Worst you've ever been bladdered?

[Bjornebye]

Hahaha reminds me of the time my mate got in at 5am and ran into his mum's room and started hitting her with a pillow shouting 'pillow fight!'

A lad who used to work for me got in smashed one night when living with his parents, got on his bed bollock naked, put his headphones in and starting smashing one out. Didnt realise that his headphones werent plugged in because he was so drunk. His maa comes bouncing into the room at 3am to find her son naked on the bed having a furious wank to the prodigy. She just turned the music off and walked out. He snook out the next day and stayed with a mate for a few weeks.

[Unrighteous]

The worst one was likely when I was suppose to have a civilized drink with a mate of mine, I recall being in a hostess bar having a bottle of whiskey to ourselves and about 10 smoking hot chinese girls serving our drinks, wiping the condensation of the glass, back massages, and getting the occasional tit grope... and then I woke up the next day to realize two things:

 

1. We had drank two bottles of whiskey.  

2.  I had woken up in the middle of the night for a piss, and pissed all over my computer chair. (and subsequently the entire floor was covered in piss)

[Furmedge]

My wife is going in for a c-section on Friday to have our second kid. She has to stay in hospital for three days to recover. I've already arranged a babysitter (my ma) for Saturday and going out with my best mate. I'll be reviewing the evening on Sunday morning here.

[Bjornebye]

My wife is going in for a c-section on Friday to have our second kid. She has to stay in hospital for three days to recover. I've already arranged a babysitter (my ma) for Saturday and going out with my best mate. I'll be reviewing the evening on Sunday morning here.

Brave. So so brave.

[Champ]

My wife is going in for a c-section on Friday to have our second kid. She has to stay in hospital for three days to recover. I've already arranged a babysitter (my ma) for Saturday and going out with my best mate. I'll be reviewing the evening on Sunday morning here.

  

Brave. So so brave.

I like you Furmedge but there's a clue there when Stig recognises the potential folly in your plan

[Furmedge]

I like you Furmedge but there's a clue there when Stig recognises the potential folly in your plan

Is it having a stinking hangover and picking the wife and new baby up on the Sunday?

[Champ]

Is it having a stinking hangover and picking the wife and new baby up on the Sunday?

Lets just say its maybe not the best idea you've ever had. And given that I am basically an univited guest on here, I'll leave it at that

[Furmedge]

Lets just say its maybe not the best idea you've ever had. And given that I am basically an univited guest on here, I'll leave it at that

Pfffft, I know I'm going to regret it but what's life without regrets?

[Champ]

Pfffft, I know I'm going to regret it but what's life without regrets?

*resists urge to reply*

[Furmedge]

*resists urge to reply*

Ok Champ, I'll stay home and watch The Notebook or something. Save it all for the head wetting.

 

Here's me thinking my new daughter would have me round her little finger!

[Champ]

Ok Champ, I'll stay home and watch The Notebook or something. Save it all for the head wetting.

 

Here's me thinking my new daughter would have me round her little finger!

 

Bloody hell! I thought that was the headwetting!

 

Your daughter (congratulations, by the way. Couldnt have planned it better myself) will have you wrapped around her finger. Thats nature. Whether she woud ever forgive you is another matter. Especially after your missus has given her her version of events

[stringvest]

Pfffft, I know I'm going to regret it but what's life without regrets?

No life at all.

[lifetime fan]

Bloody hell! I thought that was the headwetting!

 

Your daughter (congratulations, by the way. Couldnt have planned it better myself) will have you wrapped around her finger. Thats nature. Whether she woud ever forgive you is another matter. Especially after your missus has given her her version of events

Ignore her mate.

 

Little girls always take daddy's side.

[Champ]

Ignore her mate.

 

Little girls always take daddy's side.

 

Not when they get bigger they dont! Trust me on this

[Joe Le Taxi]

Fuck it, go out and get wasted. Start now.

[Dr Nowt]

On 4/15/2014 at 12:33 PM, Dr Nowt said:

Was seeing a new lass and she called me Saturday mid-morning to tell me her recent ex, who was an A-grade basket case and violent tank, had taken an overdose the previous night and she'd gone to hospital with him out of a sense of duty.  After a great many incidents of him falling from his hospital bed, scrapping nurses, cutting his head open and the like, he apparently just lay there whispering my name, over and over, with tears streaming down his cheeks.

Arranged a quote for some carpets upstairs and the fella above turned up today to provide it. Clocked each other immediately. Was evidently significantly more awkward for him than me, and even I struggled with his small talk. 

 

He brought it all up, then said “You’ll find this funny Ben, been with a girl for 16 years, she’s just left me and wants half my house. Guess her name...it’s Dawn again. Never learn, do I?”

 

I refrained from saying “Don’t worry mate, I haven’t fucked this one” and steered him back to the various underlay options and door fittings available instead.

[Bjornebye]

10 minutes ago, Dr Nowt said:

Arranged a quote for some carpets upstairs and the fella above turned up today to provide it. Clocked each other immediately. Was evidently significantly more awkward for him than me, and even I struggled with his small talk. 

 

He brought it all up, then said “You’ll find this funny Ben, been with a girl for 16 years, she’s just left me and wants half my house. Guess her name...it’s Dawn again. Never learn, do I?”

 

I refrained from saying “Don’t worry mate, I haven’t fucked this one” and steered him back to the various underlay options and door fittings available instead.

You fucked him didn't you. 

[Dr Nowt]

7 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

You fucked him didn't you. 

In a manner of speaking, twenty years ago, yes.

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, Dr Nowt said:

In a manner of speaking, twenty years ago, yes.

I bet he felt like Niles Crane meeting Keith Richards. You handsome rough round the edges bastard 

 

Anyway, pics of his ex or gtfo

[Elite]

I went on a break to Anglesey in my auntie and uncles static caravan. I remember spending a night in the ale in the local pub, came back to the caravan about 12am smashed and confused with the layout of the caravan and got in bed with the pair of them, until my auntie starting screaming at me (she was late sixties) to get out.

[Bjornebye]

28 minutes ago, Elite said:

I went on a break to Anglesey in my auntie and uncles static caravan. I remember spending a night in the ale in the local pub, came back to the caravan about 12am smashed and confused with the layout of the caravan and got in bed with the pair of them, until my auntie starting screaming at me (she was late sixties) to get out.

You fucked her didn't you 

[Captain Howdy]

35 minutes ago, Elite said:

I went on a break to Anglesey in my auntie and uncles static caravan. I remember spending a night in the ale in the local pub, came back to the caravan about 12am smashed and confused with the layout of the caravan and got in bed with the pair of them, until my auntie starting screaming at me (she was late sixties) to get out.

Anglesey is boss, Uncle had a caravan there for years, great times

[Red_or_Dead]

15, after Christmas and me and mate decide to finish off the cans of Stones Bitter left over.  In my infinite wisdom I decide to crack open a bottle of gin and proceed to finish the whole thing off.  We then decide to go into town and I must have  got 10 yards before falling over.  Get about half there way there and just lost all use of limbs and I was was rolling around in the mud.  Swift trip to A&E, stomach pumped and felt like death for about a week afterwards.  Still can't drink gin to this day.

 

 

[Elite]

14 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

You fucked her didn't you 

Got cock blocked by my uncle (RIP).

[No2]

Once got into the nip and had a shit on my father in-laws kitchen floor.