GFAT VI Quarter final: Honey Badger Vs Rhino

[Remmie]

Honey Badger:

Vs

 

Rhino:

[paddyberger15]

An angry Ferret or a big fucking nasty cunt.

Close one.

[Guest TK-421]

Fuck badgers.

[Arl arse]

I mis-read it as 'Horney' Badger, any horney animal would have that bit extra motivation to go for the kill, but a plain old honey badger sounds like he should be hanging around the 100 acre wood with his mate Pooh bear.

 

So for that reason the Rhino wins, as he actually does have the horn.

[big red 'kok]

honey badger has form

leopards leave em well alone, they're bullet proof and have even been known to castrate bushmen

one bad badger

rhino cant see fuck all and will soon find its rhinohood delivered sicilisn message stylee

im with the badger

[General Dryness]

Badger badger badger badger.

 

Mushroom mushroom.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Rhino doesn't have to do anything. It'll just stand there, being massive and solid and covered in rhino skin.

 

Meanwhile, the badger will keep attacking it, to no effect whatsoever, and he's just psycho enough to knacker himself to death in the attempt.

 

Rhino wins, without even realising it.

[llego]

Badger badger badger badger.

 

Mushroom mushroom.

 

I sort of regret instinctively voting Rhino now.

[L19red]

thats a very persuasive argument by Angry, but i need to hear from the badger's sponsor to see if he can sway my vote? I'm going to watch this one closely before choosing.

[Trumo]

The rhino is feeling a bit off after the last round. Over-exertion? Food poisoning? Injuries? No, this one is a doozy. The badger plays a canny game here by NOT going on the attack. Instead it circles an increasingly stricken looking rhino and watches in amazement as the rhino's back end starts to pulsate. What's happening here? A massive shit? Is the rhino's ass about to explode? Sort of. It looks like the rhino is about to give birth. How can that be? This is a male rhino! The movement and stretching from the back become more prominent as it appears a body is forcing its way out. Are those horns? Is the ghost of the fallen kouprey back to mete out its revenge? No. They look like arms! There's a face! A human face! IT'S ACE VENTURA! He squirms his way out of the rhino's back passage as the honey badger jumps on the rhino's face and grabs the horn with its teeth. That horn is coming away as the badger chews through it like a chainsaw on Amazonian mahogany. The rhino, powerless to shake off its monumentally brave ooponent, lets out a piercing death wail as the pet detective slips out the back passage completely starkers. The honey badger sheers off the horn as the final vestiges of life ebb away from the rhino, and it collapses to the ground. Beaten. Ace runs into the bush to clean up and create some makeshift underwear out of some nearby Pandan leaves. The honey badger goes to work on the rhino horn, turning it into a powdery heap within minutes. It then grabs a Pandan leaf, rolls it up and proceeds to hoover up the aphrodisiac like class-A beak. The horny honey badger is soon sporting a hard-on twice its size, and goes off to "comfort" Mrs Rhino safe in the knowledge that there is plenty of energy in reserve.

[RedinSweden]

The honey badger is my choice to go all the way. Rhinos are shit.

[stevebaby]

Rhino has a powerful horn and an armoured hide,which makes him a formidable opponent.

Unfortunately he has no armour around his bollocks and is slow and ungainly, and this will be his undoing. Badger will race in and devour Rhino's nuts in a flurry of ball-meat and gore leaving the Rhino no choice but to somersault suicidally onto its own horn to extirpate the shame of losing its,erm..."rhinohood"

[L19red]

Great counter by Trumo, very tough call, so I'm going to revert to basics. The honey badgers kills its food but the rhino is a grazing beast. Badger wins.

[RedinSweden]

That Rhino needs a pasting and the Honey badger is exactly the animal to do it. Best animal ever. They are fucking insane.

[Chairman Meow]

I've been with the Honey Badger throughout and I'm sticking with him now.

 

Yes the Rhino might have a big horn and thick skin. But can it's head sustain being crushed in a vice? Personally I very much doubt it.

 

The Honey Badger will inevitably be tooled up and what it lacks in size it more than makes up for in being a grade a psycho, even Purple Aki wouldn't fuck with a Honey Badger.

[Xherdan]

The Honey Badger is a formidable little fucker, but lets look at the tale of the tape:

 

 

The Badger weighs in at 12-16kg, measuring 68-75cm.

 

The Rhino weighs in at 3,500kg - 4,500kg, with a front horn measuring up to 90-150cm.

 

The honey badgers canine teeth are exceptionally small for canivores meaning it will not be able to penetrate the skin of the Rhino, even its ball sack.

 

 

 

The Kouprey was more of an opponent than this little cunt and Koupreys are gay. Rhino squashes this little cunt and anyone who dares to vote against it.

[Trumo]

It's not down to weight, skin thickness, tenacity or any of the normal shit you'd expect. It's down to creative descriptions of the ensuing battle.

[aikido]

YouTube - MUST WATCH: Honey Badger-The Most Fearless Animal on Earth

 

I can't get it to work the other way, but the honey badger is the baddest mother fucker out there.

 

In this video he comes back from the dead! He's the Jesus Fucking Christ of the animal world.

 

Quentin Tarantino couldn't write a character as bad ass as this little fucking beauty.

 

Badger all the way!

[Guido]

Honey badger was my favourite cos it's the biggest psycho in the animal world. However, this is Falcon/Elephant all over again. Rhino would squish. Squish the badger.

[Xherdan]

It's not down to weight, skin thickness, tenacity or any of the normal shit you'd expect. It's down to creative descriptions of the ensuing battle.

 

 

 

Of course, the tale of the tape is merely to demonstrate HOW fucked the Honey Badger is.

 

We all know that the Rhino is a descendant of the Dinosaurs. While fucking stupid, Dinosaurs would fuck all our shit up. The Triceratops was a grazer but if provoked was a dangerous cunt, the same applies to the Rhino. He may seem to be grazing all day long, but he is just waiting for his next victum to fuck right up.

 

This fight is a little like a human getting attacked by a Jack Russel. The little fucker thinks he may have a chance but once you get the little cunt away from your ankles a good kick stright in its little yapping face will be sufficient to see it die. The Rhino's version of a kick can be many things. It can sit its fat fucking ass down on him, it can merely stand on it or he can impale it on its meter long horn. It takes a bit of time to get him out from under your feet, possibly sustaining some small bites in the process, but inevitably, his shit will be fucked up.

[aikido]

Of course, the tale of the tape is merely to demonstrate HOW fucked the Honey Badger is.

 

We all know that the Rhino is a descendant of the Dinosaurs. While fucking stupid, Dinosaurs would fuck all our shit up. The Triceratops was a grazer but if provoked was a dangerous cunt, the same applies to the Rhino. He may seem to be grazing all day long, but he is just waiting for his next victum to fuck right up.

 

This fight is a little like a human getting attacked by a Jack Russel. The little fucker thinks he may have a chance but once you get the little cunt away from your ankles a good kick stright in its little yapping face will be sufficient to see it die. The Rhino's version of a kick can be many things. It can sit its fat fucking ass down on him, it can merely stand on it or he can impale it on its meter long horn. It takes a bit of time to get him out from under your feet, possibly sustaining some small bites in the process, but inevitably, his shit will be fucked up.

 

Bollox! it's the equivalent of My Little Pony with a trumpet on it's head.

 

It's a big school bully that shits it's pants when the smaller kid finally gives him a blood nose.

 

[Guest davelfc]

Bollox! it's the equivalent of My Little Pony with a trumpet on it's head.

 

It's a big school bully that shits it's pants when the smaller kid finally gives him a blood nose.

 

 

When a one ton my little pony decides to stamp on you, you're pretty much staying dead.

[aikido]

When a one ton my little pony decides to stamp on you, you're pretty much staying dead.

 

 

 

 

Size is no guarantee of strength in the animal kingdom. It's a grass eating over sized pig.

 

All the mad bastard killers are the smaller guys.

[Jim MM]

Tough one this. I'd like to see the badass badger do it, he has graced GFAT VI like a little mad Maradona, but if I was betting I'd have to go with the big bastard with the temperment of a squad of Germans.

[mars]

It's all about attitude, which the Honey Badger has in spades. As for the rhino, well what's the point of a horn and armour plating when you've just been emasculated.

 

(If it's a female rhino it might be a closer fight)