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The spelling of her first name pisses me off far more than it should.

I had the worst depressive episode I've ever had, which lasted for about 2 years leading up to lockdown. Progressively improved throughout and then it started getting bad again as lockdown was coming to end and has been starting to get really bad now as I approach a return to total normality. Lockdown was fucking ace as far as I am concerned. Not leaving the house unless it's totally necessary other than to go to my own premises or down to my mates who I do some work for, not having mouth breathing twats standing about 2 inches behind me and breathing on my neck in queues at the shops, not having to make excuses for not wanting to go out as everywhere is shut anyway, no time spent on public transport and being able to just concentrate on my own shit without anyone else interfering. It's been bliss, plus also a quite amusing watching all of the "I've been prepping for lockdown my entire life" starting to lose their shit when it turns out they can't cope at all while I've breezed through it like a true misanthropic, anti-social, miserable bastard who actually likes being left alone.

Made a veggie fry for tea tonight. Meat free sausages and white pudding, potato bread, soda bread, 2 fried eggs and beans cooked well down. Had a big glass of coke with ice because I really needed it. The eggs ended up cooked more than I usually would and one of the bastards stuck to the pan. I’ve tried “This isn’t bacon” but didn’t like it. It’s like a weird processed rasher. Some veggie sausages and white pudding are top notch now, though.

New job, possibly a bit more time again has me hopeful of frequenting the GF a fair bit... and some excellent memories showed up on my Facebook feed today. Not sure how this was 11 years ago?

Done very little exercise since I left school, certainly nothing regular. Following some new meds I have a fresh lease of life and have taken myself off to a strength and conditioning gym, to slowly work my way up from the very bottom. Went in Saturday morning and at the end of the session before there was a tug of war going on. One of the long-termers basically won it on his own, was ridiculous watching him actually drag 3 other very strong adults on the other team off their feet and up along the gym floor. Shortly afterwards I was doing some front squats with the barbell and he said to me 'You have incredible depth on that squat, its fucking impressive'. I checked and he has a wife and kids so I don't think he wanted to bum me. As someone who regularly struggled to get off the sofa for years, I'll take that. Probably helped my squat thinking about it, the act of sitting down on the fucker 1000 times a week in between pisses. I was also in there bench pressing a few weeks ago when Danger Zone came blaring out the speakers. I looked around all the sweat-drenched gym bros I was hiding among in plain sight and thought...yes, I can now die a happy man. Achievement unlocked.

Look at The Bitch there, like if Jimmy McNulty was from ancient Sparta.

Turned into my Dad yesterday. My niece turned up out of the blue and was chatting utter shit to my Mrs and daughter in the living room. Even though she is in her mid 20s she still acts like a 14 year old with her school type banter, talking about kids tv shows, using Snapchat filters on all her photos and just generally acting like an unfunny tit trying to wind my daughter up. She's been sacked or left every job she's had since school and just generally treats life like a joke with no consequences. After 20 odd minutes of her babbling on I just had a go at her telling her to fucking grow up and act her age rather than a dickhead kid on a Disney TV program. Immediately I felt like my Dad but the only difference is he used to say it to me when I was 13 or 14 and not in my mid 20s still sponging off him.

Local girl, came on tonight with 97 on her back in the charity game for UNICEF. 2nd best player on the pitch and anyone who watched it will agree (After Tom Grennan) Deserves recognition. She also sung this song that was played in the documentary (That I've just put on again for the 20th time or so) The End Of The Storm on Sky An angel. Always boss to see people from the city do well. Is right Liverpool

The end of the international break sees a return to 3 games in a week, and as it's us, some players returning injured from international duty. That shit happens every year, it's like clockwork. That our first game back is on Sunday afternoon at least gives some of our players a bit of a breather before the intensity ramps up again. Last season's corresponding fixture finished 1-1 with Jota's second half strike being cancelled out by a later leveller from Leeds defender Llorente. We were going through a spell of not taking enough of our chances before getting sucker-punched, but it was an improvement on the January-February-March slump where we hardly created anything at times. With that said: Tenacity. Ruthlessness. Obduracy. Understanding. Bravado. Liberty. Efficiency. Accuracy. Technique. Tactical know-how. Movement. Ingenuity. Longevity. Legs. I don't ask for much. Cast your minds back to mid-April 1991. We'd been generally pretty good up to February, but then that Everton game happened and pretty much unravelled the whole club. We were suddenly rudderless, had a lot of questionable signings like Carter and Speedie in the squad, Rosenthal was looking like a flash-in-the-pan after making his move permanent, the midfield were nowhere near as effective a unit as they'd been over the past few years. But the biggest issues were at the back. Hansen's sudden retirement after Kenny's resignation left us looking completely disorganised at the back. Grobbelaar and Nicol were becoming increasingly erratic. Hysen not only looked like a Saga advert model but started playing like one. Guys like Ablett, Staunton and Burrows were very inconsistent. As a collective, they were simply unable to cope with any sort of aerial bombardment, and Leeds had players who could take advantage. And yet the game began so well. We were carving Leeds open at will in the first half and raced into a 4-0 lead inside half an hour thanks to Houghton, Molby, Speedie and Barnes. We looked great again. The second half was a different story, largely because our defence couldn't handle Leeds' Brexit-faced goal poacher Lee Chapman. He got a hat-trick and Carl Shutt got another, but thankfully Barnes had already got his second of the match so Leeds never actually got themselves level at any point. A proper game of two halves, and the two sides would have differing fortunes the following season. Liverpool would win the FA Cup but they were a shadow of the team from the club's 80s heyday. Leeds though would go and grab the last league championship before the Premier League era. Their team that year had a smattering of good-but-not-great plus a few journeymen, but as a unit they proved extremely effective. Lukic in goal; Sterland, Fairclough, Whyte and Dorigo at the back; Gary Mac and Batty in the centre of midfield with captain Strachan and Gary Speed offering width; and a front line of Chapman and Rod Wallace, later supplemented by the arrival of French quasi-philosopher and all-round headcase Eric Cantona. They were Leicester under Ranieri. Number one movie? With these box-office additions I've noticed that the site I'm getting the info from looks at the US box office. Top of the pile in mid-April 1991 was Steven Seagal actioner Out For Justice. It's titled like a second-tier actioner (ie, one that didn't star Arnie, Bruce or Sly), and the plot synopsis reads like a second-tier actioner - the grizzled cop looking to avenge his partner's brutal murder by some typical gangsters. I've never seen it but it sounds like any number of other films I have seen. I was just thinking of how many Seagal-headlined films I've actually watched, and I can only think of a couple of Under Siege films. He might have done more than two of them, but I can't remember. He's like Van Damme, Lundgren or Chuck Norris. They've all got an extensive back catalogue, most of which I've never been arsed to watch. Seagal only ever has one facial expression no matter what emotion he's supposed to be portraying. Anyway, Dirty Leeds (have to drop that reference once at least). They aren't actually that dirty these days, and last season proved to be a highly entertaining watch. Bielsa's teams generally are. They've lost attacking left-sided defender (or was he a midfielder, or maybe a forward?) Alioski, but added Junior Firpo from Barcelona. I remember Firpo being linked with us back when Moreno was the first-choice left back with Milner as the alternative. Betis wanted something like £20m for a Spanish U21, so that was never happening. Firpo was a bit-part player at the Nou Camp, failing to displace Jordi Alba, but I would think he should be a regular starter under Bielsa. Leeds can be dangerous, but we can be even more dangerous. We have a glamour tie with Milan a few days later but the players and staff should give the Leeds match the right focus, preparation and determination. Do that, put them under siege, don't put ourselves on deadly ground, get our executive decision right and make sure we leave with the 3 points and without any exit wounds.

The glass of Coke looks nice.

If Boris Johnson and his motley crew of a government keep fucking shit up for much longer, Kier Starmer's gonna have something to say about it I swear.

Half an hour my lad takes! I wouldn't mind but when he gets out he dresses like a scruffy cunt anyway.

Can you buy Everton?

On ITV4 now. Have to watch it all I suppose.

I’ve never had the inclination to go to an air show but I like provincial football club shirts and Scotch eggs, Scotch eggs more so.

Needs more salt.

Careful, he's got 'My Boy' status. Musn't upset our Glorious Leader.

I used to love Bommy night when I was a kid. Fucking hate it now and have done since I dragged a 10 year old lad off one when I was about 17. Someone had put an old mattress on the fire and when it had burned down kids being kids were running up and bouncing on the springs and this lad got his foot caught and over he went straight into the embers narrowly avoiding the main fire itself. Anyway, me and a mate of mine managed to get him off and the kid, ran off screaming. He was wearing a nylon jacket and it was covered in red glowing embers which were burning in. I ran after him and dived on him dragging him down into a large puddle, the kid got back up and ran off crying. I found out who the kid was and where he lived and went round there the next day. He was very lucky, just superficial burns to his hands, a little on his face, and on his body where his jacket had melted. I reckon that puddle saved him from worse. Bommy night?, They should fucking ban it.

Crosby beach is stunning. Probably best to avoid the bit by the icey van after tea-time, can imagine the local wankers gather there. Fuck me I know it's the rant thread but some of you are right miserable gets.

I must be the only person on my Facebook or Instagram who hasn't been up to the top of Moel Famau.

Addiction, of course, is an illness. Therefore, in my view, it’s not entirely fair to say Best’s career at the top level ended prematurely because he couldn’t be arsed, there’s more to it than that. Best still made 470 appearances for Manchester United, scoring 179 goals over the course of eleven seasons, which is more than a few years, in my opinion.

Players can demand big wages on contract renewals because there's no transfer fee. It really is as simple as that. £500,000 a week is £26 mlllion a year, or £104m over four years. It's the rough equivalent of signing a player for £70m and giving him a contract worth £150,000 a week. Does anyone think there wouldn't be a horde of clubs willing to pay £70m for Salah and give him £150,000 a week? Because budget-wise, that's what they'd be doing.

@melons in the house.

Putting a spirit level on something you've DIY'd, and seeing that little bubble sit perfectly in the middle. Pure satisfaction.

Come on Stig, I'm has horrified as you are about Yorkshire's post. 'Bringing the wife' on a TLW piss up.Words fucking fail me.

You won’t need to tool up. I’m bringing the wife, she’ll step in and help you out if I’m not getting the battering she thinks I deserve.

Au contraire, my pedigree chum. I guarantee it is her problem. Speaking as someone with a fucked up name, I bet she fucking loves having to explain to anybody taking her name that it isn't spelt properly because her parents thought they'd be dead edgy attention seeking thundercunts.

Listened to it whilst cycling this morning. Very enjoyable indeed. Ceefax transfer news - Classic Dan that was.

Watched The Maradonna documentary last night, it could've done with an extra hour & the end was heartbreaking. People talk about George Best but this guy really threw it all away (after conquering the World to be fair)... 9/10

Ursula Corbero, who plays Tokyo in Money Heist.

Can't watch the UFC now as well.

Prefer this myself.

He was better than just "good". His finishing at that time was phenomenal. We'd probably appreciate this more if we hadn't been so spoilt over the last few decades. Still, even if he'd never been injured, I doubt he'd put in the defensive shift to get a regular place in a Klopp team.

I'm the same. I detest fucking Salford beyond belief. As you say, they are a reliable source of amusement.

Needs an accent cushion. This would suit, given the reading material.

Farting when you've got an itchy arsehole.

I posted on here before about a close neighbour who had died from it, aged 55. Admittedly she'd had other problems but just learnt her surviving husband got it. He said rough as fuck for about a fortnight but OK now, thankfully (even if he is a Spurs seasie!). Said he would be chatting for 5 minutes and than all choked up. It really does knock the shit out of you. Oh and yes, he was double vaxed. Fucking hate Spurs me.

Why vegan eggs? Chickens will lay them regardless in numerous quantities. If we don't eat them the earth would be just one massive omelette.

Starting a new job and everyone seeming genuinely sound. What a relief.

Creepy, disgusting, sorded and vile but nevertheless thats a fucking story!

Its not that good a story but I'll tell it anyway. In the mid to late 80's as a young lad I would spend my bus money on booze and hitch hike home from Malvern, where I grew up and where my mates were, to Worcester where we had moved to. The one night I got picked up by this bloke and young teenage girl who were in an old battered van with a continuous bench front seat. I was sat next to the girl who, when we had been travelling about 5 minutes, I noticed her being nudged by the bloke driving and she then proceeded to put her hand on my crotch. I was a tad uncomfortable with this but obviously as a young lad, had no control over stirrings. Anyway we came to a halt at Lower Wick roundabout (for those that know the area) and I grabbed the door handle, jumped out and legged it. When it all came out about the Wests it was revealed he used to come up to Malvern and Worcester with Rose, looking for victims. I knew the bloke was Fred but the girl certainly wasnt Rose. Anyway, when I then read the book it told of how Fred used to also take his daughter out with him to look for young lads who he would then encourage to shag her in the back of his van whilst he would watch and wank off. I can picture him to this day and am 100% sure it was Fred and his daughter.

Yeah, he had a book out not long after playing if memory serves me right, it's where the pound coin nonsense came out, I think? Quote from here https://www.lfchistory.net/Players/Player/Profile/403 Edit: Just checked 'Hell Razor' the life and times of a fat dickhead was published in 1999.

Haha just realised, you’re named after a character off the magic roundabout and you live in Milton Keynes. God was playing chess pissed with you mate

Stop buying aftershaves and sort the inside of that fucking shed out.

I wouldn't go that far. Some poor fucker had to actually make that.

Youve got to admire the way they keep smashing up Old Trafford and protesting about the Glazers. Hats off to them for being so consistent.