I think my brother could be an alcoholic?

[Adebisi]

So I'll try to cut a long story short and just give you guys the gist of things.

 

Almost 5 years ago now our dad died. For a long time it was hard on all of us, my mother and I both dealt with some pretty bad depression. My elder brother on the other hand didn't really show much emotion at all after the funeral. Though he didn't show his emotions, the fact he stopped working and going out was a sure sign he was hurting. For whatever reason no-one but me seemed to notice his struggle and so he didn't seek help. Things seemingly improved after a while and he started working again, but with the increase of money he found himself with a lot of money to spend on drink and fags. (It might be worth noting he's drank and smoked since 14-15 and he's now 30)

 

So for the past year I'd say he makes his way through 4 cases of beer a week, not to mention the booze he has on nights out. Now I know what you're thinking, lots of people do that and are fine. I know my student buddies and I have drank similar amounts, but here's the thing. He's drinking alone, for no reason (ie footy match) and he's often drinking until he chucks up. He doesn't know when to stop.

 

I honestly don't know what to think or do. My mother gets mad with him, but she doesn't seem to think there's a problem, not that I've brought it up. Seriously, what are you supposed to do in this situation? Confrontation doesn't seem a good idea right now. The sad this is, part of me doesn't even want to care. I could do without the family bullshit right now. He's 10 years older than me, his problems should be his own FFS.

 

Sorry for ranting and rabbiting on, but it seemed like a good idea to tell someone at least.

 

*As I typed this, I heard his running to the bathroom and puking up for a good 5 minutes*

[Anubis]

Sorry to hear that mate. My brother struggles with a different addiction, and the truth is that until he realises he has a problem it will be damn near impossible to get him treatment, because he has to accepts he needs it first. My brother ended up getting help, but a recent lapse saw him do something pretty low which almost undid all the good work he'd been doing. Thankfully he's back on track now.

 

I believe there are one or two posters on here who've found themselves in a not dissimilar position to your brother, but I can't for the life of me remember who they are.

 

I think you're going to have to be brave and reaise it with him if no one else will. In addition to the addiction, he sounds like he needs some bereavement counselling as well.

[melons]

Like SM said, until he realises there's a problem there is little you can do.

 

Thoughts are with you mate, it's hard watching loved ones go through this kind of thing. x

[1892-LFCWasBorn]

The drinking on his own part sounds worrying and the volume he's consuming is alarming. Drinking until you are sick are hallmarks of intentionally trying to punish yourself.

 

Unfortunately he's the only one that can sort it.

[robbiefowler9]

I just want to start by sayin I'm sorry to hear you've this going on mate as I've been there myself (My dad is an alcoholic- clean for 3 years). In terms of your mum "not realising there is a problem" is a weird one, but a common thing in these sots of things. On some level you realise there's a problem, but to make the step up to labelling "alcoholic" often takes years and isn't simply a case of ignoring the issue, more that it just doesn't register as that. Hard to explain but you may get what I'm putting really badly.

 

 

Like others have said, and you yourself as well, as long as he doesnt consider himself to have a problem, no progress can really be made. You say oyu don't want confrontation, so I would advise trying to talk to him alone, let him know you're there to support rather than ridicule. Also speak to your mum and any siblings and get them on board. If you're to get him through this, it really needs to a united front, so to speak.

 

That's all I can think to say at the minute mate, but PM me or whatever if you want to speak to someone who's been through it, or if you just have any questions about it.

[Joe Le Taxi]

First of all, sorry for your loss.

 

Anyway to your brother, next time he is out, hide the alcohol in the house if he is bringing it home and when he goes to look for it then talk to him. Because at that point he will be (hopefully) sober. What were the things he liked doing the most before he started drinking? Say for example it was football, go for a kick about or something? It may be shit advice as I have never been in that position. If worse comes to worse get a professional involved.

 

Hope it gets sorted.

[robbiefowler9]

First of all, sorry for your loss.

 

Anyway to your brother, next time he is out, hide the alcohol in the house if he is bringing it home and when he goes to look for it then talk to him. Because at that point he will be (hopefully) sober. What were the things he liked doing the most before he started drinking? Say for example it was football, go for a kick about or something? It may be shit advice as I have never been in that position. If worse comes to worse get a professional involved.

 

Hope it gets sorted.

 

That's a very good point that. Getting professional help is the best way to go. Alot of people can get off the drink on their own, but without the specialist support, they struggle to stay off it. There's certainly no shame in asking for professional help, as it means facing the problem head on, accepting it for what it is.

[Johnni]

My older brother and late father suffer from Alcholism. One thing i heard that best describes this addiction is it's not the amount you drink but why you drink. As you said your brother seems to drink alot alone. The part where you say your brother did'nt show much emotion at the death of your Dad reminded me of my brother.

I would get professional help but first make him aware of the problem and also your mother should realise also. I doubt he will accept it at first but it's important your family get behind you cos its hard work for just one person to deal with your brother.

Then you can find out why he is drinking as it could be due to depression or other problems which is where you get the GP and professional help to step in.

[Lee909]

Hi

Sorry to hear that,been through it with my dad multiple substances,nothing you can do about it im afraid.It split the family apart and i dont see him anymore.As i said and others untill they admit it to themselves and they rarely do if pushed theres little anyone can do,my dad lost the whole family for a few years and only my brothers talk to him now

Best of luck to you all

[Elmyn Noos]

I feel compelled to say to you what your brother will probably say if you bring it up with him - why don't you mind your own fucking business? It might have fuck all to do with the death of his dad, so stop with the am-psych (I just made that up) and leave him to get on with it.

 

So he likes a drink - what are you, the 5-a-day police? Drinking is cool and hard and real men drink lots. Fact.

[Uncle_Meat]

Have you tried discussing this with him over a quiet pint?

[R Kid]

Hi sorry about your loss as has already been said.

 

When ppl drink and do drugs and other shit such as self harm it can be a cry for help. He may be locking all his feelings up inside and the only way they are comming out is with the drink.

 

He probably wants help but he isn't quite sure that he needs it or not, after all hisworld has fallen apart so he is probably very cunfused. You should talk to him about it and confront him, he may not even like it but you will bring it out in the open.

 

He may not be an alcoholic he may just be drinking a lot to deal with shit in hsi life, so tell him that he needs to cut down as it aint good.

 

You should also point out to him that using alcohol as a coping mechanism is a bad thing to do as it don't make things any better and in truth it makes them worse.

 

Your brother may not appreciate you dragging all this shit up, but if he does have a drink problem and you bring it to his attention then he stops he will appretiate what you have done.

 

If on the other hand he doesnt have a drink problem and he can stop tell him he needs to stop drinking on his own. By the sounds of it cause he is the eldest he feels like he has to be the big man (not to sound patronising), and that is why he is keeping his feelings and emotions to himself. Which in reality he isnt doing as he is showning them with the beer.

[Unrighteous]

No, I don't think a lot of people do that and are fine. People who do that have problems...

 

It's a resounding yes... Your brother is an alcoholic.

[bri]

5 cases of beer a week plus. How many is in a case 12 or 24. Even at 60 cans a week is excessive. Like a few people have said on here until he realizes it then it's difficult. You could approach him and just let him know that your not there to preach to him and if he ever wants to talk about it your there for him.

[Captain]

I honestly don't know what to think or do.

 

Tell it like it is to his face when the two of you are alone. Tell him you find it extremely difficult, but you've decided to bring it up because he's your brother and you love him and care about him.

 

I'm pretty sure deep down he knows he has a problem. He needs both your help and support.

[Anny Road]

Get him to change his tipple to guiness. The state my arse was in on Sunday has seriously put me off.

[Stu Monty]

Tell it like it is to his face when the two of you are alone. Tell him you find it extremely difficult, but you've decided to bring it up because he's your brother and you love him and care about him.

 

I'm pretty sure deep down he knows he has a problem. He needs both your help and support.

 

Gay.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

I feel compelled to say to you what your brother will probably say if you bring it up with him - why don't you mind your own fucking business? It might have fuck all to do with the death of his dad, so stop with the am-psych (I just made that up) and leave him to get on with it.

 

So he likes a drink - what are you, the 5-a-day police? Drinking is cool and hard and real men drink lots. Fact.

 

Have you tried discussing this with him over a quiet pint?

 

This is why the GF is the place to come for advice.

 

Dr Noos and Professor Meat.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I'd tell all your family and stage an intervention, shame him into packing it in/getting help, no one should be drinking that much, I'm not a big drinker nor ever have been but I know people who are drinking on your own for no other reason than getting watsed during the week is alcoholism. He could have all manner of underlying issues but it's nothing that can't be resolved, he can tell you to fuck off, and he may well do, but as your brother you have a responsibility to do something about it, tell your family you're deeply concerned and have it out with him, bite the bullet.

[Elmyn Noos]

I'd tell all your family and stage an intervention, shame him into packing it in/getting help, no one should be drinking that much, I'm not a big drinker nor ever have been but I know people who are drinking on your own for no other reason than getting watsed during the week is alcoholism. He could have all manner of underlying issues but it's nothing that can't be resolved, he can tell you to fuck off, and he may well do, but as your brother you have a responsibility to do something about it, tell your family you're deeply concerned and have it out with him, bite the bullet.

 

pfft. That's not alcoholism, that's winding down after a hard day's work. It's impossible to be an alcoholic drinking beer. Tell your brother to man the fuck up. A real alcoholic would be hitting the spirits and doing the job properly.

[Liverpool lad]

His farts must stink

[Jose Jones]

Well you’ve obviously spotted that your brother is a bit down, feeling a bit alone, doesn’t know how to express his feelings and thus has turned to beer. Confrontation isn’t going to help, it’ll just make him angry and drive him further away. What he needs is a reminder that he’s not alone, that he’s got friends and family who are in it with him. So next time Tesco have an offer on homebrand French lager buy a couple of cases and share them with your bro. Take the piss out of him when he chucks – maybe you can have a race to see who hurls first! Keep this up for a few weeks, show him you’re in it together. He’ll soon pull through.

[Spy Bee]

If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can call Jeremy Kyle.

[23CARRAGOLD]

If hes going through 4 crates a week mate I'd say you need to have a word with him. If they're 24 can/bottle crates then hes seriously doing himself damage. Hes going to kill himself with that level of drinking. I'd advise you to have a word with him at this stage. No one can say at what point someones liver will pack in but I'd say someone sinking the equivillant of 14 cans a day 7 days a week would be a prime candidate.

 

You mightn't feel comfortable saying anything to him but its obvious he needs help if the level of drinking you speak of is a weekly occurence. I wouldn't know what way to go about it like, whether to speak to him on your own or with someone else with you. On your own he may listen, with someone else with you it may feel to him that you're ganging up on him.

 

Its a very delicate situation mate and I wish you all the luck in the world with whatever you decide to do.

[Funkasy]

He shouldn't be drinking alone, you should join him.

 

on a serious note i agree with post number 2