Middle Class Generalisation Thread

[Dr Nowt]

Listen to Jazz at dinner, where there must be no talking until all food is consumed as you should chew each mouthful precisely 7.8 times each, and then allow enough time for it to go down before you do anything else.

 

* Not based on an existing platce of friendship *

Should have said "... Jazz at tea". Fuck, this aspirational stuff is insidious.

[Rico1304]

There's a few like this where I live, one bloke who moved next door but one to us seems to have re-invented himself from when I knew him as a teenager.  When they were moving in and he saw me he was devastated, I could tell I'd ruined the whole experience for him - it cheered me up for weeks. 

 

There are also about 6 teachers who've formed a little group and do everything together, the wife made me go to a BBQ in the summer and I had to talk to them, they've not spoken to me since so I see it as a complete and utter success.  They were talking as if they were at the forefont of child development and education, when they all work at local primaries apart from one who's a PE teacher (no offence to teachers meant, just these lot were pontificating and you'd have thought they professors of education at Oxbridge). 

 

The neighbour nearest to us is the nosiest bloke in the world, we had some furniture delivered and he was out asking if we'd come into some money (well yes, Tom R and PPI but I didn't tell him), then had some decorating done and he was quizzing the blokes on what was happening. 

 

So, I can see the North Face jackets, daft kids names, miserable existences every day. 

[Harry Squatter]

Their older kids all have a "gap" year and end up travelling to Thailand, Vietnam and then onto Australia. Mummy and Daddy pay for 85% of the trip, the lucky twats.

 

The wife has a part time job that she takes very seriously to make sure she feels as important as her high earning husband and completely loses her "regional" accent if she has moved elsewhere in the country.

 

This definitely not based on any family members that I know.

[Section_31]

Their older kids all have a "gap" year and end up travelling to Thailand, Vietnam and then onto Australia. Mummy and Daddy pay for 85% of the trip, the lucky twats.

 

The wife has a part time job that she takes very seriously to make sure she feels as important as her high earning husband and completely loses her "regional" accent if she has moved elsewhere in the country.

 

This definitely not based on any family members that I know.

If it's an evening job she drives his car to work, even though she has her own, because his is posher.

 

It's also not owned but leased, and probably a Nissan Juke.

[Bjornebye]

They don't support f**tball teams. Instead they like sailing, ski'ing and fucking cycling.

 

They have 5 different personalities.

 

They pretend to have a passing interest in Rugby Union just to keep up appearances

 

The lawn is always neat and tidy

 

They own a leaf-blower for the drive

 

They cost-cut with a cheaper to run car but the woman will use the audi when driving the 1 mile to the gym to meet her girl-friends for afternoon tea

 

They hold theme nights when they have friends round for dinner like 'Austrian night'

 

The woman is the biggest gossip in the world ever

 

 

*This is not aimed at my bird's parents*

[Harry Squatter]

They get involved in lots of local community stuff to meet new people or "network". They don't particularly like these things they do but they do them incase they feel they are missing out on stuff or be "out the loop".

 

They show off on Facebook about where they go on holiday then wonder why their house has been burgled when they return.

 

Again this is not based on any family members that I know.

[Major Tom]

I love this thread!

[Harry Squatter]

They never argue in public

[A Red]

Having lived on one of these lower-middle class ghettos I can say that many of them are the most boring fuckers you can meet.

 

They thrive on routine - cars are washed, grass is cut and shopping is done the same time same day each week. They are mortgaged to the hilt, the blokes hardly ever go out and when they do go in the pub all they talk about it the diy they've done or the holiday they've planned.This happens usually in the summer when they will wear shorts, a proper shirt, sandals and sun glasses on their fuckin heads. 

 

They dont eat tea, they have dinner, the women are usually fat and controlling and excitement is attained by buying expensive patio equipment which they use about 3 times a year.

 

When they talk of holidays you will hear of hotels (not self catering apartment blocks) or all inclusive jaunts to Mexico, Jamaica and barbados where they dont leave the bastard hotel. They will brag of going on cruises where they spend 5 minutes on some island being sold worthless shite by the harbourside, before scurrying back on board all pleased with themselves for another country visited.

[Bjornebye]

Yeah and they do productive things at the weekend instead of getting smashed and spending the day curled up hungover feeling sorry for themselves or getting back on it.

[Rico1304]

There's a bloke here who has an old M3, it's a lovely car and he washes it twice a week - despite it never leaving the garage between washes. He's now spawned competitive car washing - they were even out in the fucking snow last week.

 

My car gets cleaned once a year - when it gets serviced.

 

(Although I do admit to putting stripes in my lawn)

[stringvest]

I had my car washed on Saturday as well.  Looks lovely now.  

[Section_31]

There's a new development by me that's like the Truman Show, or like when the Russians used to build replicas of American towns to train their agents, it's like somewhere where you train to be middle class when you're not really middle class.

 

It's got a souless hungry horse pub slap bang in the middle of the estate and a post box which I'm fairly sure is never used, but it's just been added the way you'd add one to a Lego model to make it look more authentic.

 

It's full of dog walkers and middle aged chubsters jogging in high vis tracksuit tops and carrying those water bottles that fit the shape of your hand.

 

When you drive through it at night all the curtains (blinds) are open so you can see the size of their wall mounted telly.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

One thing I've noticed is they all have more money than me. The bastards. The irony in this thread is that so many generalisations contradict each other. It should just be called "lets all laugh at the middle class" and be done with it.

[Scooby Dudek]

I grew up on a council estate. I have moved to suburbia, I do not consider myself to be middle class. I consider myself to be a Working Class Snob.

[Trumo]

Judging by the almost exclusive use of third-person plural personal pronouns (subjective case) rather than first-person plural personal pronouns (nominative case) in this thread, there are no middle class people reading and contributing to this thread.

[stringvest]

Judging by the almost exclusive use of third-person plural personal pronouns (subjective case) rather than first-person plural personal pronouns (nominative case) in this thread, there are no middle class people reading and contributing to this thread.

 

Certainly not if it involves living on an estate or development.  Eeeeugh.

[Scooby Dudek]

I grew up on a council estate. I have moved to suburbia, I do not consider myself to be middle class. I consider myself to be a Working Class Snob.

I also live in a Cul-de-Sac, nice and quiet. No through traffic.

[Tony Moanero]

This is just what the powers that be want people to do put everyone into categories so they can pick the bad points out and tie everyone to the same brush ( all the Unemployed/ Disabled arepisshead gambling no marks) while soft fuckers fall for it,sad times.

dickie knows.

[Section_31]

dickie knows.

Although it should be noted the thread is a pisstake and not a genuine incitement to racial hatred.

 

Besides which, why would the ruling class want to encourage people to dislike the middle class when they are the foot soldiers of Britain's home ownership based economy?

[stringvest]

Although it should be noted the thread is a pisstake and not a genuine incitement to racial hatred.

 

Besides which, why would the ruling class want to encourage people to dislike the middle class when they are the foot soldiers of Britain's home ownership based economy?

 

The old school middle class couldn't give a fuck.  They've got their houses. Done and paid for.  They don't need to impress anyone with cars acquired on the never never.  The aspirational middle class, which most of this thread refers to, will all be up in arms and very possibly out on their arse once the mortgage rates go up.  

[stringvest]

 

They hold theme nights when they have friends round for dinner like 'Austrian night'

 

 

 

One of my mates is married to an Austrian women.  He's about 55, she's just turned 50.  Over Christmas, went round to their house for some middle class mince pies and whisky.  She had got up in the Austrian dress, it's called a dirndl I think.  Quite a slim lady, but blonde hair in pigtails, boobs falling out of this white blouse thing, little fuck me boots.  It was one of the sexiest things I've seen for a while.  

[VladimirIlyich]

Having lived on one of these lower-middle class ghettos I can say that many of them are the most boring fuckers you can meet.

 

They thrive on routine - cars are washed, grass is cut and shopping is done the same time same day each week. They are mortgaged to the hilt, the blokes hardly ever go out and when they do go in the pub all they talk about it the diy they've done or the holiday they've planned.This happens usually in the summer when they will wear shorts, a proper shirt, sandals and sun glasses on their fuckin heads.

 

They dont eat tea, they have dinner, the women are usually fat and controlling and excitement is attained by buying expensive patio equipment which they use about 3 times a year.

 

When they talk of holidays you will hear of hotels (not self catering apartment blocks) or all inclusive jaunts to Mexico, Jamaica and barbados where they dont leave the bastard hotel. They will brag of going on cruises where they spend 5 minutes on some island being sold worthless shite by the harbourside, before scurrying back on board all pleased with themselves for another country visited.

This sounds like me....minus the holidays,house,cars and money!

[Skidfingers McGonical]

One of my mates is married to an Austrian women. He's about 55, she's just turned 50. Over Christmas, went round to their house for some middle class mince pies and whisky. She had got up in the Austrian dress, it's called a dirndl I think. Quite a slim lady, but blonde hair in pigtails, boobs falling out of this white blouse thing, little fuck me boots. It was one of the sexiest things I've seen for a while.

You know the rules.

 

Pics or it didn't happen

[RJ Fan club]

Stringy is correct. The true middle classes are not on housing developments or indeed to be found wasting cash on shite like an M3. That's for lower class scum.

 

They have a mortgage paid off on a nice pad in a village or not in a position of stress with a 5% rise in rates and will be driving a bullet proof 10yo Subaru legacy.

 

Spend once and spend well. Prudence is a watchword