The world of a woman.

[Mustangt125]

This thread is getting bookmarked.

 

Keep em comin fellas....er, ladies.

[neko]

glad someone bumped this.

 

driving over this bridge a few weeks ago, the wife asked whether the cables were for hanging decorations.

 

[Trumo]

driving over this bridge a few weeks ago, the wife asked whether the cables were for hanging decorations.

 

Without wishing to condone the madness in any way, is the bridge decorated for any major holidays?

[Acid]

I'm sure this mistake has been made by another girl in this thread, but I witnessed the following conversation between my brother and his girlfriend the other day...

 

Rob: There's no 'I' in Team America...

Rob looks at her waiting for a response of some kind

Megan: What? I know there isn't.

Rob: You serious?

Megan: Yea, I'll show you.

 

She then proceeds to type into google on her phone 'Team Ameraca'

[Juniper]

Not really something daft she's said but more of a Practical joke that's been going for about two years and she's not caught on yet.

 

She got a new car a couple of years ago, a few months after we were cleaning out the back of the glove compartment and I found Jimmy Nail's 'Crocodile Shoes' album down the back. Took the Piss out of her for an age and kept putting it on when journeying together.

 

She has binned it on numerous occasions and each time I kept finding it when getting the bins ready.

 

Obviously I kept placing it in the car just before she drove us somewhere to 'find it' again.

 

Eventually she binned it without me picking it up so for the first time I purchased about 4 copies for about a pound off play.com and have continued to carry on the tradition since.

 

Each time her face is a picture as she's still not cottoned onto this. The most confused face you'll ever witness where she starts to question herself and her memory. It sounds childish but it gives me great pleasure to see her talk me through the last time it's been binned swearing it happened.

 

She still hasn't a clue that I have another small stash hidden upstairs and will continue to carry on this joke for as long as I can.

 

I recon it's got another 6 copies left it in yet....

[Mustangt125]

Haha that's class. How you stop yourself from laughing during her talk through is beyond belief

[neko]

Without wishing to condone the madness in any way, is the bridge decorated for any major holidays?

 

not really sure - we don't really see it that often. no excuse there.

 

Not really something daft she's said but more of a Practical joke that's been going for about two years and she's not caught on yet.

 

She got a new car a couple of years ago, a few months after we were cleaning out the back of the glove compartment and I found Jimmy Nail's 'Crocodile Shoes' album down the back. Took the Piss out of her for an age and kept putting it on when journeying together.

 

She has binned it on numerous occasions and each time I kept finding it when getting the bins ready.

 

Obviously I kept placing it in the car just before she drove us somewhere to 'find it' again.

 

Eventually she binned it without me picking it up so for the first time I purchased about 4 copies for about a pound off play.com and have continued to carry on the tradition since.

 

Each time her face is a picture as she's still not cottoned onto this. The most confused face you'll ever witness where she starts to question herself and her memory. It sounds childish but it gives me great pleasure to see her talk me through the last time it's been binned swearing it happened.

 

She still hasn't a clue that I have another small stash hidden upstairs and will continue to carry on this joke for as long as I can.

 

I recon it's got another 6 copies left it in yet....

 

now that's a great story.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

Watching the telly the otheer week, a well known 70's programme starts and she pipes up thats the manic street preachers tune...... yes love, the tune is called "Theme from MASH"... we've seen the band 4 times, most recently within the last 6 months, and this from a muso who played a few gigs around the city in her youth.... mind you she was a drummer.

[Dr.Filth]

Girl in work rang the council the other day to ask why seagulls were shitting on her roof but on none of her neighbours roofs!

 

She then confessed to ringing them in the past about a constant high pitched whining noise in her house. It mysteriously disappeared after she had her ears syringed.

[PestiRed]

On holiday in Rome on a roasting hot day I bought us a couple of frozen bottles of water. She asked me how they managed to put the ice in the bottles - "it wouldn't fit through the hole"

 

Same holiday, driving up to Florence & she's navigating with the map. Ask her what junction I need to take to get off the motorway and she tells me "it'll be obvious, we need to be on the purple road & the other ones are yellow"

 

She's Hungarian and driven around Hungary all her life so this conversation surprised me a bit.

Me: "you need to take junction 54, it's 20km away"

Her: "how do you know it's 20km?"

Me: "well we've just passed junction 34"

Her "so the junction numbers are the same as the kilometer markings?"

Me: "er, yeah. What did you think the junction numbers meant?"

Her: "oh, I just thought they used random numbers"

 

She speaks 4 languages fluently and has just finished her post-grad degree

[Joe Le Taxi]

To be fair, that's new to me.

[PestiRed]

To be fair, that's new to me.

 

It's not so much that she didn't know the kilometre marking thing (although if you've driven on Hungarian motorways, it's pretty obvious), it's more that she thought that when they build a junction, they just make a number up off the top of their heads and use it.

[Mustangt125]

haha the ice is great, as is the purple road story. unbelievable.

[Ted]

Watching Richard Hammond's show from the other week about how that sail-shaped hotel in Dubai was built. Hammond was talking about the difficulty they encountered with the steel expanding due to the tempratures in Dubai.

 

She pipes up with this gem: "Why don't they just build it at night when it's cooler?"

 

I pissed myself laughing and had to phone my mate to tell him. He near dropped his new born son.

[lifetime fan]

Watching the telly the otheer week, a well known 70's programme starts and she pipes up thats the manic street preachers tune...... yes love, the tune is called "Theme from MASH"... we've seen the band 4 times, most recently within the last 6 months, and this from a muso who played a few gigs around the city in her youth.... mind you she was a drummer.

 

Must be something about thick bints and TV programmes mate.

 

Was flicking through the channels the other night trying to find something to watch. I turn on a channel and this starts.

 

 

Her: Great, I love Dad's Army.

 

Me: Fuck sake woman, do you do it deliberately to piss me off?

 

Her: Do you not like Dad's Army?

[Lurtz]

Not really something daft she's said but more of a Practical joke that's been going for about two years and she's not caught on yet.

 

She got a new car a couple of years ago, a few months after we were cleaning out the back of the glove compartment and I found Jimmy Nail's 'Crocodile Shoes' album down the back. Took the Piss out of her for an age and kept putting it on when journeying together.

 

She has binned it on numerous occasions and each time I kept finding it when getting the bins ready.

 

Obviously I kept placing it in the car just before she drove us somewhere to 'find it' again.

 

Eventually she binned it without me picking it up so for the first time I purchased about 4 copies for about a pound off play.com and have continued to carry on the tradition since.

 

Each time her face is a picture as she's still not cottoned onto this. The most confused face you'll ever witness where she starts to question herself and her memory. It sounds childish but it gives me great pleasure to see her talk me through the last time it's been binned swearing it happened.

 

She still hasn't a clue that I have another small stash hidden upstairs and will continue to carry on this joke for as long as I can.

 

I recon it's got another 6 copies left it in yet....

 

Superb work. That's going to drive her mental.

 

Keep us informed.

[JimmyConway]

Not really something daft she's said but more of a Practical joke that's been going for about two years and she's not caught on yet.

 

She got a new car a couple of years ago, a few months after we were cleaning out the back of the glove compartment and I found Jimmy Nail's 'Crocodile Shoes' album down the back. Took the Piss out of her for an age and kept putting it on when journeying together.

 

She has binned it on numerous occasions and each time I kept finding it when getting the bins ready.

 

Obviously I kept placing it in the car just before she drove us somewhere to 'find it' again.

 

Eventually she binned it without me picking it up so for the first time I purchased about 4 copies for about a pound off play.com and have continued to carry on the tradition since.

 

Each time her face is a picture as she's still not cottoned onto this. The most confused face you'll ever witness where she starts to question herself and her memory. It sounds childish but it gives me great pleasure to see her talk me through the last time it's been binned swearing it happened.

 

She still hasn't a clue that I have another small stash hidden upstairs and will continue to carry on this joke for as long as I can.

 

I recon it's got another 6 copies left it in yet....

 

That's brilliant.

 

Reminds me of a joke I played on the missus a couple of years ago,she had entered a phone competition on 'The Late Late Show' hoping to win 25k,anyway if you win they'd ring you live on air.Just as the host was about to reveal the lucky winner I threw my phone on private number and rang her.She lept from the sofa to scramble for her phone shouting..."Fucking hell that must be them,OH MY GOD" at that point I just burst out laughing and held my phone up.I was in the shithouse for a good week after that but was fucking funny at the time

[Trumo]

Superb work. That's going to drive her more mental.

 

Fixed.

[Pony Princess]

[Furmedge]

Two European classics my mum has come out with;

 

Mum - "My mates just give me 100 Euro's to get her something while I'm away. What will that get her in New York?"

 

 

And while watching the Eurovision results years ago;

 

Dad - "A total of 7 points? It's all political and they all hate us because of the war in Iraq."

Mum - "Well how many points did America get?"

[thechap]

I bought the DVD box set of 24 a week or so ago and we're now on season two.

 

Watching it with the daft bint last night.

 

President Palmer is refusing to let 'zeenophobia' influence his decisions.

 

Her: Whats 'zeenophobia'?

 

Me: It's xenophobia.

 

Her: Whats xenophobia?

 

Me: An irrational hatred of foreigners.

 

Her: Is that why you think everyone from London is a cunt?

 

Me: No, they just are cunts. London is hardly a foreign country is it?

 

Her: Is it not? I thought they had their own President?

 

 

Hmm, have you been to London recently?

[Remmie]

[Ezekiel 25:17]

A girl asked me the other day what was the quickest way to Lime street station , I said ' are you walking or driving ??' She said driving I said 'yeah, that's the quickest way'. Not so much a womanism as messing with their tiny minds.

[Harry Squatter]

I was waiting in a queue for petrol at Sainsbury's in Knotty Ash about a week ago when the middle aged woman in the car in front of me wound down her window and shouted to me: - "ay mate, do us a favour, which side of me car is the petrol cap on" - I said "is this your car?" - she said "yeah like, had it ages". SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SUCH A THICK TWAT THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SIDE YOUR PETROL CAP IS ON? - "Fuck off yer knobhead, was only askin"

 

Some woman in my work came up to me and asked if I knew anyone who worked in the passport office who could rush an application through. When I asked why she said that she had booked a hen weekend in Benidorm for her and 4 of her mates to go but she had booked one of her mates in her married name who was now divorced. She asked whether her friend could get a passport in her maiden name rather than her married name that she had booked it under. She still had her passport in her married name so it wouldnt have made any difference.

 

I asked why she couldnt just change the name on the booking if it was that important - "well it's £100 to change it and its too much hassle". - I said that she only had a week to get a new one and there is no guarantee she would have been issued with one plus it would cost virtually the same. She wasnt having any of it and got on the phone to her mate telling her to put an application in ASAP and mark in "URGENT"

[Paulie Dangerously]

I'm off to Poland on holiday next week and the bird I'm sort of seeing who is originally from Essex way was asking me about it as she'd never been. I told her I had to sort my money out but otherwise I was all set.

 

I was chatting to her on the phone the next say and said "Yeah I went to town, got my Zlotys from the Money Shop so I'm all set"

 

She replied "I tell you what, going out with a Scouser is like learning a new language, why do you call money Zlotys??"

 

She teaches A-Level Physics