OT Sunderland Earthquake

[Guest U.M.C]

THE SUNDERLAND EARTHQUAKE

 

A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Sunderland in the early hours of Monday.

Epicentre Hylton Sunderland. Victims were seen wandering aimlessly muttering "fockin mentill innit".

The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.

Many locals were woken well before their Giro's arrived.

Wearside news reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in their area.

 

One resident Tracey Sharon Smith, a 15yr old mother of 5

said "it was such a shock, my little Chardonay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I watched Kilroy the next morning".

 

Apparently though, looting, mugging, and car crime did carry on as normal.

 

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

 

 

HOW CAN YOU HELP

 

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught in the disaster.

Clothing is most sought after, the most needed includes;

Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops(his and hers) shell suits(female)

White sports socks, Rockport boots and any other items usually sold by Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include Microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

£2.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

£5 will pay for a packet of Benson and Hedges and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

Please do not send tents for shelter, the sight of posh housing is unfair on the population of neighbouring areas of Fulwell and East and West Boldon.

[Paul]

At the risk of being a bit of a "Victor Mature", if the title of this had the word Liverpool in it, there'd be uproar about it.

[fivetimes]

it is funny. seen it ages ago about manchester. seen it about liverpool seen it about london.

[Guest U.M.C]

At the risk of being a bit of a "Victor Mature", if the title of this had the word Liverpool in it, there'd be uproar about it.

 

Thing is Paul iwas sent it by my sister and we live in Newcastle and it had a Sunderland reference. If it had been liverpool i wouldnt post it or if i did i would have changed it.

 

Still funny

[Tom R]

Thing is if it had been posted about Liverpool then there would have no substance of truth in it and it would have merely propogated the lies and bile about our fair city.

Sunderland however... ;-)

[dave u]

Thing is if it had been posted about Liverpool then there would have no substance of truth in it and it would have merely propogated the lies and bile about our fair city.

Sunderland however... ;-)

 

To be fair it should be Middlesborough

 

*prepares for inevitable fourtimes rant about smogtown*

[Ezekiel 25:17]

gotta love the fact hes used my name Dave.

[aws]

Tracy or Sharon?

[Original202]

Got told this joke about a Scouser, but its quite funny if you change it to a Teessider or Mackem

 

A Mackem walks into the Job centre and declares he's desperate to work.

"Listen mate, I'm a hard worker. I'll graft all day. I really want to work. I'm sick of sponging of the state".

 

"Ok. Well theres a job come up that might suit you. Someone is needed by an adult video company. They want someone who can look after the models, in return they'll sleep with you and make all your fantasies come true. Make sure they know when and where they have to be for filming and as well as a good wage you'll get all the sex you want with stunning girls who are up for anything.

 

"Fuckin hell mate! You're having me on, you've gotta be taking the piss"

 

"Well you started it!"

 

:thumbsup:

 

Oh how I'm looking forward to 20th November.

[dave u]

gotta love the fact hes used my name Dave.

 

 

Yeah I noticed that. Class.

[Guest U.M.C]

gotta love the fact hes used my name Dave.

 

Ezekeil

 

So i take it oyur real name is Elizabeth Duke :smile:

[Ezekiel 25:17]

No its Chardonnay Mercedes (named after were I was concieved)

[fivetimes]

its coming soon dave. us V THEM away .......arrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Stu Monty]

its coming soon dave. us V THEM away .......arrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

I was actually thinking of you whilst writing about the grey boro kits in the last edition. You are all probably the first thing i think of when I hear someone mention the place.