I got into a fight with some army punk the other night

[philyhamann]

Basically, my friend asked me if I wanted to go out for a night to a pub. Play some pool, get out of the house, maybe meet some girls, whatevers. I decided to since I don't get out as often as I used to and I really wanted to play some pool. Unfortunately this friend of mine tends to hang with people from school. You know how it is, one guy stays talking to one guy he knew in school, he invites him, all of a sudden a brigade of mongs you never wanted to see again after finishing school show up. Just about as pathetic as it can get.

 

So, I'm running the table on these fools, basically minding my own business. Every now and then someone comes up to ask me how I've been doing, I tell them I've been fine the last 6 years without talking to them and I think I'll be fine the rest of my life too. That kept them from bothering me. About an hour in, I see this dick weed I used to know walk in with a piece of arm candy. She was a piece of arse alright, way better than this chump deserved. I recognised him from school, I used to push him around. Pick on him, even got his girlfriend to cheat with me once. I thought "Time to see if I can do it again."

 

I kept eye fucking her, looking her over and blowing her kisses while I was playing pool. She'd blush, and smile back at me. Eventually, Mr Insecure stands in front of his girlfriend blocking my view. I am pissed off. I take swig of my double JD and call the shot I was going to make. I then shoot the que ball into one of my solids, proceed to knock all three solids in and the black ball all in one shot and left the table. I approach the twat standing in my way.

 

philyburkhill: What's the problem here, my friend?

 

Army Punk: You keep eyeing my girl, philyburkhill. Don't think I don't remember you.

 

philyburkhill: Well it's been a long time, but you're still the same chump from school. Why don't you piss off and stop blocking my view?

 

Army Punk: Don't think I'm the same person I was...I joined the Army. It made a man out of me.

 

philyburkhill: Running errands for Bush and his cronies, huh? You're such a fucking tool. Best watch your back for the rest of the night.

 

I turned and started to walk away. As I expected, he did the same, turning his back to me to walk back to his girlfriend. I looked over my shoulder seeing this and used it to my advantage. I swung the pool stick breaking it over his head and knocking him over. When he tried to get up, I punched him in the nose as hard as I could, shattering it instantly. Blood was everywhere. He wouldn't get up to fight me after that, so I spat on him. I looked over at his girl, she was biting her bottom lip hard. I decided to leave before the bizzies showed up, and grabbed her by the wrist taking her with me to show her what a real man can do for her. I liked that pub, but it looks like I'm going to have to lay low for a while.

[Kev Saunderson]

If its a true story you are a cunt. If its not a true story you are still a cunt.

[dudek#1]

Is that the screenplay for a new Guy Ritchie film?

[snez1]

And back in the real world.....

[RedKnight]

It's a quote from a film or a joke, right?

[philyhamann]

Hate to tell you, but this story is 100% true. And no, I was not in the wrong. I just looking at her. Any boyfriend who gets insecure when another guy makes eye contact with her is shooting himself in the foot. Take my advice now.

[Dirk]

God, you're a bad bell.

[Section_31]

Nah there's no way that's true, Phil's a Star Trek fan for fuck's sake. It's from a film or something deffo.

[Karl_b]

*Yawn*

[Sangria]

Lost for words.

[hamstrung]

I was right there with you up until the bit about having a friend.

[RedKnight]

Nah there's no way that's true, Phil's a Star Trek fan for fuck's sake. It's from a film or something deffo.

 

Arr.

[Nick Leeson]

Someone watched sin city again last night didn't they philly burkhill?

[She Knows It]

Negged for use of the word 'whatevers'.

[Cosmos]

So did you find the real man for the aforementioned arm candy or what? and just where have all the cowboys gone?

[philyhamann]

The reason people should believe my story, above all other reasons is because there is simply nothing unbelievable about it. This chump loser came in with a girl who was probably looking to cheat on him that night. He got overconfident because he was one of these morons that buys into that army propoganda crap and I put him in his place. Plain and simple. This is the world we live in, get used to it.

[Unrighteous]

Sounds like a cunt move, seriously...

 

Since it's not true... it's a good bit of story.

[Uncle_Meat]

[Woo]

The que ball? Que being spanish for what and all. The what ball? What ball was it philly. What freaking ball did you shoot?

 

And you cant shatter someones nose unless they are made of glass. Did you punch Fabio Aurelio philly? I thought you liked him. Is that why you changed your avatar and custom title? To apologise to Fabio?

[Red Mist]

I believed it until the end part about taking home the girl. Way too James Bondy. But good story nonetheless.

[philyhamann]

The que ball? Que being spanish for what and all. The what ball? What ball was it philly. What freaking ball did you shoot?

 

And you cant shatter someones nose unless they are made of glass. Did you punch Fabio Aurelio philly? I thought you liked him. Is that why you changed your avatar and custom title? To apologise to Fabio?

 

Not only is every word of this story real, but I even left out the part where he tried to follow me out to my car and I smashed his face into a windshield for trying to sucker punch me like a coward.

[Nick Leeson]

There was this kid I grew up with -- he was younger than me. Sorta looked up to me -- you know. We did our first work together -- worked our way out of the street. Things were good, we made the most of it. During Prohibition -- we ran molasses into Canada -- made a fortune -- you father, too. As much as anyone, I loved him -- and trusted him. Later on he had an idea -- to build a city out of a desert stop-over for GI's on the way to the West Coast. That kid's name was Moe Green -- and the city he invented was Las Vegas. This was a great man -- a man of vision and guts. And there isn't even a plaque -- or a signpost -- or a statue of him in that town! Someone put a bullet through his eye. No one knows who gave the order -- when I heard it, I wasn't angry; I knew Moe -- I knew he was head-strong, talking loud, saying stupid things. So when he turned up dead -- I let it go. And I said to myself, this is the business we've chosen -- I didn't ask who gave the order -- because it had nothing to do with business!

[Woo]

You used to really annoy the fuck out of me Phil, but now you just make me laugh most of the time mate.

[Carradona]

And then you woke up.

[She Knows It]

There was this kid I grew up with -- he was younger than me. Sorta looked up to me -- you know. We did our first work together -- worked our way out of the street. Things were good, we made the most of it. During Prohibition -- we ran molasses into Canada -- made a fortune -- you father, too. As much as anyone, I loved him -- and trusted him. Later on he had an idea -- to build a city out of a desert stop-over for GI's on the way to the West Coast. That kid's name was Moe Green -- and the city he invented was Las Vegas. This was a great man -- a man of vision and guts. And there isn't even a plaque -- or a signpost -- or a statue of him in that town! Someone put a bullet through his eye. No one knows who gave the order -- when I heard it, I wasn't angry; I knew Moe -- I knew he was head-strong, talking loud, saying stupid things. So when he turned up dead -- I let it go. And I said to myself, this is the business we've chosen -- I didn't ask who gave the order -- because it had nothing to do with business!

 

Negged for shocking misuse of the glorious hyphen.