Best Simpsons quotes ever!

[Trucker Paddy]

Homer going to buy a mobile holiday home, salesman checking his credit rating siren goes off, Homer "is that a good siren", salesman "Homer when have you ever known a siren to be good?" Classic

[Remmie]

"Donuts... is there anything they can't do?"

I cannot believe you missed out the (sic) part from that sentence. You'd be so negged if I had the neg resources. Edited February 11, 2009 by Remmie
ahem

[Remmie]

Edit - already posted

Edited February 11, 2009 by Remmie

[Total Longo]

Only one quote from the Greatest. Character. Ever ??

 

Oh please...

 

CBG: Yes, finally. I would like to return your quote

unquote, Ultimate Belt.

Storekeeper: I see, do you have a receipt, quote unquote,

sir?

CBG: I do not have a receipt, I won it as a door

prize at the Star Trek convention, although

I find their choice of prize highly illogical

as the average Trekker has no use for a

medium-sized belt.

Storekeeper: Whoa, whoa. A fat, sarcastic Star Trek fan. You

must be a devil with the ladies.

CBG: Hey, I... Huh... Tha... Oh...

Storekeeper: Gee, I hate to let you down Casanova, but uh, no

receipt, no return.

Bart: I'll give you four bucks for it.

CBG: Very well. I must hurry back to my comic book

store, where I dispense the insults rather than

absorb them.

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CBG: But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills,

you're from two different worlds.

(CBG sees missile approaching)

CBG: Oh, I've wasted my life.

 

 

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Collector: [leaning out the window] Care for a Rollo, sweet Xena?

Lawless: All right Collector, stick this in your tweezers - I'm not

Xena! I'm an actress, you lunatic!

Collector: Oh, please, I'm not insane. I simply wish to take you

back to my lair to be my bride.

Lawless: Oh, dear God!

 

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Marge steals his pants

CBG: (Angrily) Come back! Those are prescription pants!

 

 

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CBG: [Eating candy] 98...99...100. Oh, if only the real chicks went

down this easy.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Mayored to the mob:

 

Homer: Hold it, what's your clearance?

Bart: We just want to get a snack.

Homer: Access denied.

Bart: But Da- (Homer pinches Bart and Lisa's shoulders, causing them to pass out.)

Marge: Homer, I don't want you using your new sleeper hold on the children.

Homer: They'll be fine in half an hour.

Marge: That's not the point. And another thing: I asked you to take out the garbage three days ago and you still haven't- (Homer pinches Marge's shoulder and she passes out. He then looks at his watch.)

Homer: Hmmm. Still half an hour 'til dinner. Oh, well... (Homer pinches his own shoulder, causing him to fall over and strike his head on the kitchen table.)

 

brilliant scene!!!

[Philbert]

Lisa: I'm studying for the math fair. If I win, I'll get a brand new protractor.

 

Homer: Too bad we don't live on a farm.

[Original202]

Abe:

 

My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist but he is NOT a porn-star.

[L19red]

Billy Corrigan introducing himself to Homer

"Billy Corrigan, Smashing Pumpkins"

Homer: "Homer Simpson, Smiling politely"

 

Homer: Operator! give me the number for 911.

 

and having worked for years installing IVR's and speech rec, I have a particular soft spot for this gem.

 

Automated phone: Hello, and welcome to the Springfield Police Department "Rescue Phone"! If you know the name of the felony being committed, press 1. To choose from a list of felonies, press 2. If you are being murdered, or are calling from a rotary phone, please stay on the line. You have chosen- "regicide!" If you know the name of the King or Queen being murdered, press 1

[paisley1974]

am going to bounce on a bonnett

[TedCrilly]

 

Hank Scorpio: Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?

Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.

Hank Scorpio: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third.

Homer: Uh-huh.

Hank Scorpio: There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There.

Homer: Mm-Hmm.

Hank Scorpio: That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on third.

Homer: Oh, the hammock district!

Hank Scorpio: That's right.

[Total Longo]

[snez1]

Marge.....where's that metal deeley...we use to.....dig......food?

 

You mean a spoon?

 

Yeah Yeah!

[Faustus]

"My eyes! The goggles do nothing!"

 

Best line ever.

[Kevin D]

Homer: So who did you last work for?

Merry poppins: The duchess of Kent for around 10 years

Homer: * Whispers to Marge* Do we know them?

Marge: No

Homer: Isn't that the guy I go bowling with? You know the black guy?

Marge: That's Karl

Homer: Oh yeah. * Turns back to Poppins* So you worked for Karl eh.