Premier League Round Up (Dec 19-21 2015)

[tlw content]

Another weekend ruined by the Reds. In fact, the grinchy bastards have ruined Christmas too with their complete gutlessness. It’s Christmas Eve and I’m say here having to watch Match of the Day and write about the likes of fucking Arsenal and Spurs pulling further and further away from us. It’s depressing as shit when just three weeks ago it looked like the fun was just beginning.

 

They’ve even taken a lot of the enjoyment out of what’s happening at Old Trafford. The Mancs are in an even bigger state than we are (although the league table suggests otherwise) and Van Gaal is on borrowed time now unfortunately. They lost at home to Norwich a week after being beaten by Bournemouth, and the way they’re going at the moment it’s difficult to see them beating anybody. He’s gonna go the way of Mourinho soon isn’t he? More on the “not Special anymore One” shortly though.

 

Cameron Jerome put Norwich ahead against the run of play and then laid on an assist for Tettey to make it 2-0. Always liked Jerome, decent Premier League level striker him. Defo not a Championship standard bum, that’s for sure, and I’ve certainly never referred to him that way. Not in the last seven days anyway…

 

Martial pulled one back to give United hope but Norwich held on without too much trouble and Van Gaal heard the boo birds again, sparking a week of press speculation and rumour about his imminent sacking. He wasn’t happy about it and told the Manc press pack they owed him an apology. When one was not forthcoming he walked out of his press conference, signing off with “enjoy the wine and minshe piesh. Goodbye”. What a guy.

 

They better not sack him, I’ve still not forgiven them for ending the Moyes sitcom so prematurely. That was the Fawlty Towers of managerial sackings that one, there were so many more laughs still to be had. Still, if they do appoint Mourinho things might get even more amusing, as he’s not going in there waving a magic wand and getting them winning titles again. Bobby Charlton will end up pulling out that last strand of hair he has left. Actually has it gone already or does he still have the combover? I always picture him with a combover, so I’ll assume he still has one.

 

I see United were linked with James Rodriguez today, which surely now makes that the full set of the top ten players on FIFA 16. Deluded fuckwits.

 

Staying on the Mourinho theme though, Chelsea’s players didn’t waste much time showing how little they miss him did they? Within 12 minutes they were 2-0 up against Sunderland, which tells you all you need to know. Significantly, Ivanovic scored the first and made the second. The first couple of months of this season he was the worst player in the whole league, he couldn’t do anything right. Then Mourinho goes and suddenly he’s back to being the old Ivanovic again. He was banging Eva wasn’t he?

 

The Chelsea fans were not impressed with the team’s sudden return to form and let the players have it with both barrels before, during and after the game. As easy as it is to mock Chelsea fans, and God knows we all do it, I can see both sides of this argument and don’t know who I’d side with, so I’ll stick to my usual default position of believing that Chelsea fans are weapons of the highest order and their players are bad cunts. It doesn’t matter who is right and who is wrong really, they’re all still twats regardless.

 

The players have blatantly been putting in half arsed performances just to get Mourinho sacked so I get why the fans would be fuming over that. Mourinho is their most successful manager ever but even if he wasn’t, they pay a lot of money to go to the game and if players are deliberately tanking because they don’t like the manager, then the fans have every right to cane them for it. The “where were you when we were shit” chant when they raced into a 2-0 lead might be the wittiest thing Chelsea fans have ever come up with though.

 

The other side of it is that the players had obviously had enough of him, but given how untouchable he seemed how else were they going to get rid of him? It’s not like it was a good honest man they were screwing over, he’s a horrible bastard who deserved all he got. Then again, they did the same thing to get AVB fired too so they’ve got previous.

 

In summary though I think we can all agree that it doesn’t matter who is right and wrong here, the important thing is that we all know that everyone connected to Chelsea Football Club is pond life.

 

It was funny to watch though wasn’t it? Great entertainment I thought. There’s a big Mourinho banner in the Shed End that says “One of Us”. True that, they’re cunts and so is he. Had to laugh at the “three rats” one too.

 

 

Who in the blue hell is Iazzard? Silly cow can’t even spell their best player’s name right. They say in London you’re never more than 6ft away from a rat, but at Stamford Bridge on match day it’s more like six inches. Funny though, I was Christmas shopping in Southport the other day and I said the same thing about traffic wardens. The fuckers are on every corner, there’s hundreds of em. Not that I’m comparing traffic wardens with rats. I’d never do that as I don’t actually mind rats.

 

Matic, Fabregas, Costa and Ivanovic were singled out for special treatment from the fans and I can only assume “Iazzard” would have been too if he wasn’t still feigning injury. Costa was booed after he got substituted in the second half. He’s the biggest heel in football though and I doubt he gives a fuck who boos him, whether it’s his own fans or not.

 

He really doesn’t want to get on the wrong side of Chelsea fans though. If he’s not careful he’ll feel the full wrath of their marker pens and little pieces of cardboard. I grew up in an era when Chelsea fans were feared across the country because of the notorious “Chelsea Headhunters”. Now they’re known for taking iPads to the game, taking selfies of themselves taking selfies, and making shitty little WWE style cardboard signs, usually with players names spelt wrong.

 

Here’s my favourite ever Chelsea sign though:

 

 

or this

 

 

or this

 

 

or maybe this

 

 

actually no, it's defo this

 

 

Guus Hiddink has once again taken over as caretaker. He’s basically a Dutch Tony Parkes now isn’t he? Remember him, he had SIX spells as caretaker manager at Blackburn, they’d wheel him out every time they sacked a manager. By the end I’m sure they were just doing it to take the piss.

 

Meanwhile, Leicester just keep on rolling. This run of fixtures they’re on this month was meant to see them come back to the chasing pack, but it’s not happened yet. They beat Chelsea last week and now they’ve won at Goodison. We’re next on Boxing Day, and I can’t say I’m looking forward to it after watching what they did to the Blues.

 

Mahrez put them ahead from the spot but Lukaku scored for the eighth game on the bounce to equalise. That started talk that he might make a run at the Premier League record for consecutive games with a goal. That’s not happening, he’s no Jamie Vardy, although he does have one thing in common with him as both will surely be playing for a bigger club next season.

 

Speaking of Vardy, he won Leicester’s second pen of the day when he latched onto a Mahrez pass and was brought down by Howard (Mahrez converted once again) and he then put one on a plate for Okuzaki to make it 3-1. Mirallas ensured a frantic finish with a goal two minutes from time but even then Leicester should have had another through Ulloa but he shot straight at Howard. Ulloa’s been SHITE recently, which means he’s nailed on to score at Anfield.

 

It’s easy to say Leicester can’t win the league, but that’s bollocks. They can win it. They probably won’t of course, but you can’t simply say “they can’t win it” because back in August everyone would have said that they couldn’t be top at Christmas, yet they are. Regardless of how long they stay there for, Leicester being where they are at Christmas (they were bottom this time last year) is proof that virtually anything is actually possible, although I’ll go out on a limb and say that this time next year there’s no chance whatsoever Villa will be top.

 

Now that the Reds have been exposed for the fannies they are and it’s become clear that we’re not in the race (three games ago I thought we were, but one point from nine tells it’s own story), I really hope Leicester do win it. Not only would it be great for football, but it would mean the likes of Arsenal and City didn’t win it, which I’m sure we can all agree is for the best.

 

Spurs won at St Mary’s as Pocchetino put one over his old club, who now need a result quickly as they’re in freefall. Kane scored again, that’s ten in ten for him now. Damn, I wish we had him. Ditto Hugo Lloris, he kept Spurs in this one at 0-0 and made another great save at 2-0. Amazing what a difference it makes when you’ve got a reliable goalscorer and a top keeper.

 

West Brom lost at home to Bournemouth. I knew they would, simply because they wouldn’t be able to play Pulisball at home against the Cherries, they’d be expected to play on the front foot and they aren’t good enough to do it.

 

James McLean had called Kloppo “a bit of an idiot” last week but when you’re as much of a thick cunt as him it’s really not smart to draw attention to yourself like that, as it only makes you look even more of a thundertwat when you inevitably next do something stupid. Was anyone even surprised by what he did?

 

He thought he should have had a free kick after a 50-50 with Adam Smith but he didn’t get it. He was clearly pissed off about it but instead of waiting until later in the game to exact revenge on the full back, he went running back into his own half and then just went right through in full view of both referee and linesman. He kept muttering as he left the field “Never a red card. That was never a red card”. Yes it was yer silly cunt.

 

What made him look even more of a twat was that Smith then put Bournemouth ahead. He’s really good him I reckon. I’m not sure about his defending but he’s been great going forward over the last few weeks. West Brom equalised from….. wait for it….. yep, you guessed it, a corner. They nearly took the lead from another set-piece soon after too, the alehouse bastards, but Bournemouth then won a penalty that was converted by Daniels. Get in, have that Pulis you cock.

 

West Brom ended with nine men after Rondon committed three red card offences in the space of one second. Two head butts and an attempted knee to the bollocks. Impressive levels of indiscipline there, but he’s got a long way to go if he’s to match McLean.

 

Connor Wickham gave it the big un “look at me, don’t I rule” celebration after giving Palace the lead at Stoke. It was a penalty and it was his first goal of the season, even though he’s a centre forward and it’s late December. Yet here he is giving it the full Ronaldo. Footy players are such dicks these days aren’t they? Bojan equalised from the spot and his celebration was far more acceptable. Maybe it’s just shit English players who are such dicks. Palace won thanks to a late screamer from Lee Chung Yong. Who’s he? Didn’t he used to play for someone else? Is he the lad who was at Bolton years ago? Where the hell has been? Why am I asking all these questions when wiki has all the answers?

 

Wiki Answers: 1 He’s Lee Chung Yong, known as “blue dragon” 2 Yes he did play for someone else. 3 Yes he is the lad who has at Bolton years ago. 4 He’s been at Bolton. 5 Coz you’re a tit.

 

Newcastle had beaten us and Spurs in their last two games and then had a home game against hapless Villa. Surely they’d make it three wins from three? No, they didn’t. You know why? Because they’re fucking shit, which is why I was so pissed off we lost to them and I’m still seething about it three weeks later. I’m starting to really resent our players you know, the fucking losers.

 

After that horror show at Watford there was no way I watching any more footy that weekend. West Ham and Swansea drew 0-0 in the Sunday evening game and then Arsenal beat City 2-1 on Monday night, and I didn’t see a second of either game because I was still sulking. The bastards are going to ruin Boxing Day and New Year as well, aren’t they? Shithouses.

 

Click here to view the article

[an tha]

Good read, that.

 

Can't agree that the mancs are in a bigger state than us though - would you back us to overturn the 5 point lead they have on us.

[Bad Red Bull]

Did you just give a free round up to everyone? The fucking fannies in our team are really getting to you. ..

[Russ Atmosphere]

Some good colouring-in on one of those banners, never once going over the lines. Praise where it's due.

[dave u]

Good read, that.

 

Can't agree that the mancs are in a bigger state than us though - would you back us to overturn the 5 point lead they have on us.

 

I think I probably would but it's not a shoe in I agree. Main reason they're in a worse state is at least we have our manager of the future in place.

 

Did you just give a free round up to everyone? The fucking fannies in our team are really getting to you. ..

 

Christmas spirit and all that.

[rb14]

I'd like to say how much that round-up has cheered me up after the stench of our last few games.

 

Not one bit.

 

Thanks anyway.

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

Lots of lovely festive cursing in that article.

[grazywalker]

I got a parking ticket in Southport once.

[Ipplfc]

Great read that,interesting point about Southampton being in free fall,if we are not careful we will be following them out the plane,we are only three points ahead of them

[an tha]

I think I probably would but it's not a shoe in I agree. Main reason they're in a worse state is at least we have our manager of the future in place.

A fair point - my only concern with him is if the combination of the culture of the support in the modern game here and the media don't make him think fuck it...he is clearly emotional and needs/wants the kind of situation he had at Dortmund in terms of the relationship between fans and team - he isn't likely to get that here and it wouldn't surprise me if it led him to jib it somewhere down the line prematurely.

 

It isn't an act with him or something forced it is the way he clearly is, it is clearly important and he needs those around him including in the stands to be and feel the same.

 

He is a fish out of water here in that regard...I just hope our support embraces his ways and he gets the players he needs as well to embrace his methods and emotional, passionate ways rather than the passive shithouses he has inherited or I genuinely fear a potentially perfect marriage ending prematurely.

[Rotherham Red]

Great report as always, very worried about todays game. A Belated Merry Christmas to you all.