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I tested positive for the virus but am out of hospital now. Just feel light-headed as fuck due to the blood thinners. There wasn't many young people in hospital with the virus, I was only in there due to the blood clots in my lungs. The 'younger' people tended to be fat, conversely I saw very old people with the virus that appeared to be dealing with it okay, their main issues were the complete inability to care for themselves such as incontinence, feeding, etc but that's probably their general level of independence. Fortunately I did not get close to the ICU, so can't comment on the demographic in there. There appeared to be plenty PPE available for staff and enough beds but this is just the tip of the iceberg.

I've taken the opportunity to instil some basic socialist-humanist values in my 5 year old son...

I think the need of Liverpool fans to abuse people who are not associated with the club or city about the Sun is wrong. There is a massive issue with a rag like the Sun being the biggest selling paper in the UK, but abusing or angrily lecturing people with no association with the city or club because "I'm a Liverpool fan" just doesn't wash and I think just winds people up and does more harm then good. As the poster here is from Liverpool I think it is perfectly reasonable and right for him to point out the harm that paper did to his City and say that he won't morally buy it. That's fair. Abusing him, or lecturing him because of it won't achieve anything I don't think. I'm Irish and hated the Sun well before Hillsborough due to its anti-Irish sentiment, and general evilness. I put the Express and the Mail in the same category as it and wouldn't allow any of those papers in my house. But I'd never say I won't buy it because I'm a Liverpool fan. I'd say I won't buy it because it's a disgusting lying rag and morally I help fund the hate it spreads. I wouldn't buy it for someone either, and I'd explain that as the reason. Abusing or screaming about being a Liverpool fan, especially from non-locals, I think just turns eyes to heaven from people not into football or with anything to do with the City. So yes, don't buy it. But explain it reasonably and logically. If he's an old boy ask him would he be happy to go and buy the "Gay Times" for someone or something like that. As the way he'd feel buying that is how you feel about the Sun. Don't abuse him, and don't lecture him about football, detail the pain it caused your City, or if it's a non Liverpudlian, detail the hate, xenophobia, racism, homophobia, and the Hillsborough lies as your reason. Al just in my opinion of course.

I am on day 6 of this lockdown and I’m wondering if anyone knows any porn sites they'd like to recommend other than: Xvideos PornHub Xtube Ass parade Brazzers xHamster XNXX YouPorn YouJizz TastyBlacks HClips TnaFlix Tube8 Spankbang DrTuber Spankwire KeezMovies Nuvid SunPorno BravoTube PornHD Eporner SexVid XXXBunker TheNewPorn Mofosex... PornDreamer X18 Xbabe UpdateTube BeFuck Hdmovz PornRox PornMaki Pornid Inxporn TopFreePornVideos Slutload ProPorn FakePorn Pornhost HandjobHub Vpornvideos MyXVids Pornicom DansMovies Wetplace AdultFreex Wankflix 88fuck Fapdu Rude FreudBox AdultInc PornHeed HdPorn Orgasm PornRabbit MadThumbs Fux Eroxia DeviantClip Xxvids H2porn ApeTube MetaPorn YourLustMovies ElephantTube Long PornerBros Tubegalore 3movs Ass-Time HQButt BangBus BangBros Ghetto tube RedTube BrickHouseButts GhettoGaggers GloryHole Xvideos PornHub Xtube Ass parade Brazzers xHamster XNXX YouPorn YouJizz TastyBlacks HClips TnaFlix Tube8 Spankbang DrTuber Spankwire KeezMovies Nuvid SunPorno BravoTube PornHD Eporner SexVid XXXBunker TheNewPorn Mofosex... PornDreamer X18 Xbabe UpdateTube BeFuck Hdmovz PornRox PornMaki Pornid Inxporn TopFreePornVideos Slutload ProPorn FakePorn Pornhost HandjobHub Vpornvideos MyXVids Pornicom DansMovies Wetplace AdultFreex Wankflix 88fuck Fapdu Rude FreudBox AdultInc PornHeed HdPorn Orgasm PornRabbit MadThumbs Fux Eroxia DeviantClip Xxvids H2porn ApeTube (my favourite needless to say) MetaPorn YourLustMovies ElephantTube Long PornerBros Tubegalore 3movs Ass-Time HQButt BangBus BangBros Ghetto tube RedTube BrickHouseButts GhettoGaggers GloryHole Xvideos PornHub Xtube Ass parade Brazzers xHamster XNXX YouPorn YouJizz TastyBlacks HClips TnaFlix Tube8 Spankbang DrTuber Spankwire KeezMovies Nuvid SunPorno BravoTube PornHD Eporner SexVid XXXBunker TheNewPorn Mofosex... PornDreamer X18 Xbabe UpdateTube BeFuck Hdmovz PornRox PornMaki Pornid Inxporn TopFreePornVideos Slutload ProPorn FakePorn Pornhost HandjobHub Vpornvideos MyXVids Pornicom DansMovies Wetplace AdultFreex Wankflix 88fuck Fapdu Rude FreudBox AdultInc PornHeed HdPorn Orgasm PornRabbit MadThumbs Fux Eroxia DeviantClip Xxvids H2porn ApeTube MetaPorn YourLustMovies ElephantTube Long PornerBros Tubegalore 3movs Ass-Time HQButt BangBus BangBros Ghetto tube RedTube BrickHouseButts GhettoGaggers GloryHole These have gotten boring. Any help is much appreciated. Thanks.

You really have to hope this massive cunt gets it, gets trapped in his own attic, and spends his last few minutes on the planet being shat on by rats.

Bloody nanny state!

Are you calling him a fat cunt? Wow.

He mustn't have said "Two metre, you!" when walking past people.

I'm afraid i'm going to be a bit busy in the next few weeks. We've volunteered our cottages for NHS staff and i'm sure to be tending to the needs of some nurses.

One thing we are seeing is how important sport is in general to peoples need to be able to switch off from the toughness of life and just enjoy something. Having no sport is making this lockdown infinitely more difficult. If I'd a match to look forward to tonight I'd be a lot less likely to murder my entire family which I really want to do.

Awww. This is so heartwarming.

The wife had to attend Fazakerley Hospital A&E last night on a coronavirus-linked issue and it was a scary experience. They have basically split the hospital in half and one half is totally Covid focused. We had to wait on the forecourt until an A&E nurse came out in full space suit garb to take the details and then took my wife through and I wasn't allowed in. She was treated brilliantly and was out within 6 hours but said there were a load of beds all taken with Covid victims and it had the feel of a field hospital. The staff who attended her definitely felt it was going to get worse not better in the short term. The only light-hearted episode was a middle-aged bloke in a tracky who barged past me and 3 paramedics with a bloke on a trolley when the wife was giving her details, to demand a massage from somebody as his back was killing him and he hadn't slept properly for 2 weeks. The looks on the nurse and paramedics faces was brilliant.

Just be up front and tell him your a Liverpool fan and you won’t get it. Make it clear you’ll help with any food or medicine shopping, but not that.

Glad to hear your on the mend and it wasn't too serious Elite! I had a pulmonary embolism almost 10 years ago when I was 31. Passed out at a wedding, I thought I was ok, but I had turned blue, so they got me an ambulance... spent a week in hospital! Funnily enough, they thought the cause of the dvt was a really bad flu which I'd had for the 3 weeks before. Good thing I went to the wedding, as staying at home to recover from the flu was probably the sensible thing to do, but then I'd have been home by myself, and if it happened then, I may not have been able to phone 999.

My kids have realised very quickly in lockdown conditions that dad (for all his flaws) is their ally and that mom (for all her efforts) is a fucking loon.

Brilliant this. VID-20200331-WA0024.mp4

This fucking cunt has run away to Florida. I hope the prick gets eaten by an alligator.

I personally won't believe this until I've heard it from Turdseye

Sounds like a job for Indian police.

Aah nice one thanks for doing that Rapey. Its Always Sunny is in the final.

IMG_4095.MP4

As always with Hungary there’s a little bit of Orbán pushing his luck and a little bit of the media over reacting The bill he has passed is mostly no different to the U.K. govt’s version but with two points of contention 1) there is no time limit - he argues that whilst Parliament is furloughed and possibly sick, it is unwise to let the bill expire on a set date and he’ll remove it when needed. His opponents argue that he’s setting himself up as dictator for life 2) there is a clause making it illegal to intentionally spread false information about the virus that could have harmful effects on the population. He argues that the country needs a deterrent against idiots on social media. His opponents argue that he wants to lock up every journalist that disagrees with him The truth is that Hungary benefits from a large amount of EU funding that is already key to the economy and will become even more dependent with the coming recession. If Orbán pushes either of the above too far then the EU will pull him back as they always have done in the past - this is why Hungarians generally are not concerned about the bill. Orbán knows this. He also knows that a siege mentality benefits him in terms of support for his base. Every time an outside source such as the media, IMF, EU etc over-reacts, he manages to solidify his base and gain a few more voters

I don't think there is a cut off, you simply need to go around moaning about everything being shite, regardless of whether you have seen or heard it or not.

Complete opposite from ours. We're 2 and half weeks into our isolation and my missus only gets up off the couch for a call of nature or to go to bed.

L'embarrassing.

Bewitched > Sabrina the Teenage Witch

If it doesn't have Jack Straw I'm not interested.

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

*Googles obscure comedy horrors* *Moans about how "insert here" is not in the poll*

The figures in Ireland point to a flattening of the curve. We are a good week ahead of the UK in actual terms and appear to be a country mile ahead in terms of adapting to social distancing.

Good on you, but I’ve heard that @Babb'sBurstNad has made an entire housing estate available with three hot meals a day, booze on tap and a hot tub in every garden.

It's been a regular thing. Like the hundreds of thousands of deaths herd immunity would cause. People all over social media were saying huge numbers would die, but no they had to wait until the Imperial College findings to suddenly realise what many of us had been going mad about. Too hard to check the death rate at the time then google the UK population and use a calculator, needed a study for it instead. It took over a week of people going mental about schools being open until they closed them too. It's almost like they were enforcing measures that had been popular on twitter for days on end instead of having any real idea what the fuck they were doing. At least there's some type of lockdown currently in place and they seem willing to keep it going instead of being out on the streets like Bolsonaro in Brazil has been, saying "We’ll all die one day." I think we might be in trouble until there's way more testing and/or the lockdown is working better. Or maybe like Italy has done, we could get experts in from other countries to help. But maybe this gov is too full of itself at the moment for any of that. That could change if things get worse though.

Cheers Stig , turns out one of the under-reported symptoms of the virus is that it can cause heart palpitations similar to a mild heart attack, but the paramedic she spoke to didn't want to take any chances so she had to go in for an ECG and blood tests. Feels a lot better today and hopefully the meds will help further over the next few days.

Yeah, I hate people who ski too

For any of those chaps that find themselves being given a long list of jobs around the house I have this... It's anecdotal of course but some years ago I was going out with a girl that worked on a&e reception. After she had ensured me that she had never ever checked in a schoolboy with a pan stuck on his head, she did tell me that one of their busiest times was the bank holiday. Mainly injuries from DIY jobs. Now under normal circumstances this is fine, I gashed my hand open a few months ago on a ceramic sink of all things. A bit of cleansing in the deep cut and some glue was all that was needed. But of course even on a School day at a quiet time it took ages waiting to be treated. So long they had to tear the wound open to clean it. During a pandemic and with hospitals being overloaded as it is, I'd imagine the last thing they need are people turning up after having injured themselves doing a bit of DIY. Plus do you want to be there at a hospital during a pandemic, really? Tell the Mrs you're doing your bit, that you are thinking of those brave Doctors and Nurses and not loading the hospitals with unnecessary work by sitting on your arse and watching a bit of Netflix. I've already lectured my daughter on this and expect after this is all over to receive a few tins of beer from the future son in law in gratitude.

Sorry mate, should have specified I’m not looking for gay porn sites.

They have a hobby. Finding things for men to do, and moaning that nothing gets done. Married women wish they had a movement chip to insert into you like universal soldier. Once you stop moving or sit down and have a cup of tea or a bevie the chip will start flashing so they can find something else for you to do or come in and unsettle you. My mate lived with some girl who could never ever let him relax. Even when he was having dinner she would eat hers first then start washing up while he was still eating. If he took longer than 5 minutes she would be sighing and walking round shaking her head.

Things are grim, but joking about ruining perfectly good hats is taking things too far.

Some good news in this thread for a change. New blood test can detect 50 types of cancer https://www.theguardian.com/science/2020/mar/31/new-blood-test-can-detect-50-types-of-cancer?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Notes New blood test can detect 50 types of cancer System uses machine learning to offer new way to screen for hard-to-detect cancers Nicola Davis Published:00:01 Tue 31 March 2020 Follow Nicola Davis A new blood test that can detect more than 50 types of cancer has been revealed by researchers in the latest study to offer hope for early detection. The test is based on DNA that is shed by tumours and found circulating in the blood. More specifically, it focuses on chemical changes to this DNA, known as methylation patterns. Researchers say the test can not only tell whether someone has cancer, but can also shed light on the type of cancer they have. Dr Geoffrey Oxnard of Boston’s Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, part of Harvard Medical School, said the test was now being explored in clinical trials. “You need to use a test like this in an independent group at risk of cancer to actually show that you can find the cancers, and figure out what to do about it when you find them,” he said. Writing in the journal Annals of Oncology, the team reveal how the test was developed using a machine learning algorithm – a type of artificial intelligence. Such systems pick up on patterns within data and as a result learn to classify it. The team initially fed the system with data on methylation patterns in DNA from within blood samples taken from more than 2,800 patients, before further training it with data from 3,052 participants, 1,531 of whom had cancer and 1,521 of whom did not. Using this information, the system sorted the samples into groups based on the methylation patterns. The team then taught the system which groups reflected which type of cancer. “In pregnant women we look in their free-floating DNA for foetal abnormalities,” said Oxnard. “We know this [approach] exists, the question is how do you fine-tune and perfect the art of looking for cancer in this free-floating DNA? And that is what the machine learning did.” The team then tested the trained system on another set of samples from 1,264 individuals, about half of whom had cancer. The results reveal that less than 1% of those without cancer were wrongly identified by the system as having the disease. “It is really important you don’t tell non-cancer patients they have cancer,” said Oxnard. When it came to identifying people with cancers the team found that, across more than 50 different types of cancer, the system correctly detected that the disease was present 44% of the time – although the team stress that figure could differ if the test was used to screen a general population, rather than those known to have cancer. Detection was better the more advanced the disease was. Overall, cancer was correctly detected in 18% of those with stage I cancer, but in 93% of those with stage IV cancer. The team say the results are exciting as they offer the possibility of a new way to screen for cancers that are otherwise difficult to detect. For example, the system correctly identified 63% of those with stage I pancreatic cancer, rising to 100% in stage IV. The team further found that the system could shed light on the type of cancer. For 96% of samples deemed to show cancer, the test was able to offer a prediction for in which the tissue the cancer originated, with 93% of these predictions found to be correct. Dr David Crosby, head of early detection at Cancer Research UK, said that detecting cancers in their early stages is important as they are less aggressive and more treatable. Although this test was still at an early stage of development, the initial results were encouraging, he said. “And if the test can be fine-tuned to be more efficient at catching cancers in their earliest stages, it could become a tool for early detection.” But Crosby added there was work to do. “More research is needed to improve the test’s ability to catch early cancers and we still need to explore how it might work in a real cancer screening scenario,” he said.

I see Professor Pike was backtracking on his numbers in The Mail yesterday. I told you he was no Captain Christopher Pike.

Just send $100 to the number on the bottom of your screen...

Sheene v Roberts Silverstone 1979

Rewatching Fleabag and it’s still 10/10. I know it’s become cool to decry it as shit/boring/overrated but it’s none of those things. The writing and acting are universally incredible. I’m struggling to think of anything that has ever switched so quickly from silly to hard hitting and back again as well as this. It is genius.