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The Trial of A Red. "So you see your honour, my client could not possibly have stolen that Neff toaster from Currys complete with auto defrost function, he told his Internet friends here - in red and white ladies and gentlemen, that he was just going to 'see what all the fuss was about'.

A new server is the probably closest thing you're getting to a new signing, so show some fucking gratitude.

Had to support a student nurse threatened on her way to placement today - lads shouting they were going throw acid on her - disgusting

Maybe he was a Privet Investigator.

We’re letting him work from home.

That was one of my wedding vows.

I’d have been lost last week at hospital without ‘ not British’ staff.

@dave u and @Chris Dust off your microphones!

Ice cream cunt.

It's a stereotype. And it's offensive.

It’s a legitimate business.

Three years for punching a police officer during a race riot is not that long. Especially when you’ve already got 14 previous offences. If offered, you’d probably take that.

Good tactics by FSG, attempt to sign a player who refuses to leave Spain & then they can say 'We tried' when he knocks us back.

Gary Barlow over here.

It’s working fine for me too except it’s still showing Bjornebye as an active member.

Not sure this will work as an alibi in court.

Ox cheeks with mustard, parsley mash, cavolo nero and leeks with a red wine sauce topped with parsley, garlic, lemon zest and crispy onions.

Joosje Burg - Dutch hockey player. Had a nasty accident in the semi final

Good battery power. Crop the fucking picture though. There are new rules around here (That I didn’t make, I just follow them)

Tits on the ginger bird.

Meanwhile in Brighton!

Sorry mate, from now on I’ll only refer to your little fella as Scott Brown, short, stocky and always getting in shit.

I'm in waste management.

2002. We had finished 2nd the previous season, winning 13, drawing 1 of our final 15 games, reached the quarters of the Champions League and were unlucky to lose to Leverkusen. We were improving every year under Houllier and it went to shit after that. Then spend £20m on Diao, Doiuf and Cheyrou. We replaced Litmanen/Anelka(loan), Gary Mac and Barmby with this trio of turd. We didn’t compete at the top of the league for another 4 years. Cunt of a time

I was at Celtic Park when he got an injury time winner against them lot. That's when I got his name tattooed on my cock.

i think fees are what they are - I don't think the cost here is exceptional. Munich have just paid fulham 47m for a 29 year old palhinha. and we love a release clause anyway. I don't know enough about the player to compare - but we paid 40m for Fab years ago, so again it is similar ball park. players who look like they can play at the highest level in the game in any position on the park have astronomical costs attached to them. we benefit on the way out (well we would if we sold anyone). the only thing that matters for me are 2 things: is he good enough to significantly improve on what we want? and does the manager want him? if both of those things are true, the fee doesn't really matter.

I like the constantly played out...we went for Caciedo/Tchoumeni so the money is there.. The amount of windows we've hardly spent a bean under FSG our War chest should be shaped like Lolo Ferarri.

Be honest, did you understand any of what you just wrote?

If Zubimendi happens for 52m or whatever it is, then for me, the main thing we learn is the scarcity in the DM market this summer. It's not at all that it's a terrible deal - he's a good player and fills a huge need for us. It's more that you'd just expect us to be able to get a bit more for that money if there were more good available options on the market. The main thing we need in a 6 is for him to not lose the ball, even when he's being pressed, and Zubimendi offers that. He's not going to win us any games, in other words, but he can save us from losing some in the way that we might with Endo or another player in there. He's decent on the ball (I mentioned his OBV stats earlier, which were better previously but last season they were just above average), but he's not exactly Xabi Alonso who is going to unlock a packed defense with a throughball every other game. But I don't think that's what we're expecting him to do. I think the thought is that Slot's system of quick, incisive passing will create opportunities (mostly the responsibility of MacAllister and Szoboszlai), and that all Zubimendi has to do is to get the ball off the defense, progress it up the field and not give it away in the process. More of a Wijnaldum than either Mascherano or Alonso, basically.

Cold War Steve.

Alex McCormick on the news now talking about the fundraising for Spellow Hub. She's great.

Why I oughta … You cheeky scamp Sadly I feel that all at the moment, fuckin’ 50’s sucks

What the fuck, I spent 2 hours on right move yesterday looking at houses I can't afford!

Nobody could have predicted that it wouldn’t run smoothly. To be fair to Dave though, he usually fucks it up worse than this.

The knock on the door is coming for most of these dickheads. Looking forward to more crying in the dock.

A sense of humour too.

I do love the concept of Irish people bemoaning immigration, same as Italians. Half the planet is called O'Flannigan.

He's the DEI hire, isn't he: the main criteria for running mate were always (1) white and (2) man. Coming from a "flyover" state helps, too.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/books-for-spellow-lane As already mentioned in the far right thread. The marvellous young lady organising this becomes my daughter in law on Sunday. She is a superstar, I am humbled by her.

Has Farage spent a single fucking day in Clacton since he got elected?

I got one similar to that.

Zeb, I've been doing this nearly 25 years now. Of course I've picked up some bits and pieces along the way. (I understood about half of what I wrote)

Waste management you say…

That’s why we were linked with Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink back in the day.

Drama in the Stig household on Sunday. Our tupperware cupboard is above our head height microwave (Don't ask) and for ages everytime I need to go in it, shit just falls out on my head. She's quite short my missus so I allow a bit of leniency but it got ridiculous. She refuses to bin any of it so if ever we get a take away more to add to the collection, more plastic waterfalls. It happened again to me at the weekend and I said I'm sorting it out "No no I'll do it, I know what and what can be binned". Ok fair enough. She went to get some out for her meal prep on Sunday night. Her "sorting out" consisted of binning lids she thought were shite and containers she thought were shite. What she didn't do was check the lid sizes for them all. Of course it's my fault for rushing her to do it (Despite the fact I wasn't even in the house when she finally got round to it). This isn't the first time this has happened.

that lions back

The only Basque John Henry is buying this season will be for Linda.

He’s been radicalised by his own platform. Goon.