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Like if Mourinho were 12 years old, and never won anything. What an absolute gimp.

This is a belter of a reply...

The funny thing is - on the outside, I was an honest man, straight as an arrow. I had to come to Everton to be a crook.

Nice to see they listened to me. Now for jurgens reds to listen to me about tomorrow and just fucking win.

Harsh on Turdseye there Pete.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Klopp to his players.

A very good mate of mine has been diagnosed with stomach cancer. Known him since I was 3, grown up together, same schools, been on holidays, attended each others weddings, kids same age etc. Lost 5st since December, was told yesterday he faces two rounds of chemo and a 12 hour operation just for starters. Absolutely fucking gutted. Cried in work when I was told about his diagnosis which he kept quiet from everyone outside of his family until recently. He's 45, great job, young family. Horrible, horrible disease.

Is.fucking.right.

Have you seen Charlie Varrick? Superb Walter Matthau film

Blast from the past this, I ended up interviewing Neko and a few other behind the scenes boffins for a mag a few years back.

Brighton have done more to keep Everton in the league than Everton themselves. Fucking wankers

I can’t wait to tell Mrs TheBitch we’re driving to Southport to feed some parrots and shout Nūnez Nūnez.

Breaking News: Lifetime Fan outs himself as Stuart Downing.

It's funny how Chelsea proved you can't buy a name and you can't buy a rep. They sort of came and went, but I don't consider them a scalp or pay them any mind whatsoever. I can't imagine fans of foreign clubs ever getting excited about drawing them. If Milan or Liverpool or Bayern were relegated they'd still be Milan, Liverpool and Bayern. Chelsea are Wimbledon in pricey loafers. They gatecrashed for a time then were cast back into the fires of Mount Doom from whence they came.

And they still haven't scored as many as we have.

The French bird from my work Moby David Attenborough

I’m all aboard the Love/Hate train. Thought the first couple of episodes were weak but I’m on S3 now and it’s very good.

James Cordon Piers Morgan Dan Wootton

Mohini Dey

How dare he even mention our name? The cheeky cunt. He has no right to even utter the word ‘Liverpool’. Take your union busting, tax dodging, mass redundancies Wembley of the North cunt and fuck off. Fuck right off. edit- replied to the wrong post but the point still stands!

They really are us from the 90’s & 00’s.

We'll play them with the players we have. Fuck Chelsea.

Mixed feelings there. Switched over when slabhead scored, in time to see Brighton equalise but missed Fulham's winner. Can't win em all eh? Or in the case of Everton, can't win any of their last 10 league matches. Hahahahah.

The greatest young striker in history was injured wasn't he?

If Carlsberg did minutes...

Fulham will get a winner on the break.

He was boss then. He spoke through a translator, so when he was being a fucking bellend, the translator probably cut it out.

Commuslimists

Yes, on further investigation it's communist Muslims. Woke ones.

I'm genuinely starting to believe it's only us who are arsed about this. For supporters of the vast majority of clubs, what City get up to is fuck all to do with them anyway. And the fifa generation dont care if the league becomes a pissing contest between state owners as long as they see £100m signings every season. At the other end, I've not heard too much outrage from the supporters of Leicester or Leeds either, even though Everton stayed up at their expense - or at least, their voices have not been given enough airtime. It's all pretty soul destroying.

Well it turns out Jürgen was wrong. I jumped from my bedroom window and am now in hospital with two broken femurs, three broken ribs and severe psychological trauma. Cunt.

So she had like this massive stroke, and all the Scousers were like ‘she is definitely dead’

Get your own catchphrases.

Never eat brown snow. Especially when there’s a massive turd sitting on it.

1. Be kind. 2. Don’t sweat the small stuff. 3. Get a dog. 4. Love and be loved, in the end that’s all that really matters. 5. Drugs and alcohol are great, until they’re not. 6. Vinegar rules. 7. Women are a lot less fickle when it comes to looks than men. You might look like an overturned dustbin, but Kate Moss ‘might’ give you a game if you’ve other qualities; e.g. you can do more than ten keepie uppies. 8. When people tell your kids will “grow up fast”, listen. They are telling you they’re grieving and they don’t want that for you. 9. Never think the wife has finally forgotten that ‘thing you did’ in 2003. She hasn’t. 10. Don’t start a blog and post links to it on a football forum. 11. Be kind, life for many is shit. Don’t add to it.

Picked one up the other night from Asda on offer at £25. Think I've nailed the pour on my fourth attempt. Trick was to take the can out the fridge and leave it for 45 mins so it's not ice cold, which apparently helps the mechanism to pump more gas into it.

Chelsea have said farewell to 10 managers since Klopp was appointed. No wonder they get all the decisions.

I look forward to reading that Pochettino has been charged by the FA for accusing match officials of bias and cheating.

It's superb. Walter Matthau was an incredible actor. Brilliant with Jack Lemmon in particular- The Fortune Cookie especially is just genius, and he's outstanding in it.

I love the 1974 original. Walter Matthau and Robert Shaw. I like Denzel Washington, but I’ve never fancied watching the 2009 version.

what's she swimming in? gravy?

Wataru Endo, Liverpool’s £16m bargain who has left Caicedo in the shade By James Pearce Wataru Endo’s eyes light up as he contemplates what lies ahead in the Carabao Cup final. “I’m so excited to play at Wembley,” he says. “I heard that 90,000 people will be there to watch. It will be my first time at such a special stadium. It would mean a lot to me to win my first title with this club.” Liverpool’s late bloomer has exceeded all expectations since completing a surprise £16million ($20.2m) move to Anfield from Stuttgart last summer. On Sunday, the Japan international will come face to face with the man who played a pivotal role in ensuring that, at the age of 30, he belatedly realised his Premier League dream. If Moises Caicedo had been swayed by Liverpool’s advances after they had a club-record offer of £111m accepted by Brighton in August, chances are Endo would still be in the Bundesliga. But Caicedo opted for Chelsea and, after Southampton’s Romeo Lavia did likewise in a £53m deal, Jurgen Klopp responded by turning to a holding midfielder he had admired for years. The reaction among the wider fanbase to the identity of Fabinho’s replacement was initially underwhelming. With Liverpool’s options dwindling fast, some viewed Endo as a panic buy. But, internally, senior Anfield figures never saw it that way. The data highlighted Endo as one of the Bundesliga’s best-performing midfielders in key metrics such as duel success, winning possession, tackles and attacking sequence involvements. The character references obtained by interim sporting director Jorg Schmadtke were glowing. As well as his leadership and work ethic, Endo’s durability was viewed as a major plus given he had sat out just three league matches over the previous three seasons combined. Liverpool pointed to the four-year contract they had given Endo as proof he wasn’t viewed as a short-term fix. Despite the ongoing speculation, there was never any chance of them recruiting another specialist No 6. Six months on, how the tone has shifted. Chelsea’s celebrations over that expensive double triumph in the transfer market have long since fallen silent. They sit 25 points adrift of Klopp’s table-topping side. For a seventh of the price of Caicedo, who has struggled to live up to his price tag, Endo has given Liverpool so much more bang for their buck. As for Lavia, he’s made just one substitute appearance for Chelsea in a campaign blighted by injury and remains sidelined. “My god, were we lucky, eh?” said Klopp when speaking at the Anfield Road Stand test event in December. “We obviously realised that other central defensive midfielders don’t want to join Liverpool and then we found Endo.” Some perceived it as a dig at Caicedo and Lavia, but Klopp was focusing on the good fortune of having such an effective backup plan after missing out on two targets. Understandably, Endo needed some time to settle. There were four days between the call he received from his agent about Liverpool’s interest and his debut against Bournemouth. He didn’t have the luxury of a pre-season under Klopp. The pace and physicality of the game required an adaptation period, as did the manager’s desire for his No 6 to operate higher up the field than Endo had been used to. He only started one league match before mid-November, with Alexis Mac Allister preferred in the holding role. Shy and unassuming, Endo slowly came out of his shell around the training complex and grew in stature. Klopp and his staff have regularly reinforced to him that he belongs at this level. Endo, who has four children, was snubbed by J1 League clubs as a youngster before playing in Japan’s second tier, then launching his career in Europe in the modest surroundings of Sint-Truiden in Belgium, and then going from benchwarmer to adored skipper at Stuttgart. He is no stranger to digging deep to prove people wrong. He has clocked up 27 appearances (20 starts) for Liverpool in all competitions this season and that figure would be higher but for the seven matches he missed during his involvement at the Asian Cup in Qatar last month. His return to Klopp’s side has enabled Mac Allister to operate further forward, with Endo excelling as the defensive shield. “It’s hard to play for Liverpool. There’s always a lot of pressure,” he says. “Playing in the Premier League is tough but this is something I wanted for a long time. I try to make sure I enjoy it and do my best every time. “I’ve developed and improved over the season and that has helped to give me more confidence.” His combative performances in this month’s wins over Brentford and Luton Town bode well for Wembley. Against Luton, he completed 50 of his 53 passes (94 per cent) and created three chances. He won possession on six occasions, with Virgil van Dijk (seven) the only Liverpool player to better that figure. “We’ve lost a lot of players to injuries but the win against Luton showed that we still have good players available,” Endo adds. “We’re very much together as a team. “The fans have been amazing to me since I arrived. The atmosphere was crazy in the second half against Luton.” Endo was away on international duty when the news broke about Klopp’s decision to step down at the end of the season. He believes the manager’s impending farewell will continue to galvanise the dressing room. “I was sad when I heard about it,” he says. “I really enjoy playing for him and playing football the way he plays. Others have been here a lot longer so maybe have more emotion but he has helped me so much. “It’s disappointing but I want us to achieve titles for him before he goes. Winning at Wembley would give us extra energy.” Having signed for Liverpool after the draw at Stamford Bridge on the opening weekend of the season and been in Qatar when Mauricio Pochettino’s side were hammered 4-1 at Anfield last month, Sunday will be the first time Endo has faced Chelsea. He will be surrounded by an array of more expensive purchases at Wembley but he is proof that you do not have to pay sky-high prices to find the perfect solution to a problem.

It's that positive perspective that I think makes us the top end of competitive. We have had great teams, but the quality of the fringe players has at time not been the best or we haven't had enough, but he runs a squad where they all believe they're fighting and they all believe they're good enough. That game against Luton (and there's been countless before), we'd have probably lost under pretty much all of our managers since our heyday in those circumstances. While some of his tactical brilliance contributed at half time, the fact he could pull that level of performance out of the team is testament to the belief he has given them all. This has also been true over the years with transfers. When people think he's happy with the hand dealt to him over the years, I have never believed it was to do with him being happy, it was to do with him accepting no excuses. When the club have given him the opportunity to spend over the years he's taken it. When they haven't, he's taken that too and talked about what the squad can do, rather than what it can't. And that creates no hiding spaces for anyone. And I think this is why he hates talking about injuries. His view is they're injured, he can't change it, but let's talk about the players who can still make a difference. All of these gains in terms of attitude in seasons like this are probably worth 10 points or more per year compared to anyone else in the league.

My design.... Final CG product....

Loads of them went to boys' boarding schools, getting bummed is like gravy and biscuits over there.