Did she leave the food on a rugby pitch (while a game was going on) for half an hour before serving it up?

 

 

[Pureblood]

Good evidence to show the judge for unreasonable behaviour.  M'Lord, she served me onions.

[Strontium]

I must try grated coal on my fried eggs.

[Total Longo]

Made a brunch (or "late breakfast" as we call it) for me and my lads yesterday, sausages, bacon, hash browns and for a Gallic twist i threw some French toast in there too (or "eggy bread" as we call it). This negated the need for egg and toast separately, no idea why i've never thought of this before. Nice bit of HP sauce (or "brown" as we call it) thrown in for good measure  Absolutely tremendous scenes. Je suis un rock star.