Forumite Limerick Time!

[Unrighteous]

A forumite called Alex Woo

Had to wank 'cos his balls had turned blue

Pulled his willy to shreds

Reading Alan Sex threads

'Til he covered his keyboard in goo.

 

Bloke from Nunavut - let's call him Pat

Brought an Inuit girl to his flat

Rammed her hard up the butt

Til he busted her gut

And all over his bedspread she shat.

 

One day SKI (we all know she's a diva)

Met a man with a dick like a cleaver

She said "In a push,

You can finger my tush

But you're not putting that in my beaver!"

 

IOU one rep.

[Unrighteous]

TK421 came from the Galactic Empire

His white uniform was one to admire

But he made a mistake

Left his post, for pity's sake

And Luke Skywalker blew up the Death Star.

[Guest The Big Green Bastard]

Leeson.

 

If you can keep your ring when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all gayers doubt you

But make allowance for their doubting too,

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being bummed, don't give way to bumming,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your masturbation,

If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools(simon):

 

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breath a word about your toss;

If you can force your arse and nerve and sinew

To serve your arse long after they have come,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

 

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virginity,

Or walk with gayers--nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can bum you;

If all men bum with you, but none too much,

If you can fill the unforgiving arse

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Arse and everything that's in it,

And--which is more--you'll be a Gayer, my son!

[Paulie Dangerously]

Leeson.

 

If you can keep your ring when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all gayers doubt you

But make allowance for their doubting too,

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being bummed, don't give way to bumming,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your masturbation,

If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools(simon):

 

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breath a word about your toss;

If you can force your arse and nerve and sinew

To serve your arse long after they have come,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

 

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virginity,

Or walk with gayers--nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can bum you;

If all men bum with you, but none too much,

If you can fill the unforgiving arse

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Arse and everything that's in it,

And--which is more--you'll be a Gayer, my son!

 

That's not a limerick

[rondeco]

There once was a cop named Chris Royle,

who ran in 2 minutes a mile,

He swore it was true,

We all smelled cow-poo,

We laughed at the cunt for a good while!

[Guest Dog Chaser]

There was a young man called simon green,

Who couldn't take his eyes off the screen,

His posting was rife,

He has no social life,

And grammer worse than a teen.

[Alan Sex]

A fine cunnilinguist named Usher

Nearly drowned on some girl - what a gusher

Dave cried "Holy shit

Was I licking your clit

Or did I press down on the flusher?

 

Young Spy Bee - a sexual menace,

Backseat assraped a girl with his pennis

She said "You're a star

In your hairdresser car

By the way, I'm a bloke - my name's Dennis

 

A fella round here name of Leeson

Said "Babe, we're split up - here's my reason

Although you're a dish

I'm allergic to fish

And it smells like your cunt's out of season".

[Carradona]

That Leeson one in the above post is excellent. Repped.

[Section_31]

Alan Sex is a genius, there's no doubt about it.

 

 

There was a young boy called Malarkey

When talk turns to cops he gets narky

His old mum runs a pub

Where the chef cooks him grub

And his Superdry comes out when its parky

[Unrighteous]

Alan Sex.

 

Leg.

[odris]

There aren't enough words to describe how awesome Alan Sex is.

[Unrighteous]

Alan Sex, the man is a treat.

He loves to suck on a teat.

He posts porn all day long,

Including thai girl's vagina ping-pong,

and ponders where to jam his fuckmeat.

[hamstrung]

Can someone rep Mr Sex for me please. Outstanding work.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

TK421 came from the Galactic Empire

His white uniform was one to admire

But he made a mistake

Left his post, for pity's sake

And Luke Skywalker blew up the Death Star.

 

 

Repped for being the worst limerick I will ever come across, are you 80 Lance ?? have you just missed your bus Lance ?? no, then WHY have you used the expression "for pity's sake".

[Unrighteous]

Repped for being the worst limerick I will ever come across, are you 80 Lance ?? have you just missed your bus Lance ?? no, then WHY have you used the expression "for pity's sake".

 

To get that rhyme, baby!

[Remmie]

There was a young cad called Burt,

One wink would make a girl spurt,

So stylish were the trousers

They were called clunge arousers,

Oh my the Polish girl's ass would hurt

[Remmie]

My names is Paul and this is between y'all.

 

My name is Pitt and you ain't talking your way outta this shit.

[hamstrung]

There was a young man called Remmie

Who couldn't get rid of his semi

He tried a crow bar

but it left a big scar

now his nob looks a bit like Lemmy.

[Nick Leeson]

A fine cunnilinguist named Usher

Nearly drowned on some girl - what a gusher

Dave cried "Holy shit

Was I licking your clit

Or did I press down on the flusher?

 

Young Spy Bee - a sexual menace,

Backseat assraped a girl with his pennis

She said "You're a star

In your hairdresser car

By the way, I'm a bloke - my name's Dennis

 

A fella round here name of Leeson

Said "Babe, we're split up - here's my reason

Although you're a dish

I'm allergic to fish

And it smells like your cunt's out of season".

I am allergic to fish!

[Dougie Do'ins]

There was a forumite named Thants.

It was rumoured he had a big cock in his pants.

Mellons pulled his zip down.

She smiled did not frown.

And let Thants lift up her nightgown.

[SCOUSE TAPAS]

There was a forumite called Rashid

Who repeated himself when no need

He posted his shite all day and all night

And has now been banned for this deed.

[Alan Sex]

Anyone else want me to do them?

[Guest Ulysses Everett McGill]

Anyone else want me to do them?

 

ah go on then, not in the biblical sense, mind.

[Alan Sex]

This chap called McGill, it is said

Fucked his girl on a hill, not in bed

In the midst of the lay

Her legs they gave way

And he rode her on down like a sled.

[Guest Dog Chaser]

Anyone else want me to do them?

 

Give Dog Chaser a limerick, much appreciated