Embarassing yourself

[Stouffer]

Everyone must have been subjected to the unlucky laugh/snot syndrome at some point. Great big green bogey hanging from your face.

[dirty_sanchez]

At a wedding a few months ago, my girlfriend and I were talking to this other couple about films and I temporarily forgot that I was in polite society. I voiced my opinion that Moulin Rouge was the celluloid equivalent of AIDS and no-one at the table was the slightest bit impressed.

 

Then of course there are the drink related ones...

[Remmie]

Oh and when I first met people on here I made a giant cunt of myself (pissed)

[Spy Bee]

Oh and when I first met people on here I made a giant cunt of myself (pissed)

Yeah we've heard in the EBRF (Everyone but Remmie forum).

[Stu Monty]

At a wedding a few months ago, my girlfriend and I were talking to this other couple about films and I temporarily forgot that I was in polite society. I voiced my opinion that Moulin Rouge was the celluloid equivalent of AIDS and no-one at the table was the slightest bit impressed.

 

Then of course there are the drink related ones...

 

We were at the dogs a few weeks back and someone asked what you won if your dog came up in our little sweep we had on our table. "AIDS" I replied to which he looked shocked and stated "That's about as funny as aids" to which I said in a patronising Chris Morris tone "Is it though, is it really?"

 

He don't get me I feel.

[dirty_sanchez]

AIDS is funny. FACT. Unless you suffer from it, then it's probably a bit shit.

[Spy Bee]

AIDS is funny. FACT. Unless you suffer from it, then it's probably a bit shit.

Yeah but that is only because AIDS makes your sense of humour gay.

[Remmie]

2nd embarassment of the day: Went for a twenty minute shit which was loudly pointed out to an office of mostly women. Also accused of sneaking off with one of them for a fuck. Talk about straight back to the drawing board.

 

Fucks sake

[RedKnight]

2nd embarassment of the day: Went for a twenty minute shit which was loudly pointed out to an office of mostly women. Also accused of sneaking off with one of them for a fuck. Talk about straight back to the drawing board.

 

Fucks sake

 

Your office sounds ace.

[Remmie]

Your office sounds ace.

Yeah big units from Bolton timing my shits and staring at babies, then pissing on my bonfire that I'd carefully built. Add in I commute to get paid peanuts it's a fucking riot!

[RedKnight]

Yeah big units from Bolton timing my shits and staring at babies, then pissing on my bonfire that I'd carefully built. Add in I commute to get paid peanuts it's a fucking riot!

 

Don't shit in work. If I need a shit I drive home for one and go back to work after. I am shitbreak.

[Remmie]

I like getting paid for my shits. Literally peanuts

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I like getting paid for my shits. Literally peanuts

 

Not pooing in work is wrong, this is worth another look...

http://217.199.172.89/tlw/forum/showthread.php?t=18124&highlight=crop+dusting

[Stouffer]

A mate of mine once had a dump in the female teachers' trap at school. The crazy mutha.

[Remmie]

Not pooing in work is wrong, this is worth another look...

http://217.199.172.89/tlw/forum/showthread.php?t=18124&highlight=crop+dusting

I was looking to bump that thread, but instead I'll bump this one so that we get 2 bumps for the price of 1.

[dirty_sanchez]

Good bumpage. I remember at the time being upset about the lack of general contribution from the forum.

 

I have the worst story ever to add to this thread and I may have to if no-one else gees it up a bit.

[RedinSweden]

Tom R's made me guffaw.

[longballs]

When I was in 1st year uni halls I retired to my room to check out some porn pics that I had downloaded from the uni library on to a floppy disk (yea, back when no one had the Internet at home). Anyway, as I looked through my porn collection I starting tugging away. Shortly afterwards (at the exact moment I hit vinegar strokes) a flat mate shouted for me that reception were on the internal phone system and were putting an urgent call through to me.

 

The phone was in the communal hall and this panic sent me over the edge. I made a mess of myself and hurried my boner away. I pretended that I had been asleep and eventually I went out in to the hall... nobody there, I answered the phone, nobody there. After my saying "hello" a few times a huge roar of laughter came from the kitchen. There was about 3 flats of people collected in our kitchen area. I called them tossers (the irony) and went back to my room.

 

It was at this point that I noticed light coming through the keyhole of my door and my jacket in the corner. I had forgot to place it over the keyhole (I went out in to the hall and looked through it and it had a perfect view of where I would have been seated infront of my PC).

 

One of my house mates had spied what I was up to and informed everyone who was about to come and have a look at me cracking one off!! :|:|

[rondeco]

Recently herself brought me over to Belgium to visit her Sri-Lankan friends for a weekend. They picked us up at the airport and on the way to their house we gave their daughter a gift of a 'Diego' dvd. They had never heard of Diego so my missus began explaining that he is a childrens character who goes exploring and that his best friend is a monkey. I was nervous about meeting new people and spotted an opportunity for a cracking joke. Putting on my most serious voice, I scalded my missus by telling her..

 

'They are not monkey's, they are 'Africans'!!'.

 

Queue a very sudden silence from my missus and the two Sri Lankans who for some reason I had forgotten were black.

[Sweeney287]

Nice work on the bumping.

 

Made me laugh whilst having a shit day at work.

[LFC Brian]

One Boxing Day in the pub a few years ago. About 20 of of us we're all getting plastered, as you do.

Mate of mine, Chris Hawkshaw, had his missus sitting on his knee and she was muttering sweet nothings in to his ear.

Then, one of those amazing engulfing silences happens. The music stops and for some reason nobody is talking. Then, out of the dark silence comes a a voice of filth. The voice of Chris' Mrs saying into Chris' ear, "...finger your arse!"

 

Oh how we larffed!!

 

To this day, whenever it goes quiet one of us will always shout "finger your arse!"

 

 

Just spat tea out reading that.Fucking quality

[Paul]

Recently herself brought me over to Belgium to visit her Sri-Lankan friends for a weekend. They picked us up at the airport and on the way to their house we gave their daughter a gift of a 'Diego' dvd. They had never heard of Diego so my missus began explaining that he is a childrens character who goes exploring and that his best friend is a monkey. I was nervous about meeting new people and spotted an opportunity for a cracking joke. Putting on my most serious voice, I scalded my missus by telling her..

 

'They are not monkey's, they are 'Africans'!!'.

 

Queue a very sudden silence from my missus and the two Sri Lankans who for some reason I had forgotten were black.

 

That's just like an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

[Remmie]

When I was in 1st year uni halls I retired to my room to check out some porn pics that I had downloaded from the uni library on to a floppy disk (yea, back when no one had the Internet at home). Anyway, as I looked through my porn collection I starting tugging away. Shortly afterwards (at the exact moment I hit vinegar strokes) a flat mate shouted for me that reception were on the internal phone system and were putting an urgent call through to me.

 

The phone was in the communal hall and this panic sent me over the edge. I made a mess of myself and hurried my boner away. I pretended that I had been asleep and eventually I went out in to the hall... nobody there, I answered the phone, nobody there. After my saying "hello" a few times a huge roar of laughter came from the kitchen. There was about 3 flats of people collected in our kitchen area. I called them tossers (the irony) and went back to my room.

 

It was at this point that I noticed light coming through the keyhole of my door and my jacket in the corner. I had forgot to place it over the keyhole (I went out in to the hall and looked through it and it had a perfect view of where I would have been seated infront of my PC).

 

One of my house mates had spied what I was up to and informed everyone who was about to come and have a look at me cracking one off!! :|:|

Your housemate is a fucking perverted loon. what the fuck was he doing? He should be the embarrassed one.

[sh#t waffle]

On my first day in a new job a few years back, I walked out of the company's car park to get some lunch. I was minding my own business when I suddenly realised I had crumpled into a heap on the floor. I'd been twatted on the top of the head by one of those parking barriers. You could see the car park from my office, but thankfully, and I still don't know how, but noone saw.

[Remmie]

2nd embarassment of the day: Went for a twenty minute shit which was loudly pointed out to an office of mostly women. Also accused of sneaking off with one of them for a fuck. Talk about straight back to the drawing board.

 

Fucks sake

Aaaaggghh Bolton, the memories.

 

*Shudders*