Car problem, suggestions required within

[elvis]

fuel pump?

 

 

Erm , headrest ?

[TheHitman]

Possible Immobiliser problem or a fault with the chip in the key if you have another key try using that to eliminate the key, or the starter could be sticking(try bumping it to eliminate this) but if that was the case you would hear clicking.

[Spy Bee]

I don't have an answer, but can someone explain how the starter motor has been ruled out?

[Uncle_Meat]

Nice, easy test. Have you got a volt (multi) meter?

 

If so, find the starter motor and look for a wire with a spade (whoa there, PC brigade) connector on it. That'll probably be the V+ for the starter solenoid. Stick the red lead of your meter into the clip, the other to earth and set the meter to 20V. Get someone to turn the key and watch the meter. If you're getting nowt off it there, go back through the wiring with the switch at the back of the ignition barrel being prime suspect.

 

If you are getting power there, maybe sticky solenoid. Try twatting it big time with a spanner.

 

 

If you can hear the solenoid clicking merrily away in all of this, try the big fuckoff cable that runs from the battery to the starter (remove, clean replace) , or the starter itself.

[She Knows It]

If I qualified as a mechanic, Skeet wouldn't trust a word I said about cars. One time I'd taken the kids to Wales for a few days and the oil light came on so I rang him, and he told me not to worry as there was oil in the boot. He told me where to top it up and what to do. A few minutes later I rang him back and said "There isn't any oil in the boot. There's an oil container, but it's not oil in it. It looks like shampoo or something". I thought it wasn't oil because it wasn't black.

 

Another time I broke down driving to my friend's house. There was a big bang and then the car slowed right down. I rang Gaz and told him the head gasket had gone. The next day he went fetch it with my friend's bloke, who was a mechanic. They brought the car back, and to my surprise it was running perfectly. "How did you fix it so quickly?" I asked. "We changed the wheel", he answered. "Your blown head gasket was a puncture".

[Nick Leeson]

I've wiggled. update in a sec

[madstock]

I've wiggled. update in a sec

 

Was an acid groove involved whilst you were wiggling it?

 

edit: (One of the multitude of occasions that I misheard lyrics whilst I was a wee bit younger)

[Uncle_Meat]

Ohhhh the antici...

 

 

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pation.

[Nick Leeson]

If I qualified as a mechanic, Skeet wouldn't trust a word I said about cars. One time I'd taken the kids to Wales for a few days and the oil light came on so I rang him, and he told me not to worry as there was oil in the boot. He told me where to top it up and what to do. A few minutes later I rang him back and said "There isn't any oil in the boot. There's an oil container, but it's not oil in it. It looks like shampoo or something". I thought it wasn't oil because it wasn't black.

 

Another time I broke down driving to my friend's house. There was a big bang and then the car slowed right down. I rang Gaz and told him the head gasket had gone. The next day he went fetch it with my friend's bloke, who was a mechanic. They brought the car back, and to my surprise it was running perfectly. "How did you fix it so quickly?" I asked. "We changed the wheel", he answered. "Your blown head gasket was a puncture".

 

Oh my god that's funny shit. I forgot about that one. The face on you was brilliant.

[She Knows It]

Well, what was the result of the wiggling it? I feel the tension in the air.

[Nick Leeson]

Right. I went out and wiggled. It did fuck all.

 

So I wiggled and shoved my hands in side the space behind the ignition and wiggled wires. We were getting somewhere. it kept starting much more frequently than before so i took the casing off the steering collumn housing and the fuse box cover and looked around. Tried to wiggle a bunch of wires while i was keeping the ignition key stuck at position 3. No Joy.

 

i then noticed a block attached to the ignition barrel and it looked like it wa a tiny bit disconnected. I pushed it in as tight as i could and turned the key. Car started first time!! Wooh I fixed it. turned the key another 50 times. car started first time evry time. weyhey!!! SKI gets the car back tomorrow!!! WOoohooo!!

 

put the housing back on the steering collumn, attached the fuse box cover. No light left outside so just finished in time. yeay me.! :D

 

 

Turned the key and it was fucking dead again. bastard.

 

No meat I don't have a multimeter. I'm clueless with electrics to be honest it's something I've never really got into.

[elvis]

Right. I went out and wiggled. It did fuck all.

 

So I wiggled and shoved my hands in side the space behind the ignition and wiggled wires. We were getting somewhere. it kept starting much more frequently than before so i took the casing off the steering collumn housing and the fuse box cover and looked around. Tried to wiggle a bunch of wires while i was keeping the ignition key stuck at position 3. No Joy.

 

i then noticed a block attached to the ignition barrel and it looked like it wa a tiny bit disconnected. I pushed it in as tight as i could and turned the key. Car started first time!! Wooh I fixed it. turned the key another 50 times. car started first time evry time. weyhey!!! SKI gets the car back tomorrow!!! WOoohooo!!

 

put the housing back on the steering collumn, attached the fuse box cover. No light left outside so just finished in time. yeay me.! :D

 

 

Turned the key and it was fucking dead again. bastard.

 

No meat I don't have a multimeter. I'm clueless with electrics to be honest it's something I've never really got into.

 

Ski , no wonder you fucked him off , he is the worlds worst wiggler !

[melons]

Erm , headrest ?

 

piss off! it went on my car, 2001 focus, everything worked, it just wouldn't start after the initial turn over, had to call a lovely mechanic to come and pick my car up on a saturday afternoon. (i repaid him in kind for destroying his weekend on a later date)

 

If I qualified as a mechanic, Skeet wouldn't trust a word I said about cars. One time I'd taken the kids to Wales for a few days and the oil light came on so I rang him, and he told me not to worry as there was oil in the boot. He told me where to top it up and what to do. A few minutes later I rang him back and said "There isn't any oil in the boot. There's an oil container, but it's not oil in it. It looks like shampoo or something". I thought it wasn't oil because it wasn't black.

 

Another time I broke down driving to my friend's house. There was a big bang and then the car slowed right down. I rang Gaz and told him the head gasket had gone. The next day he went fetch it with my friend's bloke, who was a mechanic. They brought the car back, and to my surprise it was running perfectly. "How did you fix it so quickly?" I asked. "We changed the wheel", he answered. "Your blown head gasket was a puncture".

 

Class!!!

[She Knows It]

Ski , no wonder you fucked him off , he is the worlds worst wiggler !

 

Actually he fucked me off. I was dumped by a pathetic, shit wiggler. The shame.

[Nick Leeson]

piss off! it went on my car, 2001 focus, everything worked, it just wouldn't start after the initial turn over, had to call a lovely mechanic to come and pick my car up on a saturday afternoon. (i repaid him in kind for destroying his weekend on a later date)

 

I already said in the initial post that there is no initial turnover. Do you women not read!!!!!!!!!! The car does nothing. arrrrgggghhhhh!

[elvis]

piss off! it went on my car, 2001 focus, everything worked, it just wouldn't start after the initial turn over, had to call a lovely mechanic to come and pick my car up on a saturday afternoon. (i repaid him in kind for destroying his weekend on a later date)

 

you little slut !

[Nick Leeson]

Actually he fucked me off. I was dumped by a pathetic, shit wiggler. The shame.

Well there goes any hope I had of getting someone to come round and fix it for me out of sympathy. Nice one SKI!

[melons]

i couldn't think of a term that said it didn't start up but made a groan... and turn over made it sound almost there....

 

edit

 

you little slut !

 

 

given half the chance, i would again... i have even had 'break downs' on purpose. Ensuring my insurance doesn't have RAC cover...and im safe in the knowledge he is in available...

 

well thought out..

[Nick Leeson]

piss off! it went on my car, 2001 focus, everything worked, it just wouldn't start after the initial turn over, had to call a lovely mechanic to come and pick my car up on a saturday afternoon. (i repaid him in kind for destroying his weekend on a later date)

 

you little slut !

OOOhh I'm repping that!

[elvis]

piss off! it went on my car, 2001 focus, everything worked, it just wouldn't start after the initial turn over, had to call a lovely mechanic to come and pick my car up on a saturday afternoon. (i repaid him in kind for destroying his weekend on a later date)

 

 

 

Class!!!

 

Actually he fucked me off. I was dumped by a pathetic, shit wiggler. The shame.

 

 

No way did a godess such as you get dumped by a wank wiggler ?

 

There is no justice in his world.

[Nick Leeson]

i couldn't think of a term that said it didn't start up but made a groan... and turn over made it sound almost there....

I just negged you "For being technologically inarticulate"

[elvis]

OOOhh I'm repping that!

 

well its about time i changed from green to lime.

[Uncle_Meat]

Take it apart again in the light and concentrate on the switch (that block) at the back of the barrel. Open your mind. Use the force.

 

Just give it a bit of a good waggling (if the wiggle does not work, waggle..) about. Try and isolate between moving the switch and the wiring itself, to help narrow it down. If it appears to play more when you're just fucking about with the block itself, bingo. That's probably the one. Head down to your local Rover dealer and get a new switch.

 

 

Oh.

[melons]

I just negged you "For being technologically inarticulate"

 

Bite me!

 

that was my 2nd neg. :(

[elvis]

I just negged you "For being technologically inarticulate"

 

Poor old trips great knockers, useless Grease monkey;)