Best Simpsons quotes ever!

[RedKnight]

Homer: I'm like that guy who built a rocket and went to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed.

[Uncle_Meat]

A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. 6 feet tall. 300 pounds. It makes ice.

 

 

{Looking at a map of the world, at the country Uruguay}

 

Hee hee! Look at this country. You are gay.

 

 

Ralph Wiggum : When I grow up, I'm going to bovine university.

 

 

Glorious!

[Stouffer]

 

Hans Moleman: Lesbian?! This isn't my army reunion.

Gay man in army clothes: You're coming home with me.

Hans Moleman: Yes, Colonel.

[Stouffer]

 

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

[dirty_sanchez]

Homer: [drunk] Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.

[dirty_sanchez]

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

[Remmie]

Lionel Hutz' works at I can't believe it's a Law firm

 

Ralph Wiggum: My Cat's breath smells of cat food

 

Ralph Wiggum: Me fail English? That's unpossible

 

At the Springfield awards festival: There's a lot of Buzz about Lenny!

 

Homer: The Cat Burgular was caught by the very person who set out to catch him

Skinner: How ironic!

[dirty_sanchez]

Homer (sung to the Flintstones song): Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history. From the, Town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree! (drives into tree)

[dirty_sanchez]

Bart Simpson (spelling "Impervious" in a spelling B): I...M...P

Nelson: Bart is pee!

Ralph Wiggum: I made Bart in my pants!

[Neil G]

TRAB PU KCIP... TRAB PU KCIP!

 

[Mark P]

See my signature!!

[kopitegaz]

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

[Neil G]

'Ya cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys!'

 

[Remmie]

I like that they announce on the news: Here is Arnie Pie with Arnie in the sky

 

Can't think of ever hearing another joke where the joke was that someone had missed out on an obvious play on words

[Guest TK-421]

Homer and Flanders in car driving somewhere. Car runs over body on road. Homer: "I hope that was Flanders".

[Dr.Filth]

Homer when Marge gets a job at the power plant:

"Now, Marge, just remember. If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English. Ah, Tibor, how many times have you saved my butt? ..."

 

Smithers, showing Marge to her office:

"You'll have to jiggle the handle. That idiot Tibor lost the key."

 

Homer in bed with Marge:

"I'm used to seeing people promoted ahead of me.

Friends, co-workers, Tibor...I never thought it'd be my own wife."

[Dr.Filth]

I like that they announce on the news: Here is Arnie Pie with Arnie in the sky

 

Can't think of ever hearing another joke where the joke was that someone had missed out on an obvious play on words

 

What about the chant for Springfield Atoms quarterback Stan 'The Boy' Taylor?

Stan Stan He's our boy

If he can't do it no-one will

[Neil G]

Skinner in the canteen in the Halloween special:

 

'Oh, relax, kids, I've got a gut feeling Uter is around here somewhere.

After all, isn't there a little Uter in all of us?

In fact, you might even say we just ate Uter and he's in our stomachs right now! Ha ha ha!

 

Wait...scratch that one.'

[Neil G]

'You've made an old jazzman happy, Lisa.'

 

'You must avenge my death, Kimba - I mean, Simba.'

 

'Luke, I am your father.'

 

'This is CNN.'

 

'Will you guys pipe down? I'm saying goodbye to Lisa!'

[Kopite]

Homer: He has all the money in the world but there's one thing he can't buy...

Marge: What's that?

Homer: A Dinosaur.

 

Agent: Now, before I give you the check, one more question. This place Moe's you left just before the accident. This is a business of some kind?

Homer: ([thinks] Don't tell him you were at a bar! Gasp! But what else is open at night?) "It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography." ([thinks] Heh heh heh. I would'a never thought of that.)

[Wig]

'Ya cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys!'

 

 

Willie and Skinner kick arse when they're talking to each other.

 

Willy: I cannot fit into a wee vent, you croquet-playing mitt-muncher!

Skinner: Grease your self up and go in, you... you guff-speaking work-slacker.

Willy: Ooh, good comeback.

[Kopite]

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

 

B*stard. That's my all-time favourite. ;)

[Franny DelMucho]

Homer (in lesbian bar): There's something bothering me about this place.....I know, this lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit. Enjoy your death trap ladies.

 

Grandpa: That dolls evil i tellz ya, Eeeeeevvviiilllllll

Marge: Grandpa you said that about all the presents

Grandpa: I just want attention

 

Homer: I always wondered if there was a god and now i know....and it's me.

[Guest Purple Aki]

I like da episode where me slash barts ass wiv Flanders face.

 

dis is me afterwards lookin well appy wiv meself innit.

 

[Franny DelMucho]

This thread could go on forever. Here's some Wiggum quotes:

 

Oh, man, what a day. It's no cakewalk being a single parent, juggling a career and family like so many juggling balls ... two, I suppose.

 

See ya in court, Simpson. Oh, and bring that evidence with ya, otherwise, I got no case and you'll go scot-free.

 

All right, you scrawny beanpoles: becoming a cop is not something that happens overnight. It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge.

 

No jury in the world is going to convict a baby ... Maybe Texas.

 

You know, fingerprints are just like snowflakes. They're both very pretty.

 

Oh, sure. We'd all love some real friends, Marge. But what are the odds of that happening?

 

Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the ... uh ... what cures cancer?

 

This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

 

She didn't reckon with the awesome power of the Chief of Police! Now where did I put my badge?...Hey, that duck's got it!

 

Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be "policing" the entire city!

 

Bart: Take him away boys

Wiggum: Hey i'm the police chief here. Bake him away toys

Friday: What was that chief?

Wiggum: Do what the kid says