Have a rant thread

[General Dryness]

Have you seen the film "Cube" ?

 

If it was set in that cube then I actually might even watch the shit.

 

Fucking right. The entertainment value of watching some vapid tit get sliced into a million pieces by razor wire, or have their face melted off with acid would be immense. Great film by the way.

[Rico1304]

Fucking right. The entertainment value of watching some vapid tit get sliced into a million pieces by razor wire, or have their face melted off with acid would be immense. Great film by the way.

A mate of mine organised the premier of The Cube, I was invited up until the point she overhead me on the phone, shitfaced, telling my mate I was going to mother Jennifer Lopez. My invite disappeared.

[General Dryness]

A mate of mine organised the premier of The Cube, I was invited up until the point she overhead me on the phone, shitfaced, telling my mate I was going to mother Jennifer Lopez. My invite disappeared.

 

Bit of a role reversal someone giving you the cold shoulder eh? I wouldn't mother her. I'd invade her giant ass crack sexually.

[Rico1304]

Bit of a role reversal someone giving you the cold shoulder eh? I wouldn't mother her. I'd invade her giant ass crack sexually.

 

That should have said mither, which in the late 90's was my euphemism for clumsily attempt sexual congress.

[lifetime fan]

Dealing with banks, building societies, mortgage advisers and estate agents.

 

Fuck off with all the matey bollocks, I can't stand you and you just want to fleece me. Let's not pretend this is anything other than what it is; a bunch of lying, no good, duplicitous, odious cunts all trying to arse rape me.

[Russ Atmosphere]

The banks that employ someone specifically to tell people in the queue to use the paying in machines. Just put up some signs and have another cashier.

[Dr Nowt]

When you're paying something in with the cashier, and they try and hit you with the spiel about their various other methods of creaming a % from your cash.  When did everything in life become a further opportunity to sell you something else?  If you're selling those puppies I'll have the one with the pink nose; if not, fuck off and process my cheque so I can mosey.

[Champ]

Dealing with banks, building societies, mortgage advisers and estate agents.

 

Fuck off with all the matey bollocks, I can't stand you and you just want to fleece me. Let's not pretend this is anything other than what it is; a bunch of lying, no good, duplicitous, odious cunts all trying to arse rape me.

 

 

When you're paying something in with the cashier, and they try and hit you with the spiel about their various other methods of creaming a % from your cash.  When did everything in life become a further opportunity to sell you something else?  If you're selling those puppies I'll have the one with the pink nose; if not, fuck off and process my cheque so I can mosey.

 

'And is there anything else I can help you with today?' Well, unless you're handing out free money, probably not.

 

And thats another, 'you realise you're getting older...' thingies when you really cant be arsed discussing your (sorry) financial business with someone who looks like they're on work experience from school

[Dr Nowt]

'And is there anything else I can help you with today?' Well, unless you're handing out free money, probably not.

 

And thats another, 'you realise you're getting older...' thingies when you really cant be arsed discussing your (sorry) financial business with someone who looks like they're on work experience from school

 

We went to look at a flat years ago, and the fucking milky bar kid turned up in a brand new Audi in his "my first suit", trying to tell me this place that virtually had no natural daylight could be brightened up by putting a mirror in each room, and if we didn't buy it we'd rue the decision. 

 

[Champ]

We went to look at a flat years ago, and the fucking milky bar kid turned up in a brand new Audi in his "my first suit", trying to tell me this place that virtually had no natural daylight could be brightened up by putting a mirror in each room, and if we didn't buy it we'd rue the decision. 

 

 

It just aint good business. To paraphrase,  'you dont sell anything with kids'

[Alan Sex]

What if you're selling kids? I've got a fresh batch of Nigerians, just in.

[lifetime fan]

What I hate about all the matey bollocks is they can't even do simple customer service.

 

Late by 15 minutes and don't even acknowledge, let alone apologise for it.

Go out to do photocopying and come back with a drink without offering me one.

And take a call on your mobile, talk as professionally as you want, we could both hear it was your nagging slag.

 

So no, I'm not going to be all pally with you you stupid prick.

[Dr Nowt]

I have a simple formula whereby if someone has the word 'Agent' in their job title, it can usually simply be replaced with 'Cunt'.

 

Unless they report into someone called Q, naturally.

[Alan Sex]

I have no time for people who can't do genuine customer service.

 

A couple of days ago there was a gas leak in the city centre - roads closed, traffic at a standstill. Had to make people walk a long way from where I was detoured to with the bus.

 

Running late as well. Did I have people bitching at me? No. I had them thanking me and one lady bought me a coffee.

 

It's not difficult, just don't be a cunt and you're halfway there. That said, not being a cunt is beyond a lot of these gormless idiots.

[Russ Atmosphere]

No I don't want a Dairy Milk with my shopping or I'd have placed it in my basket. I don't want to include a charity donation either I just want my effin shopping.

[Bjornebye]

Need help with your shopping?

 

I'm fucking 30 years of age but yeah why not you fucking slag i'll take that 74 year old happy to help cunt obver there to pack a hundred quids worth of shopping into these bags that split anyway. In-fact, i'll bin the trolley and she can carry them to the car for me. 

[dandyman]

"Would you like these three chocolate bars for a pound?", no I drove my car into a petrol station to get petrol (well diesel actually), and walked to your counter with card in hand to pay, if I wanted sustenance I'd have got it from the mile long fucking chocolate counter you make me walk past to get to you.

[Furmedge]

Walking through Mothercare before, my missus got a bollocking from some up her own arse cashier who had a pop at her for being up and about a week after having a c- section, and she should be at home resting. My missus gently reminded her that the hospital discharged her after a day and told her to be mobile when she thinks she's up to it to avoid blood clots through inactivity. I less than gently reminded her that it was none of her fucking business and asked her when Mothercare started employing surgeons to give advice to new mothers after c-sections. I also nodded to what looked like the store manager and advised her they'd lost out on about £400 worth of business from us today. Stick to taking money at the tills and keep your snidey arse opinions to yourself.

[Bjornebye]

Walking through Mothercare before, my missus got a bollocking from some up her own arse cashier who had a pop at her for being up and about a week after having a c- section, and she should be at home resting. My missus gently reminded her that the hospital discharged her after a day and told her to be mobile when she thinks she's up to it to avoid blood clots through inactivity. I less than gently reminded her that it was none of her fucking business and asked her when Mothercare started employing surgeons to give advice to new mothers after c-sections. I also nodded to what looked like the store manager and advised her they'd lost out on about £400 worth of business from us today. Stick to taking money at the tills and keep your snidey arse opinions to yourself.

 

So a shop assitant in Mothercare of all places showed concern for the health of your missus so soon after giving birth and you verbally attacked them then stormed out? 

 

 

Fair play mate. Acid would have bailed the second she laid eyes on the pair of you. 

 

"Fuck this love she is onto us"

 

"Who?"

 

"her by the socks, see you at home"

 

[Alan Sex]

Acid would have bottled going into Mothercare in the first place.

[Bobby Hundreds]

Seems harsh that furmedge. " you should be home resting"... " shut it you fucking slag.. I'll have your job ya cunt"

[Bjornebye]

"Sorry miss you look like you should be at home can I help with anything?"

 

 

Furmedge steams in:

 

[Furmedge]

So a shop assitant in Mothercare of all places showed concern for the health of your missus so soon after giving birth and you verbally attacked them then sotormed out?

 

 

Fair play mate. Acid would have bailed the second she laid eyes on the pair of you.

 

"Fuck this love she is onto us"

 

"Who?"

 

"her by the socks, see you at home"

 

 

Haha, Acid has taken a bit of a beating the last week.

 

To be fair, if she'd have said it in a jokey way or been a bit sympathetic with my missus id have been okay with it, but when they look down their nose at you and say it sternly (and reacting like we'd just got the baby into ciggies or something), with the wife looking a bit helpless and close to tears about it, I suppose it's up to me to make a bit of a tit of her in return.

 

Plus, three hours kip is not good for my temper.

[Furmedge]

Edit - 3 hours sleep made me double post. Blame the kids.

[Furmedge]

Me and Acid should become a cop duo.