Issue 81 captions thread....

[dave u]

Issue 81 Captions

[Scott_M]

When is the new issue out? Hopefully it'll be on sale at Brighton, give me something to read on the way to Wembley.

[Russ Atmosphere]

 

NO! I'm the referee, said Giggs.

[milky]

 

'Howard, you can take the next one. Look I know I promised, but our boss said no.'

[Russ Atmosphere]

 

Socks the cat was not the first scouser to shit it in front of goal this season.

[Russ Atmosphere]

Wait! Where ya goan?

 

 

 

 

Come on Charles, keep up.

 

[milky]

 

Everyone gathered round as Parker proved he had indeed the entire media's balls in his mouth.

Edited February 10, 2012 by milky

[a stoner]

 

Cat: I've been sat here for 20 minutes and not one cross I can get on the end of.

[a stoner]

 

Gerrard: Is he still breathing?

Suarez: Yup

Gerrard: Kick him again then.

[a stoner]

 

Shrek: But that foul was worth at least 2 penalties!

Webb: Your only getting one or it will be obvious I'm biased.

[brucespanner]

 

Giggs "Fuck that, last one touches him defends him'

 

Feotus *Under breath*'Oh fucksake'

[Trumo]

 

WR: Two weeks and you too will be a changed man. Here's their number.

HW: You're a top lad Wayne. Cheers.

WR: Ah, what are teammates for?

 

 

 

Oh look, a cock!

 

 

 

LS: But they told me you had the stomach for a fight.

 

 

 

DL: Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be...Lord Summerisle!

 

 

 

MH: Blue it is Patrice. Your call.

 

 

 

PE: Six times! He said it six times!

[Antynwa]

 

Together, Cech, Together we can bring back the Third Reich

[brucespanner]

 

Ref 'Stop it now Patrice, the kid said fuck all, you're taking this to far now!'

 

Stevie 'Come on let's clear off la he's off again'

[RedKnight]

Terry fans prove they're not racist by proclaiming their love for smurfs.

 

New winger beats more men than Downing in first appearance.

 

DA: You look like a shaved monkey.

GB: So do you.

DA: Hang on, this has gone wrong somewhere.

 

New striker better at eluding men in the box than Carroll.

 

Skrtel asks Parker the secret to time travel

SP: It's not really time travel, it's just my haircut.

SP: Seriously mate, it's JUST my haircut.

 

 

The first casualty of diving is innocence.

(That's a Platoon poster reference for those who have no idea).

 

Once a blue...

 

BNP hero worship for Terry goes too far.

[Trumo]

 

DB: Concha de tu hermana!

PW: WHAT did you say?!

PE: He said, 'fucking hell, ref!"

 

 

 

Actions speak louder than words, Patrice.

 

 

 

Owned by a man with billions in the bank. Supporters of the morally bankrupt. Welcome to Chelsea FC 2012.

 

 

Rio Ferdinand wanted to show off his Phil Jones impersonation.

 

 

[Stu Monty]

Strange scenes in the Cayman Isles

"Yes, I'd like to open an account please, for bonus paym....sorry, for gifts"

[Guest Pistonbroke]

 

"Whose fucking idea was it for us to play in black!!"

 

 

"What do you mean Surez shagged Evra's wife, as if i'd believe you ya hairy cunt!"

 

 

"Oh fuck!!! Ji-Sung Park is after me"

[Stu Monty]

Inamte claims to be fall guy in financial payments prosecution

"I ain't done nuffink, right; it's a set up I tells ya!"

[rondeco]

 

AAAAGGGGHHHHHH A CAT! A FUCKING CAT! AAAGGGHHH!

[goatboy59]

 

"Luis, is that your sister's?"

[brucespanner]

*Thinking to self* I'll be fucked if I can be arsed running anymore, I'm fucked! Maybe just maybe I can try that mind trick shite they do in the filums'

 

'Get over here you fucking poof football bastard'

 

[Ezekiel 25:17]

 

'Tis complete rubbish, when Luis come round to my house he always sneak up on Ms Poyet, give her big kick in gut, very affectionate gesture.

[goatboy59]

 

 

"A Kuyt! A Kuyt! A Kuyt a Kuyt a Kuyt!"

[Trumo]

 

DA: Fuck me! I thought they'd removed the pussy from the pitch!

 

 

 

LS: Stay still Scott. I saw Vinnie Jones do this in a TV advert.

 

 

 

FT: When is Vidic coming back? I need to start showing I've still got it, Rio.

 

 

 

Physio: Don't worry Scott, your hair is still there.

 

 

 

That ball was going to hit a bellend regardless of where Evra left his hands.

 

 

John Terry in another display of his leadership qualities.

 

JT: You can 'ave the fackin' shirt off me back luv, but the armband stays with ME!