Someone's having a real laugh - gollum?

[magicrat]

Moyes is still thanking Ferguson.

 

He set you up for the biggest humiliation of your entire fucking life, you big fucking egg.

 

Egg.

Been thinklng about this and Dave's obviously misheard the advice from his agent.

"Go with Dignitas" has become "Go with dignity"  

[A Red]

Are you actually saying Moyes is a stellar name?!

Of course not, just that it is the only way out for them now, something that appeases the share price. They should have gone for the likes of Phelan first time around for a bit of continuity.

[Dr Nowt]

I agree Celtic would be likely for him now.

[Major Tom]

Of course not, just that it is the only way out for them now, something that appeases the share price. They should have gone for the likes of Phelan first time around for a bit of continuity.

 

Maybe. For such a planned departure, Ferguson's departure wasn't really planned that well.

[Jairzinho]

I agree Celtic would be likely for him now.

 

The ultimate non job.

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

Van Gaal has the bollocks and the ctediblity to go in there and sort things out. Can you imagine the players belittling him? I just hope he goes full mental first.

[Section_31]

Spotted this yesterday and thought it was qualty, Van Gaal is a class mentalist. 

 

 

Heavily tipped to be taking over from David Moyes at Manchester United after the World Cup, Louis van Gaal has a bit of a reputation in football circles of – how can we put this delicately – being a bit of a deranged megalomaniac, with many cracking apocryphal stories and quotes being attributed to the man over the course of his long career in football.

Here are Pies’ five favourites…

 

1. Van Gaal is a keen enthusiast of making utterly bombastic quotes upon taking managerial jobs. Upon taking his first ever professional role at Ajax in 1991, Van Gaal shook the hand of the Dutch club’s director and supposedly told him: “Congratulations on signing the best coach in the world.”

Then, upon taking over at Barcelona in 1997, he used his first press conference to declare: “I have achieved more with Ajax in six years than Barcelona has in one hundred years.”

Then, after taking charge of the Holland national side in 2000, he opened his introductory press conference by saying: “I’ve signed a contract with the Dutch national team until 2006, so I can win the World Cup not once but twice.”

Sadly, history shows that this wasn’t quite the case.

 

2. When judging the man’s mental state, just take this quote into consideration: “I cry almost every day. There’s always something that touches me.”

 

3. Back in February of 2011 while in charge at Bayern Munich, Van Gaal demonstrated that he had the big brass cojones to drop Bayern’s big names (specifically Luca Toni) if he felt the need to and demonstrated the fact in unnecessarily literal fashion by dropping his trousers in front of the entire squad during a team meeting.

Toni, presumably during a therapy session, later recounted the ordeal:

“Van Gaal wanted to make clear to us that he can drop any player from team. It was all the same to him because, as he said, he had the balls.

“He demonstrated this literally by dropping his pants. I have never experienced anything like it, it was totally crazy.

“Luckily I didn’t see a lot, because I wasn’t in the front row.”

 

4. Singularly unimpressed at witnessing Marcel Desailly almost decapitate Jari Litmanen with a flailing leg during the 1995 Champions League Final, an incensed Van Gaal staged an impressive recreation of the Milan defender’s high boot on the touchline by demonstrating his kung-fu prowess to the fourth official…

 

5. While Barcelona manager, Van Gaal was introduced to a 14-year-old Gerard Pique by the young defender’s proud grandfather, who was a director at the club at the time.

Without so much as an introductory handshake, Van Gaal barged Pique to the floor and then leaned over the poor bugger and quipped: “You’re too weak to be a Barca defender!”

The man’s a complete conkerbox! We can’t wait!

[Horus]

Van Gaal has the bollocks and the ctediblity to go in there and sort things out. Can you imagine the players belittling him? I just hope he goes full mental first.

 

 

Never go full mental.

[Anubis]

Moyes is still thanking Ferguson.

 

He set you up for the biggest humiliation of your entire fucking life, you big fucking egg.

 

Egg.

 

It's like Snow White thanking her stepmother, the evil Queen, for the nice bag of apples, notwithstanding the one that was laced with poison and which nearly killed her.

[A Red]

Maybe. For such a planned departure, Ferguson's departure wasn't really planned that well.

My point exactly and the fun will continue as a result

[Anubis]

Of course not, just that it is the only way out for them now, something that appeases the share price. They should have gone for the likes of Phelan first time around for a bit of continuity.

 

Ferguson has always ensured his No2 is a nicer contrast to his disciplarian management style. Steve McClaren and Carlos Queiroz struggled to take a hotseat once they left as both were fundamentally nice guys. Not suited to the big seat at a club full of egos.  Phelan is the same.

 

McClaren has carved out a reasonably successful career. But you couldn't see him in charge of a top-four club.

 

I think that has always been quite deliberate on Ferguson's part.

[Babb'sBurstNad]

Spotted this yesterday and thought it was qualty, Van Gaal is a class mentalist. 

 

4. Singularly unimpressed at witnessing Marcel Desailly almost decapitate Jari Litmanen with a flailing leg during the 1995 Champions League Final, an incensed Van Gaal staged an impressive recreation of the Milan defender’s high boot on the touchline by demonstrating his kung-fu prowess to the fourth official…

 

[Iceman]

Maybe he can kick Giggs in the bollocks like that. That would be good.

[Iceman]

Moyes is probably in a motel somewhere with a bottle of Jack stuck to his face, sobbing in his sleep. He sold his soul to the red devils and now look at him. Wee (all over his trousers) Davey. A new noun in failure. 5 million in the bank, but I bet he'd give it all to have his 'don't need to be a winner to be a winner' rep back. He's a cautionary tale to be told to future generations about the dangers of greed and ambition coupled with a supreme lack of talent. 

 

Moyes (n)

 

Etymology

From Middle English moyyes, from Anglo-Norman moyes de fayle, from Vulgar Latin failus moyesus alteration of Latin davus minimus (“to deceive, disappoint”), from Proto-Indo-European *bʰāmoyye davuul- (“to not win, to fail”). Compare Dutch  moyshhhh (“to fail, miss”), German moyesallen huntshizer (“to fail, miss, lack”), Danish muyyescunt (“to fail, err”), Swedish moyesuncuntyen(“to fail, be wanting, do wrong”), Icelandic bjorken moyes (“to fail”).

[Reckoner]

Impressive moves there in that vid^ I love the guy on the touchline (4th official) telling on van gal like a schoolboy to a teacher.

[Tyler Durden]

I think he is nailed on for the Newcastle job, suits the profile for Ashley once he bins Pardew

[Mathewbet1]

Wrecking ball number 2 please come in.

[Dr Nowt]

Enjoyed this in an article by Holt in the Mirror.

 

"We know now that the idea of dynasty at United started and finished with Ferguson.

 

It was not a regime like the one that endured at Liverpool, where the reins were passed from Bill Shankly to Bob Paisley to Joe Fagan to Kenny Dalglish.

 

Liverpool promoted from within but, maybe because Ferguson was an autocrat uncomfortable with strong personalities within his coaching set-up, that never happened at United."

 

They should let Moyes do the picking. Alan Irvine is definitely the new King, imbued with the powers of the old one. Dickheads, I hope they sink like a brick.

[Babb'sBurstNad]

I hope they don't go with LvG, I actually like the mad bastard.

 

[deiseach]

Tommo on SSN saying Moyes should have been given more time and somehow keeping a straight face

[Strontium]

Louis van Gaal has a bit of a reputation in football circles of – how can we put this delicately – being a bit of a deranged megalomaniac

Just the man to manage Manchester United, then.

[Dr Nowt]

I hope they don't go with LvG, I actually like the mad bastard.

 

 

Same here. Not least when he amusingly stuck them out of the CL a few years ago, causing Taggart to make those trademark sour "typical German" comments.

 

I always felt he could have played Max Zorrin if Walken hadn't got the gig, for some reason. Be a real shame to have to dislike and wish eternal doom on a man you can say that of.

[Babb'sBurstNad]

If Max Zorrin had been hit in the face by a shovel, LvG would've been a shoo-in.

[Dr Nowt]

Van Gaal's face is the same colour as a cooked Bernard Matthews turkey burger, once cut open.

[Dr Nowt]

Apr 23
1:00
AM BST

 

Man United failure shouldn't be the end of David Moyes

 

Posted by Iain Macintosh

Poor David Moyes. Wherever your loyalties lie, whether you're a gleeful Liverpool supporter or a disappointed United fan (or indeed, the other way round, given the implications of this managerial change), it's hard not to feel sorry for the man.

This was the chance he had worked for tirelessly, taking his coaching badges at 22, rising up through the ranks, earning his shot at the big time. And now his life’s work, his dreams and his ambitions lie in tatters all around him. And it's all his fault. And he probably knows it.

And it's his birthday on Friday.

You only have to look at Moyes to see what this job has done to him. When Sir Matt Busby's ill-fated successor Wilf McGuinness struggled in the limelight, he lost his hair in clumps with the stress of it all. Moyes has kept his hair but there's little left of the original colour. His face is drawn and haggard, his blue eyes stand out like Gollum's at the window of a jewellery shop.

This is the man who once clashed with Roberto Mancini on the touchline, responding to the Italian's petulant shove by striding toward him, head lowered, ready for war. Now he looks so beaten that he'd probably back away from his own shadow.

So much about Moyes has changed this season but after time away to reflect and recover, he'll come back to the game and be just fine.

Look at the pictures of him when he landed the United job. He looks 10 years younger. Having secured his exit from Everton, he skips down the stairs from Bill Kenwright's office like a man who's just received a particularly saucy text message and can't get himself in the taxi quick enough. There's a fire in his eyes. That fire has long since gone out.

It's hard to entirely comprehend the scale of what has just happened to him. He now has one of the most recognisable faces in world sport and hiding places will be few and far between. This is a truly global fail. Others on these pages will explain the reasons Moyes fell short, but only he will have to live with the festering regret. When Graham Taylor was sacked by England in 1993 he became a social recluse, hiding himself away in his home. One of his former players, Carlton Palmer, eventually paid him a visit, telling him that he hadn't killed anyone and that he should return.

Moyes should draw strength from Taylor's subsequent comeback. While his first job at Wolves lasted only 18 months, he went on to disprove the old adage that you should never go back by returning to his old job at Watford and taking the Hornets from the third division to the top flight in successive seasons. He even ended his career with a second spell at Aston Villa, steadying the ship in 2002. Now a respected and admired co-commentator, the misery of his England tenure seems a lifetime away.

When assessing Moyes' reign it must be recalled that he did not win the United job in a raffle. The immediate and consuming nature of the news cycle can invite revisionism, but Moyes is not a chump. He's an experienced and proven football manager. He can come back from this.

While Jose Mourinho always seemed the wiser, stronger choice, there were perfectly logical reasons to believe that Moyes would have something to offer United. For starters, few managers had a better record at bringing young players through the ranks, something of which the United hierarchy, possibly with one eye on that debt repayment plan, certainly approved.

David Moyes looked so happy at the beginning of his Man Utd tenure but despite failure, he can find happiness again elsewhere.

Nor were his Everton teams as drab or unconvincing as his United team proved to be. Regulars at Goodison Park used to bristle at the suggestion that their team were mere "dogs of war" and would quickly point to the neat interplay of their more gifted players. The charge of over-caution in clashes with superior teams stuck like glue, but there was no reason for him to take that attitude with him to Old Trafford.

Sadly for Moyes, old habits died harder than his prospects of a second season.

With a reported payoff of 4.5 million pounds -- and let's hope that one of the lessons he takes from all of this is to read the small print of his contracts in the future -- Moyes should be able to afford a decent holiday, preferably in one of the few remaining territories where the English Premier League goes unwatched. North Korea, perhaps. Or Narnia.

But when he's had a chance to rest and recover, when his batteries are recharged, when he can get through the night without waking up dripping in sweat and screaming "Why did you forsake me Marouane?!" then it will be time to come back.

This doesn't have to be the end. David Moyes is better than that.