Joke!

[stevebaby]

I once met a bird who had 12 nipples.

Sounds strange, dozen tit?

[halewood pete]

My girlfriend keeps telling me off for trying to relate everything to Batman.

Oh what a Joker !

[halewood pete]

whats the most sensitive part of your body when your having a sneaky wank ?

 

Your ears.

[halewood pete]

I just caught my girlfriend sucking off my best friend,it was disgusting,

He just kept wagging his tail.

[halewood pete]

ive just split up with my midget girlfriend...

She wouldnt go up on me.

[halewood pete]

The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene,but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.

 

My auntie Marge has been in hospital for nine months....

I can't believe shes not better !

[halewood pete]

The inventor of the computer mouse died yesterday in America. Why didn't someone just right Click and save him?

[A Red]

The most popular owl? The "tweet"

[halewood pete]

Odds on being next to pick up the ashes.

England 6/4

Aussies3/1

Winnie Mandela 1/3

[halewood pete]

the economic situation in greece has led to a drop in the production of hummus and taramasalata.

apparently its a double dip recession.

[Robbo29]

two old fellas sitting in their deck chairs on the beach.

one says to the other "nice out isnt it?"

other one says "yes, think i will take mine out as well"

[setreal]

Catherine Zeta Jones has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder: Half of the time she's happy, the other half she has to suck off a 70 year old.

 

(This was on Norm MacDonalds podcast)

[md1892]

I bought a new thesaurus today.

 

It's nothing to write house about.

[Duncan Clench]

I bought a new thesaurus today.

 

It's nothing to write house about.

 

That is amazing. Rep due.

[Lee909]

An old Italian gentleman lived alone in New Jersey.* He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.* His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

 

Dear Vincent,*I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.*Love,*Papa

 

**A few days later he received a letter from his son.*Dear Papa,**Don’t dig up that garden. That’ s where the bodies are buried.*Love,* Vinnie

 

At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.* That same day the old man received another letter from his son.**

 

Dear Papa,*Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.* That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.*Love you, Vinnie

[Champ]

That's so sweet...you set it out so well

[Lee909]

Dont know how the * appeared.Just copied and pasted it.

[RedinSweden]

*shithead

[Bjornebye]

An old Italian gentleman lived alone in New Jersey.* He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.* His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

 

Dear Vincent,*I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.*Love,*Papa

 

**A few days later he received a letter from his son.*Dear Papa,**Don’t dig up that garden. That’ s where the bodies are buried.*Love,* Vinnie

 

At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.* That same day the old man received another letter from his son.**

 

Dear Papa,*Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.* That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.*Love you, Vinnie

 

I like this.

[bossy]

Karl Marx's grave is a communist plot.

[halewood pete]

The wife said to me last night,'if you turn the bedside lamp off I'll take it up the arse '.                                                                                                               Maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first.

[Trumo]

The wife said to me last night,'if you turn the bedside lamp off I'll take it up the arse '.                                                                                                               Maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool down first.

 

Wait a second, that looks familiar!

 

Before having sex with my girlfriend, she turned to me and said, "If you turn off the light, you can shove it up my ass." In hindsight, I should have waited until the bulb had cooled down first.

[halewood pete]

Wait a second, that looks familiar!

 

 

Wait a second, that looks familiar!

Ha ha! Apologies! Still funny over a year later! 

[halewood pete]

Whatever you do in life, always give 100%.... Unless you a donating blood...

[Trumo]

A Brummie walks into a fancy dress shop and asks for suit like John Travolta's from Saturday Night Fever. "Kipper tie?" asks the shopkeeper. "Ooh yes please", says the man, "milk and two sugars".