Divorce

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Well that didn't take long!

 

She's now fucking about with my access days and trying to reduce the number of nights my girls spend with me. Un-fucking-believable!!!

 

I have the girls with me 12 nights a month but she now wants to reduce that to 8. I've compromised with her and agreed to change some nights around (she picked a night she knows I play football on, and gave me the old 'what's more important, football or your kids?') and agreed to reduce to 10 nights to try to meet her halfway.

 

Is that good enough? Not for fucking her, and what she's proposing would mean that I wouldn't see them for a whole week out of every two. Oh, and she's threatening to change the kids school which would make my access to them during the week even more difficult.

 

I am beyond fucking angry!

 

You have equal rights in decisions regarding school etc, assuming you are on the birth certificates.

 

Go to a solicitor, would be my advice. Give them all the details and get legal advice. Yes it'll cost you, but it'll be worth it. I'm only done paying off my solicitors bill from this time last year, but I got a court order to have my daughter 3 nights a week. I'm not sure who bulletproof these things are, but her Mum is sticking to it so far. My solicitors let me pay it off in monthly instalments so I was never under any pressure.

 

Women DO NOT get to dictate what happens with the kids and the courts favour what is in the children's best interest. Spending less and less time with a good parent is NOT in the kids interests. As for what days etc, again, women do not get to tell you when you have to have your kids. There should be a negotiation, most likely with a mediator.

 

Does you wife work?

 

And the best advice I can give is don't panic. This is pretty overwhelming right now but it's natural for things to be this tense after a break down of a relationship. Maybe with some words of advice and a reminder of the law and your rights, you might not even need to go to court. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

 

Oh and good luck. PM me if you need any clarification or have any questions.

[lifetime fan]

Listen to ROTOQ.

[ZonkoVille77]

The way I've always looked at relationships ending is that it's another chapter of your life closing, ready to open another one. While that doesn't make it easier it's a positive way of looking at things. Like your favourite band breaking up, you have the great memories to bring forward, but there's always another great band on the horizon just ready to bring you more great memories. Obviously kids are very important so always try your best to be a decent guy around them and for them, especially during heated moments. Kids don't forget and the last thing you'd want is them telling you in 15 years about the time you were a cunt to their mum during separation. Head up, look after the kids and yourself, keep dignified and remember the auld saying - plenty more fish in the sea (well maybe not near fukushima).

[Jenson]

You have equal rights in decisions regarding school etc, assuming you are on the birth certificates.

 

Go to a solicitor, would be my advice. Give them all the details and get legal advice. Yes it'll cost you, but it'll be worth it. I'm only done paying off my solicitors bill from this time last year, but I got a court order to have my daughter 3 nights a week. I'm not sure who bulletproof these things are, but her Mum is sticking to it so far.

 

Women DO NOT get to dictate what happens with the kids and the courts favour what is in the children's best interest. Spending less and less time with a good parent is NOT in the kids interests.

 

Does you wife work?

 

Cheers mate, no she doesn't work, she's enrolled at a college course, part time I think.

 

My problem is that at the moment the girls go to a school near me, which allows my mum and dad to pick them up from school and I then collect them when I finish work. I can then drop them off at school in the morning before I go to work.  If she moves them to a school nearer to her, that then becomes extremely difficult.

 

There's absolutely no need for her to do this.

[russ1979]

It's like I don't know who she is anymore. Her attitude towards me is unbelievable, and it's like it's all about trying to get one over me and show that she's the boss and she calls the shots.

I would never have believed she could be like this.

 

I desperately do not want to take this to court or whatever, but I can't accept only seeing my girls 8 times a month and going a whole week without seeing them every other week.

No Deal. You said you have been separated for 8 months. So I'm guessing you have had the kids a lot. Cause it suited her, Just tell her you want to keep the same arrangement as you have had for the last eight months.

 

But you need to keep things amicable cause she's got you by the balls

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

My ex worked but was used to being " subsidised " by me and barely saw the kids, so a different story. She couldn't use the kids as I had them, I feel for you mate, genuinely. Unfortunately as Rotoq says it sounds like solicitor time as painful and expensive as that may be it is looking like the only way.

 

Without alarming you something needs putting in place before either of you decide to meet someone else, it has to be said sorry. New people on the scene equals further headaches.

 

I was a fucking idiot about a year after the breakup and still pay now. But that's another story.

[Harry Squatter]

I get that mate but who knows what his Mrs was like. Boot on other foot there's plenty of violent controlling blokes who stop their Mrs going out and she doesn't really have a choice.

 

Guess what I'm saying is I'm free for that pint now pal

I didn't mean it like that it's just that some men and women just get too comfy in their surroundings and don't make the effort to stay friends or bother to make new friends. They then get to a point that they have nothing else going on in their lives. It becomes even worse when you get divorced and you can become completely isolated.

[Harry Squatter]

Seriously though why the fuck do men have to do this to see their kids?. It's fucking ridiculous. Why do some women think they have the right to stop a father seeing his kids and make him jump through hoops to have any time with them, costing them a fortune in solicitors and court fees?.

 

Jenson I hope you get something sorted and try not to get angry. Easier said than done I know.

[Jenson]

It's solicitor time I'm afraid.

 

I've tried again this morning to reason with her, but we're going round in circles. All I get is she's the mother so she knows best, and has now said that she will go to court.

 

Anyone know any good family solicitors in Liverpool city centre?

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

The truly sad thing is if things could be dealt with amicably those solicitor fees could be going on the kids themselves with holidays with both parents for instance, easing things for them at a difficult time rather than restraining the parents financially. Will she get free legal aid ? No too savvy as I know things have changed.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Horrendous reading this Jenson.  I was once talking to my ma about this sort of thing and saying how I couldn't believe people use their kids as leverage and a weapon to get one over on their partners or family members and she came out with a five word summation of it which stuck with me.  "Some people are just wicked"

 

Wish I could help with advise on solicitors and that but I can't  If you're in a trade union it's always a good place to start. 

[lifetime fan]

Pretty sure Rico recommend a solicitors a few pages back.

 

If they've kept that cunt out of prison they must be good.

[Jenson]

She reckons she's been told that a court will only give me access every other weekend so she thinks she can blackmail into accepting her plan with this.

I'm in a trade union but not sure their legal advice service extends to personal matters.

Am going to get an appointment for a solicitor asap.

[russ1979]

She reckons she's been told that a court will only give me access every other weekend so she thinks she can blackmail into accepting her plan with this.

I'm in a trade union but not sure their legal advice service extends to personal matters.

Am going to get an appointment for a solicitor asap.

The first appointment with a solicitor is free so go along and see what he has to say.

But take some time out after and have a good think about what you want.

Every other weekend isn't necessary a bad thing with one night a week thrown in.

 

Sit down with your ex and try and come to a plan that suits both and when you do that get a separation deed letter drawn up by a solicitor which will cost about 400£ and is bound by court if any party doesn't stick to the letter

[Rico1304]

Pretty sure Rico recommend a solicitors a few pages back.

 

If they've kept that cunt out of prison they must be good.

Haha correct.

 

DWF in Liverpool are good.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

What I often hear is how women start taking the fucking piss after seperations, and how men remark that the woman has completely changed, never thought she was capable of all this etc. The simple answer is, it's time to show her what YOU are capable of Jenson, the truth is you're still hurting, maybe still in love, and you haven't reached the point where you don't care about her feelings any more, unfortunately it sounds like she very much has. You have no alternative now then to pick yourself the fuck up and start laying down the law, through the correct channels, you're a great father, with nothing to hide from, she has no grounds to call any shots.

 

Most likely she'll eventually relent and when another man comes on the scene she'll start to realise the value of having you in the childrens life, right now, they are yours and her everything, so she's trying to monopolise them, don't ler her, don't wait around for her to relent. In saying all this there's a hell of a lot of specualtion, so apologies if anything doesn't apply.

[skend04]

She reckons she's been told that a court will only give me access every other weekend so she thinks she can blackmail into accepting her plan with this.

I'm in a trade union but not sure their legal advice service extends to personal matters.

Am going to get an appointment for a solicitor asap.

She's just trying it on. The courts want the parents to come to an agreement but if it's their choice it'll be down to however they are advised. At one point in my protracted case I had my daughter 3 weekends out of 4 and took her for her tea every Wednesday. Just be prepared for a drawn out process if she's being a cunt and, unfortunately, sometimes a final order isn't enough for the ex partner to stop being a cunt either.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Cheers mate, no she doesn't work, she's enrolled at a college course, part time I think.

 

My problem is that at the moment the girls go to a school near me, which allows my mum and dad to pick them up from school and I then collect them when I finish work. I can then drop them off at school in the morning before I go to work.  If she moves them to a school nearer to her, that then becomes extremely difficult.

 

There's absolutely no need for her to do this.

 

Get to a solicitor ASAP then. You have 50% say in what school they go to:

 

http://www.expertfamilysolicitor.co.uk/parents-choosing-a-school.html

 

 

 

In the case of dispute parents might initially consider mediation as a means to trying to resolve the dispute.  Where that is not successful, (or where mediation is not suitable), one or other parent can apply to the court for a specific issue orderunder the Children Act 1989 for the court to resolve that dispute.

 

She doesn't just get to decide for you.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

She reckons she's been told that a court will only give me access every other weekend so she thinks she can blackmail into accepting her plan with this.

I'm in a trade union but not sure their legal advice service extends to personal matters.

Am going to get an appointment for a solicitor asap.

 

That's bollocks

[Remmie]

Really don't want to piss on bonfires here but my mate has had to take his ex to court a couple times over child care and they gave him what he wanted in terms of access. Problem is after a while she started acting the cunt threatening a childminder he had, completely preventing him from seeing her other daughter from a previous relationship (even though he was effectively the girl's dad for 8 years) & then ignoring the court order and just doing whatever suits her in child care arrangements. The court are happy to impose arrangements but do fuck all to enforce them.

 

How on earth can people not act bitter towards the other person in front of their kids in this situation?

[Champ]

Well that didn't take long!

 

She's now fucking about with my access days and trying to reduce the number of nights my girls spend with me. Un-fucking-believable!!!

 

I have the girls with me 12 nights a month but she now wants to reduce that to 8. I've compromised with her and agreed to change some nights around (she picked a night she knows I play football on, and gave me the old 'what's more important, football or your kids?') and agreed to reduce to 10 nights to try to meet her halfway.

 

Is that good enough? Not for fucking her, and what she's proposing would mean that I wouldn't see them for a whole week out of every two. Oh, and she's threatening to change the kids school which would make my access to them during the week even more difficult.

 

I am beyond fucking angry!

  

It's like I don't know who she is anymore. Her attitude towards me is unbelievable, and it's like it's all about trying to get one over me and show that she's the boss and she calls the shots.

I would never have believed she could be like this.

 

I desperately do not want to take this to court or whatever, but I can't accept only seeing my girls 8 times a month and going a whole week without seeing them every other week.

This sounds gut wrenching, Jenson.

 

I can't help but wonder what's behind all this. You say yo've had a stable arrangement for months and then out of the blue she says she wants a divorce and you've barely had time to catch your breath and she's calling the shots over contact.

 

Unless there's stuff we don't know this seems to be all about her and causing maximum hurt to you without any thought for the impact on your kids. If you're on their birth certificates the stuff she's telling you about what you should or shouldn't get is just made up rubbish, possibly to frighten you off. Is there a history of her expecting her own way?

 

Either way, with this having been thrown at you you absolutely need good legal advice. If you haven't told her already you need to tell her, backed up by email, I'd suggest, that you hoped things could be done reasonably and in the best interests of the kids but what she's proposing is unacceptable and if she doesn't want to do things that way you are left with no choice but to seek legal advice to protect your own and the children's interests. Sometimes just hearing that or having it reinforced by a solicitor's letter outline your position can be enough to bring people back to their senses.

 

I can only imagine the pain and anger you are feeling and the temptation to retaliate but as ZonkoVille says, try to keep as much as you can away from the kids to try to minimise the impact on them and their development into the future.

 

I hope things turn out all right

[Champ]

Really don't want to piss on bonfires here but my mate has had to take his ex to court a couple times over child care and they gave him what he wanted in terms of access. Problem is after a while she started acting the cunt threatening a childminder he had, completely preventing him from seeing her other daughter from a previous relationship (even though he was effectively the girl's dad for 8 years) & then ignoring the court order and just doing whatever suits her in child care arrangements. The court are happy to impose arrangements but do fuck all to enforce them.

How on earth can people not act bitter towards the other person in front of their kids in this situation?

If you really have your kids' interests at heart you will find a way; someone needs to show them how to behave properly

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Really don't want to piss on bonfires here but my mate has had to take his ex to court a couple times over child care and they gave him what he wanted in terms of access. Problem is after a while she started acting the cunt threatening a childminder he had, completely preventing him from seeing her other daughter from a previous relationship (even though he was effectively the girl's dad for 8 years) & then ignoring the court order and just doing whatever suits her in child care arrangements. The court are happy to impose arrangements but do fuck all to enforce them.

 

How on earth can people not act bitter towards the other person in front of their kids in this situation?

 

Yea I'm a little afraid of this happening with me too, but it hasn't yet. All we can do is deal with the problem at hand. Until he has that problem, there's no reason to panic.

 

I've naturally spent some time thinking about it and a potential solution would be to get my court order amended to pick her up from school, rather than her mums house, which would diminish her mums ability to prevent me from picking her up. Anyway, I hope I won't have to go down that road.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

It's normally if you've fucked them off, or found someone else sharpish, if that's not the case, has she mentioned brexit ?? it could be that. 

[Jenson]

I've pretty much capitulated, for my own sake. I'm absolutely drained and really couldn't take anymore. I will still be going to see a solicitor next week so that I know exactly where I stand if she tries to pull another stunt out of the blue on me.

 

I've got Friday & Saturday nights one week (where I don't have to take the girls back until 6pm Sunday; the only concession I got) and then Thursday-Friday nights the next.

 

Not ideal but pretty much all I was going to get.

 

Thanks very much for all your advice and help. It really is appreciated. I'm off to get drunk!