Middle Class Generalisation Thread

[Section_31]

(1) If you go to visit someone on a middle class estate, 10 minutes into the visit one of the other residents on the road (not necessarily a direct neighbour) will knock and ask  them if they know whose car it is. 70% of the time they will then ask you to move it, even if it's not in their way, just because they feel they can as they own their house. Reasons for asking you to move it can be tenuous at best, such as the fact they have a brother in Dumfries who occasionally drops in once a year and today might be the day. 

 

 

(2) Boys and girls look the same until the age of around 10. With hair like Luke Skywalker and waterproof cagoules. They also tend to have asexual toys, neither guns and cars nor dolls, but instead things like colouring 'stations' and easels. 

 

(3) When they eat out as a family, there is a chasm between the quality and cost of the parents' meals and the kids' meals. Mum and dad get T-Bone steak, the kids share a bowl of carrots, however, they do get a Ribena each (which the parents never refer to by its correct brand name, merely saying 'drink your juice'. Nobody is allowed to leave the pub or eaterie until said 'juice' has been completely drunk. Under the guise that it's good for them even though it's not, it has however been paid for. 

 

(4) Said children's eyes have the low burning embers of a childhood largely bereft of child like fun. Chocolate bars are rarely ever encountered, and usually only provided by grandparents or their friends' slightly hippyish parents. Consumption is never immediate, and after being told to thank the chocolate bar's provider, it is stowed away for a later date, usually after a school achievement or impromptu visit to A&E. Television and 'appropriate programming' is also controlled in a Stasi-like grip. Said child is, from the age of about nine, already planning to move out so they can eat chocolate and have fun in an unscheduled way. The parent knows this, and considers it an important part of their development so they can learn to stand on their own two feet.

 

(5) Unlike TV, access to gaming on tablets and mummy's smartphone is not strictly controlled, because it's free and slightly less lower class, it also keeps the kid quiet while mum and dad worry about holidays and family disputes. Said child can be locked into an iPad game for up to two or three hours at a time, usually before they get dressed.

 

(6) The household owns a tablet, usually an iPad (older, bigger one) and it has a ridiculously chunky OTT case on to prevent damage. 

 

(7) After the kids are born, only one parent has a decent phone, usually him - because they tell themselves it's important for his job - she will have her mum's old Blackberry. 

 

(8) The entire family own North Face waterproofs. The woman's will be pink (possibly a gilet).

 

(9) The woman is always slender and in really good shape, but with a cheap and largely functional haircut.

 

(10) The man has a study (often the box room) which doubles as 'the den' or games room for him and his friends (this usually involves a cheap dart board, which he's not very good at, and none of his friends come around very often anyway, and when they do it's always as a couple.)

 

(11) The parents are both secret pissheads. Always wine. Although he's recently taken to strong Belgian beer (in the correct glass) since it became popular. When friends are round the kids' bedtime is brought forward appropriately so the booze can be enjoyed.   

 

(12) At least one of them has had an affair but they've patched things up. They tell themselves it's for the sake of the kids but it's really because they both like the house and can't afford to live there on their own. 

 

(13) At least one of them (usually the woman) has travelled to Banff in Canada during her life and done something interesting involving a canoe. 

[dickie mint]

This is just what the powers that be want people to do put everyone into categories so they can pick the bad points out and tie everyone to the same brush ( all the Unemployed/ Disabled arepisshead gambling no marks) while soft fuckers fall for it,sad times.

[Section_31]

This is just what the powers that be want people to do put everyone into categories so they can pick the bad points out and tie everyone to the same brush ( all the Unemployed/ Disabled arepisshead gambling no marks) while soft fuckers fall for it,sad times.

Fuck, I feel guilty now.

[Hooch]

They also partake in weekends away in Abersoch.

[Trumo]

Mention the 'keys in the bowl' game and at least one of them will blush as the memories come flooding back.

[RoboRiise]

(11) The parents are both secret pissheads. Always wine. Although he's recently taken to strong Belgian beer (in the correct glass) since it became popular. When friends are round the kids' bedtime is brought forward appropriately so the booze can be enjoyed.

 

Hope this is the right clip because I can search for youtube clips at work but can't play them:

 

[Trumo]

The husbands only ever talk about how upwardly mobile they are in terms of their career, and the wives only ever talk about how upwardly mobile they are in terms of where they shop, where they holiday and which schools they want to send the kids to.

[Sugar Ape]

Hope this is the right clip because I can search for youtube clips at work but can't play them:

 

 

Not sure what octopus porn has got to do with anything?

[Pidge]

Denial by section here, he loves a half price rioja just like the rest of us. Social mobility can be an insidious fucker at times. Travelling without moving. They push you "up" by creating underclasses. One day you're the son of a plant mechanic/fitter and the next you're at uni studying film...

 

Oh wait that was me...

[melons]

What, no mention of the children's names? Tarquin and Quinten were never going to cut in the local comp, were they? 

[Section_31]

Denial by section here, he loves a half price rioja just like the rest of us. Social mobility can be an insidious fucked at times. Travelling without moving.

Further to that, the middle class are more likely to drink supermarket wine to go with their Aldi cold cuts, as cutting your cloth has now become trendy.

[Section_31]

This is just what the powers that be want people to do put everyone into categories so they can pick the bad points out and tie everyone to the same brush ( all the Unemployed/ Disabled arepisshead gambling no marks) while soft fuckers fall for it,sad times.

 

Fucking hell, why didn't I put a bet on that Major Tom would rep this? Arnold Rothstein is turning in his grave. 

[dickie mint]

Fuck, I feel guilty now.

 

Don't feel guilty just stop watching repeats of Terry & June.

[Section_31]

Don't feel guilty just stop watching repeats of Terry & June.

I don't have time to watch it, I'm too busy working down the pit.

[Harry Squatter]

They go to Centerparcs twice a year and take their mountain bikes with them. The boys are called Joshua or Oliver and support a football team miles away from where they live.

[dickie mint]

I don't have time to watch it, I'm too busy working down the pit.

 

 

Would that be the Nottinghamshire coal field.

[Trumo]

What, no mention of the children's names? Tarquin and Quinten were never going to cut in the local comp, were they? 

 

The girls will all have names like Poppy, Daisy or Rhododendron.

[Rico1304]

Middle class people don't live on estates, they live on 'developments'.

[Section_31]

They go to Centerparcs twice a year and take their mountain bikes with them. The boys are called Joshua or Oliver and support a football team miles away from where they live.

It was my impending trip to Centre Parcs that got me thinking about this. It's like Knowsley Safari Park for studying the middle classes. You've never seen excitement like a middle class family about to eat at the centre parcs pancake house, even though it is in fact quite shit.

[Section_31]

The girls will all have names like Poppy, Daisy or Rhododendron.

Molly, Daisey, Stefan and Lucifer.

[Dr Nowt]

Listen to Jazz at dinner, where there must be no talking until all food is consumed as you should chew each mouthful precisely 7.8 times each, and then allow enough time for it to go down before you do anything else.

 

* Not based on an existing place of friendship *

[Major Tom]

Fucking hell, why didn't I put a bet on that Major Tom would rep this?

 

I was just affronted that you appeared to have a hidden camera somewhere in my house.

 

Now, please excuse me, Bluebelle's nappy needs changing.

[Trumo]

[Dr Nowt]

No talk of nappies unless they're the old boil on the stove ones, of course.

[Major Tom]

No talk of nappies unless they're the old boil on the stove ones, of course.

 

What, people still use disposables?

 

Think of the environment.