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Monday May 8: What a fucking horrific day. Black Monday this will forever be known as. Or Bloody Monday. Or just Dogshit Monday. I don’t know, take your pick. It was brutal though. It started with Leicester waving the white flag at Fulham, then Brighton just didn’t bother showing up against Everton and although Forest just about managed to take care of business in the night game, it was irrelevant at that point anyway. Everton are safe now, and they deserve to be for the way they’ve performed these last couple of games. I can’t take that away from them, but I can hold a grudge against Brighton for the rest of eternity, and rest assured I fucking will. One thing that did raise my spirits a little today was that Tranmere fans booed the national anthem and the travelling Evertonians sang “Spirit of the Blues” all the way through it, which is actually fucking hilarious. They could have just chanted “Everton” or something, but going the whole hog and belting that out, complete with the high pitched “whoooooooo” and singing the guitar bits too is next level. Well done, I won’t doff my cap to the national anthem or to the King but it’s off to the travelling Blues, as that’s genuinely hilarious. Sunderland got into the playoffs too after Millwall conceded a late winner to Blackburn at the Den. Still, they staged a “spine tingling” (the words of their official twitter account) rendition of God Save the King so they’re the real winners today. Gawd Bless ‘Im and his big big sausage fingers. Made up for Sunderland and for my brother in law, who was there at Preston today when they won 3-0. He’s buzzing so I didn’t want to bring him down by letting him know how devastated I am about what happened in Brighton. That can wait until tomorrow.

So that’s it then. Dream over. For another year at least. Getting so sick of this now, they circle the fucking bowl over and over again but when you flush they just won’t go. It’s infuriating. I can hear all of the “I told you so” comments from all of you joyless fucks who refused to come along for the ride, but you can fuck off. I regret nothing. So you can take your "there's always three teams worse than Everton" comments and shove them right where the sun don't shine. There aren't three teams worse than them. There weren't last season either, but the table sometimes lies. The problem this time is that all the other teams at the bottom have had to play against Brighton whereas the Blues got to play the Dog & Duck instead. They were going down and I had every reason to feel confident about it. It was all going according to plan but then Brighton fucked everything up. That’s what this comes down to. If Brighton did their job look at how the table would be looking right now. They’d be second from bottom and preparing to face Man City. But Brighton didn’t do their job. They didn't show up to work. It was a gross dereliction of duty and I’ll never forgive the cunts. I didn’t take it well on the day but three days later I feel somewhat differently. I’m actually even more angry. Fuck Brighton, the bunch of absolute shithouses. Fucking smelling themselves after beating Wolves 6-0 and then turning United over. That’s what happened here. Pure fucking arrogance. They thought they just needed to stroll into the Amex, dicks swinging, and they’d roll all over Everton because Everton are shit. Well Everton are shit but they’re fighting for their lives, which makes them dangerous. Match their intensity and there’s no problem because they’re shit. Brighton are a really good side, but only when they’re up for it. This was some Arsenal level smelling of oneself. Not this season’s Arsenal, the penny has dropped with them now and they don’t do this shit anymore. But for years this is what they’d do. Have a couple of results, get too pleased with themselves and then come a cropper. Arsenal don’t do that now, although come to think of it we do. Beat United 7-0 then lose at Bournemouth. Beat City and West Ham in the space of four days and then lose to Forest. Put nine past Bournemouth, beat Newcastle with the last kick of the game then draw a blank at Goodison. We never conceded five to Everton though. I’ve written countless positive, respectful, complimentary, flattering, kind words about Brighton this season. I’d even go so far as to say I’ve been almost affectionate towards them at times. Allow me then to take this opportunity to retract every single one of them. Fuck Brighton. I can’s tress this enough. FUCK BRIGHTON. I hope they get pillaged for all of their top players and end up back in League One where they were not so long ago. Just as long as we aren’t doing any of the pillaging, because I wouldn’t want to give them a single fucking penny of our money and I don’t want Mac Allister anywhere near Anfield as the stink from this will never leave him as far as I’m concerned. Leave him home alone with his stupid fucking brother Kevin. I’m not doing a 'bit' here either. I fucking mean it. Every word. I don’t want us signing anyone who was involved in this debacle as any time I look at them this is what I’ll be thinking. I can do without reliving the day Everton saved themselves every time I look at Caicedo or Mac Allister. Keep them away from Anfield. I wish Brighton nothing but misery now. As a gay mate of mine pointed out, “Everton were wearing pink so you should have known they’d have had no trouble scoring in Brighton”. No no no, settle down, it’s ok, that’s not me saying it, it’s him, and he’s gay. So we’re all good here. Any complaints can be directed to @rb14 and not to me. I can’t give you any kind of analysis of the game as I didn’t watch it live and I’m sure as fuck not watching the highlights. I was out when it started but when the Blues went ahead so early and then kept increasing their lead I never bothered switching it on when I got home, and hopefully I can get through the rest of my life without ever seeing the goals. Similar to when we lost in Athens. I’ve still never seen those goals since, touch wood. Credit to Everton though. They played well at Leicester and should have won, and they played well at Brighton and did win. They’ve found a couple of performances from nowhere when it really mattered and it’s saved them. My problem isn’t really with them. They’ve done what they needed to do and I’ll hold my hands up and say through gritted teeth "well done". My problem is with Leicester and especially Brighton. And Arsenal too actually, again. They’re the Blueshite Enablers extraordinaire. But it’s mostly Brighton. Not because they lost. Everton are fighting for their lives and are playing some decent stuff. Losing to them can happen, but losing to them like this absolutely can’t happen, so fuck Brighton from now until eternity. They’re on the same shit list as that Iheanacho cunt, and once you’re on that particular list you don’t get off it.