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Lord Christ

By Lord Christ,
in GF - General Forum

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Lord Christ Apprentice

Lord Christ

Posted
Posted

AH, SO I FIND THAT I HAVE AN OPENING FOR 12 DISCIPLES, ER EMPLOYEES I MEAN.

 

REALLY EASY GIG, I SHALL RUN THROUGH THE PROS AND CONS FOR YOU.

 

PROS

 

- YOUR LEADER, WHICH WOULD BE ME, HAS GOT A KICKASS BEARD AND REALLY COOL SANDALS.

 

- I CAN SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN WATER INTO WINE. FREE BOOZE MAKES YOU MORE POPULAR I FIND.

 

- I CAN TURN THE WRATH OF GOD ON YOUR ENEMIES WHICH IS RATHER NEAT.

 

- I CAN GET YOU A FREE TICKET TO THE STONE ROSES CONCERT IN MANCHESTER. GETTING THEM FROM TICKETMASTER IS NO PROBLEM FOR A GUY LIKE ME.

 

CONS

 

- I WILL REQUIRE YOU TO DEFEND MY HONOUR, UP TO AND INCLUDING, ACCEPTING TORTURE/A DEATH SENTENCE FOR ME.

 

- I CAN'T ACTUALLY PAY YOU SEEING AS I AM NOT HUMAN AND HAVEN'T GOT A BANK ACCOUNT OR NATIONAL INSURANCE NUMBER. FUCKING DISCRIMINATING BANKERS AND TORIES.

 

- YOU WILL HAVE TO TRY AND BE NICE TO FORUM HALF-WITS LIKE JON SNOW. OF COURSE IF YOU CAN'T THEN I WILL FORGIVE YOU OBVS.

 

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED LET ME KNOW WHY YOU THINK YOU WOULD BE GOOD FOR THE ROLE. IMPRESS ME.

 

BEAMS BEATIFICALLY AT EVERYONE.

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Fugitive Grand Master

Fugitive

Posted
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You're basically David Blaine with a beard and he is a massive cunt. Also, you rode around on Donkeys far too much and I'm convicted you are into beastiality. The only people that can ride around on Donkeys that much and not be having a sexual relationship with them are Mexicans. You are not Mexican so you can fuck off.

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Trumo Grand Master

Trumo

Posted
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When you wake up on Sunday only to get smashed in the grid repeatedly with a shovel, I'm here to tell you that it wasn't me or my people. We make a killing on chocolate eggs this time of year. Why would we give that up?

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Lord Christ Apprentice

Lord Christ

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I can trim your beard for you?

 

AH, LISTEN I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST GAY PEOPLE BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THESE BLOODY CATHOLICS ARE LIKE. I WILL REGRETFULLY HAVE TO DECLINE YOUR VERY KIND OFFER.

I'm pretty good with excel and powepoint. I deliver a mean presentation and I'm prince2 accredited. If none of those attributes are appealing to the son of god then I'm not interested anyway.

 

You're basically David Blaine with a beard and he is a massive cunt. Also, you rode around on Donkeys far too much and I'm convicted you are into beastiality. The only people that can ride around on Donkeys that much and not be having a sexual relationship with them are Mexicans. You are not Mexican so you can fuck off.

 

RIGHT YOU TWO ARE IN. TEN MORE NEEDED.

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Sugar Ape Grand Master

Sugar Ape

Posted
Posted
You're still here? Negged.

 

If he's still green by the end of the night i'm going to neg every member that posts on the thread. You've been warned. Oh and like a wet fart, i follow through.

 

Negged for thinking you can dictate what other people do. That job belongs to our Lord.

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brucespanner Experienced

brucespanner

Posted
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Jesus has only been here a little while and he's already causing a divide.

 

It's like the Great Schism all over again, don't fall for it people, his message is love and tolerance, no more no less.

 

Feel the love of Christ, don't get bogged down in the theology.

 

Edit: Christ is two thousand and odd years old Sherry, maybe he can't figure out how to change the font size? My mum still struggles with the DVD player and she's only 50ish, cut the second coming some slack?

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Lord Christ Apprentice

Lord Christ

Posted
  • Author
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You're still here? Negged.

 

If he's still green by the end of the night i'm going to neg every member that posts on the thread. You've been warned. Oh and like a wet fart, i follow through.

 

AH, ARE YOU ON THE BLOB AGAIN? POOR DEAR.

 

YOU CAN BE IN THE GANG IF YOU WANT, I COULD USE THE MUSCLE.

What are you doing with the Stone Roses Lord? It's one of your shittest miracles ever, getting a monkey to sing lead vocals. Badly. No wonder Christianity has gone down the pan.

 

Smited.

 

AT YOUR AGE STRINGVEST I'D START WORRYING ABOUT WHETHER YOU ARE GOING UPSTAIRS OR DOWNSTAIRS WHEN YOUR TIME COMES. NOT LONG LEFT TO MAKE A FAVOURABLE IMPRESSION ON ME.

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stringvest Grand Master

stringvest

Posted
Posted
AH, ARE YOU ON THE BLOB AGAIN? POOR DEAR.

 

YOU CAN BE IN THE GANG IF YOU WANT, I COULD USE THE MUSCLE.

 

 

AT YOUR AGE STRINGVEST I'D START WORRYING ABOUT WHETHER YOU ARE GOING UPSTAIRS OR DOWNSTAIRS WHEN YOUR TIME COMES. NOT LONG LEFT TO MAKE A FAVOURABLE IMPRESSION ON ME.

 

I'm a non-believer, L. Anyway, according to your book you'll go all quiet at 3pm on Friday. Nailed on.

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melons Grand Master

melons

Posted
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Negged for thinking you can dictate what other people do. That job belongs to our Lord.

 

 

I am doubting Thomas, clearly.

 

Given you'ge dished out a pre-emptive neg, my neg later won't count as a revenge.

 

Jesus has only been here a little while and he's already causing a divide.

 

It's like the Great Schism all over again, don't fall for it people, his message is love and tolerance, no more no less.

 

Feel the love of Christ, don't get bogged down in the theology.

 

Edit: Christ is two thousand and odd years old Sherry, maybe he can't figure out how to change the font size? My mum still struggles with the DVD player and she's only 50ish, cut the second coming some slack?

 

I'm feeling the love, i'm a gentile. The jews binned him off so i'm sorted, their loss. Why would i need this bloke who can't type or use contractions properly. I've had 4 babies, i'm ace with them. (ish)

 

He'd also be more popular with showing me how to feed the 5000, and forget the wine lark. It's the Easter holidays and i've got all the kids from this estate scrounging for food from my kitchen.

 

He also wouldn't be my leader, he would intercede. He's a bit of a con really.

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Sugar Ape Grand Master

Sugar Ape

Posted
Posted
What are you doing with the Stone Roses Lord? It's one of your shittest miracles ever, getting a monkey to sing lead vocals. Badly. No wonder Christianity has gone down the pan.

 

Smited.

 

He is clearly only going to listen to this :

 

[YOUTUBE]2BfnXX7EvhM[/YOUTUBE]

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